What turns a person into being bi?

All the years I was an enema taker and an enema fetishist I considered myself straight and in many ways, I was homophobic. How could two persons of the same sex enjoy "playing " with each other or having sex with each other. I even had another guy that had the enema fetish and one day he suggested that he give me an enema over his lap. I vehemently refused and gave up my friendship with him. My third marriage was a great sexual experience, including spanking , finger sex, receiving enemas and having fun with sex toys. There were other issues and she divorced me three years ago. Being lonely and alone I certainly enjoyed masturbating to my own tune. One day I put another male into my enema fantasy and "Voila" I got a wonderful conclusion. I became bi-curious and now I consider myself bi. I have had many live meetings and enjoyed most of them. I am bi-dominant and enjoy spanking, giving deep anal massages, sensual enemas, cock play, and using sex toys! Why have I changed? I don't know but I am going with the flow.

- wh00

I have described myself in my later years as heteroflexable. I enjoy giving and being given enemas from women and find them just as much fun with men. The nice thing about doing all this with another guy is that he knows exactly what you want and how to gain it.

Hey, being Bi gives a person twice as many opportunities to have a good time!

Susie, I believe the expression is "having it both ways" or "having your cake and eating it too"-- but however you define it, you can double your fun. And if you're a switch too, like me, then you're doubling up again!

Being in college and getting drunk once in a while, somehow I tried things that I would not have tried sober. One thing was fooling around with another girl. It didn't seem bad when I was drunk which made it easier when I was sober. Now when one or two or three of us get together, we get giddy and silly and before we know it were undressed and having FUN.

Why have I changed? I don't know but I am going with the flow.

Maybe you haven't really changed, not deep down in your root core identity of yourself. But perhaps you've shed the constraints put upon your own true personality that are imposed by upbringing, schooling, religious teaching, everyday reading, politicians, authority figures in general, by parents and so on ... in short, perhaps it was society that was shaping you, and not letting you be true to your personal inclinations and preferences.

Peer pressure when young is also a powerful modifier of behavior. So I'd suggest that you've probably not really changed, but have instead discovered your true (sexual) inclinations. I bet if you ponder and think about some of your earlier experiences, you'll perhaps see glimmerings and hesitant attraction to what you have now discovered about yourself.

I'd say never underestimate the power of being able to ignore what society is incessantly trying to impose on you. And perhaps there is also the influence of changing mores and values. When I was growing up in the '50's and '60's, homosexual activity was very much frowned upon if not downright persecuted in some countries and regions. Even now Western countries are still in a transition into accepting it as a more or less normal orientation. But it is accepted more and more. Perhaps that also partly accounts for your change ...

Well said agracier.

So I'd suggest that you've probably not really changed, but have instead discovered your true (sexual) inclinations. I bet if you ponder and think about some of your earlier experiences, you'll perhaps see glimmerings and hesitant attraction to what you have now discovered about yourself.

@agracier ... As a photographer i have always found the human body to be one of the best 'subjects' ... versatile ... sensual .. funny .. erotic ... if you have an adjective then you can define what is attractive about the human body for a photographic subject. I love men ... and all that implies ... but i was always curious about what it would be like with another woman ... curious was about all i was for most of my life ... curious but not brave enough ... and really no time to explore ... and no one i trusted to explore those 'thoughts' ... until i met a model that we worked with on some shoots .. i wrote about that on Zity so i won't go back into that.

It wasn't until she came into my life that i felt safe enough with her to explore ... and it was an eye opener ... she was a friend and she also was a fan of the enema ... the enemas were first ... the intimacy .. the closeness .. and then she knew i was curious ... and was there when i made those first tentative moves. The rest is history ... she lit my fire and opened up the possibilities.

The term .. or label .. of 'bi' has taken on political overtones .. and implies that 'bi' is always on the table .. and while i have experienced sex with women ... they were / are very close ... i have only one friend currently but who has moved away .. that i would be with sexually. It is a 'bi' experience .. but i don't consider myself 'bi' because of the political overtones .. i prefer 'heteroflexible' .. more hetero .. but flexible .. IF .. she was a friend ... ...

