This is a fictional story that is also my fantasy:
I go to the doctor for my annual physical. I arrive about 15 minutes early, sign myself in and have a seat in the waiting room. An hour goes by; I still have not been called back. I pick up a Taste of Home Magazine and start reading through the recipes, taking pictures on my phone of the ones I think look good. By the time I am about halfway through the magazine, everyone seems to have been taken care of but me. When my name is finally called, I put down the magazine and follow the nurse into the room, where she says “The doctor will be in shortly.”
“That’s odd” I think to myself. “Doesn’t the nurse usually take vitals before the doctor comes in?”
Almost immediately after thinking that thought, the doctor comes in. He does the usual routine: checking my eyes, ears, nose, and throat; checking my reflexes, etc.
When he is finally through with his examination, he takes be back to another room, where the nurse that brought me in is waiting for me. The doctor then tells me that she is going to get my vitals. After I am weighed and both my pulse and blood pressure are taken, she tells me, “Now we are going to take your temperature. Come with me”
Confused, I follow her into yet another smaller room where there are two other female nurses waiting for me. There is a table that looks almost like a padded x-ray table with straps galore stationed long-ways in the middle of the room, and on the side of the room opposite the door there is a counter with a jar of Vaseline and three different-sized Geratherm thermometers with colored rings at the top: the one with the green top is about the size of a normal thermometer, the yellow-topped one is about 50% larger in diameter and in length, and the last is about twice the diameter and length as the first and has a red top. At the side of the table closest to the door, three wires - each with a green, yellow, or red clothespin-like device dangling from one end - are hooked up to a machine that looks like a blood pressure monitor.
“Due to an order from the doctor after your last visit, we need to take your temperature rectally from now on,” says the first nurse. I just stand there in shock. Noticing my NCIS hat she asks me “You know how on NCIS they have to get a core temperature to determine time of death?”
I nod.
“And you know how they do it with the probe puncturing the liver?”
I nod again.
“Well, that is what we here need – your core temperature – and given the choice between rectal, vaginal, and puncturing your liver, I’m pretty sure you would prefer having it done rectally.”
There are still two things that have me puzzled, though.
“If I just need a rectal temperature, then why are there three of you here?” I ask as they all three snap their gloves on. “And what is with this machine with the THREE thermometers?”
“Oh, yeah, I almost forgot” she says. “We need to take your temperature three times in your rectum with three different thermometers, just to make sure that we do indeed have the correct reading. If either one of the last two readings is off by any amount from the first, we will have to start all over again. Since there are three of us and three thermometers, we are each going to take turns. All three of us have already picked the thermometer that we want to use.”
I am now beginning to understand why they had waited to do my vitals until the very end, as well as why I was the last one to be seen.
“And as for the machine,” she adds, “when the wires are hooked up to the same color thermometer, it will monitor your movement and sounds that you make while the thermometer is inside your rectum. These particular thermometers are sensitive to both movement and sound coming from the person that they are programmed to scan, and only work when hooked up. The bigger the thermometer, the more sensitive it is. We are going to start with the least sensitive, the green one, and work our way up to the most sensitive, the red one. If the thermometer doesn’t detect any movement or sound, the monitor will be flat line - that is what we want; however, if it does detect movement, sound, or both, then the thermometer will have to stay in longer for it to register – and if you still don’t stop, it will have to go in deeper. The nurse who is not helping with the hands-on part of the procedure will keep an eye on the monitor.”
After hearing this, I try to escape; unfortunately, I am caught by the two other nurses, who carry me over to the table and lay me down on my stomach. The second nurse sits on my legs and, after taking off my pants and panties, spreads them and straps them down, while the third nurse sits on my back and straps down my torso and my arms. When they are finished, I have straps at regular intervals from the armpits down to my tailbone and on my arms and legs, and am facing the counter so I can witness the prepping of the thermometers.
As soon as she is done prepping the green thermometer, the first nurse walks over behind me, hooks it up to the green clasp, and asks the second nurse to pull apart my cheeks so that she can gain access to my anus.
“Okay, I’m going to count to three, and then I will insert. Ready? Ooonne… twwooo… threeee.”
She slowly and deliberately inserts the thermometer. When it gets all the way in, she holds it to make sure that I don’t pop it out, twirling it and moving it in and out slightly while it registers. All the while the third nurse is watching the monitor.
Five minutes later, the first nurse removes the thermometer to check on its progress, then she slips it back in without warning.
After another five minutes, she removes the thermometer and reads it: 99.3.
