Great ways to reach orgasm

What is it that triggers the orgasm for a woman? What do you reckon is the best way to spark off reaching that peak of excitement and achieve the climax that ladies so enjoy?

My wife gets so close very often, breathing oh so heavily and panting "yes, yes, yes!", but even though the stimulation that got her to that high state of arousal continues, she doesn't actually come in a way that brings relief of tension and relaxation afterwards.

What is it that tips you over the edge?

I'm not sure if this makes sense, but I've got to both tense up and relax at the very end ...

Every muscle is stretched like a spring but my head has to go into "give in ... quit controlling."

Yes - Jinny - though what you say sounds a bit contradictory, I can see the sense in that. I think my wife resists losing control and so that is probably a bit of a blocker to her experiencing a really satisfying and climactic orgasm.

When all your muscles are stretched like a taut spring, what is it physically that your playmate does to, or for, you that releases the coiled-up spring?

I definitely relate to what jinny said.

This is just one of many paradoxical things in physiology and sex play.

DON'T STOP stimulating no matter what until the orgasm comes.

I think the stimulation has to build in intensity to a certain point then in contrast ease off a bit at the last minute to get that release and to allow the relaxation Jinny mentions

Very useful information! Thanks.

The sounds my partner makes as he starts to come can tip me over the edge every time. It's mutual loss of control and it's very intense.

Thank you mommabagz,now i know that i help the other by the growling i make during ejaculation,and not feel guilty any more for finishing first.

I simply continue my effort to satisfy.

I achieve my orgasm by holding a full bladder and using my finger to wriggle the pee hole, (and other places) to keep from leaking.

What do you mean by "fingering"? Pointing/rubbing/holding/whatever... And to what are you doing it?

Amy K, my most intense orgasms always happen when I have full bladder but I always lay on a couple of thick towels so I can both tense and relax my muscles at the same time and if I leak a little it is even better. I do it sometimes while I am sitting on the toilet. then I can really relax and let go but it is still better laying down. Annab

Thanks for that. I felt sure our experience isn't that unusual. Any more thoughts about gently bringing about more relaxation and acceptance of 'letting go' would be much appreciated.

It's not always easy to talk directly about these things, even though I know communication can often help. My wife is more of a practical person ('learn by dong&#039 😉 than someone who can adopt a 'talk it through' theoretical approach.

One week ago, I would have said with 100% certainty that clitoral stimulation was the only way I could O. I recently acquired a plug that I've used while masturbating. I fingered my vagina and really liked the feeling with the plug inside of me. I also put my wand on the edge of the plug and loved the vibrations..The jury is still out..but I'm no longer sure that there is only one way to get there. Just try different things and do whatever feels good.

@grace1 What kind of plug is it? Not sure if you mean an anal plug, or vaginal. Size and shape?

My wife and I have been together since we were 14 and 16. With that said, we are the only partners we have ever known. I was always the adventurous one, she was always the shy, embarrassed, and reluctant one. We have learned, and achieved an amazing sex life through our constant evolution and experimentation with sex. For the longest time, I could not figure out why she could not achieve what I thought of as an orgasm. She had no complaints, as she was happy with her sexual satisfaction, but I always wanted more for her. To me, getting her to achieve maximum pleasure was my duty, and goal as her lover and spouse.

When she was around 28 years old, I bought her a simple vibrator because we were going to be apart for about 3 weeks for work. She was VERY reluctant about masturbation. That was gross and undignified. Little did she know that I was a Jedi Master at this practice for a long time. We had a talk about how it was alright, and how I wanted her to try her new toy with me. She tried the vibrator in bed next to me, and I for the first time in her presence, pleasured myself next to her. I climaxed watching her have her first, in my opinion, orgasm. We were both enthralled at the new threshold we had met. This was a major stepping stone in our sex life. She learned that there was more out there than what she had known, and was intrigued. I was now more motivated than ever, and was not going to stop until I had her gasping for air and begging me to stop.