When I was a senior in high school I had a friend who I had gone shopping with a lot, so we had seen each other nude in dressing rooms numerous times. One night when she was over and we were trying clothes on, I flat out asked her if she was ever with a girl. It was both of our first girl-girl experiences. We felt a little strange at first, but we really like the cuddling, kissing and exploring each other's bodies. We masturbated and oraled each other and really enjoyed our closeness.

@ Gibby ^^^^ And i add Agracier^^^^ Both members providing an excellent insight into what the term "Bi". represents individually...Well stated...

When I was a senior in high school I had a friend who I had gone shopping with a lot, so we had seen each other nude in dressing rooms a numerous times. One night when she was over and we were trying clothes on, I flat out asked her if she was ever with a girl. It was both of our first girl-girl experiences. We felt a little strange at first, but we really like the cuddling, kissing and exploring each other's bodies. We masturbated and oraled each other and really enjoyed our closeness.

That was when you were young - what if you had been older, say, 50+? Have you heard of someone being - interested, or curious about trying something new. When I grew up - it just wasn't ever talked about and the stigma was huge.

I really don't know WTF I'm asking - or just what it is I need to know, or how to find out. Where I live - finding someone, another woman in my age range is pretty much out of the question. Even asking this - it's not something I really understand. All I know is that it isn't as cut and dried as I once thought - teaching an old dog new tricks.

In the late 1980's it was easy for girls to be together, guys somewhat less so, but still not frowned upon at that time.

I think it may be easier for a teenager to ask another teenager who she has been nude with under other circumstances if she wants to "get down" than someone older unless you go to a LGBT meeting place and see if anyone there interests you.

My "bi-ness" isn't a very big part of my life, but I think I would miss it if it wasn't there. I see another woman two sometimes three times a year on average, which is why in my profile I said I was heteroflexible. I Really enjoy sex with men, which means my husband.

I think I may invoke a mother's right of privileged conversation with her daughter and ask the older one (she's 20) if she ever did it with a girl. I will ask her over the weekend when I see her. This is not something I am going to ask over the telephone. She has had the same boyfriend since she was 15, and I know she is sexually adventurous and into BSDM..

At the age of 24, my marriage fell apart from the man that I thought I would love forever. But then again, we all think we are destined to be together forever. It was my good fortune to meet a woman much older than I, and also much wiser, who introduced me into an aspect of life that I had no idea that ever existed, Though our relationship lasted only a year, what I learned from her has continued on into my daily life.

I am now very well married and into a relationship with a man I love very much, Plus I am now a grandmother and loving each and every minute of that. But on the other side, we both have our lives. I have a lady friend, at least sometimes, his married lady friend has been around just a bit longer.

I'm not crazy about using "turned" as the operative word here. It sounds like a planned attack to change someone's mind about their sexual preference. I am much more a believer that a person might willingly accept a sexual situation that is new and perhaps against their preconceived notions about what is "right" and what is "wrong" sexually. I like the term used here in our profiles to describe our sexual preference -- Heteroflexible or homoflexible. To me it's a description that means I'm willing to try different things. It doesn't necessarily mean we have -- just that we are open to the possibilities.

There are probably many members who will say no way--no how to anything other than straight heterosexual acts and I understand. But I think to preclude all possible circumstances might be shortsighted. We are all wired a little differently in my opinion. At least I know I am.

David 😃

Not wanting to start creating new definitions, the existing definitions of heteroflexible and homoflexible (with a little wiggle room in them) means you stick with your primary preference, but are open to others should the opportunity or occasion arise. Bi-Curious means you are interested but have not indulged yet.

Good point, Suzie

I guess bi-curious would indicate that you are looking forward to trying. I was thinking more a long the lines of being in a situation where you weren't necessarily contemplating it, but that circumstances allowed it to happen without a lot of prior thought. I'm pretty sure this happens. Or am I being naive??

David

I am always a bit careful about putting labels on people because life is so complicated. When I was a teen I loved being photographed nude by both sexes, but I had a boyfriend. What did that make me?

I have a slightly different take. When my wife was no longer interested in sex I became more than a little frustrated. I really didn't want the hassle of starting an affair and, like smarti says, sex with women at this age is a complete "head trip". Sex with men is so simple - each wants to enjoy pleasure and voila, sexual frustration is alleviated. I have met many men my age who have had the same experience and who also turned to sex with other same-minded married men.