As the first nurse is extracting the green thermometer, I can see the second nurse preparing the yellow thermometer. When it is ready my cheeks are parted by the third nurse.
“Ready? Ooonne…twwooo…threeee.”
She (the second nurse) slowly inserts the thermometer into my anus. As it passes through my anal canal into my rectum, my bottom squirms a little bit, trying to push it out, and I start to whimper a little bit. Then, when it gets all the way in, I settle down. She, too, holds it in place while it register, twirling it and moving it in and out. This time, about 10 minutes go by before she takes it out to check on it. Then she, too, reinserts it without warning. Another 10 minutes later, she removes the second thermometer. The reading is the same: 99.3.
After the yellow thermometer is taken out, the third nurse starts preparing the red thermometer. It looks like this one is going to hurt bad going in. Then, the first nurse parts my cheeks, exposing the “door” to my anus.
“Now, are you ready” the third nurse asks me rhetorically.
“Ooonne…”
“No…No…” I protest.
“Twwooo…”
“NOOOOO!!!!!”
“Threeee.”
I start to cry as she inserts the thermometer even more slowly this time, twisting it in order to get it past my anus and into my rectum. The second nurse sees an ocean of waves on the monitor.
“The more you cry, the longer it’s going to have to stay in,” she reminds me.
The third nurse continues to twirl and move the thermometer in and out while holding it in my bottom. I can’t stop crying, and my bottom starts to squirm because it is so uncomfortable.
“Remember, this thermometer is EXTREMELY sensitive to you; if you cry, move or do both much longer, we are going to have to push it in deeper.”
I continue to cry, and I can’t stop my bottom from contracting, trying to get it out.
“Alright, then,” says the nurse holding the thermometer. She pushes it in deeper.
With that, I start to scream. I try my best to push it out because it hurts me so much, to no avail.
She continues to push it in deeper, and I continue to scream and try to push it out. About 30 minutes after she has pushed it in as far as it will go, I am still screaming, begging for her to take it out, and trying to push it out myself. Finally, they give up and say that they are going to have to start all over again because I was not cooperative enough to get a good reading on the red thermometer.
So the first nurse prepares the green thermometer again…
And the cycle never ends. They finally call the doctor to transfer me, along with “my” thermometers and monitor, to the local hospital where they can have two nurses on top of me and one nurse taking my temperature 24/7 until I am still and silent enough to get an accurate reading on the red thermometer. The only time that I am allowed to move is when I am eating or going to the bathroom – which they have put a time limit on how long and how many times I can do those activities so that I do not procrastinate – then it’s back to the bed where they have to start the process all over again because I might have tweaked my temperature a little bit after moving around.
They try for a month and a half to get three identical readings. Occasionally, the yellow temp taking will yield a different result than the first, meaning that they don’t even get to the red one before having to start over again; however, each time they do get to the red thermometer the same exact thing happens that did at the doctor’s office. Finally, they send me home, telling me to come back in a week to try again.
I come back the next week to find that they have a room ready for me on the rectal floor with all of my equipment already in it. It is very similar to the room that I was in at the doctor’s office – complete with strap-down table facing the prepping station. As it turns out, my day-nurses are the same ones from the doctor’s office; apparently, they had requested to be my nurses because they already knew me and how I would react. The first nurse comes up to me and says, “Now that you are a permanent resident of the rectal floor, in addition to attempting to get three identical readings on your rectal thermometers, we are now required to give you your fluids through injections into the rectal wall – which are also movement and sound sensitive – nutrition through suppositories, and help you relieve yourself through enemas and a y-shaped tube that flows directly to the toilet and has a high branch that goes up your rectum for you to have your bowel movements into and a short branch that sits on your bladder.”
Once again, I try to escape, but am caught by the two other nurses, who again carry me over to the table and lay me down on my stomach. For the final time, the second nurse sits on my legs and, after taking off my pants and panties, spreads them and straps them down, while the third nurse sits on my back and straps down my torso and my arms. When they are finished, I am permanently strapped to the table on my stomach at regular intervals from my armpits down to my belly button – so as not to conceal access to my rectum and bladder – as well as on my arms and legs.
They waste no time getting down to business. They all three snap on their gloves and the first nurse starts prepping the green thermometer for insertion. As soon as it is ready, she walks over behind me, hooks it up to the green clasp, and the second nurse spreads apart my cheeks.
“Okay, just like before, I’m going to count to three, and then I will insert. Ready? Ooonne… twwooo… threeee.”
