A Psychiatric Experiment

Chapter 3

Gabriel Lazio’s story

I never thought I had psychological problems until I was medically discharged from the military. But since then I’ve come to understand that I’ve been pretty mixed up my whole life. In fact, I learned that psychological problems were why I ended up in the Marines in the first place. I didn’t have to join, but I did because I felt I had to prove, and that something was that I was a real man to my father. I had a great need for him to respect me by seeing that I was a war hero, mainly to help hide that fact that deep down inside I’ve always known that I was gay, and that my being gay was something I knew my father would be anything but proud of. So when I was injured and sent home from Iraq before I had a chance to do anything heroic, I felt like a failure and so for the first time I knew that I had problems, a fact that was confirmed when I began to have nightmares that caused me to wake up my whole family with screams of terror, often more than once in a single night.

My parents wanted me to see a military psychiatrist. They pushed and pushed until I finely gave in. I thought the guy was a quack, and so began to save up my pain meds so I could end the nightmare of being me. But instead of killing myself, I landed in the hospital, and then in another psychiatrist’s office whom I also considered a quack. I knew that no doctor could change the fact that I felt like a failure, nor the fact that my father would be disgusted with me if he ever found out that I was gay. All of that was why I continued to I hate myself, and what eventually led me to attempt to gas myself with my car’s exhaust, an act that led my V.A. psychiatrist to commit me to inpatient care at Walter Reed.

Once I landed in Walter Reed I had no hope of ever becoming the man I need to be to gain my father’s respect. And because I also had no hope that Walter Reed could possible change any of that, I began to once again save up my pain pills. I have to admit that the Walter Reed staff made that hard, but I had already managed to save back six pills when a new guy joined our therapy group. His name was Cory, and although I considered him out of my league, I really liked him, to the point of thinking he was crazy cute. Cute enough that I fell in love with him, and began to fantasize that he loved me as much as I loved him, almost from the first day he joined our group.

At first I only dreamt of him at night. But soon those fantasies began to occupy most of my waking hours as well. He was older than me by four years and was the kind of man even my father would have respected. But he was also a man I couldn’t understand, because the first thing I learned about him in our group meetings, was that even though he seemed to be everything I wanted to be, like me he was on suicide watch.

Cory had been in our group for about 10 days when the doctor who was overseeing our care met with him and me together for a joint talk therapy session. There he asked if we would like to enter an experimental program that would involve our usual talk and hypnotherapy, but also something he called hydrotherapy. I considered hypnotherapy a magician’s trick, and so didn’t think it could possibly help me. And I didn’t know what hydrotherapy even meant. But because Dr. Windom’s new therapeutic approach involved his treating Cory and me together, I agreed to it because I would have done anything to get closer to Cory as I had a total crush on him by that point. After all, my goal in life at that time was to end my life, so I figured I had nothing to lose by at least getting to know the guy I loved on my way out. I could tell that my acceptance of this new treatment plan pleased Dr. Windom, so everything then hinged on Cory also accepting it. So you can imagine the relief I felt when he also said that he would give Dr. Windom’s new approach to our problems a try.

Dr. Windom didn’t mess around, because after that session he began to see Cory and me together for our talk sessions, and then separately for our hypnotherapies. He also arranged for us to have a room all to ourselves so we could get even better acquainted. I couldn’t have been happier when a nurse came to me in the psych dorm’s dayroom to inform me that I needed to collect my belongings and follow her. She then ushered me from the psych dorm to a private two bed room that was at the other end of the building. Cory had already been in the room long enough to have unpacked his belongings and was in bed watching TV when I arrived. Like me, he was clad only in his hospital gown as none of the psychiatric patients were allowed to have street clothes, which I’m sure was to discourage us from trying escape.

I know this may sound impossible, but Cory even looked hot in the ridiculous gowns that Walter Reed provided. Like the rest of us, he wore his gown with its opening in the front while well overlapped for reasons of modesty. But because of the gowns thin material, I kept catching hints of his manly build, and in particular, his muscular buttocks, enough that it sparked my imagination as to how sexy his ass would look had I been able to actually see it.

