As I’m trying to get ready, Travis stands up and takes my hand. Dr. Graham helps me position my legs. “Can you scoot down just a little more?” I scoot down until it feels like my butt is off the table. Dr. Graham sits down on his stool, and rolls a cart over to him. I hear the snap of gloves, and he turns on a light. “Nicole, you’re going to feel me touching you. I’m just going to look first.” I feel my inner labia being spread apart. I look up at Travis and he gives me a reassuring smile. It’s so weird knowing I have a strange guy looking that closely ay my privates, and my boyfriend watching and knowing what’s going on. All of a sudden I feel a little pain, as he spreads me open a little more. It almost feels like I might tear, there’s so much pressure. I tense up and squeeze Travis’s hand. “I’m going to take a swab now.” Travis holds on to my hand even tighter, and I squeeze my eyes closed. A second later I feel a horrible pain shooting up me, as he puts the swab in. I whimper as he twists it and pulls it out. Even after he takes it out there’s still some discomfort there, and I can still feel myself spread open. “Is it out? It still hurts.” “Nicole, there’s quite a bit of inflammation. That’s probably why it hurts so bad when you urinate, and why it kept getting harder and harder for you to. Travis did you examine her urethra when you took the catheter out this morning?” “I didn’t actually examine it closely, but I did see it, why?” “Well, will you take a look and tell me if it was this irritated this morning?” Travis lets go of my hand to go look between my legs. It was pretty humiliating having two people stare at my crotch at the same time. I hear Travis let out a low whistle, “It definitely wasn’t like that at all this morning. It was a little red, but I wasn’t too concerned about it.” “The infection is spreading fast. We’re going to have to be aggressive in the treatment to get rid of it.” Travis walks back up to my head and takes my hand again. After the way they were talking I start to get worried and scared. I hear Dr. Graham take off his gloves, and the snap of the new pair. “I’m going to feel your bladder from the inside, now. It might be a little uncomfortable, but it shouldn’t be too bad.” I hear the sound of the lube as he puts some on his fingers. I feel him spread me open again, but this time it’s at my vagina instead of my pee hole. He warns me that I’m going to feel some pressure as he inserts his fingers. He reaches far up into me, and presses on the top wall of my vagina. With his other hand he pushes down on my bladder from above my pubic bone. It felt like his two hands were trying to meet, and it was very uncomfortable, it was even worse than when he felt my bladder the first time. I groaned loudly. Travis tries to comfort me. “I know babe. You’re doing good so far. Just try to bear with it. He’s almost done with this part.” Sure enough as soon as he said that I feel him take his fingers out. The need to pee was getting even worse, and I felt like I was going to pee everywhere. If only I could pee, I’d feel so much better. I hear Dr. Graham take off his gloves, and he looks at me from over the drape. “Nicole, you’re doing great so far. I know this isn’t easy. Listen, Nicole, I know how uncomfortable catheters are, I’ve had one in myself, so I know how bad you hate them. I’m sorry I’m going to have to put one in, but once you get past the pain of insertion you’ll feel so much better I promise.” Tears were coming to my eyes just thinking about it. When Dr. Graham looked at me even more regretfully I knew more was coming. “Nicole, from where you are really swollen and sore already, I’m afraid it’s going to hurt a little more than normal. I need you to be strong for me, ok.” God, I just want to die. I hate all of this! Travis brushes my hair back. “Babe, are you ready?” “I don’t know. I don’t want to do this! My bladder hurts so bad though, I can’t take it anymore. I’m ready to feel better. Go ahead and do it.” I hear him sit back on his stool, and open a catheter kit. I hear him preparing everything, and then he puts on the sterile gloves. “I’m just going to clean the area first, you’re going to feel me touch you, and then you’ll feel something really cold while I disinfect you, ok?” I feel myself being spread apart again, and then I jump when I feel something really cold at my pee hole. He makes sure everything is completely sterile, and then, “Alright, Nicole, here we go.” As soon as the very tip of the catheter goes in, I start screaming. It hurts so bad! It’s way worse than when Travis did it. He tries pushing it a little farther in, but I can’t take it anymore. I don’t even realize what I’m doing. I jerk my legs out of the stirrups, and hold them tightly together, while I’m crying. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to do that. It just happened before I even realized it. It hurts so bad.” “I know it does Nicole, it’s ok. We’ve got to get this catheter in you though. I’m going to step outside for a few minutes, and give you some time to calm down, ok?” “Ok.” While I’m lying there Travis is trying to comfort me. “Shhh, baby, it’ll be alright.” I finally calm down, and a few minutes later Dr. Graham comes in. “Are we ready to try again, Nicole?” “I guess so.” “Travis, can you come over here while I’m getting everything set up again?” Travis walks over, and I can’t hear anything that they are whispering to each other. Travis looks over and says, “Babe, why don’t you go ahead and get into position for us.” I get back to the way I was before, and Travis walks toward me, but he stops when he’s standing halfway towards my head. He takes my hand, but stays where he is. “What’s