The next morning I woke up to the sound of birds chirping outside. The sun barely shone through the blinds, but my body told me that it was time to get up. After I stretched, I threw my covers off and stood to my feet to stretch. I looked down and remembered that I was wearing a diaper, and it was a good thing I remembered, because I almost walked to the bathroom to brush my teeth! The clock read 8:00; two hours before I had to be in class. I knew that it was time to take the diaper off, and so I did. No way would I even try to wear one underneath my clothes. This was a personal matter, and the thought of wandering around in public with my secret practically screaming beneath my boxers made me cringe.

I carefully slid the diaper down since it hadn’t been taped on too tightly, threw my boxers and pajamas on, hid the now useless diaper, and took a quick shower.

That must have been the greatest thing I’ve ever experienced! I’m not so sure about actually using a diaper, though…that’s just…not my thing, and I imagine that anyone who would want to baby me would find that rather disgusting. I don’t need to take it THAT far. Now, for Jill…she needs to know. Ah, Jill…tonight or tomorrow is when you will find out.

I took a deep breath as I exited the shower and prepared for the day. This confession would take both thought and courage…I was missing the courage part of the plan, though a part of me was begging to let everything out.

That night after dinner and some Frisbee with my suitemates, I headed back into my room and worked on some assignments. Jill would be on the messenger soon, and when she signed on, it’d be time for me to spill my guts out.

Just as I finished a crappy essay for my English 101 course, Jill’s name appeared on my screen. Within seconds she IM’d me with a hello, and we started chatting. We told each other about our day and what we had planned for the weekend, as well as how excited we both were about her coming up to visit me. It was a conversation that was no different from any other, until I finally mustered the courage to admit what was beginning to feel like my flaw.

Me: Hey, Jill. Have you ever known something so big that you were too afraid to tell anybody, but at the same time you wished to tell someone about it?

Jill: Honestly, I can’t say that I have, haha.

Me: Ohhh. I see.

Jill: Something wrong?

She knew…through a screen, she could tell.

Me: Kind of =\

Jill: Awww. Well, do you want to talk about it?

Me: I can try, but…you see, I’ve never talked about it before with anybody, and it’s been bothering me for quite some time now…almost thirteen years.

Jill: Jeez! Thirteen years?!

Me: Yeahhh. Well, it’s personal. I’m afraid of what people would think if they found out, and I’d heard my parents criticize and ridicule people like me before.

Jill: John…are you-are you gay?

Me: Hahaha! Nooo! Not at all!

Jill: Oh haha. Sorry! I just wanted to make sure.

Me: Well, rest assured. I’m definitely straight as an arrow!

Jill: Good! Well then, I don’t mean to pry, but what is it? That is, if you don’t mind telling me.

My hands trembled violently and smacked the keyboard. I felt a combination of sorrow and confidence as I tried to type out what I wished to say.

Me: Okay. Here goes…sorry, this may take a while!

Jill: It’s okay!

Me: You know how you joke around and call me a baby? And how you like to jokingly treat me like one sometimes?

Jill: Yeah?

Me: Well…I…I like that. I like to be treated that way, but like in real life, too.

I cursed myself for pressing the “Enter” key and soon wished if I could turn back the clock.

Me: I know it’s odd, but there’s just something about it that makes me extremely happy and makes me forget about stressful things and stuff like that.

Jill: It’s okay. I kind of figured you liked that kind of thing. I mean, you have been my “baby” for a while now! Haha. If it makes you happy, then go for it! I don’t care!

Oh, my, God!

Me: Jill…thank you! You don’t even understand how relieved I am right now! My hands are trembling! I’ve never told anyone this before, and I was so afraid that you’d never speak to me again .

Jill: Awww John, you dork! Lol. I’d never not speak to you! So you like being a little baby sometimes! No big deal!

Saints be praised! This was my dream come true!

Me: Really?

Jill: Sure! But it does make me curious…are you into like everything baby? Lol.

Me: Nahhh lol. I mean, I like the diapers, being fed a bottle and spoonfed, and being babytalked and stuff, but I’d never use a diaper or talk like a baby lol. Just some basic things.

Our counseling session was going so well that I knew nothing would go wrong! And it didn’t!