What I didn’t understand at the time, was the fact that I was soon to be treated to a complete and unencumbered view of Cory’s entire body, and that I would eventually be allowed to even touch and massage his sexy butt while giving him daily enemas. But at the time we met in our new room, neither of us knew what was in store for us in regards to our new treatment plan until after our dinner trays had been picked up. Because only minutes after that, our new nurse, a Mr. Fields, entered our room. He was very jovial as he pushed a cart ahead of him that seemed to have two I.V. bags hanging from two poles that were attached to either side of his cart. Everything seemed okay until he announced, “Okay boys, it’s enema time.”

I couldn’t believe his words. In fact my first thought was that he had made a mistake, and that he had the wrong room. I hadn’t been given an enema since I was seven or eight years old and the thought of having to take one at nineteen was very upsetting. So when he rolled his little cart up between our beds, I panicked. I mean I really didn’t want to be given an enema, especially in front of the man I had a crush on. But even though I felt as if I wanted to jump out of my skin, I said nothing, and neither did Cory. I mean I really wanted to protest, yet I didn’t utter a single word of dissension.

Nurse Fields seemed so positive and happy that I just laid there as he explained that the hydrotherapy part of our treatment was coming to us in the form of ten enemas that were to be performed once a night for the next ten nights. That really caused me to want to get up and run from the hospital, but for some reason I just laid there like a deer in a car’s headlights, and so did Cory. As Nurse Fields began to uncover the top of his cart, it became obvious that Cory and I were going to receive our enemas while remaining in our beds. And because there was no privacy curtain between us, I immediately understood that our enemas would be administered right in front of each other. As Nurse Fields prepared for our treatments, he explained what Dr. Windom had earlier told us, that our depressions were being caused by a chemical imbalance in our brains that was due to our lazy colons not properly ridding our bodies of toxins that had been left behind by our lousy diets. That seemed farfetched to me, but still I just laid there, accepting the fact that I was about to have a tube shoved up my butt right in front of the man I loved. It’s hard to explain how much I wanted to protest, but because Cory didn’t utter a single word of objection, I just laid there in silent panic.

To my chagrin, Nurse Fields selected me to go first as he pulled my covers down to expose my full body. I was only wearing underpants, which was how I normally dressed for bed, and was stunned when he ordered me to slip out of them as he and Cory looked on. I wanted to scream out, mainly from embarrassment. But I simply followed orders and pushed my underpants to my feet, and then slipped them totally off. Cory eyes were wide open and taking in my nakedness without any concern for the embarrassment I was feeling. When Nurse Fields then ordered me to turn onto my belly, I didn’t want to look at Cory as I knew he would be looking right at my naked butt, especially while knowing an enema hose was about to be shoved up my asshole while he looked on. Nurse Fields took his time and began to talk in relaxing tones as he massaged my rump. That was even more embarrassing because I felt like he was treating me like a baby as he explained that my enema shouldn’t cause me any pain, but that I would sense a fullness that I had to endure as I was expected to take all of the solution that was in my enema’s bag.

I wasn’t worried about pain. but I was concerned about the embarrassment I would sense while being given an enema in front of Cory. Nurse Fields’ little butt massage had already caused my cock to begin to erect beneath me, so what I feared was the fact that he and Cory would soon see that what he was doing to my ass was sexually arousing me. I looked back to see Nurse Fields pulling on a pair of gloves, and knew I would soon be getting a finger up my butt. Then I turned my head to the other side, and saw Cory’s eyes glued to my ass as the nurse pried my cheeks apart and began to apply grease to my asshole. The grease felt kind of good at first, but then, just as I feared, the nurse’s finger wiggled it way up my asshole, not just a little bit, but all the way in until his fist was buried in my butt crack while his inserted finger continued to tease my rectum until my asshole was sensuously gripping his finger beyond my control.

