Part 1

As a man in his early 60’s, I’ve led a fairly normal sex life. Aside from the addiction to enemas I acquired during childhood, my sexual preferences have always been “male”. I was married and raised several children who, likewise, fit within the mold of what was sexually “normal”. Life was moving along well until about 7 years ago when my spouse died in an automobile accident. The only good thing that came out of that was an insurance settlement that allowed me to retire early. Life was different - no spouse and lots of extra time on my hands. I traveled quite a bit, took up golf and tennis, joined some singles groups, but never really got serious about hooking up with another spouse. Life was sort of OK, but one thing troubled me. I had been told that as one reaches his 50’s, sexual drive and energy would decrease, and that when I reached 60, my interest in sex would be minimal at best. Maybe it was because of all the extra time I had, or maybe it was the internet and all the things one can find by browsing all the sexually explicit sites, but I found that when I reached 60, my sexual energy and lusts were the greatest they had ever been! I would spend most of my time searching the internet for new and different ways to satisfy sexual urges. This carried over into what might be considered normal everyday occurrences. If I went to the beach, I would get embarrassing erections just looking at young teenage girls and wondering what it would be like to grab one of them, pull her tiny bikini bottoms off, lie her across my lap and take her temperature rectally. I would dream about asking almost any woman I'd meet if they ever had anal sex, and if not, invite them to go into my home so I could give them an enema first, then show them how good it feels having a penis penetrate them anally. I found I was having multiple erections every day, and if I continued spending so much time on sex, I would become more addicted than I already was, and this addiction could lead me to trouble. What were just thoughts might someday become actions that would lead to embarrassment, or even prison time if I got caught. I visited a psychiatrist to seek help. I told her everything! She said controlling sexual urges requires great self control, which seems to be a real problem with some men, and that if I was really concerned I might get me into trouble, the direction I should explore was to remove the urges instead of trying to control them. I asked what she meant by “remove”. She mentioned there were various medications and hormone therapies that might work, but the sure fire way to deal with it was through surgery. Was she suggesting something aggressive? How aggressive? While medications can be started and stopped, surgery was irreversible! She referred me to a clinic locally that specialized in several options that might be worth considering. After some careful consideration, I decided to check out this clinic.

Part 2

The clinic was affiliated with a noted teaching hospital in my area and did a variety of unusual surgeries, including sex change procedures. While I had no desire to become female, I wanted to learn whether there was a part of the procedure that could remove my embarrassing sexual urges. I made an appointment with Dr. Solada (first name only), one of the surgeons that did sex changes to find out more about the procedure. After all, I was no longer interested in fathering more children, and I didn’t need to have sexual relations with anyone any more. Up to that point, I had a very pleasant sex life and at age 60 I was not concerned about losing my reproduction capability; however, I did enjoy having enemas on a regular basis, believed they were good for maintaining colon health, and didn’t necessarily want to change that part of my lifestyle. When I arrived at the clinic, I was taken to Dr Solada's office. As I waited, I could see from all the diplomas on the walls, Dr. Solada had obtained an undergraduate degree in Bangkok, Thailand in 1985, and graduate degrees in medicine and surgery in the United States at Cal Berkley. When the door opened, a woman dressed in pink hospital scrubs walked in and introduced herself. I was quite surprised to see I was meeting with a woman! She was tall, slender and somewhat athletic in appearance with somewhat short, boyish styled black hair and dark brown eyes. Even though the loose fitting scrubs disguised her figure, I could tell as she moved around her office she had small breasts and a tight butt and probably worked out. She had no rings on her fingers, which either meant she was single, or had taken them off for surgery earlier in the day. My guess from her appearance and the dates on the diplomas was that she was in her early 40's. She spoke with no sort of foreign accent. I would soon find out that even though she was an attractive looking female, she knew as much about what causes sexual drive in males as anyone, and she knew precisely how to eliminate urges that led to thoughts of any kind of sex!

