Fairness? Or selfish?

I so love foreplay with my woman. I go to heaven with her Everytime I make her cum in my mouth and all over my face with my tongue magic. But she refuses to return the favor. She accommodates by using her hand. She claims my girth hurts her jaw by making her widen too much? Am I really asking too much? I just want to be fair. Or am I being selfish. Please I would love some insight.

Maybe she had a bad experience in the past.

Maybe she doesn't want to have semen in her mouth.

Maybe what she has told you is the truth.

Maybe you don't turn her on as much as you think you do.

Maybe you need a new mate.

Maybe Susie is right

Maybe !!!!!!!!!!! 😁

Thanks for your input Susie.

My first boyfriend was so big, I had the same problem - my jaw would ache for days after I tried to give him a BJ. I looked at it as a challenge - I had to start out just putting the head on my mouth, and using my hand on the shaft. I progressively took more and more into my mouth, and after about 6 months I was deep-throating him. It was all about practice and adaptation, and not pushing myself (or my boyfriend pushing me) to go further than I was comfortable. Maybe suggest something like this?

I will say that that it will only work if she's willing to try, which is entirely her choice..if she's not then pushing her will only make your relationship worse. Good luck, I hope it works out.

Definitely selfish, taking turns being selfish :-)

It is possible for her jaw to be in pain while giving head. I know for me personally my jaw will lock up and be super sore, but I'm pretty sure that's because I used to pop/crack my jaw when I was a kid. Luckily though my boyfriend is super patient with me. As far as getting past that, the best things are practice and communication. If need be have her start you off by hand and then save her mouth until the end. It's a win/win the way I see it. 😃

I'm a massage therapist and work a lot on jaws that are very tight. So, it is possible that her jaw does hurt. Try massaging her jaw some on a regular basis, or having her go to a good massage therapist who knows what to do to help jaw pain.

Perhaps it's all of the things mentioned.

Fairness because both of you are getting pleasure at the same time.

Good sweet lord that must be quite the girth!!

My wife will let me eat, suck and lick her all over, stick my fingers and tongue in her pussy, lick her ass hole, ram yes ram my cock all the way into her cervix so hard she cums like a waterfall. But she will NOT reciprocate by putting my cock in her mouth. We have been married for 38 years and I have tried everything fro soup to nuts but NO dice, no cock in her mouth. I can't even get her to lick it, yet I can do anything I want to her. That includes dildos and vibrating dildos up her pussy and on her clit when I am in her. It drives me wild it has taken me 36 years to get her to touch me and play with my foreskin but now she will do it easily, love that feeling...by the way NO hand-jobs either...just don't know why..........

prsnalty said

My wife will let me eat, suck and lick her all over, stick my fingers and tongue in her pussy, lick her ass hole, ram yes ram my cock all the way into her cervix so hard she cums like a waterfall. But she will NOT reciprocate by putting my cock in her mouth. . . . NO hand-jobs either...just don't know why..........

So what is it that you like about this woman?

That she lets you suck and fuck her???

It drives me wild it has taken me 36 years to get her to touch me and play with my foreskin but now she will do it easily, love that feeling...by the way NO hand-jobs either...just don't know why..........

I would have been out of there in a month! 36 years,,, I am calling bullshit on this post,,, sorry.

Sex is NOT a tit-for-tat experience. I really hate when, mostly on vanilla boards, the woman who's lover asked for anal sex is told that she should have to peg him first! That is just so stupid.

what I believe good lovers should do is have a genuine desire to please their partner. If my partner requests or shows interest in something, it must be considered by legality, danger and potential pain/damage. A hand job has zero risk. A blow job has zero risk. If she has no interest in pleasing you, when there is little to no risk to her, then that seems to be a problem. Not that you should demand sex acts from her, but it sounds like you are sexually incompatible.

@CJ1999 said

.... what I believe good lovers should do is have a genuine desire to please their partner. If my partner requests or shows interest in something, it must be considered by legality, danger and potential pain/damage. A hand job has zero risk. A blow job has zero risk. If she has no interest in pleasing you, when there is little to no risk to her, then that seems to be a problem. Not that you should demand sex acts from her, but it sounds like you are sexually incompatible.

I agree. It sounds as if she isn't interested in making any effort at all. These are two people who are simply not compatible sexually.

It really sucks when ONE person makes the decision for the TWO people not to have sex.

It really sucks when ONE person makes the decision for the TWO people not to have sex.

Agreed. Happened to a friend of mine who married a much older woman. They were together for 20 yrs, but when he was 40 and she was 57 it really took a toll. Other things were wrong too in the relationship, but he was still very sexual, and she turned off. Who's to blame? Should she be 'raped' or just 'take it' Or should he be forced to be celibate???

Not fair to either of them...no good answer.

. . . Should she be 'raped'

MAYBE!

or just 'take. it'

YES!

Or should he be forced to be celibate??? . . .

