My physician, a look on his face, in his eyes. His voice changes. He touches your leg and or foot just so. You know it is time to lay back, put your feet in the stirrups and slide down. You hear him snap on those gloves. He touches your leg and or knee just so signaling he needs you to open your legs wide and or wider. He moves the drape over your legs just so, giving you a false sense of modesty. You actually feel more exposed than you would without the drape. You wonder to yourself "why not just get rid of this drape that is obviously in his way since he has now seen almost everything and will soon see everything"??? You also remind yourself that you have taken time out of your schedule, your day for this invasion. You are paying for this, or someone is paying for it in your behalf, i.e. insurance etc. Is this torture, intense pleasure or do your thoughts vary somewhere between all possible analytical possibilities regarding this?
He finishes his external exam of your mons, vulva, lips, peri area, all external strutures. Now you know he is going inside. You feel his fingers insert inside your vagina, pressing down on your vaginal floor to relax it ensuring ease and insertion of the cold metal he will insert. You feel him sliding it inside, deeper and deeper. Now you feel it being turned into the proper position to stretch you open to his satisfaction, readjusting the blades to bring your cervix into alignment for inspection and the pap procedure. You feel the sensation, vibration in the speculum as he locks it into place as your ears audibly betray you as you hear this locking of the blades take place. You love having this speculum inside of you, invading you. You reflect that you are allowing this invasion, inviting it with full knowledge and consent. You feel the cool air enter you vagina from being opened with this invasion followed by the heat from the hot light that is so close illuminating everything before his eyes.
You feel your body react to all of it and hope he does not know what you are feeling and thinking, though perhaps you secretly want to him to know and you want to tell him.
He finishes the pap smear and any other smears he needs to take inside. Now you feel him removing this metal that is now very warm from your body that was inserted initially at a cold/cool temperature. You feel your insides collapse as he slowly inches out this metal speculum of novelty. You feel empty, though you know you will soon be filled in another manner by his fingers pushing in deep, searching, probing, palpating, holding, squeezing, trapping all of you that he possibly can. He then fully withdraws his fingers after completing the bimanual exam, the recto vaginal exam and the rectal exam. You reflect how different the sensations are from being invades by metal vs his fingers.
You lay there, once again, it is all over far tooooooooo fast. You long for the speculum to invade you one more time. Yes it will invade you again, one more time. Yes, you need to wait for one year for it to happen again, that is unless there is a medical reason for further exams, monitoring and testing throughout the year.
Reality sets in, you are relieved to hear that everything is healthy and he reminds you how you will be informed about the lab results.
*insert she if your physician is female