A Psychiatric Experiment

Chapter 5

Dr. John Windom Ties It All Together

Billy called me again on the evening of the second day of Cory’s and Gabriel’s hydrotherapy to report on how the boys had taken to administering each other’s enemas. Once again he gave me a detailed report as to how loving and attentive they were toward each other throughout the procedures, and how the procedures had caused erections all around, including Billy himself. I felt that things couldn’t have gone better, and so was pleased to hear that Billy felt the same. Billy was curious enough to ask if the boys had been gay lovers before their unorthodox treatment began, to which I told him that they didn’t even know each other before arriving at Walter Reed; that they had never served together. And to emphasize that point, I also told Billy that Cory was from Virginia, while Gabriel was from Connecticut.

Billy seemed surprised as he said, “Well I have to tell you that they’re sure acting like lovers now.”

“That’s good,” I said, “Because I think that will give them both a reason and purpose to move ahead in their lives.”

That was Tuesday night, and I didn’t see or talk to Billy again until he stopped by my office that following Friday. I wasn’t expecting to see him, but I heard his distinctive voice telling my secretary that he needed to speak with me before he went on shift. I was just finishing up my last one-on-one talk therapy appointment, so my secretary knew not to disturb me. But the moment I wrapped up that appointment I buzzed my secretary to tell her to send Billy in, and then I further instructed her to leave early to get a jump on the heavier than usual Friday traffic.

Billy seemed bright and happy when he entered my office. I thought he wanted to discuss Gabriel and Cory’s treatment, particularly because he had been so instrumental in achieving the amazing results they were already showing. But he surprised me by starting our conversation with, “Hi Doctor Windom, I know I have no right to ask for your help, but you’re the only person I trust.”

Being caught off guard, I said, “I don’t understand. What kind of help?”

He hesitated for a moment, and then said, “I know I’m not a vet, and that I have no right to your services, but I’m at my wits end because I know that I need psychiatric help. So I was hoping you might find your way clear to help me the same way you helped Cory and Gabriel.”

I gestured for him to sit in the chair most used by my hypnosis patients, as I settled back behind my desk, and said, “I guess that means that you approve of how I’m handling their cases?”

“Yes sir, of course. They’re doing so much better that I think we can take them off suicide watch, and I wouldn’t say that if I didn’t have full confidence in them. In fact, I feel that they feel so much love for each other that it’s given them both a new lease on life, and they both have you to thank for that.”

“But how does that relate to you?” I asked as I took in his beautiful brown eyes. Billy was a very attractive black man with a perfect brown complexion that was complemented by short cropped black curly hair and a constant smile. He was thin, and agile in appearance, and looked to be around 25 years of age, although I later learned that he was actually 31. I knew he was gay, a fact about his personality that he never tried to hide, and because of that openness, and his all but constant smile, I had always considered him grounded and well-adjusted, and so was surprised when he said, “Well I’m kind of afraid to just come out and say this, but their case relates to me because I need the same kind of help.”

While trying to look serious yet sincere, I said, “You don’t need to be afraid to say or tell me anything, Billy. And I want you to know that I’ll be happy to help you any way I can. I don’t want you to ever doubt that, do you understand?”

“Yes Sir. It’s just that I feel so lost, and I don’t know how to find myself.”

“So what exactly is it that you want me to do for you?”

“Okay, here goes.” he said as he sat back in his chair and let out a big sigh, “I think I need to be hypnotized, Sir, so you can do for me what you did for Cory and Gabriel. I hope that isn’t too much to ask, and I wouldn’t ask you to do it if I wasn’t desperate.”

“No Billy, that’s not too much to ask. Have you ever been hypnotized before?”

“No Sir, but I promise to do everything you tell me because I really need your help.”

I looked at Billy while pursing my lips, and then said, “Okay, so when would you like to begin?”

“As soon as possible, Sir.”

“I looked to my watch, and then back to Billy before saying, “You need to be on station in less than ten minutes, so could you possible stop by my home tomorrow morning, say sometime between eight and ten? I have nothing going for this entire weekend, so we won’t be rushed, and I’ll be able to give you as much time as you need.”

“Thank you, Sir. You’re a real life saver. I can’t tell you how much I appreciate this.”

