Wow, I really got carried away, didn't I? I wasn't going to try the kind

of minute-by-minute storytelling that William used in the earlier

chapters. But once I started writing about Helen, the details of that

few weeks were so clear in my mind that it seemed like it happened

yesterday. It actually happened about three years ago.

I was very much in love with Helen. In fact, I still am, my feelings for

her haven't faded at all. So why isn't she here with us now? Simple, I

fucked it all up. And not just for me, my actions affected William's and

Carrie's lives, too. They didn't love Helen like I did, but they cared

for her and they wanted her in our lives, and thanks to me that didn't

happen. Worse still, I think it's entirely possible that Carrie would be

alive today, if Helen had become part of our family. So that's the part

of the story I have to tell now, and I really dread it. I'm going to try

to keep the dialog to a minimum, because it hurts too much to remember

it. I just took a big swallow of wine, so here we go.

When William and Carrie walked out the door to Helen's apartment, I felt

alone for the first time since my rescue from my brother. A few minutes

later, I had what I guess you'd call a panic attack. I felt alone and

helpless. I couldn't understand how I could have left a place where I

was given everything, and where I would be loved and cherished for the

rest of my life, and come here where everything was unknown and

uncertain. Well, not everything. Helen's love for me, and my love for

her, were real, I knew that beyond any doubt. But I wasn't sure I could

live without the support of William's and Carrie's strength and love. I

was terrified.

If I'd had the cell phone, I would have called Carrie and begged her to

come back and get me, but Helen had our cell phone at work. I didn't

know how to call Carrie's cell from a regular phone, and I didn't know

Helen's work number. I had stupidly assumed that I would be able to push

a button on our cell phone any time I needed to talk to William or

Carrie, I didn't even know her home or cell number.

I sat down on the living room floor, in a corner with my back against

the walls, and cried. Eventually, the feelings of panic and doom started

to fade, and over time I stopped crying and pulled myself together. Then

I just sat. I was still sitting when Helen burst through the door, a

wide smile on her face. She saw me on the floor, and her smile faded.

She ran over and knelt in front of me. After taking my hands, she asked

what was wrong. I told her I had made a mistake, I wasn't strong enough

to leave William and Carrie yet.

Helen grinned at me and said, "Buyer's remorse." I knew what that meant,

and I thought it was very clever and funny, I couldn't help laughing.

Helen said we should talk about it over dinner, then sleep on it. She

said if I still wanted to leave in the morning, she would drive me home,

and until then we would stay inside the apartment where it was safe. I

looked into her eyes and saw her fear, that our adventure together was

over before it began. I told her I would spend the weekend, then make a

decision Sunday afternoon. She smiled and kissed me, then helped me get

up from the floor.

After leading me by the hand to our bedroom, Helen moved my suitcases

aside, then had me sit on the edge of the bed. Standing in front of me,

she slowly stripped until she was naked. My God, she was beautiful, I

can still see her standing there smiling at me. We looked at one another

for a few seconds, then Helen said that I could stay dressed if I wanted

to, but she wanted to be naked for me. I took my sneakers off, then

stood up and undressed. When we were both naked, we came together and

embraced for a long time. I told her I was sorry for being so fucked up,

and she told me not to say that again. I nodded and kissed her, then she

pulled back the covers on our bed, and we climbed into bed together.

Helen rolled me onto my stomach, then knelt on the bed straddling my

hips. She massaged my shoulders and back for about five minutes, then

she turned around and lightly massaged my thighs for a few minutes.

Turning around again, she stretched out on top of me and whispered that

there was nothing to be afraid of. She said that whatever the problem

was, we would face it together. We stayed like that for a long time. I

loved feeling her weight along the length of my body, and her breath on

my neck. After awhile I felt her stomach rumbling, and asked her if she

was hungry "Starving," she said. I was very hungry too, so I said we

should eat dinner, then talk.

She kissed the back of my neck, then crawled off of me and pulled me out

of bed. As we were walking out of the bedroom, I took her arm and

stopped her. On a pure whim, I asked her if she had any bikinis. She

grinned, said she had a lot of bikinis, and asked me if I wanted to see

her in one. I said I did, I had fantasized her wearing various kinds of

clothing, and small bikinis was my favorite fantasy.

After telling me to stay put, Helen went into the living room, then soon

returned with two large shopping bags from her store. She had dropped

them when at the front door when she saw me sitting on the floor. She

said when Carrie told her to buy five hundred dollars worth of intimate

clothing for herself, she picked out about half of it in my size. After

rifling through the bags, she came up with a baby doll top and matching

panties. She said she would love to wear a bikini for me, and asked me

to wear the baby doll for her. I had always hated baby dolls, to me they

just screamed "empty-headed sex-pot," but I eagerly agreed to put it on

for her.