Jill: Ohh I see.

Me: *sighs in relief* you don’t even know how happy I am right now! Here I thought you wouldn’t even come up to visit anymore!

Jill: Pshhh, you nerd! Of course I’m still coming up!

Me: Well good! I promise we’ll have a good time! I’ve got some things planned!

Jill: Sweet! Hmmm, I just might have to get you some diapers when I’m up! Hehehe.

Me: You wouldn’t!

Jill: Ohhhh I think I would! You just show me where a supermarket is, and I’ll get them! Heck, I’ll get you a bottle and pacifier while I’m at it, too! Haha.

Saints be praised! She didn’t mind and she claimed that she wanted to baby me! I almost fell backwards out of my chair from being so overwhelmed!

Me: Ohh jeez! Well if that’s the case, I’ll let you feed me and take care of me then.

Jill: That’s the plan, dork! Haha.

We talked about normal things for the rest of the night, and Jill really did seem to not mind about me being an infantilist. She even babied me some more before I signed off! Just two more weeks and she’d be up, and then I’d find out if she was really serious about wanting to baby me. I thought about how wonderful of an experience it’d be and soon envisioned Jill cradling me in her lap and smiling down at me. Once again my natural high returned. There was now no turning back; I’d finally get what I always wanted, though at the time I didn’t know that things are not always what they seem.

The two weeks rolled right by. By Friday afternoon, I was amped and ready for Jill to come up. Now let’s get one thing straight: while I was excited about her wanting to baby me, I was more excited about actually hanging out with her, and I told myself that if things didn’t turn out as well as I’d thought and for some reason that she wound up not wanting to baby me, then I wouldn’t care and would make the best of our time together. She was far too good of a friend to let something like that ruin our friendship.

Call it God or call it fate, but my suitemates had gone home for the entire weekend, leaving the dorm to me and Jill. I was bummed since I wanted to hang out with them as well, but I was also happy since it was going to be like I had my own apartment. My cell phone vibrated inside of my pocket; Jill was calling.

“What’s up, dork?” I joked.

“Ohh nothing buddy! I’m in your parking lot! Can you come out and find me so I don’t get lost?” Jill asked.

“Absolutely! I’ll wait in front of the Commons building, so just look for me there!”

“Sure thing! See you in a few!”

I bolted to the Commons area and shifted my eyes in every direction of the parking lot. A red car was soon in my sights, and at first I couldn’t tell who was driving it, but then I got a glimpse of the driver’s face and I immediately knew: it was Jill! I waved and pointed to my left to let her know where to park.

I headed over to the empty spot and anxiously waited for her to park her car. Once parked, she smiled as she got out of the car, ran over to me as fast as she could, and gave me one of the most heartfelt hugs I’d ever received. Her long blonde hair gently hit my face from the light breeze, and she smelled of an intoxicating perfume.

“Ohhh it’s so good to finally see you!” I said as I returned the hug.

“It’s good to see you too, John!”

Who’d have thought that two strangers who met in a chat room would ever be so lucky? With all of the crazy people pretending to be something or someone they’re not these days, it’s so rare to find a true friend, especially on the internet! And here was this beautiful young woman with captivating brown eyes and a slightly petite build. My friend. My truest friend.

“Well, let me help you bring your stuff into my dorm!”

“Ohh a real gentleman, eh?” she snickered.

“You know it! Chivalry isn’t dead in my book!”

“Good to know! Sheesh, I can barely get a guy to open a damned door for me these days!”

“Well, my friend, you’re in for a treat this weekend, then! You can expect nothing but good manners from me, and you can thank my parents for it!”

We chuckled as we headed inside. I explained to Jill that my suitemates weren’t around, but I still promised her that we’d have a good weekend. I showed her around the place, and she seemed quite impressed by the single rooms (then again, what college student wouldn’t? Single rooms rule!)

“Now, you’ve got some options on where you’d like to sleep while you’re here. You can either sleep in my bed, on the living room couch, or I can set up some sleeping bags on the floor and you can sleep there. My bed is the most comfortable of the three, so you’re more than welcome to sleep there. Of course I’d sleep on the floor or on the couch! Don’t want you to think I’m trying to pull any moves on you or anything!”