Good point, Suzie

I guess bi-curious would indicate that you are looking forward to trying. I was thinking more a long the lines of being in a situation where you weren't necessarily contemplating it, but that circumstances allowed it to happen without a lot of prior thought. I'm pretty sure this happens. Or am I being naive??

David

Bi-Curious--Not necessarily looking forward to trying, but having a personal interest, either real time or fantasizing and possibly allowing it to happen.

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I am always a bit careful about putting labels on people because life is so complicated. When I was a teen I loved being photographed nude by both sexes, but I had a boyfriend. What did that make me?

What would you be? If you didn't have sex during the shoots, it made you a model who wanted to be photographed.

It's hard for me to imagine "becoming" bi, since my own personal experience was to discover that I was attracted to both boys and girls as puberty first came upon me.

But why not? All the musty morality of yesteryear belongs in yesteryear. If you have a desire, and fulfilling it will cause no harm, then my vote is why not try it and see if it works for you? Having shared enema sex with both males and females, I do have to admit that for all the wonderment of feminine softness, there is something special about a guy's stiff maleness deep in my rectum while holding an enema. I can imagine that your fantasy probably included that, and .... hey, it's a fantasy, so what the heck. Whether to pursue it should be entirely your choice and I wish you well in making the right choice for you.

Hugs,

Diane

In my particular case, I can't say I "became" bi, i think I was born with that predilection. I knew when I was 6 or 7 I enjoyed both male and female forms. I just didn't know at that age that there were societal labels for my particular slant. I did know society had "norms" that ran against acting on it, and thus did my best to keep it in my closet for most of my life.

Recently, I have started acting to make some of my "bi-curious" pursuits a reality. My first steps have been enjoyable and looking forward to expanding my horizons even more.

Ah, nature v nurture.

I believe we are born the way we are. Society tries it's best to beat that out of us unless we fall in the 'norm.' Those of us who have discovered who we are, either by ourselves or with help, understand.

Nothing 'turned' me into the heteroflexible being that I am, through personal work, I was able to discover my sexuality.

I think that a partner’s personality has a big effect. If I am really comfortable and hit it off with a person, and she or he feels the same way, it does not matter much about the person’s crotch. In other words it is the connection not the crotch that matters. I have hit it off with a few women who made me completely forget about guys and later hit it off with a guy who made me forget about women.

I have had sex with both men and women, does that make me bi? Like most things sexual there is not a simple answer. A lot of factors come into consideration. If a person experiments to see what it's like, are they labeled "bi" forever? I has ongoing sex with men for several years while being married. I liked it, but I prefer women, I haven't been with a man in years but I would do it again under the right circumstances.

I think what gets both men and women started is curiosity, supportive friends and an open mind. I had a bisexual girlfriend and I loved seeing the two of them together. One day her friend said I should try it with a guy, They both told me how they would love to see that. Well I resisted, but eventually wore me down saying that would be my sex slaves and do anything I wanted for a week. Her friend knew a guy and invited him over, I sucked my first cock, had a bj from a guy and had my ass fucked in front of the two of them. I admitted I liked sucking cock and getting my ass fucked.

This guy introduced me to a circle of bisexual couples, where the wife either watched or participated as the husband had sex with another male. My girlfriend encouraged me, as she too was having other sex partners. The one thing that became obvious to me there are a lot more bisexual people than one might imagine.

I have had sex with both men and women, does that make me bi? Like most things sexual there is not a simple answer. A lot of factors come into consideration. If a person experiments to see what it's like, are they labeled "bi" forever? I has ongoing sex with men for several years while being married. I liked it, but I prefer women, I haven't been with a man in years but I would do it again under the right circumstances.

I think what gets both men and women started is curiosity, supportive friends and an open mind. I had a bisexual girlfriend and I loved seeing the two of them together. One day her friend said I should try it with a guy, They both told me how they would love to see that. Well I resisted, but eventually wore me down saying that would be my sex slaves and do anything I wanted for a week. Her friend knew a guy and invited him over, I sucked my first cock, had a bj from a guy and had my ass fucked in front of the two of them. I admitted I liked sucking cock and getting my ass fucked.