going on?” “Travis is just standing there in case I need his help with something. You’re going to feel me touching you again.” He goes through the same steps that he did the first time he tried to insert the catheter. This time right as he was putting it in, he looks at Travis and nods. He pushes it into me again, but this time before I can jerk my legs away, Travis grabs me, and holds me down and makes sure my legs don’t close. No matter how hard a jerk my hips to get away from the pain, Travis doesn’t let go. All I can do is scream and cry. I can’t believe how bad it hurts, and how humiliating it is to have Travis holding me down. “AHHHH! Take it out!!!! AHHHH!” I can’t help but scream every time it’s inserted farther and farther into me. “I know babe, I know. Shhhh, it’ll be over with in a minute.” “Nicole, I’m so sorry, I know it hurts. I wish I didn’t have to do this. Just keep breathing. A little bit farther.” “AHHH! Owww!!!” I finally feel it pop into my bladder. It still hurt being in there, but it was more of an ache, I didn’t even really notice it with the huge relief of my bladder emptying. “Oh my gosh, that feels so much better all ready.” I start crying all over again just because of the relief of my bladder. Travis lets me go and comes back up to stand by my head, while Dr. Graham is taping the tube to my leg. “How are you feeling, Nicole?” “It still hurts but I’m not even paying attention to it. My belly is already feeling so much better. Thank you so much!” “You’re welcome, I just wish it could’ve been easier on you.” “You did what you had to do.” Travis was still comforting me, and holding me the best he could. “I’m so proud of you, babe. I know that was hard.” “Now, what’s going to happen?” “I’m going to go check on a patient, and when I come back, I’m going to take the catheter out. Then I’m going to do the cystoscopy, and depending on what I find, I’ll be able to start your treatments, hopefully by tomorrow, you’ll be able to pee all on your own with just a little bit of discomfort.” I was so wore out by the whole catheter ordeal I just lay there and relaxed, or tried to anyway. When Dr. Graham was gone, I couldn’t take it anymore. “Travis, please tell me what a cystoscopy is.” “Nicole, when he gets back he’ll explain it to you.” “I don’t want to hear it from him, I want you to tell me.” He takes a deep breath. “He’s going to take an instrument that has a little camera on the end, and insert it into your bladder. It will then spray some saline to fill your bladder up. When it’s full he’ll be able to use the camera to see how bad the infection is in your bladder.” “Is he going to put it in my bladder like how I think he’s going to put it in?” “Afraid so, babe, he’s going to go up through your urethra.” “No, no, no! Nothing else is going up there, no!” About that time Dr. Graham comes in pushing a cart with what looks like a TV on it. “Hey, what’s going on? What’s the matter? Is the catheter still hurting you?” He looks from me to Travis. Travis finally answers him. I’m so mad about what’s going to be done that I don’t want to talk to either of them. “I told her what a cystoscopy was.” “You what? Travis, I figured it would be better if I was the one who told her and explained everything to her.” “Well, Derek, she told me she’d rather hear it from me.” This time it was Dr. Graham who sighed. “Come on, Nicole, talk to me. What are you worried most about?” I just glare back at him. “Come on, don’t be like that. I’m not going to do the exam until you’re completely comfortable with it, and I can’t get you comfortable with it unless you talk to me.” “What do you think I’m worried about? The pain of the catheter is still fresh on my mind, I know it has to be worse than that.” “Actually, Nicole, it isn’t. I’m going to insert some numbing gel into your urethra, you might feel a little discomfort but it won’t be anything like the catheter.” “You actually think I’m going to let you stick a needle up me? You’re crazy!” He reaches over and takes something off the tray. “I’m not using a needle, I promise. This is what I’m going to use, or something similar. The one I use will be in a sterile package.” It looked like a syringe without the needle, but where it looked like the needle should go was long and narrow. “This will be filled with numbing gel. I’ll insert this part into you’re urethra. You’ll feel a little stinging and burning for a few seconds, until it kicks in. After you’re numb, I’ll insert the scope. You’ll feel a lot of pressure, and maybe a little discomfort, but I promise, you won’t feel any real pain.” “If all it took was some numbing gel, then why didn’t you do that before the catheter?” “Believe me I would’ve if I could. You were already so swollen, I wouldn’t have been able to get the gel inside you.” “Then how am I not swollen now?” “You are, but from where I put the catheter in, you’ll still be open some.” “You promise it won’t be as bad as the catheter?” “I promise.” I looked Dr. Graham in the eye for a few seconds, just to make sure he wasn’t lying to me. “Ok. I want to get it over with.” “Alright, that’s a girl. Let’s get you back into position. Put your legs back in the stirrups for me and scoot down. Travis, while I’m setting things up, can you make sure her catheter doesn’t get pulled or anything?” “I sure will.” He walks down to the edge of the bed, and helps me position my legs. “Go ahead and scoot down some, babe.” I’m very careful not to pull or kink anything. “Alright, that should be good.” Travis returns to his spot by the bed, and Dr. Graham pulls over the TV and makes sure it’s turned where we can all see it. He sits down on his stool once again, and disappears between my legs.