As I’m walking down the stairs I hear their voices. They’re sitting at the counter in the kitchen talking over some paper work that Dr. Graham has in his hands. “Hi, Dr. Graham.” “Hey, Nicole, how are you doing?” “I’m doing great… or at least I thought I was. So, what does the paper work say?” “Well, Nicole, that’s what me and Travis was just discussing. Usually when there’s something to really be concerned about, the results will say exactly what was abnormal about it and give a little information. Your results, however, doesn’t say anything besides inconclusive. So, that’s why I’m not overly concerned. We’re trying to figure out the best way to go about this. Do we take the overly precautious route and run a bunch of tests, just to be on the safe side, in case it is something to worry about? Or do we save you from putting you through a bunch of tests that you probably don’t even need, and take a chance on missing something very important?” “Personally, Derek, I think we should just run the tests and get it over with. At least then we’ll know for sure what’s wrong, if there even is anything wrong. It’s your body Nicole, what do you think?” “I honestly don’t know. I’m used to you two telling me what you’re going to do to me, and trusting you that that’s what’s best. So, what kind of tests are we talking about here? What exactly are my options?” “Well, babe, I’ll let Derek explain the different possible tests, and then the three of us can decide what’s best.” I look at Dr. Graham expectantly. “Alright, Nicole, if we decide to take the least invasive road, at the very least we will just repeat the pap smear, and I’ll take a few extra samples. I’ll put the test in first thing tomorrow and put it on a rush. I should have the results back hopefully by the end of the day, but by the next morning for sure. The other route we could go is a simple colposcopy. It’s similar to a pap smear, but I’ll put a solution on your cervix and look through this machine and any abnormal areas will show up a different color. If there are any abnormal cells, I’ll then take a simple punch biopsy of them. If we want to take every precaution necessary, then when I do the colposcopy I’ll also do an ECC. Which is where I’ll insert a tool inside the opening of the cervix and it will collect a sample of the tissue there, that won’t be visible to the colposcope. After the results of that are in, we can take it from there and see what else, if anything needs to be done. So what do you think Nicole?” It was a lot to take in, and was more than a little scary. “I’m really not sure. A part of me wants to take the easy way out and say just re-do the pap test, because I don’t want to go through the other tests. Another part of me wants to just get it over with. Not only to be on the safe side, but if the pap smear comes back abnormal again, then I’d still have to have the other tests done a/w. So I’d actually be getting examined more times then. I’m just confused and scared. You two are my doctors, and I trust both of you. So, I’m going to leave this decision up to you two. Whatever you think is best, is what I’ll do.” Travis comes up to me and wraps me in his arms. “I know you’re scared babe, but I’ve got you. I promise we’ll take care of you.” “Yeah, Nicole, don’t worry, everything is going to be alright.” “So, what are you thinking is the best way to go, Dr. Graham?” “Honestly, Nicole. Like I said I’m not overly worried at all, so if it was me, I’d just do the repeat exam. But, like you said, if it came back abnormal you’d have to go through a third exam. So, since the colposcopy isn’t a whole lot worse than a pap smear anyway, that might be the way to go.” “Ok, what do you think, Travis?” “I think we should just go through with the colposcopy to be on the safe side.” “Ok, the colposcopy it is then. When and where are we doing this?” “Travis, I’m guessing you don’t have what we need in your home office?” “No, I don’t.” “Alright, we’ll have to go to my office. Do you want to go now, Nicole, or wait until tomorrow?” “I’m already a nervous wreck, and I’d just like to get it over with.” “Alright, do you two just want to follow me back to my office then?” “Yeah, it sounds good to me. Are you ready to go Nicole?” “Yeah, let’s go.” Travis grabs his keys and we get in the truck. We’re both really quiet on the way to Dr. Graham’s office. I just keep playing in my head exactly what’s going to happen. Finally, Travis breaks the silence. “In the glove box, there’s a bottle of ibuprofen. Go ahead and take you two of them. I meant to have you do that before we left the house, but we left so quickly, I forgot about it.” “Why