This guy introduced me to a circle of bisexual couples, where the wife either watched or participated as the husband had sex with another male. My girlfriend encouraged me, as she too was having other sex partners. The one thing that became obvious to me there are a lot more bisexual people than one might imagine.

Based on the rest of your post, YES.

I have had sex with women, but prefer men and despite that, continue to have occasional sex with women who I find exceptional in some way.

I think you are starting with a flawed premise that a person turns bi, or gay or straight. I don't think it is a switch that can be flipped. I think either you are born that way or you are not.

Now occasionally someone may go the other way for a reason. For example some male porn actors do both straight and gay porn. I suspect most of them are not gay but from what I understand the gay movies pay a lot more. I don't think they are bi or gay.

For example you might not be a ditch digger, but if someone were to hand you a spade and $1000 I suspect you would be scooping out the mud. Does that make you a ditch digger or just a person who has been presented with a special set of circumstances?

Defining a sexual orientation can get fuzzy and blurred. You might start with all kinds of parameters and try to classify yourself or somebody else with a label. Then you talk to two people who have the same label and they may not be the same at least sexually.

Yes most people do fall in the heter camp and never wonder off to try anything with the other sex. But what about someone who never has a sexual encounter with the other sex but thinks they might some day want to try it. Just one scenario that would be hard to label.

Its complicated. Its best not classify. Try to figure out who you are and what works for you. It may change over your lifetime- don't feel you have to be consistent all the time. Allow yourself to explore the wonderful world of sexuality with no limits or classifications.

Personally, I like the concept of the Kinsey scale. Yes, it's flawed, but the idea is valid. If you don't know, it's a bell curve. Kinsey said that only a small portion of the population is purely hetero or homosexual. The rest of us fall somewhere on the curve.

For years, I bought into the gay/straight model, barely accepting the idea of bisexuality. After tons of work on myself, I've opened my eyes. First, human gender isn't binary, except genetically. More importantly, I discovered where I am on that bell curve. It's a comfortable thing to know.

To answer the original question, or not I maybe, I think as per other thoughts posted here that the term 'bi' is too ambiguous and is a very broad categorisation of someone who is into activities or feelings with all genders. If I, personally were to put a line in the sand, I would say that going from straight to anything else, whatever you call it, is having appealing thoughts of an emotional and/or physical relationship with the same gender.

For me (as a male), I enjoy all aspects of a relationship with a female. With another male I enjoy the sexual-physical aspects of a relationship. I'm not into kissing, forming an emotional connection or even looking at a male body (sexual organs aside) and finding attractiveness. I think in general society, the fact that I have given/taken oral and anal from another male would label me as a Bi but I don't accept that as it comes with a whole lot of baggage regarding what I might enjoy. And that's not to say I have a problem with the elements I don't enjoy, it's purely that I don't personally enjoy them.

We spend so much time in our lives categorising things and trying to define them and like a few others in this thread have alluded to, you are what you are and what you and enjoy is what you enjoy.

As others here have said, I don't believe that people "become" one thing or another, in this case becoming or turning bi. I do believe that people discover (or finally admit to themselves) their true likes and desires.

In my case, I have always officially considered myself straight. I enjoy being with women and have never done anything with another male. But at the same time, I've secretly enjoyed looking at other males. That goes all the way back to my days in school when I had to change for P.E. or sports -- and I had the opportunity to watch the other boys in the locker room as they changed and showered. At the time I didn't consciously think about doing something with another boy -- I don't think that I even considered that at all. But I remember feeling nervous and excited at the same time when the opportunity presented itself to be with the other boys. For example when the boy at the locker next to me was standing there nude and about to pull on his jockstrap -- that was something exciting to me. When we all had to strip down and take a shower together -- that was exciting. I remember sneaking peaks at the other boys, but not wanting anyone else to discover my interest. At the time you could say that I tried to repress my feelings, probably due to what was considered "normal" by society at the time. I wanted to be "normal" and so I acted that way -- hiding my interest in other males.

But in all honestly I'd now give myself the bi-curious label. I still haven't done anything physically with another male. But in my thoughts and fantasies, I have. If you read any of my stories, you'll see there's a keen interest in male examinations and other things that some might consider bi or gay. I guess I'm finally expressing my true feelings via my writings.