DiaperpailPat used humiliation as a category - great way to describe the basis of most of our fantasies, I think....
Being caught in diapers, or put into diapers, being spanked in diapers in front of others, public diaper changes, they sound pretty humiliating to me, and I think deep down most of us find this exciting.
Am I reaching too far (apologies to those who feel I am) or does this sound more accurate than not?
Eddy, I think you're right, most ABDL fantasies do involve some degree of humiliation and I think this is because humiliation is the final stage of accepting the fact that we're naughty, childish, immature, pacifier-sucking, diaper-wearing, diaper wetting (and in some cases, diaper pooping) BIG BABIES and actually living the dream.
I think most of us probably have memories of being kids and having wetting / pooping accidents at school or in front of neighbors and being threatened with (or actually put back into) diapers and being laughed at and teased about it. Or we remember this happening to someone else and how we secretly wished that we were the ones being put back into diapers.
When you're a little kid, one of the first milestones of growing up is being potty trained. Some achieve this much earlier than others, and the ones who are "late bloomers" are often teased and ridiculed by the other kids. While some really can't control it, after a certain age, most can yet choose not to because they WANT to do it in their pants or diapers--either out of convenience or because it feels good. They know that they love their diapers. And often, the kids who are doing the teasing secretly wish that they, too, could still be in diapers. (Or maybe they still are--when I was a kid I was caught wetting my pants on purpose and this kid down the street named Bobby relentlessly made fun of me for it, he'd wait until we were all at the school bus stop and say "Hey I hear you still need diapers!" Which embarrassed me to death but also was thrilling. Well I later found out from his sister that HE still wore them at night because he wet the bed.)
So as we get older and realize that we love diapers, and as it becomes our fetish of choice (or, in my case I'd say that it's the true love of my life), we take this with us. First comes the desire to wear diapers. Then we start experimenting with it and regularly doing it, but in secret--always trying to hide everything with the biggest fear being that somebody will find out. And honestly, that adds to the fun. When you're young, there's a thrill involved with sneaking around to do things you shouldn't be doing--whether it's sneaking out of the house at night, sneaking off to hide in the woods and smoke, or going parking to make out with your girlfriend, or, sneaking around wearing your diapers.
And as we get older and become more comfortable with it, we start getting more daring, we increasingly just don't care what other people think, and there's a yearning to be able to go out in public in your diapers, everything out in the open, just like a baby. We start wishing we could be our true selves and be seen for who we are. Yet there's always the fear that we'll be seen by our friends or family or coworkers, trouble will result, it's kind of like opening Pandora's Box.
So--well, this is how it's always been for me, anyway--it gets to be like "walking a tightrope" with the terror of being found out on one side, and the insatiable desire to be seen in diapers on the other. And that's where the thrill comes from. When I go out in diapers, I start off scared to death but the longer I'm out, the more noticeable I make my diapers--I pull tuck my t-shirt into my pants so it's not hanging down and hiding my diaper area, and I pull my shorts up tightly around my diapers to make them obvious (also, the longer I'm out the wetter they get and this just adds to how noticeable they are).
And I start getting more daring, getting closer to people (mostly middle-aged women, that's who I always love having notice), doing things like getting out of the car to put in gasoline, or mail a letter. Once in a blue moon if I'm really feeling daring I'll even pull off my shorts and hop out to do this in a t-shirt and diapers / plastic pants. And when I'm noticed, there's that moment where it all comes together. Part of me is scared to death, part of me is extremely turned on, and part of me feels like "I'M FREE! Here I am, realizing my fantasy, and there's some lady standing there laughing at me who knows what a big baby I am."
Now, before some of you get on me about "you shouldn't subject others to your fetish", well, I don't do this often. I only get the chance to do it once every year or two when the rest of my family is out of town. And I often set it up so that if I'm seen, the person doing the looking is just as culpable as I am for being dressed that way. A favorite thing is to stay in a motel room that opens out onto a sidewalk, stay in my room in a t-shirt and diapers with the curtains open, so that people walking by can look in and see me. But, if they complain to the desk then I can say "Well why were they staring in my window in the first place?" (No one has ever complained, by the way.)
And I always go out of my way to make sure I'm not seen by kids. And I've never had a bad reaction, nobody has ever gotten angry or said a word. The few times I've been noticed I've always gotten that same look--that smirk of disbelief and amusement from some lady who is realizing that yes, I wear diapers just like a baby. And who knows? Maybe some of them are wishing they could change me. Ha. But I always try to set it up in an "I'm minding my own business, why are you looking?" sort of situation.
And that's why humiliation is so thrilling to so many. It's the final frontier, the moment when it's all out in the open, we are diaper wearing babies and the people who see us and laugh at us know we're diaper wearing babies, and it's just like flashing back to being a kid and having the other kids laughing at us for wearing our diapers--while deep inside knowing that we're loving every minute of it.
So we have our fantasies of this, most of them involve being humiliated by our wife's friends, family members, some kinky lesbian / gay couple, or whomever. And it's often in a safe setting, out in the woods camping or in a hospital room or whatever. But the common factor is being seen as the people we really are, it's all out in the open now, we're diaper-wearing babies and everybody now knows we're diaper-wearing babies, it's scary, thrilling, arousing, and liberating...!