Billy’s smile returned, causing him to look more boyishly attractive than ever. I could hardly take my eyes from his, as I said, “Okay, Billy. Then that’s our plan. In the meantime I want you to relax and enjoy your shift. And I want you to know that I think you’re a great guy who I will always make time for.” Then I opened the top drawer of my desk and took out one of my business cards. I put in on my desk and wrote my home address and phone number on its back before handing it to Billy. I looked in his eyes as he took the card, and said, “Remember, Billy, relax and enjoy your shift this evening. And you don’t need to worry because I feel confident that we can work on whatever is bothering you first thing tomorrow morning.”

Billy looked directly into my eyes as he took my card, and said, “Thank you Sir. I’ll get out of your hair now. You don’t know how relieved I am to know that you are going to help me.”

And with that Billy was up and out of my office. I then called the dormitory nursing station to make sure all was going well with their patients before I left my office to make the slow drive home in the heavier Friday traffic. Even so, the trip seemed to go by fast, probably because Billy was on my mind the whole way. I couldn’t help thinking about him, wondering what was bothering the guy who always seemed so well adjusted and happy.

…

Billy arrived at my home that next morning at about 8:45 AM. I was surprised to see him drive up in a Lexus IS, a lot of car for a government salaried nurse. But more importantly, he looked amazingly handsome and sexy as I watched him walk up my driveway from my hidden vantage point behind the curtain of my kitchen window. I let him in the front door, and offered him breakfast. But he said he was too nervous to eat. So I invited him to sit in an overstuffed chair as I sat on my living room couch. At first I just looked at him, but after a moment of silence, I asked, “So how would you like to begin?”

“Well I know this sound kind of dumb, but I’d like for you to open my head like a mechanic opens the hood of a car, and just fix everything in there like you did for Cory and Gabriel. I know it isn’t that simple, Sir, but I feel so lost in my own thoughts that that’s what I think I need.”

I smiled and said, “Well, hypnosis sometimes allows us to get straight to the heart of a patient’s problems, so in some cases it can actually be that simple. And because of your training and experience, you may have a better handle on what’s bothering you than you think. What hypnosis can do for you, is bring an honest clarity that may offer a shortcut to fixing your problems, thereby giving us a good result in a short period of time. But what you need to understand, is that some people are easier to hypnotize than others, and so you need to know that it could take some time to get you into your first therapeutic trance.”

A sad look came across Billy’s face, so I went on to say, “But even if you are one of the more difficult patients, you also need to understand that I won’t give up on you, and that going into a trance gets easier and easier each time I put you under.”

“Thank you Sir. I want you to know that I’ll cooperate any way I can.”

I smiled at Billy, and said, “Great, so let’s give it a try and see how you do.”

“Okay, Doctor, I’m ready, and I’ll try real hard.”

“No, Billy, what I want you to do is just sit back and relax, and don’t worry about trying anything hard. Just let your mind float freely while you listen to my words and follow my commands explicitly.”

Billy took in a deep breath while keeping his eyes on me as I retrieved a ‘spinner’ from my pocket. Then I had him focus on it as I began to lead him into a trance. As it turned out, Billy was an easy subject, and so was soon in a verified trance. My first question was to ask his name, which he answered with his eyes closed, “Billy James Fields”.

Then I asked, “How old are you, Billy?”, and he answered “31”

I was surprised by his age, but went on to ask, “So what do you want to gain from this session, Billy?”

And without hesitation, and with his eyes still closed, he simply answered, “Your love Sir.”

That also caught me off guard. So I asked, “And what kind of love would that be, Billy?”

And he answered, “The kind of love Gabriel and Cory feel for each other.”

“And what kind of love is that?”

“The kind of love and trust that allows them to show their true feelings for each other while they’re giving each other enemas, Sir.”

Each and every response that Billy offered came as a complete surprise to me. So it was with a forced steady voice that I asked, “Would you like for me to give you an enema, Billy?”

“Yes Sir, if it’s how you want to show me that you love me.”

“Is that how your mother showed you love when you were a boy?

“Even though I didn’t understand it at first, yes.”

“And then what do you want me to do?”

“Love me, Sir. And understand that my surrendering to you is my way of showing that I love you.”

I thought for a second, and then asked, “And then what would you like to do to me, Billy?”

“Surrender to me, and let me give you an enema so I can show you how much I love you. And I want to show you that love every day for the rest of my life.”

