A conversation I overheard and enjoyed.
These two teenage, street wise, Brit mums, not yummy mummies by any standards, sat near me in a leisure centre. I was in staff only section as an expected business visitor of the cafe area, behind the scenes, waiting for the manager to meet me before I organised snacks and prices for a large group I would be escorting. Neither the mums or me could see each other as there was a solid, waist height screen with a dense mass of pot plants in and above it.
They both wore ripped skin tight jeans, one in red trainers, the other in scuffed heel stilettos. Both had various tattoos, one had the current horrid part shaved hair fashion. They spole in the local vernacular inserting the phrase "you know" frequently and the word"like" which seem to be common everywhere.
" I tried that once but it fuckin 'urt me tits rotten," giggled one.
" It's just like the same when Gary sucks me tits yer know, I don't fuckin' mind, he bites 'em sometimes" giggled the other with a deep toned voice. " But he loves it - yer know - when they're as big as this."
" 'yer tits or 'yer teats?"
" Bofe" shrieked one. "They've gone a fuckin strange like shape though. Yeah?"
" Yeah, like long and sort of pointed yer teats. Do yer -yer know- cream 'em?"
" Yeah, Gary does it a lot, 'e's out of work like so's got loads of time. I like it, but there's always the fuckin housework isn't there? Then - yer know - he fuckin spoils that – no - not spoils wrong fuckin – when e comes in and shags me over the fuckin kitchen table - you know."
Cue gales of shrieking. Then a pause, I think because Kay the female manager of the whole complex walked through.
"They should be in the breast feeding area," she groaned. "The chaps here get too embarrassed if they're on duty and we're really stretched at the moment. I'll tell them later."
I guessed from Kay's words there was breast feeding going on over the divide. She went back to find someone, but I couldn't think of a way to get a peep.
" Me mum - yer know - tole me and showed me what to do, like the cream she got for me, like rubbed it in – yeah, she did too" loud screams and shrieks "course I liked that - yer know - secretely, but then mum got sort of - yer know - embarrassed."
" Me mum like would never do that for me, she 'ates her tits, yer know how fucking - yer know - 'uge they are? Like draggin on the floor. Me dad like reckons she should get a barrer. Calls 'em 'is lovely play sacks," chortles and giggles.
" Mum has tiny saggy ones yer know." said her pal, somewhat ruefully.
" Yer never took after her then like,"
" Nah! but mine are big enough. Pete likes 'em."
" Ouch! Darren." There was more laughing pauses " Don't fuckin care, but do yer know what he did – Gary – yesterday mornin? I was feeding Darren an' instead of 'im goin off to help me dad wiv the shed that fell down, the fuckin randy bastard climbed back into bed, went down on me, 'ad a good fuckin suck and poke and then shagged me while Darren got his breakfast, didn't even take 'is underpants off the fucker."
Reels of raucous laughter permeated all corners of the leisure centre cafe attracting lots of glances.
" 'Ee might have like crushed Darren,"
" No way, 'e loves him, but yer know Gary 'e's stong. 'e 'ad 'is arms locked straight next to me
- yer know - 'ead.
" Oh yeah, yer know yer tole me when Gary fucked yer....nearly like fucked yer arse?" the question sounded conspiratorily
" Oo yeah, 'e said 'e aimed at - you know - me cunt and missed, he got it in about like an inch and it fuckin 'urt I can tell yer," all in a subdued tone.
" Well Pete like plays a lot with wiv me - you know - bum an' fingers the hole and I let him, but 'e's started to yer know poke it in now and I'm not like sure,."
" Oo yeah, know that black bastard I 'ad before Gary like? 'e just did it straight into me - yer know - bum and I fuckin screeched me 'ead off, lucky we were like at 'is place."
" Yer never told me Dawn, mustve' fuckin hurt?
" Fuck yeah - yer know – 'e had a massive cock, that didn't help,"
Other folk gathered, the two young mums were disturbed and Kay signalled with five fingers the time she would be back with me.