do I need to take these? Is it going to be that bad?” “It’s not going to be real bad babe, but you will cramp some, and the ibuprofen will definitely help with that.” I grab his water bottle from the cup holder and take two, just like the doctor ordered. It doesn’t seem like no time when we’re pulling up outside the office. We follow Dr. Graham in, and he takes us to an exam room down the hall. He goes ahead and takes a drape out of the cabinet. “Nicole, you might want to go ahead and pee before the exam starts. Sometimes an empty bladder helps with the discomfort. When you come back, go ahead and undress from the waist down and cover yourself with the drape. I’m going to go get your chart and I’ll be right back.” I don’t really need to pee, but I figure I might as well try. So I go to the bathroom and come back. I get undressed and sit on the table. I’m in my own little world, thinking about everything while I’m waiting. “It’s going to be ok, babe, you can breathe. I’m right here with you, and I’ll hold your hand through all of it.” “I just don’t understand why all of this is happening to me? I mean look at everything I’ve been through in this year alone.” “I know babe, and I’m sorry. But, at least we’ve been through it all together.” I can’t help but smile at that. “You’re right babe. I don’t know what I’d do without you.” We hear a knock on the door, and Dr. Graham walks in rolling a big looking machine. “Alright, Nicole, let me get a tray set up, and then we can get started.” I watch as he goes over to the cabinets and starts pulling things out. “So, have we decided on if I’m doing an ECC or not?” I look at Travis for the answer. “I don’t know, Derek. What do you think?” “I think we should play the middle ground here. If the solution points out ANY abnormal cells, I think I should go ahead and do it. If it doesn’t then I say we don’t worry about the ECC.” “I think that sounds good. What about you, Nicole?” “That sounds fine to me.” “Alright, then, go ahead and lay back for me.” As I lay back, Travis walked over and took my hand, while Dr. Graham took out the stirrups. I put my knees in them, like I knew I was supposed to, and scooted down to the end of the table. Dr. Graham sat down in his chair and rolled the tray close to him. “I need you to relax your legs all the way for me, and try to stay relaxed.” He looks over at Travis, “Did you remember to have her take some ibuprofen? I completely forgot to tell her to before we left your house.” “Yeah, she took some in the truck on the way here. I almost forgot myself.” “Ok, good. Nicole, you’re going to feel me touching you in a minute. I’m also going to warn you, I have to use a bigger speculum to make sure I have an absolute clear view of your cervix. So, you’re going to feel a lot more pressure and discomfort, I’m sorry in advance for it. I’m going to be as gentle as possible.” I hear the snap of his gloves, and automatically squeeze Travis’ hand. A second later I feel Dr. Graham spread my lips apart. I watch him pick up what has to be a large speculum from the tray. “Alright, here we go, just try to stay relaxed.” Yeah, easy for him to say. I feel the cold, large intruder at my opening. He starts to try to push it in, but it feels huge. “Nicole, I need you to try to relax for me.” “Take a few deep breaths babe, and relax your lower muscles.” I try to focus on doing that, and I feel a little more of the tool slide in. “You’re doing great, Nicole, just a little more.” I keep trying to relax, and finally it’s all in. I feel so stuffed and achy already. I have no idea how he’s going to be able to open in. As soon as I think that I feel it start to stretch me. “Ugh, wait, wait, wait.” The stretching sensation stops. “I’m sorry, Nicole, I know that’s uncomfortable, but I need you really open for this procedure.” Travis just squeezes my hand and rubs my forehead. I try to take a few more deep breathes, and then I feel it start to open again. I whimper and make other little noises that I can’t stop. By the time he was finished opening it, I felt open enough to give birth. I couldn’t shake the awful stretching sensation. “Are you hanging in there, Nicole?” “I’m trying to.” “I’m sorry, I know it’s uncomfortable. I’m going to put the solution on your cervix now. You might feel a slight burning sensation. It shouldn’t be too bad though.” I feel something really cold inside me, as he rubs the solution on my cervix. I did feel a slight burning, but it wasn’t bad at all. “Are you ok, baby?” “Yeah, thanks babe. Thank you for being here for me.” “Of course, babe. I wouldn’t be anywhere else.” Dr. Graham reaches over and pulls the large