I'm becoming increasingly convinced that my medical fetish arose from the anxiety and anger that my parents displayed when I was exposed to medical situations as a child. I can think of three situations that all happened when I was about 5 years old:
- My younger brother needed a shot. My mother started crying and told me to comfort my brother, then walked away and left the two of us to deal with the situation.
- My mother took me along to her doctor visit. She thought I would be able to stay in the room with her, but when the doctor or nurse arrived, it was decided that I would have to wait somewhere else while the exam happened.
- We were at my grandfather's chiropractic office, waiting for him to finish work for the day. I opened a door and discovered my grandfather examining a woman. I was spanked for this, I think.
In my writing, I'm exploring the idea of a fetish medical exam that is experienced by a triangle of the patient, the doctor, and the caregiver. For example, if an embarrassing medical exam is needed, to the doctor it is "no big deal" and to the caregiver it is "a big deal." The patient is left to resolve the situation psychologically.