I posted on this topic 3 years ago.
me too! Always interesting to re-read stuff and see how we have changed, or not. For me, i am better able to articulate how i feel now in some ways.
i don't have a particularly small sized penis, maybe even a little larger than average when it comes to erect girth, though about 7 long. my testicles are on the smaller size though (i've been in contact with a lotta cocks in my life, so can compare) and always seem to want to retreat up into me if i'm erect.
i see Men/men as having both a physical and a psychological penis. In that context, while i perceive myself as having a physical penis, i do not have a 'Cock.' Just my own emotional/psychological perceptions and verbiage, but to me a "Cock" is something a man who uses it to penetrate, effect, create, dominate, inseminate, impregnate, etc., with. And all those descriptors have deep and varied meaning for me, and their definition/meaning comes down to the individual Man. While we may all have similar parts and similarities, no two people are alike.
To me, the connections we make in relationship are about connecting our individual parts, both physically and psychologically, but i do not separate the two. my penis size is about how another Man wants and sees it.
For a few years now, i find i am very responsive to Men Who see me as having more of a clitoris than a penis. Which can be tricky to communicate, because i do not 'feel' like a woman, nor do i have any particular need or desire to be, i'm not a transperson, but i experience the deepest and most intense and 'real' (for me) connections with Men who see/want that too (i.e., they see me as having a 'clit' and a 'pussy'). i'm not deluded, i know i have a penis and an anus, but psychosexually, those are the descriptors that i identify with and connect to other Men with.
The terms work best for me because we don't really have terms to fit everyone, eh? Our culture has long been defined and described in mostly heteronormative terms. Those of us who are not heteronormative have to adapt or use those words to try and convey who we are, but the fit is never perfect. Still, i find anyone who wants to understand, can, not a big deal. And, more importantly, those who have similar wiring with similar need/desire, 'get it.'
So, for me, SMP is about absence of cock. i came to realize, after years of not wanting a Man to touch my physical penis, that it was about His perception about what i have. When i experienced a Man who actually perceived me as not having a 'cock' but perceived me as a guy with a clitoris, not only could He touch and use it, i really loved it because He was connecting to my real perception of my penis vs the standard norm that doesn't fit who and how i am.
While i can feel a very arousing sense of what i term "affectionate humiliation/degradation," from this kind of desire coming from a Man, i think it's a conditioned response. i do not connect to men who want/need to belittle or be mean about it, rather those who love and want that about me and are not shy or hidden about showing Their own need/desire.