Part 3

She invited me to take a seat in front of her desk, then took her seat and began the conversation by saying she had discussed "my problem" with my psychiatrist, and was glad I was considering doing something about it. We discussed some of the details regarding my attraction to underage girls. She warned me in a somewhat stern and angry tone that what I was describing was more of a perversion, not an addiction, and if this led to anything more than daydreaming, I could be in serious trouble; I should do all I could to remove this sort of urge! She could tell I was getting uncomfortable, so she smiled and said "let me tell you what I can do to help you". She cautioned that she was not going to "sugar coat" any of what she was about to say, then went on to describe three procedures that she would perform to "help me": The first was a bilateral orchiectomy, followed by a total penectomy which included a bilateral scrotectomy and perineal urethostopy. Finally, before closing, she would do a radical prostatectomy. She explained that one of drivers of male sexual urges is testosterone. A bilateral orchiectomy is a medical term for removal of both testicles (i.e., castration), and once she removed my testicles, my body would have no way to produce testosterone. I thought that might not be so bad, but she continued to explain more. A total penectomy is total removal of the penis; a bilateral scrotectomy is removing the scrotum and perineal urethostopy is the construction of an opening in the perineum to allow urine to exit the body. Radical prostatectomy is complete removal of the prostate gland. She explained that she would remove my penis completely at its root deep in the pelvis because there was no reason to leave any of that tissue behind. She explained that a plastic surgeon colleague would assist her at the end of the procedure so I would end up with nothing but a nice, smooth surface where my penis and testicles had been, and a nice little opening for urination. Oh my! I said this sounds like total emasculation! She corrected me by noting it is actually more that than that because complete removal of the prostate gland and other glands that are part of the male reproductive system that are near the prostate would be necessary as well; normally, male emasculation does not include this step. Using a diagram, she described step by step what she had just told me. Removing the testicles is quick. She said she would carefully open the scrotum and quickly sever a few tendons, and in less than 2 minutes, both testicles would be gone. The total penectomy is more involved but would not take her much more time. She showed me how the penis actually starts deep inside the body near the prostate, and that complete removal is necessary to guarantee I would never again have an embarrassing erection. First she makes an incision along the length of the penis and carefully frees the urethra. After another 10 minutes of severing and cauterizing blood vessels, tendons, ducts and nerves with a laser, she would sever the last tendon, freeing my entire penis at its root, and within seconds she would gently separate my penis from my pelvis and place it in a nearby tray. Before closing the incision, she would remove my prostate. This would be done quickly because she would not attempt, or desire, to preserve the nerves that controlled sexual function. I asked why my prostate needed to be removed. She explained the prostate can cause sexual urges, but without a penis and testicles, there would be no way to deal with those urges. Besides, for a person my age, the prostate can become enlarged causing problems urinating and there is always the risk of developing prostate cancer. With the prostate gone, I would be able to urinate like a 20 year old! No more getting up 2 and 3 times a night to go to the bathroom! She said if I didn't agree to all three procedures, I could still have sexual urges which were no longer able to be satisfied. This would lead to much frustration for me. I asked when she took my prostate, would my enjoyment of enemas be affected. She said that while stimulating the prostate would no longer happen, the pleasant sensations of anal stimulation and feeling of fullness in the colon when having an enema would still be present, maybe more so. The psychological impact of submitting control of the bowels to the enema enhances the enjoyment as well, and should not be underestimated. After all, many women love the sensations of receiving an enema and women don’t have testicles, a penis or a prostate. She told me my enjoyment of enemas would become similar to how women derive pleasure from enemas. She seemed to speaking from personal experience. I asked about urination. She said that she would be very careful to preserve the nerves that control the flow of urine from the bladder, and that while there was some risk of incontinence, the risk was minimal. As part of the penectomy, she and the plastic surgeon would create a passage for urine out of the body that is similar to that of the female. When they were done, she proudly stated I would have a tiny protective "flap" over the opening that would look a little like a clitoris. Of course, I would need to sit on the toilet to urinate. She joked that she had been urinating that way for a lifetime, and that it wasn't so bad! My last question was about pain and recovery after the surgery. She said since none of the procedures involve cutting into muscle or bone, pain immediately after surgery can be dealt with small amounts of prescription pain killer. Even though most of my discomfort would be in the perineum, I should be up and walking later the same day. Release from the hospital would be as soon as the risk of infection had passed, which would be about 5 or 6 days after the surgery. I would return about two weeks later to have the catheter removed. It was clear that if I elected to take this step, she would be the one doing the surgery. When I asked her about patients I could talk to, she had four of them contact me as references so I could ask about their experience. As I found out from them, male to female sex change surgery was her specialty, and she was very skilled at the first part which was complete emasculation, which they all told me gave her especially great satisfaction. When she described the total penectomy to me, she looked me straight in the eye and explained precisely what she would do. Her slight smile when described how she would "sever the last tendon and take my penis off" sent chills up my spine! She even boasted that after the surgery, I would see absolutely no evidence that I once had a penis and testicles. Afterwards, I would be more calm, less anxious, have lower blood pressure, and be free from sexual performance anxiety. Finally, I had to know about cost. She said it was unlikely insurance would cover any of the cost, but that there were research grant funds that might cover most, if not all, of the cost if the procedure was done at the teaching hospital she was affiliated with.

