Not matching the "cultural norm"

I have a couple questions for men who grew up with a circumcision status that differed from the cultural norm in their area - meaning, either men who were circumcised at a young age & grew up in an area where most boys/men were not circumcised, or men who were not circumcised but grew up in an area where most men & boys were. I would exclude circumcised Jewish or Muslim people who grew up in Europe, since that is "culturally normal" for them. My questions are:

1) Were you ever self-conscious about not having a "normal" penis (heavy quotes on normal, meaning, culturally determined ideas of what a penis "should" look like)

2) Did a sex partner (or potential sex partner) ever intentionally or unintentionally shame you for your circumcision status?

3) If you could instantly and painlessly switch your circumcision status, would you do so?

I grew up in Europe and was not circumcised (despite a little scare that I might undergo this surgery for medical reasons). I then went to live some time in the US. I met my wife there, and she had never seen an uncircumcised penis. At the beginning she found it weird, but did not shame me. My mother in law found it weird that we did not have our son circumcised and, at first, seemed to imply we should have surgery done, though she did not insist and later realized it was more custom than reason.

A cousin of mine was circumcised for medical reasons, he told me (as a young man) this surprised his girlfriends (he's not Jewish). Nothing more to it than explaining it was done for "medical" reasons (I use quotes because he doubts it was justified).

I was born in Europe to mixed Belgian-American parents, not circumcised, but then at an early age we moved to the US, this at a time which I later learned was the 'Golden Age (ha ha) of circumcision. It was just after WWII, so many males had been inducted into the armed forces and all but forced to get circumcised if not already so. And their baby boomer kids were all cut too, just like daddy, all clean-cut American boys (and I used to think that referred to having a crew-cut ...ha ha).

I must have been aware of the differences since my younger brother wasn't cut, but I could have cared less anyway. The issue didn't really come up. I was too much of a goody-goody gum drops to ever do anything naughty with anyone else. It wasn't until I went to the YMCA for swimming when around 9 or 10 that I first none-interestedly noticed that only some 3 or 4 out of about 80 boys were like myself. But it never came up among the boys, I was never teased or kidded about it or anything. It just didn't factor in my life.

Except for later, when we moved back to Belgium again. I was a teenager by then and every now and then when my father was back from a war zone (he was usually gone for 9-10 months a year on navy charters) he might from time to time get an urge to give me scare talks about not being circumcised. He was a great guy, an officer, naval engineer, war veteran and all that, but his medical knowledge was abysmal. And he had an idée fixe about foreskins leading to unending infections, deformities and more often than one would wish ultimately to amputation. Those 'talks' were mortifying. And he kept it up until just before i married too. i would just sit and seethe while he droned on.

But aside from my father's idea - which by the way was cause of a huge difference of opinion with my mother I learned later on - nothing about circumcision, or non-circumcision played part of my ideas, thoughts or even alighted on my consciousness. It was big none issue when i was young.

2/ I never had enough sex partners and those i did have were all Belgian and therefore they naturally thought that circumcision was a horrid and barbaric practice, something only done for outlandish religious reasons that no sane person wanted anything to do with. I don't want to seem impolite but it was also partly a question of not wanting to even give the hint of an idea of being Jewish or Muslim.

3/ no way would I ever change it ...

Neither I or my brothers are circumcised. (Since my Dad was born in 1920, I doubt he was, but never saw him undressed.) So, I never really gave it a second thought.

To answer the questions:

1. As stated before, I was never self conscious about it. My grammar school (Grades one through eight) didn't have a dedicated gym (It doubled as the cafeteria, even though we brought our own lunches) and, consequently, no locker rooms or showers. Although I had seen some of my friends penises,( Sleep overs, Truth or Dare, general early pubesent curiosity) and saw some circumcised, some not, we never thought much about it. By the time I reached High School, I had already had sex ed, so I knew that, while most boys were circumcised, nor everyone was, and that's "normal"

2. No sex partners ever shamed or humiliated me, intentionally or not. My wife had never had sex with an uncircumcised man, and she found it interesting, and enjoyed playing with my foreskin, etc. (Of course, now she is used to it.)

3. When I was much younger, I might have considered it, but now, no.

1. No. Not circumcising was the norm I grew up with in my family. And I never really saw many other boys in school until probably mid/late elementary school when I was already conditioned to think the foreskin was normal. And while many more boys in school were circumcised versus intact, I feel like my age group was the beginnings of the downward trend in circumcisions. We were far from the norm, but it wasn't uncommon either.

2. I never had any partner shame me. The ones who had never seen one before, it was a new experience for them. But I never encountered any negative responses.

3. Absolutely not.

Kindergarten - I seen my first penis with an exposed head (glans) at the urinal. ALL of the penises that I seen at the urinal had the glans exposed. Why is my penis covered with foreskin?