By that time I was fully erect, and fully embarrassed until I looked to Cory’s crotch. And even though it was still covered with his bedspread, it was easy to tell that he was also fully erect. In fact, Cory’s cock was tenting his covers in such a way that I not only knew that his cock was pumped, but that it was truly huge. The nurse’s finger continued to wiggle in my rectum for some time before he finally withdrew and inserted the enema hose. As soon as the enema’s hose was couple of inches up my butt, Nurse Fields popped its pinch valve and the milky solution that was in its bag begin to fill into my gut. And if that wasn’t bad enough, once my gut began to fill, Nurse Fields began to work more and more of the enema’s plastic hose up my butt until he had several inches, maybe even more than a foot of it up my ass.

I could feel my gut expanding from the invasion of the warm soapy water, but what really bothered me was the fact that my penis was all but throbbing by that time. It was then that the nurse asked me to hold the hose real tight. I felt lucky as I reached back and took a hold of the enema’s hose where it exited from between my butt cheeks because I felt he was finally going to leave my ass alone. But that didn’t end my sexual arousal, because the nurse then shifted to Cory’s bed to begin his enema. Without being asked, Cory reached down and slipped his underpants off, and then turned onto his belly. No one seemed to care that I was watching, so I just laid there holding the enema hose up my ass as I watched Nurse Fields pull Cory’s covers down to expose the sexiest butt I had ever seen. I don’t know if he realized it, but Cory was holding his butt cheeks all bunched up tight as if that would keep the nurse from getting to his asshole. But like the nurse had done to me, he began with a little butt massage while encouraging Cory to relax. Having no choice, Cory eventually relaxed his butt, and I watched as the nurse then separated his cheeks until he was able to see Cory’s asshole. Still, no one even hinted that I shouldn’t continue to watch, so I paid close attention as the nurse lubed Cory’s anus and rectum. And I mean thoroughly, and to the full depth that the nurse’s finger could reach.

Because Cory was on his belly I couldn’t see his dick. But I imagined that it was as erect as my own when the nurse finally withdrew his finger and began to work the clear plastic enema hose up Cory’s asshole. And like he had done to me, the nurse then pushed at least a foot of the enema’s hose up Cory’s ass as Cory once again began to bunch up his sexy butt cheeks.

Under any other circumstance I think I would have had a hard time taking so much water up my ass, but I was so distracted by what was unfolding before me that the rising pressure from my own enema hardly bothered me. And when the nurse began to really work the enema hose in and out of Cory’s asshole I all but forgot about what was happening in my own ass. As a result, as much as I tried to will my penis down, all that was happening before my eyes was keeping it fully erect, and there was simply nothing I could do about that. Finally the nurse looked back to me and then returned to my bed where he once again took control of the enema hose in my ass. He worked it all around, even pushing more of it up my asshole, only to pull it back out so he could push it in again, something he did until all of the solution had run into my ass. Then he slowly withdrew the enema hose, which only caused my dick to harden even more as I continued to watch Cory once again hold his butt cheeks bunched up real tight as his enema continued to fill and challenge his rear plumbing.

As Cory had taken in every detail of my enema, I continued to watch as the rest of his enema solution filled into him. So when the nurse handed me a bedpan and said I could sit on it, but that I should try to hold my enema as long as possible, I purposefully positioned myself on the bedpan so that I could continue observing Cory’s struggle to take the rest of his enema even though I knew that position kept my fully erect cock in Cory’s view. It just seemed like watching Cory take his enema was so important to me that nothing else mattered. So I continued to watch Cory’s tightened butt cheeks as the nurse worked his enema hose between them. And because I had just received that same treatment, I well understood everything Cory was feeling.

I don’t know how long I was able to retain my enema, but I struggled to hold it in until it became impossible to hold against the building pressure in my tortured colon. Only then did I finally let go and allow the pent up solution in my gut to spew loudly into my bedpan. I was so embarrassed by the noise and smells I made that I wished I could have been invisible. Yet I couldn’t take my eyes from Cory’s sexy boner as he was allowed to sit on his bedpan. And like me, he sat on it facing me, showing both Nurse Fields and me that he was as erect as I was. His cock was huge, and kind of bobbed as he began to expel his enema, a sight that made me feel a little less embarrassed as I finally got to see that Cory had been as turned on by his enema as I had been by mine.

