Have any of you accidentally "outed" yourselves?

Several years ago I posted a personal ad in the fetish section of the magazine "California Contacts" trying to find a play nurse. I did it the old fashioned way, submitting a naked polaroid selfie of myself with an erection, blackened out eyes & nose, & not using email (didn't do computers then) & forwarded snail mail.

Problem is, that at work there was a clique my boss was part of, & one of his friends had a fixation on prostitutes (not to hire for himself, but amusement purposes-- so he claimed). My boss (also a close friend) gratuitously mumbled out to himself (but audibly) that I had a secret. Later on another occasion said to me, "do you know what need?.....a nurse! Yeah, a nurse to give you a nice sponge bath". That remark came from out of the blue, & was said with a smirk on his face.

They apparently figured out that it was me because of geographic location, computer illiteracy, long hair & unblackened visible facial features in photo, etc. But also another element: I had encountered 3-4 weird experiences with medical providers in which I felt bullied, tricked, & "encroached upon" unnecessarily. I had recounted those stories to my coworkers & was obviously upset about them.

Apparently my coworkers found my ad & complaints incongruous, but they weren't. One was a situation of incompetent professionals who were holding the cards & operating entirely by their rules. The other, an ad looking for consensual interaction. No bullying, no hidden agenda. But apparently they perceived me as someone throwing proverbial stones from a glass house.

Here is the issue with getting caught:

It's less an issue of shame than simply not wanting to share my kinks with ANYONE I don't want to act out my kinky fantasies with! Conversely, no one needs to have my proclivities shoved down their throat.

Also, not being within the proverbial norm can make you lose status & cost you your career! As someone who gets regressive ONLY WHEN HORNY, but then goes back to "normal" after shooting hiz wad, I can't say it is a significant aspect of my lifestyle. Of no relevance to 99.999% of those around me.

My husband and I got caught by our older daughter doing an S&M scene, then we purposely further outed ourselves to both daughters (then 15 y/o and 12 y/o) since they would talk to each other anyway. They might as well have gotten the information and seen all the toys first hand. I posted about this about six years ago.

The 15 year old and I had a few laughs at the time she discovered us and the 12 year old made a few remarks that came out sounding rather comical when we had our family discussion about kinks the next day.

As far as others knowing, my father knows because he saw me as a teenager drying my hair after a shower with my sherema bag and colon tube in the bathroom hanging to dry, my mother knows NOT because my father said anything, but because many years ago she found a DV8 business card and she wanted to return it to my brother and rather than just taking it, he told her it was mine and he probably told his wife possibly hoping she would get into some of the same stuff and our daughters know.

Interesting. Few if any of us use our real names.or use photos of our faces. So yeah, I guess most of us don't want to shove our crap down others throats or be "outed" for good reasons. That said, for people like myself who want to hook up with others in person, concealing ones identity might be counterproductive. I can't think of a suitable avatar that would make myself an appealing package. Even in my secret Facebook account I have an artsy, sepia, vintage looking vignette of my bare body from the rear, that fits within FB community standards, but not here! (???) Hmmm.

You can slip a speedo on and the photo will be fine or you could be nude from the side as long as you don't show genitals or the thinnest line of the butt crack. Thongs and G-strings are OK..

You can slip a speedo on and the photo will be fine or you could be nude from the side as long as you don't show genitals or the thinnest line of the butt crack. Thongs and G-strings are OK..

Don't thongs & g-strings look like nothing anyway.

Will pass on that stuff anyway

I have not, and I hope will not, outed myself, simply because I cannot be sure that nothing will happen to me as a result. I am long retired, but if I had a job, I can imagine that I would be fired or that people at work would make my life difficult. Even retired, I can imagine loosing friends. So I am quite careful whom I tell and hope I do not accidentally say something to out myself.

hankb

I am very aware of what I say around people who know me socially. I would never allude to my fetishes. I have never had a social friend that ultimately I trusted enough or felt comfortable enough with to have such a private conversation.

I keep reminding myself, I may be out of the mainstream but I also imagine some of my friends have their kinks too- I am sure I am not alone when it comes to liking sex that is more than vanilla. When it is appropriate like when I am with sex partners or discussing my fetishes on sites like this anonymously, I am very open about my anal eroticism and love of enemas for erotic pleasure.