machine closer. He positions it between my legs. “What is that going to do?” “I just look through it and it magnifies everything, so I can get better look of your vaginal walls and your cervix. After I’m satisfied that everything looks ok, I’m going to have Travis dim the lights, and flip the switch on the machine. If there’s any abnormal cells, they’ll show up white through the machine.” “Ok.” He turns his attention back to between my legs. I can sense his intense gaze on me, and it makes me embarrassed. I know he’s seen everything before, but he hasn’t ever spent that much time there. Travis must have seen my face turning red. “It’s alright baby, there’s no reason to be embarrassed.” I just nod my head. I know he’s right, but I can’t help the way I feel. “Travis, can you turn down the dimmer switch?” “Sure” Travis let’s go of my hand, and walks over to the light switch. The lights turn down so low, they’re almost completely off. He comes back over and takes my hand again. “Alright, Nicole, I’m just going to take another look see.” After a few minutes, he tells Travis to turn the lights back on. “Well, did you see anything?” He rolls back on his chair a little so he can look at me and Travis. “There are two spots that showed up abnormal. They are very small though, so the biopsy should take care of them no problem. I’ll send them to the lab, and depending on what the results are, you’ll probably just have to have another pap smear in a month. If everything comes back fine then, then you’ll have another one in three months, and then six, and finally continue with once a year. Do you have any questions?” “Is it going to hurt?” “You may feel a slight pinching when I take the biopsy, and you might also cramp some. Since, there was two abnormal spots, am I still doing the ECC?” We both look at Travis. “Yeah, I think that would be best, just to be on the safe side.” I nod my head in agreement. “Ok, sounds good. Just try to stay relaxed.” I watch as he picks a long tool that looks like it has a clip on the end, off the tray. He then uncaps a little vial. “Alright, here we go, Nicole.” He turns back to my stretched open hole. I hear the clank of metal against metal, as he inserts the tool through the speculum. I then feel some pressure against my cervix. “Take a deep breath, and on the count of three I’m going to take the sample.” I try to take deep breaths and relax. “One. Two. Three.” On three I feel a strong cramp/pinching sensation. I couldn’t help but jump a little. “Easy babe, it’s ok.” “Are you alright, Nicole?” “Yeah, it wasn’t as bad as I thought. It just startled me.” “Good, we still have one more to go.” He repeated the procedure on the one too, but that one I felt a little more. By the time I said, “Oww.” Though it was over. “I’m sorry, Nicole. I’m all through with that part now.” “I feel like I’m starting to cramp now.” “I know, Nicole. I’m sorry. It’s completely normal though. I just have to do the ECC and you’ll be finished. Nicole, you will feel this a little more. I need you to just bear with me though.” I see him pick up the tool again, and Travis squeezes my hand harder. A few seconds later I feel this awful cramping pain inside me. The pressure and pain was horrible. “Oww. Oww. That hurts.” “Shhh, I know it does baby, I know.” Travis just strokes my head and comforts me the best he can. His face looks like he’s in just as much pain as I am. I thought the worst of it was over, but evidently that was just from the insertion. “Nicole, I’m going to turn the tool now, to collect some of the samples. Take a deep breath.” As I did, I felt that horrible cramping sensation again. I couldn’t help but moan out loud. “Almost done, Nicole, hang in there.” I felt it a little more, and some more pressure. Finally he removed the tool. “You did great, babe.” “Yes, Nicole, you did a really good job. You are bleeding some, so I’m going to apply this other solution and it’ll stop the bleeding. This may burn some.” I feel something being applied inside of me, and it did really burn. “Ooh, I don’t like that stuff.” “I know, don’t worry it’s almost over.” A few seconds later the burning finally quit. I felt the speculum being removed finally. I felt so much better. “I’m going to step out and let you get dressed. Make sure not to insert anything inside your vagina at all, for at least two weeks.” “Alright, I won’t. Thank you so much Dr. Graham.” “Yeah, thanks Derek. I owe you one.” “You’re both very welcome. I’ll see you outside before you leave.” After he leaves I get up to get dressed. “Well babe, no sex for at least two weeks.” “I know.” I fake pout as I’m putting back on my clothes.