I put on the baby doll outfit, and Helen got into her favorite string

bikini. We stood looking at one another, both of us close to drooling.

Finally, Helen said that we should either get back into bed or make

dinner, and she was very hungry. We walked hand in hand to the kitchen,

and I helped her fix a simple but tasty dinner. I could tell from the

way she handled herself in the kitchen that she knew how to cook, just

as she had told William.

About half way through dinner, with a glass of wine under my belt, I

finally began to relax. Thinking back to the panic attack, it didn't

seem real, and I didn't really understand why it had happened. I told

Helen that it was some sort of irrational fear that had gripped me, fear

that I wouldn't be able to cope with life away from William and Carrie.

Considering my long period of isolation and captivity, going out on my

own was something to be nervous about, but not a reason for blind panic.

Helen was thrilled when I said I had no intention of returning home on

Sunday. She jumped out of her chair and gave me a big hug and kiss.

We finished dinner, then sat at the table sipping wine and talking.

Helen said I should open the mail I had been getting all week, so I did.

There were credit cards from Visa and Master Card, a platinum American

Express card, and an ATM debit card. While I was signing the cards, I

asked Helen if the bank that issued the ATM card had a nearby branch,

and she said there was one two blocks away. There was also a box of

checks, which Helen had me open so she could make sure our address on

the checks was correct. There was also a letter from Carrie's lawyer,

giving me a phone number I could call "at any time, for any problem," to

quote the letter. Helen got me a pen and a piece of paper, and I wrote

down that number, Helen's work number and our home number, and the

numbers for both cell phones. Never again would I need to talk to

someone, and not know how to call them. I was going to write the ATM

card PIN number on the paper, but Helen said not to. She said I should

memorize it instead. I did my best to memorize the number, and every

five minutes after that Helen would ask me what my PIN was. Finally I

told her to not ask me again until morning. Helen then said we should

get my name added to the listings for her home phone, but I said I

didn't want to make it that easy for someone to track me down.

Having opened all of my mail, I took another sip of wine and then asked

Helen to come to bed with me. She jumped out of her chair with a grin

and reached out her hand. I grabbed my wine glass and the half-full

bottle with one hand, and gave the other hand to Helen. She picked up

her wine, and we went to the bedroom.

Helen opened a drawer in her dresser, reached in, and with a grin and a

"Ta da!" pulled out a strap-on harness, two dildoes, and a tube of

lubricant. I laughed, then asked her where she wanted it. She said I

knew where she wanted it, but not until it was her turn. After taking

off her bikini, she began putting on the harness. I started to undress,

but Helen asked me to just take off my panties, and leave the baby doll

on. I stepped out of the panties and lay down on the bed, on my back.

Helen lay down beside me on her side. At first she just looked at me,

until finally I asked her to kiss me. She said she would, right after I

told her my PIN number. We both laughed, then I gave her the correct

PIN, and she leaned over and kissed me. While we kissed tenderly,

Helen's fingers brushed my labia, then softly touched my mons and began

moving up my belly. Her touch made me shiver, and then I felt Helen's

lips tighten a little as she smiled. She continued trailing her fingers

along my flesh until they reached my breasts, then she started brushing

my nipples with her fingertips.

I put one hand at the back of Helen's neck, then with my other hand I

reached under her to cup her breasts and stimulate her nipples. She

pulled her lips away from me long enough to whisper, "Let me do

everything, I'll take care of you." I dropped my hands back onto the bed

at my sides and tried to relax completely, and Helen resumed kissing me.

After playing with my nipples until they were rock hard, Helen began

slowly moving her fingers back toward my pussy. When she got to my

belly, I groaned with anticipation. She pulled her lips away from mine

again, smiled, and said, "Don't get anxious, this is going to take a

long time."

She wasn't kidding. She spent at least ten minutes just kissing my lips

and using her fingers on me, moving them back and forth between my pussy

and my nipples. I was about to scream from the frustration, when finally

she moved down and kissed my pussy, then began using her lips and tongue

on my labia. She would occasionally - very occasionally - push her

tongue inside me briefly or make a brushing contact with my clit. It was

getting nearly impossible for me to lay still, but that's what she

wanted from me, so I tried my very best to remain passive.

Helen had me wound so tightly that I thought I would explode. Every

touch seemed amplified, I don't remember ever feeling that sensitive.

Finally I raised my head and looked at her, and said one word, "Please."

