I never could figure out or acknowledge the requests of several of my junior-high male peers to make actual sexual contact with them. I always sort of assumed they were trying to further undermine my masculinity, like a lot of them did. (My folks had considered it a major issue, as they were forever sending me to psychologists.)
One kid always taunted me with the jingle, “Suck-a my weenie, I go pee-pee?” Another guy, in gym class, opened his shorts and said, “Wanna suck my peter?” Disgustedly, I said “No!” After a pause, he said, “Party pooper!!”
Even the main bully in my life bragged about giving a BJ to an older student. I always took these as so much fabrication, so much bragging. Guys all over were making tall stories of their sexual escapades with other guys, that I took it all to be the product of an overactive imagination—like that of the closest social contact in my life then.
He always hung out with me wherever I’d go during recess or lunch. He lured me in very unique ways: he’d enthrall me with stories of some adult movie he just saw, or when he saw another classmate screwing his little sister, or this or that guy’s penis size, and all the other sexual misinformation he had. He’d have me accompany him to the restroom when no one was around and tried playing the “I’ll show you mine if you’ll show me yours” game, which I usually didn’t go with, although when we both took a piss he’d comment in some positive or negative way about my size. (This was pre-pubescence; he was one of the few Hispanic kids I grew up with who was circumcised.)
He always called me his buddy; in grade school we were the two fat boys. We never played ball with the other boys.
I never wanted to be rude with this kid, but sometimes I wished he’d just let me alone.
In junior high, where we went to a bigger school in the nearby town, he took me into the boys’ john during lunch and said he’d like to fuck me. I didn’t know how to react, though everybody by this time knew I was a pushover; no adult ever told me I didn’t have to do whatever everyone tells me. I resisted, but he asked me two more times and I reluctantly joined him in the middle stall; he sometimes told me, “You got nice buns.” Even never having seen me bare-assed.
I pulled down my jeans so that only my butt was exposed, and he took out his teeny pecker (I don’t think he reached puberty yet—his voice at that time was still at the same pitch) and expressed some verbal pleasure.
But right at the second his dick grazed my buttcheek, I heard another student stepping in, so I immediately pulled up my drawers and hurried out the restroom. The incident went unreported; no knowledge of anybody spreading any rumors.
I was a total isolationist. I couldn’t even talk about the experience to anyone, certainly not my folks, who’d immediately have imposed on me a sentence commensurate with being grounded (since I hadn’t anyplace to go to start with), and I wasn’t spanked since age nine. Maybe it would’ve been no allowance for three months. And I never felt I could tell the psychologist I saw weekly: he couldn’t completely understand my explanation of my first masturbation episode.
I merely put this in the back of my mind as a minor, bizarre little incident.
At this stage of my life I was occupied with sexual problems of my own. I was much into jacking myself off but plagued with the question of How do I cum without spilling any onto the bathroom rug? And I almost couldn’t have cared less about sex with male classmates—my thoughts were much more focused on girls and how they suddenly seemed so damn cute; and I had designs on one of my older sister’s female friends. And I couldn’t do a single thing about it, as our parents didn’t allow us to date (much less have any thoughts about the opposite sex) till we were sixteen. We lived on a farm and were bused to the nearest town’s school.
But there was my fascination with penises that remained; it took me till my early thirties to grapple with the whole issue. It wasn’t until my forties, when I pored through some erotic literature, that same-sex exploration was a natural and universal part of pubescence. I would’ve found it easier to deal with my bisexuality if I knew that.