Grade 2 - A nurse retracts my foreskin and comments "that looks better". "I need to talk to your mother about getting you circumcised (my thought - "what's circumcised?").

Summer after Grade 3 Swimming class - ALL the other boys had penises that had their glans exposed. "Why is mine different"?

First day of Grade 4 - A friend wants to show me his "Circumcision". OMG!!!! I am terrified.

Summer after Grade 4 at the beach - I see a freshly "normal" circumcised penis still with stitches. OMG!

Grades 5 and 6 - ALL "normal" circumcised penises at the urinals.

Summer after Grade 6 - Mother discusses the need to have my not so "normal" foreskin tip "snipped". I reluctantly agree and end up on the doctor's exam table. Fortunately, it did not happen.

First day of Grade 7 gym class with mandatory showers - I am standing in the showers and realize that my penis is not "normal" with my foreskin covering the glans. ALL my fellow classmates are circumcised! Day 2 - I pull my foreskin back before removing my undies and proudly present my now "normal" penis as I proceed to the showers. Half way through the shower my not so "normal" foreskin decides to slide forward covering my glans. How EMBARRASSING!!!!I I tried this several times with the same net result.

Grade 10 Sports Physical age 15 - I retracted my foreskin before seeing the doctor in the exam room. When the doctor asked me to "drop my drawers" I eagerly complied to show him my "normal" circumcised penis. Unfortunately, my foreskin decided to slide forward covering my glans at that moment. EMBARRASSING!!!!

My not so "normal" foreskin covered penis followed me throughout high school and 4 years of college.

Age 31 - Doctor examines my not so "normal" foreskin covered penis and recommends that my foreskin need to circumcised. I would not allow it to happen.

I grew up in 1980's Australia and as far as I knew, I was the only uncircumcised kid in my school (junior and senior schools).

i was extremely self conscious about it. Starting in year 3 and going until year 6 (so from age 7 to 11 or so), I was bullied mercilessly. Groups of kids would grab me after school, pin me against a wall (out of sight of teachers and parents of course) and pull my pants down, exposing my uncut dick for all the world to see. It was horrible, but even more so when there were girls in the group of onlookers. In hindsight there were a few Greek kids at the school as well, and they probably would have been uncircumcised, but they kept to themselves. I looked like all the other kids, so I was marked as the freak. My brother was also uncircumcised, but he was 7 years younger and more kids were being left uncut in his age group, although I do know my mother would often catch him in the bath with his foreskin retracted. I don't know what his experiences were though, and we're very different people. Knowing my brother, he would have hit anyone who tried to tease him. I was always more placid than him.

I never told my parents. Too embarassed.

We moved state before I started high school. I avoided being naked in front of any of my peers. Occasionally talk would turn to circumcision - first when kids started learning what it was (probably age 13 or 14 at my school) and then when they became sexually active. Being uncircumcised was always either the unfavourable state, or the unknown state, or both.

"I saw a picture of an uncircumcised cock. Ewwww - it looked so gross.."

"Have you ever seen a dick with skin on it? Oh fuck no! Why would I want to?"

Conversations like that between girls would make me feel very self conscious. I heard them often.

I became sexually active after high school when I was in college. My first girlfriend didn't like my foreskin and told me so. She'd pull the skin back and say "that's better".

Other partners also expressed a mild preference for cut guys or told me they didn't care. For all but one of them, I was the first uncircumcised guy they'd been with. The exception was a Finnish girl I met while I was travelling in Europe.

Some years after uni I had a heavy night of tequila drinking and tried to get into my jeans the next morning without any underwear. I wound up catching my foreskin in the zipper and the amount of blood I lost freaked me out. The doctor at emergency said they cold try and stitch it back up but it could become tighter, or give me a circumcision. I opted for the circumcision and have been very happy about it ever since (although I suspect my self consciousness about my penis was probably a deciding factor there).

As luck would have it, I wound up marrying a European girl, although she'd had a circumcised partner before me. She has no preference at all apart from thinking it looks a little neater without the foreskin.

I am circumcised but my close cousins were not and about half the boys and men I saw swimming naked at the Y were uncircumcised. I grew up knowing it was a common difference but I just accepted that some guys had foreskin and some guys didn't and that was normal.

Totally off my radar screen. Never paid any attention to whether someone was circumcised or not. Why should I? I am who I am and they are who they are.

1) Were you ever self-conscious about not having a "normal" penis (heavy quotes on normal, meaning, culturally determined ideas of what a penis "should" look like)

2) Did a sex partner (or potential sex partner) ever intentionally or unintentionally shame you for your circumcision status?

3) If you could instantly and painlessly switch your circumcision status, would you do so?