She inserts the thermometer. When it gets all the way in, she starts twirling it and moving it back and forth slightly while the third nurse is watching the monitor. I notice the second nurse get up, head over to the counter, and start preparing the yellow thermometer.
Seven minutes later, the first nurse removes the thermometer to check on its progress, then she slips it back in without warning.
After another seven minutes, she removes the thermometer and reads it: 100.1.
Almost immediately after she removes the green thermometer from its clasp, the yellow one is ready. The second nurse comes up behind me, hooks up the yellow clip to the thermometer, and the third nurse parts my cheeks.
“Ooonne…twwooo…threeee.”
She slowly inserts the thermometer. She, too, twirls it and pops it back and forth out of my rectum and back in. This time, about 12 minutes go by before she takes it out to check on it. Then she reinserts it without warning, as well. Another 13 minutes later, she removes the thermometer. The reading is the same: 100.1.
After the yellow thermometer is taken out and unhooked, the third nurse starts preparing the red thermometer. She shakes it down and dips it in the Vaseline jar. Then, she walks over to my rear, hooks it up to the red clip, and the first nurse parts my cheeks for her.
“Are you ready?” she asks me.
“No.”
“Well, too bad, because here it comes. Ooonne…”
“No…don’t…”
“Twwooo…”
“NOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!”
“Threeee.”
She starts to insert the thermometer. I begin to cry – again – as she twists it in order to get it past my anal canal and into my rectum. The second nurse sees a LOT of activity on the monitor.
“Remember, the more you cry, the longer it’s going to have to stay in.”
The third nurse continues to twirl and pop the thermometer out of the rectum and then push it back in again while holding it in my bottom. For the next hour, I continue to cry, and my bottom is contracting trying to get it out.
“If you cry, move or do both much longer, I am going to have to push it in deeper.”
The warning is no use. I am now bawling, and I can’t stop my bottom from trying to push it out.
“Okay, you asked for it,” says the nurse, as she pushes it in deeper.
With that, I start to scream, and my bottom starts to squirm in discomfort.
Every hour for five hours she pushes the thermometer in a little bit deeper, as I continue to scream, begging for it to come out, and my bottom continues to contract attempting to push it out. About two hours after she has pushed it in as far as it will go, I am still screaming and trying to get it to come out. Finally, the first nurse tells me, “You look extremely pale. I am going to go and get some suppository packets and a syringe. If you don’t allow us to get a reading by the time I get back then we are going to need to start the entire process over again after we give you your afternoon nutrient suppositories and fluid shot.”
She then leaves the room. 15 minutes later she returns with three suppository packets and one extremely large syringe. The third nurse looks at her and shakes her head as I continue to sob and squirm with the red thermometer still being held in my bottom. .
“Okay you can take it out now. We are going to do it again after this.”
The third nurse slowly twists the red thermometer out of my rectum. I watch through watery eyes as the three of them put the nutrients into the suppositories. As soon as they are ready, the first nurse comes over behind me, snaps on a new glove, and asks the second nurse to please pull open my cheeks.
“On the count of three. Ooonne…twwooo…threeee.”
She inserts the suppository. I start to tear up again as she pushes it in as deep as it will go, and holds it there for about three minutes.
After all three of the nurses have given me their suppositories, the first nurse goes over to the counter. She fills up the syringe with water, then comes back over to me.
“Now, the way that we know if you are moving or making any sort of noise with the injection is through this needle. It was made specifically to penetrate the rectal wall; however, it will not do that if the recipient is moving or making any sort of sound. Now, I am going to count to three, and then I am going to insert the needle into your rectum. Ooonne…”
“No…Not yet…”
“Twwooo…”
“AHHHHHH”
“Threeee.”
The needle goes through my rosebud, and stops at the rectal wall; I am now screaming in pain.
“The more you cry, the longer it’s gonna have to stay in.”
She is able to get little spurts of water into my rectal wall when I breathe in between sobs.
Finally, about an hour and a half later, she takes it out. Right after she disposes of the needle, she picks up the green thermometer and starts shaking it down…
Even if I never do get the third reading (which from the looks of it, I won’t), I secretly have a VERY good quality of life: One of the three thermometers (and occasionally a nutritional suppository or an enema and y-tube) being held in my rectum 24/7. I’m not too terribly fond of the injection of fluids, but the rest of it is all good.
Although, my favorite part would have to be the three thermometers being held in my rectum one at a time – that’s right, I even somewhat enjoy the red one!!!!
**KEEP IN MIND – THIS IS JUST A FANATSY!!!!**