Part 4 - the last chapter

As I look back on this first meeting, I believe her intent was to describe in great detail what this treatment would be consist of, and if had any reservations, I would run from her office, frightened by the prospect, never to return. In reality, what really happened was that as she described everything, I was fascinated with the prospect of being emasculated by this attractive woman. Maybe it was a deep desire within me to submit to women that began when my mother introduced me to enemas. Whatever, I know I would not have even considered this if it had been proposed by a male doctor. When I stood up to leave, both she and I could see the bulge in my pants that this discussion had created. She winked and smiled, shook my hand firmly, and said "I know you will make the right decision before it's too late; call when you're ready!".

For the next 8 months I continued to consult with my psychiatrist and the Dr. Solada to be sure I was willing to take this step. Meanwhile, I had found out during that the research grant money would cover all costs! It was a tough choice, but one I finally made. I decided to go through with the surgery.

The procedure was done as an" in-patient" at a local teaching hospital. First, I had to have blood drawn several weeks in advance because a transfusion might be necessary and it was safest if my own blood were used. Once that was complete, I was ready for the surgery. I arrived on a Sunday afternoon to have the first part of the prep done, which was nothing more than a complete shave of my entire genital and anal area. I was not permitted to have solid food until after the surgery. Surgery was scheduled for 6 am the next day and the nurse said she and her assistant would return at 4 am to complete the prep. I asked why surgery was scheduled so early. The nurse said the procedure would be done in the surgical amphitheater and because this procedure had not been done here very often, many of the medical students, residents and interns wanted to observe. 6 am was chosen so it would still allow them to put in a full day elsewhere in the hospital afterwards. It wasn’t long before 4 am arrived and I was awakened by two nurses, wheeling into my room an IV stand holding a rather large, clear bag of some sort of milky solution. When I caught the aroma of soap, I knew exactly what the bag was for. They smiled and one of them told me how courageous I was to have this surgery! The other said she was told I liked enemas, and that I would probably not object to the next part of the prep. They explained that they would give me several large volume enemas until they were convinced I was totally cleaned out. Once I had finished expelling the last enema, one of them would massage my prostate while the other stimulated my penis. The goal was to cause me to ejaculate as much fluid out of my prostate as possible, as Dr. Solada preferred removing an empty prostate during surgery. They told me they would do all the work and my job was just lie back, relax, and enjoy the very last time I would ever have an erection and orgasm; one of them reminded me that the pleasure of ejaculating would be my last as well. After returning from the bathroom, they I had me lie on my back, legs spread, and knees bent. While the one put a condom on my penis, the other slipped a well lubricated gloved finger deep into my rectum. Soon there was a second finger inside me. She knew exactly where my prostate was! As I gazed into her eyes, she smiled and gently whispered to me that I’ll feel like a new (pause) “person” after the surgery. As she spoke those words, I had my last orgasm and ejaculation. When they finished, they catheterized me and wheeled me to the OR. As they wheeled me in, I was amazed to see over a dozen masked faces in the balcony surrounding the OR table. Most were women. There were TV screens everywhere and as they positioned me on the table, I could see a close up view on my penis and testicles one of them. I remember thinking this is the last time I’ll look like that! Dr. Solada introduced herself and thanked everyone for their interest. She described the patient (me) as someone that wished to put an end to his sexual perversion by having his otherwise healthy and functioning testicles, penis, and prostate surgically removed. She explained that in less than 60 minutes, she would extinguish all desire and completely remove entirely the ability for this patient to engage in any sort of male sexual activity, perverted or not, permanently and forever. Much to my embarrassment, she went on to describe all the details of the prep I had just completed. Within seconds of that, I was asleep.

The pain medication made me groggy for the first day but soon I was awake and aware urine flowed out of the catheter into the bag next to my bed. Slowly, I was beginning to feel what it was like to no longer have testicles or a penis. Just as the surgeon had said, my mood and attitude began to mellow as my body became used to not having testosterone in my body. Late that week, they took the catheter and released me from the hospital.

There wasn’t much in the way of bandages, so I could see very soon what I was going to look like. By the third month, I could see even more clearly the “new me”. The plastic surgeon did a remarkable job! The stitches were barely noticeable and I was told within a year, the all scars would be nearly gone as well. I was impressed with how my new urethral opening did look like a tiny clitoris! People that saw only this part of me would never know I once had a penis and testicles. Since I no longer needed a fly in my underpants, I replaced them all with women’s boy shorts panties, as they fit the new contour of my "new" body much better. I do get some interesting glances when wearing a tight swim suit at the beach or riding my bike in my spandex shorts. I've noticed my hormone balance is tipping more to toward feminine, which makes my breasts and butt a little more rounded, and causes some muscle to shrink and become softer; however, I am glad to report that all desire for anything sexual is gone, and that the feeling of getting an enema is completely different, but pleasant nonetheless, especially when it's given by a woman that enjoys taking control!

Before After