Good questions. My response:

1) Mildly. This was partly fueled by my mother thinking that my foreskin was abnormally long. May have been when I was a kid and my mom attended my exams, but not any more. I'm normal. Otherwise, I'm pretty self-conscious about smell and taste.

2) Once? But I didn't let it bother me too much.

3) Sure, as long as I could switch back!

So, i was born outside the US where cut or uncut cocks no one cares. Then came here for college and was shocked to hear how everyone is cut and how many women don't like uncut guys.

For a while i was afraid of a woman seeing me and then not wanting it but pretty much everyone just liked the novelty of skin LOL

I am uncut and I grew up with boys that were both ways....I'm glad mom didn't have me cut...I needed every bit of it I could get...lol

Another tidbit. From later conversations I understood that when my cousin was circumcised (for phimosis) and I was also considered for surgery, my mother and aunt were a bit like "what? I'd never heard about such things in our family". To them circumcision was solely something for Jews and Muslims. My aunt's doctor even pretended to her that the curative surgery envisioned was not as severe as religious circumcision (I think it was bullshit to comfort her).

My circumcision was intended for me to match the norm, however family circumstances changed and I found myself in a different social circle, where I was the odd one out being circumcised, and indeed i did feel different and did not like that, however, I have felt from an early age that I liked being circumcised, so indeed i did and do feel self conscious of being different to my peers, sex partners have always commented favourably on my circumcised status, so would i switch my circ status NO, but would I switch my social status, YES

There are few occasions when a male shows his penis:

- baby changing

- locker rooms

- sexual encounters.

Baby changing is what got my mother in law to question why we did not have our son circumcised.

But locker rooms? Hey when I was a child and we had to use locker rooms during swimming classes, we certainly did not look at each others' penises. And later in teenage years, looking at other boys' genitals would have seemed GAY, which was, at the time, probably the greatest insult to a boy.

It seems that some boys in junior high engaged in exhibitionism but not in the lockers.

Certainly when I was a boy one of the things we certainly did in the changing rooms and showers was notice and comment on every other boys penis

But locker rooms? Hey when I was a child and we had to use locker rooms during swimming classes, we certainly did not look at each others' penises. And later in teenage years, looking at other boys' genitals would have seemed GAY, which was, at the time, probably the greatest insult to a boy.

From all the reading here and accounts of experiences, I'd probably conclude that boys on the Continent are more properly behaved ... ha ha. I too never encountered any of that kind of behavior in my Belgian high school. No showing off, no talking about penises ...

Looks like this is more of an Anglo-American thing and especially more American ...

Agracier: I don't think we were "better behaved". I think it's a question of age. Under, say, 12, there were boys engaging in exhibitionism - they would go in a quiet place without adults and show their willie to girls and boys. But after that, with the onset of "sexualization", certainly a boy showing interest in other boy's penises would have been considered "pédé" - homosexual. Which was about the worst insult known at the time.

@Pecan_nutjob said

There are few occasions when a male shows his penis:

........

But locker rooms? Hey when I was a child and we had to use locker rooms during swimming classes, we certainly did not look at each others' penises. And later in teenage years, looking at other boys' genitals would have seemed GAY, which was, at the time, probably the greatest insult to a boy.

It seems that some boys in junior high engaged in exhibitionism but not in the lockers.

@agracier said

From all the reading here and accounts of experiences, I'd probably conclude that boys on the Continent are more properly behaved ... ha ha. I too never encountered any of that kind of behavior in my Belgian high school. No showing off, no talking about penises ...

Looks like this is more of an Anglo-American thing and especially more American ...

I can't speak about what might be acceptable in America, but it certainly isn't typically British.

In my day, at the tough school I attended during the first half of the 1980s, such behaviour would have been reviled.

I was uncut in the middle of the US, so I was always the different one.

1) I was a little self-conscious about it, but at the same time, kinda liked being the odd man out.

2) not a lot of girls saw it before I ended up getting cut, but the ones that did found it kind of interesting, since it was the first uncut dick they'd ever seen

3) I kind of did switch to the norm (not painlessly), but I'd be fine with still being uncut. Fine being cut too, though.

Born 1970, Ohio majority probably 98% were cut and i was uncut.

1) Were you ever self-conscious about not having a "normal" penis (heavy quotes on normal, meaning, culturally determined ideas of what a penis "should" look like)

I wasn't exposed to others, didn't know difference until grandmother asked my mother if i was circumcised. Only one uncle was as he was born in hospital , rest of males were uncut. Doctor at first exam at 16 commented on my being uncut, saying the foreskin was redundant (too long) and I needed to get "it" take care of ,but never pursued it further or mentioned to parents. Mentioned it every time i saw him (no other doctor ever mentioned it).