“Ha! I know you too well to know that you wouldn’t do such a thing! I’ll let you know when it’s time for bed where I’d like to sleep.” Jill smiled.

I knew she was happy to be treated so nicely, and I thanked God that I’d been raised the way I had. So many vicious dogs out there who want nothing more than to fulfill their few seconds of pleasure. They taint everything they touch while us nice guys remain single because we’re not “the bad boys”.

Once Jill was settled in, we began our weekend with dinner at some Italian restaurant on the west side of Hansen. I can’t recall the name of it now, but I do remember that it was a bit pricy. Still, we enjoyed ourselves and talked about what was ahead for the weekend, as well as Jill’s drive over.

I felt an even greater connection between me and her that night. Maybe seeing each other in person helped, or maybe it was still the fact that she didn’t shun me when I told her that I was an infantilist. I’d never know.

Our night continued with more good times and good laughs, and soon it was getting late. I yawned as we headed back to my car, and Jill giggled lightly.

“Hmmm, someone’s getting tired already?” she nudged my side.

I chose not to push the sleepy baby joke just yet. It was only the first night, and I didn’t want things to get awkward.

“Just a little.”

“You sleepy baby!”

Or maybe they wouldn’t!

I felt my face burn as we headed back towards the college, but I laughed and made it seem like nothing was wrong. For some reason it felt weird being called that in person, most likely because I hadn’t ever experienced it before.

“Oh yes…that’s me!” I chuckled.

“No kidding! It’s only midnight!”

“Yeah, yeah… ‘only midnight’. Dork.”

“Haha! Shut it, jerk!” Jill retorted playfully.

“Make me!” I laughed.

“Well, if I had my pacifier here, I would!”

I laughed even harder as I felt the hairs on my arms stick straight up. She’d just jolted me with a verbal shock.

“S-sure you would!”

“Nah! I’d never do that to you! That’s just mean!”

“Good! I’d be sad if you did that in a mean manner.”

“I know, buddy. Don’t worry! I promise I’d never do anything like that!”

We laughed and chatted for the rest of the drive. Once back at the dorm, I got out of the car and stretched a bit as Jill did the same.

“Hmmm…now I’m getting tired.” she yawned as we headed inside.

“Ha! Who’s the sleepy baby now!” I joked.

“You are!”

“Haha, I know. Well, I don’t know about you, but I’m going to get my pajamas on.”

“Sounds like a plan, man!” Jill walked over to her bag of clothing and rummaged through her things.

I hurried into my room and quickly got dressed into my night clothes, and as soon as I went back into the living room, Jill was also dressed in a pink pajama bottoms and a tank top.

“Wanna watch some TV before bed?” she asked me.

“Sure!” I jumped at the opportunity and made myself comfortable on the couch.

I expected Jill to sit on the other end of the couch, but instead she cuddled up next to me and placed her head on my chest. My left arm soon found its way around her shoulder, and we found ourselves watching some old school movie.

“Is this okay?” Jill asked.

“Absolutely.”

“Good. I like to cuddle.”

“As do I.” I said.

We watched the movie most of the way through, but I noticed that I’d started nodding off. Jill gently shook me and whispered into my ear, “John…I think it’s bed time for you.”

“Yeah…this sleepy baby is…sleepy!”

“Aww,” Jill giggled, “I bet he is! Well, let’s get you into bed then!”

“Wait…don’t you want to sleep in my bed?” I asked groggily.

“I think there’s room for a sleepy baby and me, don’t you? Unless you don’t want to.”

Oh, like I’m going to say no!

It’d been my hopes that Jill would want to sleep next to me in my bed. There was just something about cuddling up to somebody in a bed that helped me sleep better, and since she’d offered, I wasn’t about to pass up the opportunity.

“That’s fine.”

“Okay then, mister! Let’s go!” Jill grabbed my hand and helped me to my feet as she turned off the television.

Once we entered my room, I peeled back the covers from my bed and hopped in. The bed wasn’t really meant for two people to sleep in it, but I didn’t care. I’d make the best out of the night. I moved over as far as I could, and soon after, Jill climbed in. We positioned ourselves comfortably on the mattress and soon the lights were turned off.

