I come in to the doctor's office for a regular checkup. I hear the nurse telling someone, "We're gonna do it in the tushy." I don't think it applies to me, but I'm wrong.
The doctor comes in holding a thick thermometer and says, "Show me your bottom." I refuse, so she gets another nurse to help hold me down and pull down my underwear.
She lubes up the thermometer, spreads my cheeks, and starts sliding it in, but it's a thermometer that's bigger than usual, so I feel the insertion as it stretches my anus. The doctor has me lying on my stomach as the nurse holds me down, and the thermometer, though inserted deeply, is protruding from between my cheeks.
After 5 minutes, the doctor finally removes the thermometer. She isn't satisfied with the rectal reading, so she retakes it again in multiple positions. She has me lay on my back in the diaper position, on my side, on all fours, bending over the table, laying on the chair with my backside hanging off, and then over the nurse's lap.
At the end of all that, when she slides it out from deep between my butt cheeks and inside my anus, she's finally satisfied with the reading but my poor bottom is sore. She gives me 4 extra-large suppositories, sliding her finger all the way in and using the dreaded thermometer to push it in.
She sends me home with an extra-thick rectal thermometer like the one she used, with instructions for my mother to take my temperature rectally twice a day in all 7 positions. She threatens to strictly punish me if I don't pass on the instructions or try to fight the insertion of the thermometer, and to prove how serious she is, takes my rectal temperature once more on my stomach in the waiting room in front of all the little kids, pushing it in as deep as it will go.