When the nurse finally left our room he gave us both orders to take a shower, and then for us to go directly to bed. Now I don’t know what made me so brave, but the instant the nurse left I looked to Cory and suggested that we shower together. He was quiet for a few seconds, and then said, “But there is only a single stall, and it’s real small. Besides, I don’t think they would like that.”

I looked into Cory’s handsome eyes, and said, “Who care what they like? What are they going to do? Refuse to give us any more enemas?”

Cory was quiet for a moment, but finally said, “Okay, but only if you promise me that you will stop thinking about killing yourself.”

Cory had shown concern for me before in some of our group meetings, but he seemed so sincere that time that I looked into his light blue eyes and said, “On two conditions.”

Okay, what are they?”

I was quite nervous, but I managed to say, “Number one, is that you make the same promise to me. And number two, is that you let me kiss you.”

I had never been so bold or brave in my life, but my boldness paid off because we didn’t just kiss during our shower, but we kissed and kissed and kissed, all while licking and sucking on each other’s tongues, lips, and whatever else we could suck into our mouths. And we did all of that while loving and massaging each other’s freshly enemaed butts.

Even though the shower stall was small and cramped, it afforded us all of the room we needed. In the end, we only managed to wash each other’s butts, assholes, and dicks. And even though I had never done anything like that ever before, I knelt down and sucked Cory’s cock until he filled my mouth with cum. And instead of getting upset, as soon as he came he knelt down and did the same to me.

At our meeting with Dr. Windom that next day, Cory mentioned the fact that we had been given enemas, and how embarrassing that had been as we were not allowed any privacy. Dr. Windom seemed quite understanding, but because he thought the enemas were key to our recovery, he insisted they continue. But Cory didn’t give up. In fact, he all but begged the doctor to stop the procedure. Dr. Windom finally gave in a little by telling us that the best he could do was to take the nurse out of the loop, and that he could only do that if we learned how to administer enemas to each other. He told Cory that he would have the nurse instruct us on how to properly perform the procedure, and only when the nurse was satisfied that we could perform each other’s enemas would we be allowed to do them ourselves. That suggestion actually seemed like it could be even more embarrassing than having a nurse do the deed, but because it would allow me to actually touch Cory’s sexy ass, I readily agreed to this new plan the instant Cory agreed.

That evening Nurse Fields showed Cory and me how to properly perform each other’s enemas, something we did while we were both fully erect. And then, like the night before, we were instructed to shower, and then to go immediately to bed.

As I had feared, giving each other enemas turned out to be even more embarrassing than having the nurse administer them, but at the same time it was also ten times more erotic. So when it came time to shower, we were once again left alone, and so we not only showered together, but we were both so turned on by the time the shower had warmed, that we not only kissed and hugged, but once again took turns at sucking each other’s cock to orgasm.

Even though I knew I was gay, I never thought I would ever actually get to do such erotic things to another guy. But things became even more sexual, because that night Cory asked me to sleep in his bed, where he declared that he loved me, and then he fucked my asshole, an experience that was so wonderful that I had to immediately return the favor. All of that was so sexually perfect, that for the first time we began to make plans for our lives after getting out of Walter Reed.

Everything we did to each other that night was such a turn on that we slept while holding, hugging, and kissing each other for the rest of that night. Then to our amazement, when our morning nurse came in to wake us, she didn’t say or do anything about finding us in bed together. So Cory and I took that as an okay, and so we continued to sleep together from that day on.

Three weeks later Cory and I were discharge from Walter Reed. And instead of returning to our respective homes, we took Dr. Windom’s suggestion and took an apartment together near the Hospital so we could continue to see Dr. Windom and Nurse Fields. Cory was all in for that, and I guess I was too, because Dr. Windom and Nurse Fields soon became more like friends, or perhaps even more like loving parents than the medical professionals they actually were. Having loving parental figures who actually accepted us both for who we were seemed to be something that both Cory and I not only needed, but have totally enjoyed. And needless to say, neither Cory nor I have ever considered suicide again. We were far too in love, and cared far too much for each other to ever even get near to entertaining such thoughts. And to insure that neither of us ever gets even close to depression ever again, we have continued to give each other highly sexualized enemas every night from then till now.