You know you're a mom when...

You count the sprinkles on each kid's cupcake to make sure they're equal.

You want to take out a contract on the kid who broke your child's favorite toy and made him/her cry.

You have time to shave only one leg at a time.

You hide in the bathroom to be alone.

You child throws up, and you catch it.

Someone else's kid throws up at a party, and you keep eating.

You consider finger paint to be a controlled substance.

You mastered the art of placing large quantities of pancakes and eggs on a plate without anything touching.

Your child insists that you read Once Upon a Potty out loud in the lobby of the doctor's office, or, better yet, in the lobby of a Grand Central Station... and you do it.

You hire a sitter because you haven't been out with your husband in ages, then spend half the night talking about and checking on the kids.

You hope ketchup is a vegetable because it's the only one your child eats.

You cling to the high moral ground on toy weapons, while your child chews his toast into the shape of a gun.

You can't bear the thought of your son's first girlfriend.

You hate the thought of his wife even more.

You donate to charities in the hope that your child won't get that disease.

You find yourself cutting your husband's sandwiches into unusual shapes.

You fast-forward through the scene when the hunter shoots Bambi's mother.

You use your own saliva to clean your child's face.

You obsess when your child clings to you upon parting during his first month at school, then obsess when he skips in without looking back the second time.

You can't bear to give away baby clothes -- it's so final.

You hear your mother's voice coming out of your mouth when you say, "Not in your good clothes!"

You stop criticizing the way your mother raised you.

You read that the average five year old asks 437 questions a day and feel proud that your kid is above average.

You say at least once a day, "I'm not cut out for this job", but you know you wouldn't trade it for anything in the world...

You count the sprinkles on each kid's cupcake to make sure they're equal.

You want to take out a contract on the kid who broke your child's favorite toy and made him/her cry.

You have time to shave only one leg at a time.

You hide in the bathroom to be alone.

You child throws up, and you catch it.

Someone else's kid throws up at a party, and you keep eating.

You can't bear the thought of your son's first girlfriend.

You hate the thought of his wife even more.

You say at least once a day, "I'm not cut out for this job", but you know you wouldn't trade it for anything in the world...

@Wet - this goes for grandma's too. 😉

I'm confused what does this have to do with MedFet?

I can't relate to being a mom, although I was a single parent for my oldest sons first few years but I appreciate what you are saying,being a parent certainly brings change

I dunno about being a mom but you certainly know you're a dad to a young'un when the word you use most throughout the day is NO! You get bounced on to wake up at 6am and forced to watch copious episodes of Alvin and the bloody Chimunks and worse, you know all the words and sing along to their vile songs lol. It also hits you at various unexpected times just what a wonderful feeling it is to be a Dad and what true unconditional love really means! BEST JOB IN THE WORLD!!!!

LOL!! Great responses!!!

I agree with sooo many of the previous from when kids are younger. However, as a mom of two daughters, early 30s and late 20s, I have a warning for both moms and dads, especially you who have girls. No matter how old you and they get to be, you'll NEVER stop feeling like a mom or a dad. Some examples, and they're just my older daughter during the last few months:

* "Mom, I really like this guy, but he's so independent that I feel like a convenience date. Should I ghost him?"

* "Mom, the mechanic says it's the transmission. I can't afford the $1,500."

* "Mom, I just bought this dress, but now I think it makes me look fat." (She emails a photo)

* "Mom, the doctor said she feels something in my breast. She doesn't think it's anything, but she wants me to have an ultrasound. I'm scared. Can you come over tonight."

Love to all you moms; we've all been through a lot – and we're not finished yet.

BUT I WOULDN'T TRADE THIS ROLE AS A MOM FOR ANYTHING!

Growing up my mom worked alot and my dad died when I was young so I helped raise my sister practically from birth. I don't know how alot of moms feel but growing up we always had alot of gun and martial arts mags laying around the house. I laugh now when I read this list because many of those things may have crossed both mine and my mother's mind but as a rule most if not all of my sister's dates behaved themselves as she was growing up! LOL.. Just a few ( albeit long ) words IMHO G.G.

You got to be alone in the bathroom? Nope. I had boys and they never had any questions about what girls looked like naked ‘cause I was given ZERO privacy.

LOL!! Great responses!!!

I agree with sooo many of the previous from when kids are younger. However, as a mom of two daughters, early 30s and late 20s, I have a warning for both moms and dads, especially you who have girls. No matter how old you and they get to be, you'll NEVER stop feeling like a mom or a dad. Some examples, and they're just my older daughter during the last few months:

BUT I WOULDN'T TRADE THIS ROLE AS A MOM FOR ANYTHING!

Great response Vicki

My daughter just turned 40 and she calls us every day. As a professional with a good job you would think she would be fully functional but we still do all kinds of things including helping her remodel,buy things she can't afford and the list goes on. . It really does never end and I wouldn't have it any other way.

Our girls were relatively easy to raise but that doesn't mean it wasn't a time consuming job maintaining order. They knew the rules of the house (Ten Commandments for Children) and they abided by them as far as we could tell.

You know you're a mom (or dad) when the bills for tuition and living expenses keep coming for additional graduate and professional degrees. I think both daughters will finally be off our tuition payrolls when they are about 28 -- if we're lucky in three for the older one to finish law school [she knows I hate lawyers! 😁 ] and six years for our budding physicist to complete her PhD.

Yeah, most of the time I'm glad I'm a dad... but it can be strained when "dad" eclipses "husband" and there's no parent-only time or sex.

You got to be alone in the bathroom? Nope. I had boys and they never had any questions about what girls looked like naked ‘cause I was given ZERO privacy.

Remember the door banging open to the bathroom many times (still does), and especially that one time when realization dawned and my daughter looked at me with horror on her face because she realized that something was very wrong...

. . . . . my daughter looked at me with horror on her face because she realized that something was very wrong...

What was so wrong?

Yeah, most of the time I'm glad I'm a dad... but it can be strained when "dad" eclipses "husband" and there's no parent-only time or sex.Remember the door banging open to the bathroom many times (still does), and especially that one time when realization dawned and my daughter looked at me with horror on her face because she realized that something was very wrong...

One of my boys at around 4 ish burst in when I had just gotten out of the shower, pointed to my crotch and asked, “Momma, what’s that brown stuff?”

Obviously this was pre-shaving days.

What was so wrong?

Probably seeing dad naked. I don't think either one of my kids ever saw me naked. We didn't hide it but I usually had boxers on at least.

Probably seeing dad naked. I don't think either one of my kids ever saw me naked. We didn't hide it but I usually had boxers on at least.

That's a problem that's so wrong that horror was on someone's face?

Are you sure that's all it was?

Well, everyone else in the house was female, and she noticed something different. I didn't pry into it too much, just when the discussion came told her that people can be built differently and that's one of the ways they can be different.