This is my story of my life relating to my fetish for diapers.

I guess it started when I was about 3 or 4 years old. I saw this bag of diapers in the closet to the living room. Being the curious little boy I was, I want to try them on. I was potty train very really in my life, so I wasn't in diapers that long. I tried one diaper on and fell in love. I just held it there. Then I sat down and the padding that it gave was wonderful. I laid down and the next thing I knew I fell asleep.

I woke up to my mother looking down on me and telling me to get the hell out of that diaper. I was really embarrassed and stayed away from the closet for a long time. I was eventual drawn back to the closest, once again. I did the same thing this time, but just for a few seconds at most. I don't think see noticed that the diaper on top was always a little used, but I'll never know.

Eventual my sister was out of diapers and I was diaper less. I didn't really miss them, being about 5. I had better things on my mind than diapers. Nothing really happened until I had moved out of town. It was there were I became very interested in this area.

I was about 12 when I moved to the acreage. I just hit that point in life were I was growing hair in those places. I masturbated for the first time after seeing a documentary on male sexuality through the ages. It talk about how masturbation was shone a while back. So I did a little and found out that it is now medically acceptable to masturbate, since it is believed to help develop the genitalia. So I took a try at it and low and behold, I was addicted.

I just plain old masturbated for a year. Then it became boring and I needed something new. I found that I had an deep inside erg to be female. Not to go into much detail, but I basically wanted to be a female on command. I didn't like the idea of being a woman all the time, but I saw the advantage to it. Anyway, I took to the idea. My first inspiration came from those tampon commercials than never stop on TV. I went to my mothers bathroom and found a pad. At first I just placed it in my underwear, then I though, why don't I wear panties with it? So I did. Then I wanted to menstruate or something in it, the closest I could get, being a male was urine. So I did. The only problem was that a pad doesn't hold that much, which I found out the hard way.

I went back to the drawing board and came up with the idea of stuffing toilet paper in my underwear. It work great! I could pee and pee some more. This became an obsession, but an expensive one. It took 1 1/2 rolls of toilet paper to get the proper thickness. We were running out of toilet paper really fast. I also had to dispose of the used stuff. It was a messing process for me. In this process I added tampons and plastic to the equation. I was happy, for a while.

I then saw that this was getting me know were and after I plugged up the toilet one night, I gave up. It was about a month later that I saw a diaper behind some wood in are garage. I picked up this diaper and felt it. My penis was a flag pole in seconds. I knew what I had to do. So I stuffed it in my pants and ran to the bathroom. I tried the diaper around my waist and fell in love. I remembered this feeling and liked it. I kept this diaper around my waist and then hid it in my room. That night I just wore the diaper, and to make it stay on I had to use duck tape. This, when I woke up in the morning proved to destroy the diaper. I disposed of the diaper and went on with my life.

It was months later when my mother was baby sitting her friends child. He was still in diapers and there was a diaper bag at our house all the time. This baby wore a size 4 diaper and this diaper all most fit me. I of course took advantage of this situation a used a few diapers. It then came down to a lost supply of diapers and REALLY BIG SEXUAL URGE.

One day at school, one of my friends was using the school's Internet computer. I sat down watching him and he say, "Hey, watch this." He went to a pornographic web site were adults urinate on them selves. Pictures of people in wet diapers were contained on this site and although I say, "GROSS!" I was really quite happy. I got home and went to my trusty computer. I found that same site and downloaded every picture. That night I masturbated to the images of diapers adults.

I eventually found instructions on how to use towels to make diapers. I took this idea in to perspective and used old T-shirts. I was amazed. This is when I started to do my own laundry. My mother was happy. I've done this method ever since, but getting less frequent and time goes on. I then moved to a new city. Although I wished to buy actual diapers, I couldn't get the courage to do it. I still can't.

I was 15 when me and my dad moved. Since he wasn't home half the time, I had a chance to take my practice out of the room. I did this about once a week and was happy. I soon met a girl down the street with two little brothers. One of which had a bladder control problem. After getting to know her family they invited me to baby sit. I said sure. After putting the two boys to bed, I decided to look around. In my search I found a pack of pull-ups. I pondered what they were like and ended up taking one just as the parents got home. I shoved the pull-up in the back of my pants, got my pay and let. I got home and slipped in to the pull-up. It was a little small, but I didn't break it. Actually, it fit quite well. I slept in it that night. I had the best night sleep I had in a long time.

I eventually used that pull-up for good and I was tempted to get another. So I did, and did the same thing. It was then left months with no action. I was very active in a mailing list on the net and that was my fulfillment for my sexual fetish. Until my family (my mom had to stay behind for 6 months to finish her education and let my sisters finish school.) went to BC for summer holidays. I stayed behind to work at a hotel. During this time I made bet with my self while mopping a floor. If my friends came down to see me that night, I would go buy diapers the next day. Well.......... 3 of my friends showed up to talk for a bit and I was very happy. The next day I had off, so I went to Shoppers Drug mark with a lot or courage and purchased the largest size of baby diapers there. I was happy and disappointed. They worked, but didn't come close to hugging my body. I ended up only using 4 or 5 before I throw them away.

I also summed up the courage to buy a pacifier. I loved that and it did wonders for sleeping. This, I thought would lead me to buy the really thing I wanted, a fitting diaper. Something happened that changed all of that. I started to notice that little bits of infantilism were every where. My friend one day even talked about sex fetishes and the diaper one came up. When they expressed there dislike for such a fetish, I was greatly depressed. I turned away from diapers once again.

That didn't last long, since I still was on the mailing list. What's happened since then? One day I was hulling garbage to the dump and saw a package. I knew what a diaper package looked like and picked it up. In side was sanitary bed sheet things. I took this package home to find out that they really smelled. (go figure?) I took 4 of the cleanest ones and through the rest out. I perfumed the 4 in zip lock bags. 2 of them didn't work and two did. I managed to create a light diaper with one sheet. I did this twice and then ran out.

This leads me to present time. I'm currently looking for a person who talk to via e-mail or phone. If they of course live in my area. I really want some diapers, and if you would be nice enough to help me get some free or something, that would be great. My only problem is that all packages must be unmarked. I'm super paranoid about that.