Jill guided my head with her hand until the side of my face was against her shoulder. What was she doing? I didn’t resist, but I still became a bit anxious. She then placed one hand over my stomach and stroked my hair and the side of my face with the other.

“Hehe,” she giggled, “I’m a bit too tired to try to cradle you right now, but hopefully this is okay.”

I just about melted into her complexion as I smiled.

“This is fine. Thank you.”

“Anytime, mister.”

Jill then gently rocked back and forth. It wasn’t anything fancy, but it was just light enough for me to feel it, and a little piece of bliss entered my veins. Part of me wondered if she felt obligated to do this for me since I’d told her, but then I thought about it further. She could’ve told me she didn’t want any part of this if she truly wasn’t comfortable with it.

The sweet sound of silence took over the room as Jill’s hand continued to brush against my face. The feeling lulled me into an even further state of sleepiness, and soon after, I was just about ready to go to sleep.

“Are you comfortable?” I asked Jill as I faced her.

“Almost.” she replied as she turned the other way. “Can I have your hand?”

I sent my arm over her side, and she clasped it in hers, then said, “Now I’m comfortable.”

I laughed lightly and decided to try to keep myself awake until I was sure that Jill had fallen asleep. The night had brought me nothing but wonderful things, and it made me wonder what was in store for us the next night, the last night that we had with each other for the weekend. I hoped that it would be just as good as the first night, maybe better. Would she really baby me for real? And if she did, would I be courageous enough to let her? I had never dressed like that in front of anyone, nor really even talked about it with her in person or on the phone.

I shut out all of the thoughts for the night and soon fell asleep, thanking God for what was given to me.

* * *

Morning came by rather quickly, or so it seemed to me. Jill slept peacefully next to me, and I decided that even though I wanted to get out of bed that I’d remain where I was so she wouldn’t wake up. After all, it was the least I could do for her after last night. I would remain in my bed for another half hour before she’d wake up that morning.

“Mmm…you awake, John?” she yawned as she stretched.

“Yep.”

“What time is it?”

“Almost nine.”

“Fun, fun. I guess I should get up, huh?”

“If you want to sleep more, that’s fine.” I offered.

“Nah. We’ve gotta have fun for the rest of the day, right?” she looked over at me.

“Right you are!”

We both dragged ourselves out of bed, and I stretched as I stood up. It took about an hour for both of us to shower and get ready for the day, and it irked me a bit. Time always seems to fly by when you don’t want it to. It’s like a stupid trick that God plays on people whenever they want time to slow down. Or, even worse, time remains slow when you want it to go by quick! A mind boggling thought!

We started the day out with some death food—er, college food. It wasn’t horrible, but it was definitely a far cry from the food at home. Next came the mini golf, then a trip to the bookstore and the mall. Jill seemed to be having just as good of a time as I was, which was what I was aiming for. I think the best time was in the video store, though. We walked past the adult movies section and soon got into a discussion about how embarrassed people must’ve felt when they browsed through that section. I chose to use my humor and quickly called over a clerk.

“Excuse me, sir!” I asked as Jill became puzzled.

“Yes?” the clerk asked as he headed over in my direction.

“Could you please tell me where your inappropriate DVD’s are?”

“I-Inappropriate? U-umm…they’re right behind you.” the clerk was obviously embarrassed.

“Thank you!”

Jill busted out laughing, and I soon followed.

“John, you’re such a dork! That poor kid!”

“Hey, I’m sure he’ll remember this day for the rest of his life!” I laughed.

“Too true!”

We continued our day of fun until dinner time. Once again we went out to eat, only this time Jill offered to pay.

“Nonsense! With gas prices so high, you need to save your money, my friend!” I assured her.

“Come on! You paid last night!”

“True, but my parents gave me a bunch of money, plus I have a decent amount saved up. Don’t worry about it!”

“If you say so! Thanks, John.” Jill smiled.

“You’re quite welcome.”

Dinner went by rather quickly, and we were soon on our way back to my dorm once again. However, this time, Jill asked me if we could stop at the supermarket. I had an odd feeling that I knew what was coming up.

“S-sure!” I said nervously as I headed towards the next exit. “I could use some popsicles and other senseless items!”

“Dork! Haha!”

We soon found ourselves inside of the store, strolling around. I didn’t know where anything was since I’d never been there before.