So I will always be careful and keep this side of my sex life private- I have had no slips of the tongue thus far and I don't expect I will.

Some years ago, I saw my doctor following some surgery. She asked me whether there had been problems of any kind since coming back home. I said "no, just severe constipation". "Oh, this is not uncommon with painkillers and staying in bed and not moving much. How long without a bowel movement?" "5-6 days I guess." "Ouch. What did you do about it?" "Well, the glycerin suppository and oral laxative did not do much..."

And then I had a lapse of reason: "So I took an enema." The thing is, the verb I used in French is more like "receive" - implying somebody else gave it (my wife). The doctor did not bat an eye and asked whether it solved the problem for good. "Yes."

I don't recall the rest of the conversation.

The thing is, she did not seem surprised or anything. Maybe to her it's normal that spouses help each other with medicine - she same doctor advised my wife to self-examine her breasts or have it done by her husband.

That's an interesting use of the verb--"receiving" an enema.

Anyone who can wipe their own ass can give themself an enema.

I should have mentioned that there was one occasion in which I had a minor anal bleeding incident. I always have felt any blood in the stool is a major red flag. So I scheduled a quick appointment with my primary care doc. She did a rectal exam and found nothing but we discussed that I had used a glycerin suppository on the morning of the bleeding incident. I told her I used suppositories once or twice week just to induce a BM- very efficient and they worked. She said the bleeding could have occurred due to a quick release of stool and scratched my rectum wall which is seemingly what happen- so no big deal. But I did tell her that I did enemas about every week or so. She typed this into her notes and the only response was that she said don't do them so often that you become dependent on them. And that was it- nothing else said. I did not get specific about the reason I do enemas regularly- erotic pleasure but as far as doing them she did not lecture me or say not to do them.

So this was no accidental outing on my part, but my admission of doing enemas was to someone who was not not a sex partner- probably a first for me.

Susie: That's the whole point. If I had used a verb meaning "I gave myself", it would have been innocuous - after all, Fleet enemas or the equivalent are there in part for cases of constipation that resists other laxatives. But, right, since it's so easy to do it to oneself, having it done by the spouse implies one enjoys some medical play. 😉 Thus the "outing".

That's an interesting use of the verb--"receiving" an enema.

Anyone who can wipe their own ass can give themself an enema.

Discussing or explaining the subtleties and intricacies of languages and how they differ in use, is interesting and at times fascinating and also helps in perceiving things in different ways. People can do worse than picking up pointers from other languages. If nothing else, it shows that there are different realities in the world.

Like most everyone else here, I'm trying to enjoy my kinks without letting the entire world know of my true identify. I'm still at the point in my life where I'm trying to earn a living, so I certainly would never do something that might endanger my employment. It would be extremely awkward for me if someone that I know or work with found out about my kinks. As I've said before, my wife doesn't even know -- or at least I don't think she knows. 😃

Never accidentally but I often casually mention my buttock injections to girlfriends and sometimes even invite them to come with me and watch me get them. If it provokes fascination, I recognise a mutual fetish and we carry on from there.

I almost forgot, one Thanksgiving several years ago the topic of S&M was brought up by a male cousin of mine. That got two other female cousins talking and before we knew it, there were about six of us cousins aged about 20 to 40 at the time who were either actively into S&M or wanting to try it.

S&M is genetic.

I almost forgot, one Thanksgiving several years ago the topic of S&M was brought up by a male cousin of mine. That got two other female cousins talking and before we knew it, there were about six of us cousins aged about 20 to 40 at the time who were either actively into S&M or wanting to try it.

S&M is genetic.

It is also a subject that is pretty much out in the open nowadays, especially when you have hit movies (good or bad) using the theme as a main story point. SM has become part of present day culture in a minor way. In any case, you cannot say it is a taboo subject anymore.

It is also a subject that is pretty much out in the open nowadays, especially when you have hit movies . . .

That's probably the best thing about 50 Shades of Gray. You can use it as an entre into the topic of experiences.

Time flies, I should have said the conversation with my cousins was AT LEAST TEN years ago, not several. We mostly spoke about corporal punishment, flogging and bondage, orgasm denial and electric toys. I didn't think Thanksgiving dinner was a good time to bring up enemas.

It's the day after thanksgiving that you mention enemas Susie. By then everyone needs one.

Glad we dont do Thanksgiving0 being I al English then!