A few more years passed, we moved on to other toys, played with setting, atmosphere, adult toy shopping together, reading and what not. Our sex life was getting hotter and hotter. We could not be happier, but little did we know, there was always another mile stone. I had been anal erotic my entire life as I can remember. It was nothing I would ever bring up to her though. I was not gay, and she? Well she would never let me go there, would she?

We had become major fans to oral sex in our early thirties. It was just what we liked best, and we could really get into the control, seduction, passion, the show, and naughtiness of the act. I had read somewhere in my regular Jedi training online, that one could anally stimulate a women while orally pleasing her, and achieve amazing results. I think at this time, we also had just seen an episode of "Sex in the City" where one of the characters had just said that they had discovered the "holy grail" of sex, and it was that she had more than one hole that could be stimulated at once, or something like that. I was intrigued, because that was the grail I was looking for, and my wife didn't even know I was still seeking that grail. Boy would she be surprised, or should I say shocked.

So I made a plan to try a new experiment. That day, we had foreplay, heavy petting, passionate kissing, caressing, for almost an hour. I wanted the horniest, wettest women alive before I went down for the final moves. I did this on purpose because I wanted to make sure I had sufficient lubrication for a little surprise I had for her. I then went down and started my oral magic. I was pretty good at this, and she was always a willing partner. After slowly teasing her, and controlling her up and down with anticipation, she was wetter that I had ever seen her. I then started to massage her perineum with my finger, and achieved some even more promising results. Then I did the move I had been waiting for. The most taboo thing she could ever think of. During a deep passionate moment, I gently stroked her soaked outer anus with my finger. She reacted with an expected "HEY!" and it all stopped for a brief moment. I looked up and said, "you have trusted me all of our sex life, you need to trust me now, I promise, as always, I will not hurt you." She put her head back down on the pillow. I went back to my tongue lashing for a little bit and waited for her to relax to go back for my new move. I then started to caress her anus again gently as I orally pleased her. At first, she was as tight as a pinhole. She was clenching that pucker for all it was worth. then she started to relax a little and moan showing me that she was a little more accepting of the new stimuli. After a while, I noticed that I had to slow down with the oral pleasing to keep her from going over the edge, and that that tight little hole was warming up. I continued to encircle and put a little pressure on my new little spot until I knew she could no longer hold back. I no longer held back with my oral pleasure, but I had noticed something. The closer she was to having an orgasm, the more relaxed her anus was becoming. It was happening fast! Finally, her anus was so relaxed that I now had my finger deep inside her and was thrusting a very relaxed and open hole. So open in fact, two fingers could easily slip in, by I held back. Finally, she went into biggest orgasm I had ever seen, and as she did, her anus became more and more relaxed, much to my surprise. It was the exact opposite of what I had expected. She had the most convulsive orgasm I had ever seen. Her legs clenched around my head, her body writhed, and finally she begged me to stop. I looked up at her with a grin to see her face flushed, and gasping for more air. She said, I don't know what you just did, but my vision went dark for a moment.

I couldn't believe what I had just learned. A super orgasm was achieved! I had learned an amazing lesson about what made her tick. I am not saying this is true for all women by any means because this is the only one I have experience with. However that being said, what I have learned over these years is that she can have various kinds of orgasms. The kind she had in her teens, innocent passionate pleasures. The kind she had with toys in her 20's through today, hot intense, forced, and pleasurable moments. Or what we now see and the "holy grail" orgasm. She did not want anything to do with anal anything, however once she learned it was pleasurable and desirable, she relaxed to receive. It was counter intuitive to relax to orgasm, wasn't it? I mean an orgasm is supposed to be muscle intense tightening right? By allowing me to anally stimulate her, she learned in order for it to be most pleasurable, she must not clench down, and must relax. Just the opposite of what she thought. When she relaxed and received the pleasure, it amplified. It amplifies so much that your pleasure zones relax to an extreme, and the rest of your body convulses in waves. I.e. the major orgasm.