“So, what do you need to get?” I asked Jill.

“Well, I could use some more my acne wash.”

“Ah, I see.”

“And I need to get some things for you.” she looked over at me with a smile.

My heart pounded against my chest. I knew what she was talking about, but I just didn’t believe it.

“Oh, boy! I wonder what it could be?”

“Hehehehe I think you know!”

We walked around the store some more, and I picked up a case of popsicles and some other random items that I probably didn’t need. Jill got her acne wash, and then we found it: the baby aisle. I felt as though I was facing the beast. I could feel my pulse in my neck as we delved further down the aisle.

“Are you okay?” Jill asked.

Damn…she must see the look on my face.

“Just nervous. I’ve never done this, you know.”

“Really?”

“Well…I bought some diapers a few weeks ago, but I ordered them online because I was too afraid to buy them in a public place.”

“Ohhh, so you have some diapers already?” she asked quietly with a smile on her face.

“Y-yeah.” I blushed.

“That’s great! We can just buy some baby stuff, and if anyone asks, we’ll tell them we’re going to a baby shower! Hehe!”

“We could…but…do you think maybe we could go to different registers? I’m afraid that people will know something’s up by the look on my face.”

“Awww, sure! Not a problem, buddy! Don’t worry.”

Jill seemed to know what she was doing as she quickly picked up some baby powder, baby wipes, a baby bottle, and a green pacifier. She didn’t once ask me questions about what she was buying, and I think it was because she knew that I was a bit uncomfortable about the whole being in public thing. Instead, she simply looked at me whenever she picked up an item and I’d smile and nod if I approved.

This…is happening. I can’t…believe it! Will this be it?

“Hmm…” Jill whispered as she held onto all of the items. “I think this is everything. I take it you don’t like baby food?”

“Not at all,” I chuckled, “though I like being fed.”

“Interesting. Well then! We can be on our way! You go out the other end of the aisle and then buy your things. I’ll come out of this side and wait to see you leave.”

“Jill, I can’t even explain how grateful I am for having you around and for what you’re doing right now.”

“Aww! Think nothing of it! I’ll be right behind you!”

Our plan worked out perfectly. Nobody asked questions, nobody saw us together (I was really more afraid that some of the students at the college would be there and see me than anything else), and we found our way back to my dorm. I could barely contain my emotions, but I knew I had to because I didn’t want to frighten Jill or attract any attention before we got inside.

Inside of the dorm, I anxiously and nervously placed my items where they belonged. Jill kept her items in her grocery bag and waited until I was finished.

“Are you ready?” she asked. “If you don’t want to do this, it’s okay.”

“I do…I’m just still nervous because I’ve never done it before, and I don’t want you to be weirded out.”

“If it makes you feel any better, I’ve never done this before, either! I mean, I’ve babysat, but I’ve never taken care of somebody your size.” she giggled.

“Yeah.” I laughed. “Well, how should we go about doing this?”

“Well I think it’d be good if you locked your main door and shut your windows and blinds.”

I did all of the following in a matter of two minutes, then returned to where Jill was.

“Now, why don’t you tell me exactly what you want, and I’ll see what I can do.”

“Well, I really want to be treated like an infant. Not a toddler, but a little baby. You know, be put in diapers, be cooed and cuddled, and fed. Maybe tickled and burped.” I blushed, feeling extremely silly.

“I see. Now you said you didn’t like talking like a baby or using your diapers, right?”

“Yeah. I don’t know about those…it just seems weird…although what am I saying? The whole thing is odd!” I chuckled.

“Aw it’s alright! But that’s good about not using your diapers, because then I’d be a little freaked out.”

“Well, there’s something else about the diaper…I…kind of wondered what it’d be like to get changed into one. I mean, after I’m already in one. So I wouldn’t use it, but I’d still need a new one, as silly as that sounds.”

“Hmmmmmm…well, I think I can try to manage all of those things! I might have to improvise due to your size, though!” Jill said calmly with a smile.

“I understand.”

“Well, are you ready then?”

Come on, John. Remember the risks! Life is nothing without them! Just try it and get it over with! This is what you’ve always wanted!

“I’m ready.”

TO BE CONTINUED