She smiled up at me, then positioned herself between my legs and very

lightly touched the head of the dildo to my pussy. She looked into my

eyes and grinned, and I know beyond any doubt that she was about to ask

me for my PIN again, but then she decided against it. Instead, she asked

me if I was ready for her. I said I was way beyond ready, I was in

serious need of her.

My pussy juices were running down my ass onto the bed, so it was obvious

to Helen that I was well lubricated. She slowly pushed the dildo into

me, then she stretched out on top of me. As I watched her body coming

down onto mine, she reminded me of a cat stretching. When our breasts

were pressed together and our mouths were inches apart, Helen gave me a

sexy smile and said, "Hi." I smiled at her and raised my head up until

our mouths were pressed together.

"Can I touch you now?" I asked her, after a long kiss. She grinned and

said we were already touching, in quite a few places. I wrapped my arms

around her and gave her a gentle squeeze. She kissed me again and began

moving the dildo slowly inside my pussy. Within a few seconds, I came.

Smiling down at me, Helen said I wasn't kidding when I said I was beyond

ready. She said this was how she liked sex, long and slow, and she

thanked me for being patient and letting her show me what it was like.

"In turn, I want you to experience the kind of sex I like," I said. She

said that was only fair, but she was worried I would be too rough. I

told her I would loosen her up with my fingers before using the dildo,

but she said she didn't want it that easy.

After Helen had given me several more orgasms, I told her it was her

turn. She removed the strap-on harness and gave it to me, and I put it

on. Helen got on her hands and knees. After putting a little lube on the

dildo, I had Helen lower her ass a little to give me a better angle,

then I pushed the head of the dildo against her sphincter. "Are you sure

you don't want me to open you a little first?" I asked her. She said she

was sure, so I began to apply gentle pressure. After a few seconds she

began relaxing, and the head of the dildo slowly disappeared into her

ass. I heard her gasp softly, but when I asked she said it was Ok, and

that I should continue.

Within a few more seconds, the dildo was bottomed out, if you'll excuse

the expression. I asked Helen if it hurt. "A little, but it's Ok," she

said. I told her I wasn't her perfect lover any more, but she said I

would always be her perfect lover. I leaned over and kissed her on her

back, then began moving the dildo in slow, short strokes.

We fucked like that for a few minutes, then Helen raised up off of her

hands and leaned her back against my breasts. I reached around with one

hand and began caressing her breasts and rolling her nipples, and with

my other hand I teased her labia and clit. It took some readjustment

before I was able to easily stroke the dildo with Helen upright, but in

a little while everything was running smoothly. Soon Helen began having

small orgasms, spaced very close together, then a little later she

started coming continuously. I had the thought that she was born to be

ass-fucked, she really loved it.

I don't know how much longer we fucked, certainly it was long enough

that I was getting tired. Finally Helen asked me to stop. I helped her

back down onto her hands, then had her slowly lie down. I followed her

down, the dildo still buried deep in her ass. We lay like that, with my

weight on Helen, for several minutes. "Let's stay like this forever, it

feels so good," she whispered to me. I asked her if she wanted anything

done to her pussy, but she said she was fine, and also too sensitive

right then for anything more. I asked her if she wanted me to get off of

her, but she said No, she liked feeling my weight and having the dildo

in her ass. After kissing Helen's shoulders and neck for awhile, I

turned my head to the side and rested it on her shoulder, and

immediately went to sleep.

I felt a hand on my arm, and Helen said, "Wake up, Char, I have to pee."

As soon as I realized that I was still on top of her, with my "dick"

still buried in her ass, I was angry with myself for falling asleep. I

apologized as I was pulling out the dildo, but Helen said it was Ok, she

had drifted off to sleep herself. I climbed off of Helen and the bed,

then gave her my hand to help her to the floor. She took me in her arms

and hugged me, giving a small squeal when the dildo touched her pussy. I

took her to the bathroom and knelt in front of her, resting my hands on

her thighs looking at her smiling face while she peed. After removing

the strap-on harness, I took my turn on the toilet, then we showered. I

brought the dildo with me into the shower, and Helen asked me why. I

told her we needed to clean it after each use, and also we might find a

use for it in the shower. As it turned out, Helen's pussy was still too

sensitive for the dildo, but not for my lips and tongue.

After we dried off and I dried Helen's hair, we quickly changed the bed

sheets and then crawled into bed together. It was my first night in my

new home, and in spite of the rough start, I felt really good about it.

My last thought before going to sleep was that Helen would do anything

to help me through the rough spots, if I could just communicate to her

what I needed. I trusted her as much as I trusted William and Carrie.

