I see two general schools of thought when it comes to D/s, with variations that seem infinite. As a preface, i'm not making a judgement call here and saying one way is 'right' and the other 'wrong,' i think it's much more complex than that and an individual thing.
Some believe that a sub does whatever the Dom wants. For some, the power is through force using things like punishment, but ultimately making a sub do what They want whether they like it or not. Some even relish going against what the sub wants (needs?) and both the Dom and sub in that type of relationship seem to experience what they want/need in that arrangement.
The other type D/s dynamic i have seen (and fits for me) doesn't employ force or bullying at all. It isn't 'role play' because it's real. i see Dom or sub as a part of ones nature, with the versatile person being more fluid. Personally, i am at the one end of the spectrum as sub/bottom, so someone from the other end of the spectrum (Top/Dom) synchs best with me. And i do see it as a matter of synching, that our gears mesh. Like naturally charged negative and positive ions, we attract to each other and bond (bondage?). As i see it, as humans were a lot more complex than our underlying nature, which to me is where the 'fun' is. To me, all our various "kinks" are the deep expressions of our individual natures.
i do see a part of D/s as the natural desire/need to control or be controlled, depending on ones nature. To me, the nature is already there, it doesn't have to be forced into existence, but identified and manipulated? i'm naturally sub. For me, my kinks represent places inside of my psychological make up that a Dom can collar.
Things like shaving or not, represent individual outward expressions of something deeper. emotional, psychological. Shaving, for me, can get complex. As noted in an earlier post, being shaved makes me feel more vulnerable, naked, less masculine. But shaving myself is totally different from a Dom doing it or arranging it to be done, and the feelings i mentioned deepen, because i am no longer in control of them.
For me, the most powerful Dom is a Dom Who is able to identify a need in me and cultivate an use it for Their need and desire. To me, that is what "collaring" is. It's not like a forced collar, but one where i walk along side, not pulling on the tether, because we are tuned to each other, just in different positions.