2) Did a sex partner (or potential sex partner) ever intentionally or unintentionally shame you for your circumcision status?

I'm gay so my other sex partners were male. About half were over-enthusiastic about me being uncut, so much so they only focused on that, kinda ignored who it was attached to. The other half were turned off by it, with one saying "no way", and another saying if i wanted to date him, he'd set up my circumcision.

3) If you could instantly and painlessly switch your circumcision status, would you do so?

That would have been easier, but i did it the hard way and was circumcised at age 36. Best decision ever as I had many issues with it.

Being born in the U.K. In 1953, my parents requested I be circumcised but the NHS doctors refused saying they no longer performed circumcisions unless medically indicated so I grew up uncut as did about 80% of my generation, at least down south in the London area.

However some parents must have had better luck as around 20% of the boys I went to school with were circumcised, a few I guess for religious reasons and maybe the others had parents who had the money to seek out private healthcare I paid for their sons circumcision or maybe they suffered Phimosis.

While I fell we within the norm, I none the less actually secretly wish I had a circumcised penis, even as kid, I thought the circumcised penis superior both from a cosmetic standpoint and from a health/cleanliness point.

In my early 20's I moved out to Sydney Australia for the great adventure so many people that age seek out.

With fantastic weather all year round and beaches close by promoting an active, outdoor carefree lifestyle I saw a lot of naked Aussie guys and soon realised that circumcision was very much the norm and no I was very much the outsider in still having a foreskin amounts so many circumcised men. Even more interesting was that most Aussie girls had never seen or played with a foreskin.

These days I'm proud to say I feel far more Australian as I eventually said goodbye to my foreskin back in 2001 and hand love the look and feel of my circumcised penis.

I grew up uncut in a very cut society. I realized at a young age that other boys looked different when they whipped it out to piss or change and their helmet was showing. This resulted in me becoming very shy about it, especially when puberty hit.

I had a friend in middle school who was always pulling out his boners and trying to see others, compairing and such. Well the time he berated and dared my into exposing mine I actually retracted the foreskin and held my penis around the cornea area so the bunched skin wouldnt be visable. When later in high school someone was found out to be uncut, he was ridiculed mercilessly for a couple weeks by my group of friends. I was always agonising that my friends would find out and I would just die of embarrassment.

When my first girl friend stuffed her hand down my pants during a make out session she asked me if i was wearing a condom. I was very apprehensive about sex obviously. My first girl friend i slept with never even saw my penis, i was so quick to strip and wrap it. Later, more girls found it to be a curiosity and showed more interest, which helped my self asteem and high libido. I had one girl friend in my early 20's who talked about how much she liked it with her friends which caused them to hook up with me as well.

When I was a teenager I would have loved more than anything else to have been cut like everyone else I knew. I could have dated a slept with dozens more young women if I hadnt been so self conscious and embarrassed of my status. Now Im pretty happy with it and glad Im intact.

I was born in the US in 1949. because I was premature and small, I was not circumcised, which was unusual. I grew up as the only male i knew who was uncircumcised. Since we rarely talked about sex and penises in the 1950s, and my parents never discussed it, I did not know why I was different, and, frankly, until I was about 18 I was embarrassed about my penis looking different. Now I am so, so thankful i was not cut--my foreskin is the most sensitive part of my penis, by far, and my glans and frenulum are also extremely sensitive and pleasurable. I am also told by my wife and other women that intercourse with an uncircumcised penis, as well as even hand jobs, are much more erotic. Now I am very proud of my foreskin!!

I grew up intact in the US, when most were cut. I was embarrassed about it growing up, did not know why mine looked f=different. Now I m very, very glad I still have my foreskin and all the sensitivity and playful skin it provides

I grew up intact in the US, when most were cut. I was embarrassed about it growing up, did not know why mine looked different. Now I m very, very glad I still have my foreskin and all the sensitivity and playful skin it provides

I can imagine that would have been awkward when you were a teenager! I have talked to a number of men who were uncircumcised and grew up in the 1960s-80s and told me about it. It is great that you are now satisfied with your status and enjoy your foreskin.

I've read somewhere that in French Polynesia, where the custom (at least for the local people) is to circumcise boys, uncircumcised boys are mocked as getting "coconut flesh" (smegma) under their foreskin.

I was circumcised age 6 in the UK back in 1977 and at the time I was planned to go to boarding school, where it was recommended that all boys be circumcised, however family circumstances changed and I went to a state school where I was in a complete minority being cut, and I was very self conscious of being different, however I am glad that it was decided that I be circumcised, and i am proud to be cut, though still in the minority

I am glad that it was decided that I be circumcised, and i am proud to be cut

I am too, though it was done to me as a neonateand am in the majority in the U.S.A.