Sorry this is so long, I didn't realize I had so much to say!
When I get a "real" spanking it's not just one feeling, it's an overwhelming abundance of feelings, both physical and mental. First it's a flash of anger and the thought "Who the hell does he think he is telling me I just "earned" myself a spanking. I'm a grown ass woman, damn it!". Sometimes I have to go through the whole day knowing I'm getting spanked later, it makes the day really suck. I alternate between being very sorry for what I did, because I sincerely don't like it when my husband is disappointed in me, it makes me angry with myself. Which leads to the other thought, anger that I can't just say and/or do whatever I want, whenever I want, without getting in trouble for it. All of that is before the first swat even lands.
The actual spanking is 1000 times worse. There's a flood of dread and fear when my husband says it's time for my spanking, the utter embarrassment of having to pull my pants down, crawl over his knee and stick my butt up and wait for him to adjust it until he's satisfied that my ass is in just the right position to be thoroughly punished. Sometimes, too often in my opinion, if he thinks I need an extra reminder of who's in charge he'll make me put my biggest butt plug in earlier in the day, he knows how much that gets inside my head, which is exactly why he does it. On those days, it's even worse, having my butt bare and plugged while getting over his knee, I usually start crying right then from sheer embarrassment and shame.
Then comes our "conversation", nothing makes me more aware and careful of every word I say than being bare assed, over my husbands knee, knowing he's got the nasty bath brush in his hand. Our conversation usually consists of him asking me questions....Do you know why you're here?......What were you thinking?.....You know where that kind of thinking gets you, right?......etc, etc. I'm always bawling by the time he's done lecturing me, I'm so ashamed of myself and truly sorry that I hurt him in anyway, especially when it's because I said or did something just to be a shit. As much as I hate the conversation, I never want it to end though, because once it does, the spanking begins.
My husband believes a "real" punishment spanking should be just that, from start to finish. There is no warm up, no gentle hand spanking first. He just starts spanking hard and fast, usually with the bath brush, the longer handle means he can get a really good swing, he was kind enough to explain that to me one time. Saying it hurts is the understatement of the century, it's a searing, blazing, terrifying pain that makes me scream into my pillow. As if that isn't enough, I have to keep my ass in position the whole time or it's even worse. If I lower my butt, clench, or move too much side to side he'll spank even harder until I put it back where it belongs. The spanking usually last between 5-10 minutes, which doesn't sound like a long time, but OMG, it feels like an eternity while it's happening.
I'm honestly not sure what I'm thinking during the actual spanking, or if I'm even capable of coherent thought while being spanked. I know I cry, I bawl, I outright sob like a baby, and I get snot everywhere. Even when it's finally over and he's stopped spanking me, it still feels like I'm getting spanked. My ass is so blazing hot I swear you could fry an egg on it. My husband has me stay over his lap, ass still up, for however long he wants. He wants to be 100% sure that I know....that I know he's in charge, that I know he can and sometimes does, wait a couple minutes, then spank a little more, so my ass better still be up, that I know that I need to do what I'm told, always, that I just KNOW.
When he's decided I've laid there long enough, he'll ask me if I need a cuddle. That sounds sweet, but it's actually a test, if I have even a hint of resentment or indignation left in me, he can somehow hear it in my voice, and if he hears it.....well, I'm sure you can guess, more spanking. By then my butt is bright scarlet red with white spots all over, might be bruises starting. But if my mind isn't where he thinks it should be, none of that matters to him, he'll spank more. Most of the time I am feeling so contrite and little(not in a bad way, can't find quite the right word for it though), that I immediately launch myself into his arms and start crying all over again, partially just from pure relief that the spanking is over, the rest is just because I can't help it.
Sometimes that's the end of it, but if I got spanked with the plug in, then it stays in until he says I can take it out. Usually at least over night and into the next day, most times until the next night. If I wasn't plugged before/during my spanking, sometimes he'll have me put it in after, while he watches, and again, it stays in until he says otherwise. I'm not allowed to ask if it can come out or complain about it at all, either of those just get me spanked again.
Sitting isn't much of an option the next day, through the morning at least, so the ride into work isn't my favorite, but he did buy me a nice soft pillow for the car. Being at work with a throbbing, sore butt really stinks. Even more so if I'm still plugged, because he is literally all I can think about every step I take, every time I sit down, bend over, basically move at all, or breath. My mind is so owned by him during those days. There is absolutely no doubts in my head about who's the boss or whether I'm going to be on my best, sweetest, most humblest behavior from then on.....until the next time.
Rereading that makes my husband sound so harsh, he's so not. He's sweet, gentle, and very caring and attentive. Honestly, he treats me like a queen until I disobey or get "too big for my britches". Then he doesn't have any other choice but to bring me back down, because if he doesn't, I'm a miserable, shrewy bitch. And neither of us likes that. So as much as I sincerely HATE getting spanked, I wouldn't have it any other way. I need it. I need to know there are boundaries and limits and what will happen if I cross them. And he needs to know that I love and trust him enough to let him decide what those are. We agreed a long time ago, way before we even got married, that it can't be any other way for us. 20+ years and 5 kids later, it still can't be any other way.