When I woke up, Helen was nibbling on my pussy. I reached down and ran

my fingers through her hair, and she looked up at me with a grin. She

said, "I tried kissing you awake. That didn't work, so I thought I'd try

something down here." I told her I was a sound sleeper sometimes,

especially when I was tired. Helen moved up beside me, and we kissed for

awhile. She asked me how I was feeling about "things," meaning was I

still afraid of leaving William and Carrie. I told her that "things"

were fine, which was the truth. Then she asked me what my PIN number

was. After I stopped laughing and kissed her, I gave her the PIN. She

said she was satisfied that I had memorized it, she wouldn't ask me

again.

We went to the kitchen to start breakfast. Just as I had done the first

time I was in that kitchen, I stood behind Helen and fondled her breasts

while she started the coffee brewing. "Having you here means everything

to me," she said, "I don't know what I'd do if you wanted to leave." I

told her I didn't want to leave, and apologized again for what happened

the day before.

Over breakfast, Helen had said she wanted to show me our neighborhood,

so we got dressed and set out on a walking tour. For two or three blocks

in all four directions, we walked every street. We wanted to hold hands,

but Helen was still concerned about public appearances, so we would hold

hands when no one was around, but not when we were in sight of other

people.

The neighborhood was mostly residential, with a few apartment buildings

like ours and quite a few small shopping centers and strip malls. Helen

showed me the library and the bank, where I used my ATM card to withdraw

some cash. She took me past several drug stores, a couple of strip malls

with fast food and miscellaneous shopping, and two supermarkets. She

said one of the supermarkets was cheaper, but the other one had much

better produce and meats, so she shopped at both. We were out for about

three hours, and had a great time together. On the way home we stopped

for teriyaki take-out.

When we got home, Helen and I had a conversation that has haunted me for

three years. We had just come home, put our take-out containers on the

dining table, and removed out coats. Helen told me to sit down while she

got some silverware and drinks. "No, I'll do that while you take your

clothes off," I said.

She gave me a questioning look, then smiled and said, "Ok." I stood

watching her until she began unbuttoning her blouse, then I went to the

kitchen.

When I returned, she was standing by the table, naked. I set the forks,

paper napkins, and drinks on the table, then sat down. looking at Helen,

I said, "Let's eat, I'm hungry, and the food smells great."

"Are you going to stay dressed?" Helen asked me, as she pulled out her

chair. I smiled at her and nodded. "Then why did you want me to undress?"

I said, "Last weekend, when you were naked and Carrie and I were

dressed, you said it made you feel like you were on display. What else,

any other negative feelings because you were the only one in the room

without clothes?"

Helen thought about it for a little while. "I guess I felt vulnerable,

exposed, I don't know what the right word is. I knew I could trust you

and Carrie, but I was unprotected, like you could hurt me if you wanted

to. It was the same way I felt when I was tied to the rails in Carrie's

basement, waiting for her to spank me." She thought a little longer,

then said, "Maybe I don't have a very good self image, I also felt like

I was the only one in the room showing her flaws for all to see. You

could have found something about me to make fun of, not that I thought

either of you would do that to me."

I smiled. "A beauty queen afraid of showing her flaws, that's quite a

concept."

Helen laughed. "If you haven's already figured it out, I never thought

of myself as a beauty queen."

I took her hand in mine, looked into her eyes, and said, "You should,

that's what you are." She pulled my hand to her as she bent over to meet

it with her lips.

After kissing my hand, Helen straightened up and looked at me. "So why

am I naked, and you're not?" she asked.

I said, "The first night we were alone together, you said that something

inside me scared you. That something is my hatred for my brother, and my

rage over what he took from me." She started to protest, but I held up

my hand. "Let me finish. I want you to be unprotected, to feel

vulnerable, until you learn that I will never, ever do anything to harm

you. I want you to do this for me occasionally, until it doesn't bother

you any more, until it seems like being naked is as natural as being

dressed. If you don't like doing it, we won't do it any more. But I'd

like you to do this a few times a week, while we're alone in the

apartment, until you don't feel the bad feelings any more."

"Will you agree to do it, too?" she asked. "I don't mean at the same

time, I hope there'll be lots of times when we're both naked. But will

you be naked for me some of the time, when I'm dressed?"

"Sure," I said. "I don't feel vulnerable or unprotected when I'm naked

around you, but if you want, I'll be happy to do that."

"Ok, let's do it," Helen said. "Do we need a schedule?"

"No, let's just say that you'll strip for me whenever I ask you to, and

I'll strip for you any time you ask me to. How's that sound?"

Helen put out her hand. "Let's shake on it," she said.

I took her hand, then got out of my chair and gave her a long kiss. "I

love you," I said, "and I'll never do anything to hurt you."