“When was the last time someone gave you one?”

“When I was in nursing school, Sir”

“And who gave it to you?”

“A dumb girl who wasn’t in the right state of mind. I don’t remember her name, but I remember that that whole experience was awful.”

“Was it a training enema?”

“Yes, Sir.”

“But you liked your mother’s when you were a boy?”

“Yes Sir. My mother loves me, and I felt her love every time she did anything for me.”

I maintained Billy’s trance for about twenty minutes and learned more about him than I ever thought I would ever know. I learned that he had never had a lover; that he had never experienced any form of gay sex first hand; and that he liked to administer enemas to male patients, and that he thought he was showing love to them while doing so. I also learned that he had only administered four such enemas in his 9 year career, two of which were to Cory and Gabriel and the other two to patients from long ago. But the biggest surprise of all, was the fact that he felt he loved me, and desperately needed for me to love him. And that he needed me to constantly reassure him of my love by giving him loving enemas.

As it turned out, I not only learned a lot about Billy in that first session, but also about myself. Hearing Billy’s true and unfiltered thoughts and needs caused me to realize that I didn’t just like Billy, but that I truly loved him, as well as the inner character he was protecting. A character, that because of his convincing facade I had failed to see before that day. I had always considered him a sensitive and caring man, but not to the extent he showed under hypnosis. But the instant I knew the real Billy Fields, I also knew that I loved him like I had never loved anyone else in my life. I had always considered him handsome in a cute and sexy way, but for the first time in my life I felt like I deserved to actually experience love first hand, and the only way I could do that was to be brave enough to be as honest with Billy as he was being with me.

After bringing Billy out of his trance, I asked him how he felt. He smiled and said, “Great. Very relaxed, Sir. How did I do?”

“You did very well.” I said, “You told me so much about yourself that I feel I know enough from this one session that I can provide you with the help you need.”

“Wow, I didn’t really expect that.” he said, “You don’t know how much this means to me. Do you have a treatment plan in mind? Are there things I need to do?”

“Yes,” I said, “All we have to do is be honest with each other, and I mean really honest, Billy.”

“What do you mean, ‘we’ Sir?” he asked.

“Well, as it turns out I’m as big a player in your getting right with yourself as you are. And so I need to be as honest with you and myself, as you need to be with me and yourself.”

“I don’t understand, Sir. About what?”

“About the fact that we love each other, Billy.”

Billy jumped out of his chair, and said, “Oh my God! Did I tell you that, Sir?”

“Yes, and that’s what I mean about being honest. You need to be as honest about your feelings for me anytime we talk, and not just when you’re in a trance.”

Billy was quiet for a moment, and then he said, “I know that I love you. In fact, I’ve known it for a long time. I really hope that doesn’t bother or upset you, Sir, and if it does, I’m sorry.”

“No, Billy, that doesn’t bother me at all, and that’s only part of what I learned. You see, even though you were the one who was under hypnosis, I learned that I don’t just like you, Billy, but that I truly love you, all of you, even the little boy you keep hidden deep inside.”

Billy gasped and sat back in his chair while closing his eyes. And then after a pause, he opened them, sat forward, and said, “You don’t know what this means to me, Sir?”

“Well I hope it means a lot, because my being this honest with you means a lot to me. I’ve never told anyone but you that I loved them. And more importantly, I want you to know that I not only love you, but that I want to love you in the very ways that you want to be loved.”

Billy looked puzzled as he asked, “What exactly do you mean by that, Sir?”

“Well, while you were in your trance you told me that you wanted us to prove our love for each other by us both giving each other enemas.”

“You’re kidding, Sir. I can’t believe I said that. I mean when I think about it, I know it’s true, Sir, but I can’t believe I actually said it.”

“Well you did, and I believe it to be true because of the way you handled Cory and

Gabriel. You think I’m responsible for giving them a reason to live. While I think you’re responsible for teaching them how to love each other, how to be sensitive to each other, and how to turn each other on sexually like they’ve never been turned on before. And you did all of that without them being in a trance. So as I see it, that was what allowed them to find each other and give real meaning and purpose to their lives. And because you didn’t have hypnotisms to help you, I feel like what you did was all but a miracle”

Tears began to well in Billy’s eyes, so I went on to say, “I know that I drug all of this from your deep subconscious, Billy, so I’m wondering how you feel about having it all out in the light of day?”

