I will, however, recount two episodes during our sessions, no matter how painful it is for me. These two occasions could possibly have been the most humiliated I have ever been in my life. If you could die from embarrassment, I’m sure these would have killed me.

The first incident actually took place pretty quickly. Carol was changing me after I had messed my diaper pretty badly. After she finished wiping me, out of nowhere, I just started peeing. It’s a good thing she had lightning quick reflexes or she would have been covered in it. She just laughed it off, and said in a babyish tone “Aw, did da wittle baby have to go wee wee?” I’m glad that it didn’t bother her, but I couldn’t look her straight in the face for days.

The second was much more enduring, and it could have possibly been the most horrible thing that has ever happened to me. But since it was definitely interesting, and maybe even sort of funny to some people, I’ll recount it for you.

One afternoon Carol and I were doing our normal thing in the nursery. We were playing the game where she had to figure out why I was crying, and I had made it particularly difficult for her. In addition, I must have been crying pretty loud, because all of a sudden we heard a door open and a woman’s voice calling, “What’s that noise, is there a baby in here?”

Carol kinda froze, as did I. In walked Mrs. Oakley, one of the women who went to our church. She was in her late forties, with grayish-brown short hair. She wasn’t ugly, but she wasn’t exactly pretty either. She was a pretty nice lady, but sometimes she had a tendency to treat me like a little kid. Carol had been going to our church some since we had been going out, so she knew Mrs. Oakley as well.

“Carol, what are you doing in here, and whose baby is this?” Mrs. Oakley asked, looking at Carol, and then at me.

“Uh,” Carol said. “John’s aunt is in town, and they asked me to take care of him while they went out. And since I wanted to practice my baby-sitting a little more, I took him here.” I had to give her credit, she did a pretty good job of ad-libbing.

“Oh, ok then.” Mrs. Oakley replied. She walked over to the playpen that I was sitting in. “Wow, he actually looks a lot like John. I can tell these two are related. By the way, where is John? He could probably use some baby-sitting practice as well.”

“Uh, he had to work today,” Carol lied.

“Here, let me hold the little fellow.” Mrs. Oakley said. Before Carol could object, Mrs. Oakley lifted me up by the armpits and held me up in front of her face. “Aren’t you just so adorable?” She then shifted me around and held me in one arm, while with the other she lightly pinched my cheeks and my chin, tickled my stomach, and bounced me up and down all the while. “Coochie coochie coo! Who’s a cute wittle boy? Is da baby sweepy?”. She continued to talk babyish gibberish to me and continued to mess with me with her hands.

I was kind of in a state of shock and embarrassment the whole time. My cheeks started to get hot, and I hoped that Mrs. Oakley wouldn’t notice my cheeks getting red. I don’t think she did since she continued to carry on. I tried to think of the best way to just get her to leave. I decided to start crying, thinking that she might think I wasn’t any fun anymore and decide to let Carol take over.

Bad idea, I soon realized. As soon as I started to bawl my head off a little, Mrs. Oakley said, “Aww, is sweetie fussy? Mrs. Oakley knows what will make him happy! His binky!” She went over to the playpen, picked up a pacifier that was inside, and then stuck it right in my open mouth. I tried to spit it out, but she just held it there, saying, “Now be a good wittle boy.” However, as soon as she released it, I spit it to the floor and continued to cry, hoping she would just give up and pass me over to Carol.

Then the worst thing that could have possibly happened took place. As soon as I started to cry with my babyish voice, I felt my bladder let loose and I started to wet my diaper. ‘Oh, not now!’ I told myself ‘Any time but now!’ But I had no control, and my diaper was soon filled with my pee.

As nervousness overcame my body, I stopped crying and just kinda froze. Unfortunately, I was too late. Before I had gotten quiet, Mrs. Oakley said, “Hmm, maybe he’s fussy because he’s wet. I’ll just check his diaper.”

As she said them, these words struck horror deep into me, and I felt Mrs. Oakley reached underneath my onesie (which I was wearing during this session) and placed one finger inside the thigh part of my diaper. “That’s exactly what the problem is! Here, Mrs. Oakley will change you into a fresh diaper and you’ll feel all better!” she exclaimed to me.

I think Carol realized my horror, so she tried to interject. “Mrs. Oakley, let me change him,” she said. “I need some more practice anyway”. At that moment my love for Carol shot through the roof. There was no doubt in my mind that I wanted to marry that girl.

Unfortunately, this was not to be. “Oh nonsense,” Mrs. Oakley said. “You’ve been changing plenty of diapers with your baby-sitting job already. I’ll take this one.”