Now I can get her to orgasm many different ways by getting her to relax, more and more, even without anal stimulation. However when anal massage is applied, it forces her to relax to receive.

Needless to say, we found out this also works on me! We discovered this after a little more coaxing on my behalf, and a box of latex gloves and lube I bought her one day. =) My Jedi training had always been to tense up and clench my buttocks to orgasm. Sure it works like a charm. But when I was forced to relax during climax for the first time....lets just say, I too was blacking out, while what seemed like a gallon of fluid was launched somewhere into orbit. Needless to say, we have never looked back.

@zambonic

That's a very helpful, and most descriptive, contribution that illustrates so well that significant personal development can be achieved over adequate time. Thnk you.

I hope to apply some of your techniques to encourage my wife towards more dramatic, and possibly her first, major orgasms. I too think that I owe it to her, as her long-time partner, to facilitate such joy.

Zambonic, my experience is every woman I have been with has had intense orgasms with oral stimulation and simultaneous digital anal.

Zambonik, that is a very sweet love story. I’m a sucker for romance, so I was touched by your determination to give your wife maximum pleasure, no matter how many years it took to learn how. To me, that is one of the key elements of a woman’s sexual satisfaction – to have a partner who cares about more than his own release.

It’s one thing for a woman to achieve an orgasm by masturbating, and another to relax with a partner enough to reach her zenith. Facilitator’s question refers to the latter: what can he do to trigger his wife’s climax. He has a head start in reaching his goal simply because he cares. And asking other women what tips them over the edge is ingenious.

In my case, I have had only a couple of orgasms in my life with vaginal intercourse alone. The missionary position doesn’t do it for me. I’m convinced I don’t have any sensitive nerves within my vagina. Almost all of my orgasms have been the result of anal and clitoral stimulation simultaneously. Just like Zambonik learned about his wife.

For decades of marriage I was too shy and embarrassed to ask for what I wanted. Anything to do with the anus is disgusting, right? But I finally got up the nerve to make suggestions and our love life improved immensely.

My most memorable and intense orgasm occurred during anal sex. I lay face down over a stack of pillows and was penetrated from behind. At first he had to start very slow until my anal sphincter relaxed enough to take something as large as a penis. It helped sometimes if I backed onto him and controlled the initial entry myself. But most often, I was busy relaxing and getting into the mood to receive whatever he dished out. For me, utter surrender is necessary for a climax. After he got going (long, slow thrusts with occasional pauses so he wouldn’t orgasm too soon), the ecstasy grew in intensity for me. Meanwhile, I stimulated my clitoris to add extra titillation. He actually had to suggest my self-stimulation and give me permission to do it, because I was resistant to masturbating during sex with him. It didn’t seem right. But it WAS exactly right. Omigod, what a rush!

One thing to remember, however, is that every woman is different. I don’t know how many would respond as I do. But, for what it’s worth, that’s my experience.

Agree with some of the others who have posted. I climax either through intense, persistent tongue stimulation of my clit and simultaneous anal penetration with a finger OR by using a vibrator. Vaginal sex alone does not lead to climax. Many women fake pleasure by moaning and pretending they are close to orgasm. Porn movies contribute to this notion of climaxing by being vaginally penetrated.

My partners have loved seeing me come with a vibrator so most of the time it was the preferred method.

A most interesting topic.

I've never been preoccupied with straight vaginal intercourse, I prefer to bring my partners to orgasm by stimulation of their most sensitive areas with fingers, tongue or even an instrument of some kind. I believe that many women are unable to achieve orgasm by vaginal penetration alone.

