Because of John's touch, I was now obsessed with the little bump. I always thought it was something special. Whenever I took a shower, I spent a little extra time washing, rinsing and drying between my legs, trying to figure out exactly why I liked it so much. And then, John, the doctor's son, put his finger right on it! Whenever I was alone, and except for when I was with John, I tried to be alone a lot that summer. And, as it got closer to school starting again, I was pretty happy with my big discovery. So was John! He probably could've been the first thirteen year old gynecologist in our town. And all of this enlightenment because of the little bump! While John got taller, filled out in the chest and his voice dropped at least two octaves, I learned that I got to experience "the joys of womanhood" by practically bleeding to death every twenty-eight days and having to wear what amounted to half a straight jacket around my chests. A bra, just begging for the boys to snap it from behind! Still, I felt like my summer had been a success. I learned to masturbate!!

It was late in August and my mom informed me that she had forgotten to make my appointment for my middle school physical, and the doctor's schedule was full. But . . . my pediatrician, John's father, was a good friend of my folks and said he would for sure work me in. I felt a little thrill at the thought of going to his clinic, but I did my best to act perturbed instead as I headed upstairs to my bedroom. "Your appointment is this coming Thursday at 4:30", she told me. "Oh, and I won't have to take you. He said you could just come down to their house. He has a little clinic in the downstairs." I froze on the stairs. I couldn't believe it. I would actually be inside of the room I had fantasized about all summer while John and I traded rubbing each other's privates and looking through medical books. I could hear her saying other things about being on time and putting on clean underwear, but nothing else was registering other than the thought that I would soon be in the "inner sanctum". I took the rest of the stairs two at a time. I had things to do in my bedroom.

I spent Thursday in nervous anticipation of my checkup, staring at the television and listening to music. Nothing was really sinking in though. I carefully watched the clock until it was time to take a shower, put on my bra and clean underwear, and shorts, blouse and tennis shoes, of course. Mom called to me from the bottom of the stairs and told me to get going. I should be a little bit early she said. "Okay" I said in a pouty voice as I came down the stairs. "Did you want me to go with you?" "No!" "Okay. Okay. Tell the doctor I will talk to him later." I shrugged and went out the front door, my heart beating loudly in my ears.

I walked around to the back of the house, as I had done many times all summer long, but this time, I was so nervous that my legs seemed stiff. With each step, I felt a jolt through my whole body. I went in the back door, as I had been instructed to do and down a flight of stairs. As I turned to my left and entered the waiting room, I stopped cold. The door to the exam room was open. "Dr. Walker?" "Yes. Jennifer, come in." I walked with my stiff legs toward the open door and Dr. Walker. A tall, good looking man with a friendly smile, he extended his hand to take mine. For the first time, I realized his hands were soft but strong. He had always shook my mom's hand before. "Come in." As I stepped in, I felt as if I had suddenly been transported to his other office. It was bright, had a small desk with a rolling stool, two additional chairs, a table with a top drawer and two doors below that had a jar of tongue depressors, some boxes of disposable gloves, other containers of different sizes of band aides, kleenex all sitting on top. Also a scale for weighing and measuring, a small vanity with a sink, soap and towel dispensers, and, in the center of the room, the exam table. Almost an exact duplicate of the room I was so familiar with from previous visits to the pediatrician. But, I wasn't a child anymore. Now I was a teenager. But for a moment, I still wanted my mom!

"Well, come in. I know you and John have been hanging out together a lot this summer", he said. For a moment, I wondered if he had any idea of the new meaning his son and I had given to "hanging out" together. "Yeah." "I'm glad you two are such good friends", he added. Boy, if he only knew! And after a little more small talk, the doctor went into his doctor routine. "So, your mom said you started your period this summer." Just great. How many others had she announced that to, I wondered. But, this was my doctor, so I suppose she thought he should know. "So, we're going to do your exam a little different this year." Oh, oh. "I'm going to step out of here for a few minutes and there is a gown on the table there for you to put on. It opens to the back. There's a couple of tabs on it. So take everything off and just slip that on, okay?" I nodded, unable to speak. "Then just sit on the table and I will be back." I did as I was told, I guessed anyway. The next few minutes were kind of a blur. But shortly there was a knock on the door and Dr. Walker came back into the room. The room I had spent the summer dreaming about, fantasizing about, yearning to be in. Now I wasn't so sure!

First, I stepped down from the table and got on the scale where I was weighed and measured. Wow. I grew a whole inch and gained twelve pounds in just one summer. More of the joys of womanhood I guessed. Next, back on the table for blood pressure, pulse and temperature. Then ears, eyes, nose and ahhhhhh. I took several deep breaths as he listened to my lungs through the gap in the back of my gown, and then he pulled the little tabs and slipped it down to my waist. Well, this isn't so different I thought. He's always listened to my heart before. Then . . . He never did that before! Lifting my arms over my head, he began to press and squeeze my small boobs. Owwww. Doesn't he know that hurts?! Okay, now lay back. Diaphragm, ribs, stomach. All normal. Then, again . . . What was that? A clank from the end of the table. I raised my head. What the hell are those things?!? "Now, Jennifer, I want you to slide your bottom towards me. Your feet will go out on these." Stirrups! His hands slipped under my hips and he easily moved me to the end of the table. Holy shit, I was screaming in my brain as he turned a light on on the end of the table. Where did that thing come from? "This is a little more involved exam that we will do now that you are menstruating to be sure each year that everything is okay. It won't hurt, but you tell me if anything does while we're doing this, okay?" "Uh huh." He disappeared from view, but his fingers seemed to touch everywhere. So much more than past checkups. I just laid very still, and wondered if he was going to touch the bump. Nope. But as he stood up, I felt a long finger slide into my bum and he put his other hand on my belly. Oh my gosh, what is he doing? "Jennifer, you are in really good health to start middle school." And I felt what I really hoped was his finger slide back out. I made a little embarrassed laugh as he helped me put my legs down and sit up. "I'll wait out here again while you get dressed", he said as he took my hand and helped me step down. My head felt like it was spinning as I quickly dressed. "Sit down here for a minute" he told me when he came back in. "How do you feel?" My head shook up and down like a bobble head. "Fine." I always thought of my doctor as a nice man, but now I noticed his genuine, easy smile. "Sometimes as kids grow up and things about their bodies change, they can have questions. Things feel different." My head had stopped bobbling around so much by now. "How did you think your checkup went today?" "Okay." "Did you feel funny putting your legs out like that." "Yeah. It was embarrassing." "I know. But here's the important thing. Even though it's embarrassing and you'd rather not do it, it's really important that you take care of your health. And that means getting regular checkups." My bobble head was back. "As a girl, your body will change a lot. You may have babies someday even." Bobble, bobble. "That's why, starting right now, you need to take good care of yourself, and get your checkups each year. Okay?" I realized then this wasn't a nice man. This was a very kind and caring man too. Knowing my mom, he assured me that she would always be good to talk to if I had questions. But if I wanted, I could come down and talk to him too.

Walking home, I decided that there probably would be some good things, even "joys", about being a woman. Maybe not bras that made you feel like they were going to strangle you. Or periods that felt like near death experiences sometimes. But, thank goodness, we always have the bump!