Before either of us could object anymore, Mrs. Oakley took me over to the changing table and quickly undid my onesie. “Oh yes,” she said. “Da wittle baby is quite wet. He just went wee-wee all in his dydee, didn’t he?” I doubt that I could’ve gone anymore red. It only got worse as she untapped my diaper, took a baby wipe and started to wipe my whole diaper area. I tried to resist, squirm, and do whatever I could to make things hard for her. But she was much stronger than me, and easily held me down and overpowered me. “Now you be still while Mrs. Oakley wipes your wittle bottom and gets you clean.” She grabbed my ankles and started to wipe my butt and my crack, and then gave me a small little slap on the bottom to make her point clear. She then took some baby powder and shook it onto my butt. “We don’t want da baby to get a diaper rash, now do we?” She took another diaper and put it underneath me. She pulled it over my waist, taped the tapes on really tight, and fastened my onesie back up.

“Now our wittle baby is all clean and dry in his new diaper!” The only thing that made me happy was the fact that this spectacle was over. I felt like crying for real this time. Unfortunately, Mrs. Oakley wasn’t done.

“I know what will make our baby really happy. Some fresh air. I think I’ll take him for a ride in his stroller.” I didn’t think I could be any more mortified, but this did it.

“I don’t think that would be such a good idea,” Carol said. “I think it’s time for his nap.”

“Oh, we won’t be long. And since he’s so fussy, maybe this will calm him down a little.” She then just left Carol there and took me to a stroller that was in another room. It was one of those kinds that looked kinda like a pram (you know, the older baby buggies), but was still a pretty new design. She laid me down in it and strapped me in (“so you won’t try to move around so much” she said). Finally, she put a little baby quilt over top of me, and we were on our way. I still don’t know what Carol did, but I don’t know what I would’ve done in her shoes either.

Although my view was sort of fixed, I could notice some of the people that we passed by as she rolled me along. Thankfully, most didn’t say much, but every now and then a woman would lean over and say “My, what a darling little baby boy!” or something to that effect, and then reach in and mess with me a little. What could I do? I couldn’t say anything or I would immediately give myself away (not to mention make Mrs. Oakley faint, although I would’ve liked that at the moment). However, the walk wasn’t really all that bad. That was until we reached a group of ten year old girls playing on the sidewalk…

As Mrs. Oakley rolled me there, I heard her say “Come see the little baby boy, girls!” I could have punched that woman at that particular point in time. I immediately saw a horde of girls surround the stroller and stare fixedly at me and smile. Many of them then reached in and started to chuck my chin, pinch my cheek, or just play with me. All the while they continually baby-talked me.

“Aww, just wook at the sweet wittle baby!”

“Isn’t he da cutest wittle baby in da world?”

“Goo-goo ga-ga!”

“Coochie-coochie coo!”

This was just too much for me to handle. I didn’t mean too, but I just started crying uncontrollably. Unfortunately, this was just a catalyst to more humiliation.

“Aww, does da baby have a dirty diaper?”

“Maybe he wants his ba-ba?”

“I think he wants his paci.”

“Or maybe his blankie?”

Apparently, Mrs. Oakley thought the second guess to be correct. It seemed as though she had brought along a baby-bottle of milk, because before I knew it, she handed the bottle to one of the girls who then shoved it into my mouth and made me drink it.

“There now,” she said. “Drink up! Da wittle boy wikes his ba-ba, now doesn’t he?”

After I drank some of it down, the whole thing just stopped. Mrs. Oakley said, “Ok, girls, that’s enough. I think he needs a nap now.” With that, she turned around and wheeled me back to the church. I guess she had other business, because she handed me over to Carol and said “Bye bye wittle guy! Night night!”

Once she was gone, Carol just held me up against her while I sobbed away. I told her all about what happened through my tears while she just rocked me back and forth and patted me on the back. “Oh, John,” she said. “I can’t tell you how sorry I am. I can’t believe you had to go through that. It would be worth me losing all of the money I have earned baby-sitting to prevent that from happening.”

Somehow, her saying this made it all better. As she comforted me, I began to feel like all the torture and humiliation was worth it just to have this moment. I didn’t doubt her love for me or mine for her one single bit.

I stopped crying and said, “Carol, you don’t know how much I love you. You are the most perfect person in the world. You deserve nothing less than your deepest desire in the world.”

“John,” she said. “My deepest desire is just to be with you. You are the kindest, most handsome, and most loving person I have ever met. You are very masculine and manly, but you have a soft side as well. And if I do say so myself, you do make quite a cute baby!”

I laughed at this and felt a lot better. She then undressed me and let me turn back into my normal size. After I got dressed, Carol and I kissed for what was probably the longest time we ever had before. It was the perfect end to the most humiliating day of my life. (By the way, I never did look at Mrs. Oakley the same way again. We really don’t talk much anymore).