Billy was trying to collect himself as he seemed to be on the verge of choking up, but finally he said, “That all depends, Sir?”

“On what?”

“Are you telling me that you actually love and trust me enough to let me give you an enema just because I want to, even if you’re not sick?”

“Yes Billy, I really do love you, and so that’s exactly what I’m telling you.”

Billy was quiet for several seconds before saying, “You’ll have to forgive me, Sir. I’m kind of having a hard time believing that this is all really happening. In fact, I can’t help but wonder if I might still be in a trance, and that none of this is real.”

I moved from my couch and lifted Billy to a standing position, and once he was before me I kissed him. He kissed me back so passionately that I all but melted in his arms. I wasn’t used to feeling such passion, and it felt so good that I desperately desired to feel more. So when we broke from that kiss, I asked, “Did that kiss help you to know that I’m real, and that my feelings are real?”

I love you Dr. Windom. I truly do. I’ve wanted to tell you that for a long time, but I’ve been afraid because I didn’t think I could withstand being rejected if you didn’t love me back.”

“Don’t feel bad, Billy, because I haven’t been able to be honest with you either. But from now on I promise to be open and honest with you in every way possible, and I’ll begin by telling you that I love you, that I love everything about you, and that from now on you need to call me John.”

…

“Billy moved in with me that weekend, and nested right in. As I had always lived independently I suddenly realized just how nice it was to have someone to share my life with. Billy has been very attentive to my needs for these last 7 years, especially when it comes to sex. His sexual appetite has been deep and wide, but I soon learned, that when it comes to enemas, he far more prefers to receive them than to give them. And that’s more than okay with me because I truly love giving his little brown ass a good cleaning at every possible turn. All I can say, is that Billy has always made a very sexy patient who gets into the enema process with his whole body and soul. And he always gets so turned on that he turns me on to the point that almost all of our climaxes are mutual.

Another interesting thing I learned about Billy, is that he all but goes into a trance when I’m talking him through an enema, when I’m massaging his muscular black buttocks, and when I’m lubricating his anus and rectum. In fact, the more I think about it, the more I think he actual does enter into a trance like state that leads him into enjoying his enemas more than I could possibly convey on this paper. But then, I’d have to say that that’s true for Billy when he’s experiencing all other forms of sex. He’s just a sexual person who makes all forms of sex enjoyable, to the point that I don’t know what I’d ever do without him.

…

I feel that hypnosis was just as instrumental in getting Billy and me in contact with the love we feel for each other, as it was in ending Cory and Gabriel’s quest for self-destruction by getting them in contact with the love they felt for each other.

Cory and Gabriel did so amazingly well once they discovered their feelings for each other, that they were discharged 3 week after their experimental therapy had concluded. Even their discharge from Walter Reed was a little unusual in that I had Cory, Gabriel and Billy all in my office when I signed their discharge orders and performed their exit interview, because that was when I decided to be as honest with them as they had been with me while they were under hypnosis, and so it was then that I told them that Billy and I knew they were gay and that they truly loved each other. And it was because of that love that Billy and I trusted them to take good care of each other, and keep each other safe and well. Both Cory and Gabriel seemed surprised that I would make such a comment, and were even more surprised when I told them that Billy and I would really like it if they would both stay in touch with us.

With a puzzled look on Cory’s face as he asked, “Why?”

That was when Billy spoke up, and said, “Because we really love and care about you both.”

Then Cory surprised everyone by jumping up and kissing me. And after taking note of Cory’s actions, Gabriel then kissed and hugged Billy. And it was then that Cory told me that he and Gabriel had already decided to get an apartment together and settle locally, and that he really hoped I was serious about us becoming friends because he really wanted that.

Seven years have passed since Billy and I treated Cory and Gabriel. Not only did Cory and Gabriel stay together, but so have Billy and I. Billy turned out to be everything my life needed to be complete, so we married 3 months after Cory and Gabriel had been discharged from Walter Reed. Cory and Gabriel attended our wedding, and were so inspired that they followed suite two months later, something that has allowed us all to remain close and trusted friends.

As unlikely as our story may seem to the uninitiated, enemas have remained a major part in all four of our lives. And even though there is a major age difference between the four of us, we have remained great friends while cherishing the honesty and love we all share.

The End