Only once or twice did a lover make me come and this was when I was really young and she went down on me, focusing on my clit. For the last 25+ years, I always handle myself with a vibrator to my clit and have never been into vaginal penetration much. In my experience it seems like other women also need clit stimulation to come, even if they totally love vaginal or anal stimulation. Most women I have been with will come repeatedly and hard when I give them oral, focusing on their clit, while simultaneously having my finger(s) in their ass and/or vagina and certain women really love having the G-spot stroked at the same time as the clit. For me, I have to stop and start the clit stimming over the course of minutes. Unrelenting clit stimulation, without a change in pressure or speed or style just makes me over-stimulated and I cannot come until I cool down and start again. I would suggest having your wife touch herself with a good variable-speed vibrator (they sell perfect ones at CVS, Rite-Aid and Target as back massagers) as you watch, until she is clear about what the stages of female orgasm are, what the stages feel like for her and what the best way for her to consistently get there, is. She might try touching herself with the vibrator through the sheet, so there is a little bit of dulling the vibration. If I masturbate with the thing directly touching my clit it is too intense and backfires. Then try to take her there yourself and if she gets close, but cannot come, have the vibrator close by so she can finish it off herself without causing frustration for anyone.

My partner has fantastic orgasms when she sits astride a kango drill, but it can be a bugger getting it home from work 2-3 times a week,

plus it does have a habit of loosening her fillings in her teeth.

Pump the clit --> clamp it --> let something vibrate against it OR press something like a pencil against the clit

I orgasm like no other and usually have shaking legs from orgasming. I can read a text from a special someone and orgasm.

It takes a lot for me to be fully satisfied sexually. I would rather orgasm less and feel immediately better than orgasm easily and keep wanting more. I am a sexual fanatic!

Feeling something cold on my clit

I think a lot of the time I am so excited that it is not hard for my husband to make me have an orgasm. But he has got a lot of ways that he can give me one, and they are ALL great ways.

I just can not make my mind up if I like him most to give me oral sex, stroke my clitoris with his fingers or get him to give me a g-spot massage when he puts 2 fingers in my vagina and he strokes my front wall. I am sure I have some times had an orgasm sooner if he has put his finger up my bum when he has been doing other things as well. I really love all those things. I really love it if I have an orgasm when he is fucking me as well, and I think getting fucked from behind is really good for that. It happens often. 😃

The mind, body, and emotional centers all have to be perfectly aligned for this Miss to orgasm. It makes it very difficult at times for my sub to do that, but he has gotten better at it.

I've said that my "how to orgasm" instruction booklet is written in a combination of languages with some sections not included. But what guy ever reads the instruction manual anyway.

Another great way to get an orgasm for me is placing a clit clamp on my clit and let my vibrator move over it

I have success with lots of nipple stimulation as a starter, that is always the best initiator for a good result. I get a great g-spot orgasm from cowgirl, before he comes. He usually has to stop me a few times because me being in control is a big turn on for him. If he starts with manual stimulation of my clit before penetration, I can get 99% there with just one finger. Pretty much any other method of man-on-top needs manual or mechanical clit stimulation for an O.

As an aside, we tried a bit of anal last night for the first time, just digital. He started with a lot of massage for relaxing me, and then some clit work (work, ha!). Once I let him know I was ready, we were both surprised. I was surprised at the enjoyment I had: the whole level of sensation went up. It was like going from a 10 to an 11. He was surprised that I was able to accept it so quickly (although childbirth had taught me a few lessons about controlling my nether regions, enough said). He played around quite a bit with his finger in my ass, penis in my vagina, and other hand playing with my clit. He'd swap and do clit stimulation with his penis and that was wonderful. I had an incredible orgasm and I think I blacked out for a bit as I lost some time right at the end. He was incredibly happy with the whole thing and is excited about moving forward with his ass fantasies. I said we'd keep taking small steps.

Read a book called She Cums First, greatly improved my oral techniques and gives step by step instructions and signs your on right path.

And of course always communicate, let him know more of this, less of that, oh yea that's nice, etc.... it's how we learn