NO!

In the old days her husband would force her to have sex but that changed with the first case of a wife charging her husband with rape. (Was it about 1980?) That might not have been a good case for her to have won in court. Amazingly, they stayed married after he was found guilty.

I would hope she would "take one for the team" and make her husband happy. It's not as if sex is an unknown foreign experience.

What she is doing is wrong wrong wrong.

If you can't have sex with your wife, who can you have sex with?

EDIT:

I had to look this up....

http://time.com/3975175/spousal-rape-case-history/

http://www.nytimes.com/1984/12/21/nyregion/top-state-court-rules-husbands-can-be-charged-in-rape-of-wives.html?pagewanted=all&mcubz=0

Spouses should be obliged to have sex with each other. One person should not get to make the decision that they do not have sex.

@SwitchableSusie while your sentiment may be right, but myself, like other males I'm sure, would never enjoy being with an SO that was taking one for the team. If my partner isn't into it, I wouldn't even be excited. If she were just lying there, waiting for it, or even ready to reluctantly give oral, I wouldn't be able to get hard. Sex to me HAS to be a 2wAy pleasure street - I feed off of her excitement.

So I don't know what the solution is to that...

Kick her out on the street, divorce her and NO alimony.

She should get a job.

I'm tough and being completely fair on this.

I agree with both @SwitchableSusie and @CJ1999.

Sex has to be a two-way street, not something that one partner does and the other tolerates very reluctantly. If a relationship or marriage becomes sexless for a long time, ending that relationship or marriage is actually the only answer. Both partners have to want to work at it, but if only one is willing then there is no chance of success. If the partner who refuses involvement also refuses counselling or otherwise continues to avoid addressing the problem and is uncooperative, when the interested partner still wishes to return to how things were, it is indeed selfish for the uninterested partner to keep the other trapped in the relationship/marriage.

I believe one term for the uninterested partner trapping the other in a sexless relationship for the sake of financial/domestic/appearance reasons is "constructive abandonment".

Agree, sex needs to be something that each partner looks forward to. And, as DrZ says, it takes two to tango -- two to work at a solution if there is a problem. But it is not always so easy to just end the relationship -- obligations with respect to children are obvious, but our society make ending legal relationships difficult.

In my case, I knew that things were going bad in the sex department after about 10 years, but it took another 15 years -- 15 years of talking and counselling without impact -- to finally reach the conclusion that the only option was to end the relationship. By that time our youngest was in college. And while our children were initially somewhat upset, about a year after the split my daughter told me "it was the right decision -- you and Mom are both happier now".

But I'm out of practice in flirting and dating, so finding friends with benefits is proving a challenge 😃.

@plumb3130 said

..... In my case, I knew that things were going bad in the sex department after about 10 years, but it took another 15 years -- 15 years of talking and counselling without impact -- to finally reach the conclusion that the only option was to end the relationship. By that time our youngest was in college. And while our children were initially somewhat upset, about a year after the split my daughter told me "it was the right decision -- you and Mom are both happier now".

When a problem drags on for a quarter of a century (or longer), it can be the result of the uninterested partner continually delaying a resolution by repeatedly telling the interested partner something along the lines of, "Give me time, it will get better".

Then it never does, as the uninterested partner has no intention whatsoever of making changes. The interested partner continues to accept the situation in the unrealistic hope that 'normality' can some day be restored.

It's a delusion, and suddenly, decades have passed.

@SwitchableSusie :

In the old days her husband would force her to have sex but that changed with the first case of a wife charging her husband with rape. (Was it about 1980?) That might not have been a good case for her to have won in court.

http://time.com/3975175/spousal-rape-case-history/

http://www.nytimes.com/1984/12/21/nyregion/top-state-court-rules-husbands-can-be-charged-in-rape-of-wives.html?pagewanted=all&mcubz=0

Spouses should be obliged to have sex with each other. One person should not get to make the decision that they do not have sex.

In saying "spouses should be obliged to have sex with each other," right after the citations of marital rape trials, I hope you're not saying you agree a man cannot rape his wife. While sex should be part of a marriage, the solution to the woman not wanting sex is NOT to force it on her.

I'm not sure why you think the first case of a husband being tried for raping his wife might not have been a good case for her to win, but in fact, she didn't win. He was acquited.

btw, he was just recently sentenced to 16 years in prison for raping two other women, neither of them his wife.

@SwitchableSusie :In saying "spouses should be obliged to have sex with each other," right after the citations of marital rape trials, I hope you're not saying you agree a man cannot rape his wife. While sex should be part of a marriage, the solution to the woman not wanting sex is NOT to force it on her.

I'm not sure why you think the first case of a husband being tried for raping his wife might not have been a good case for her to win, but in fact, she didn't win. He was acquited.

1 -- Spouses SHOULD be obliged to have sex with each other. It's part of marriage and they both had better put out. If one person doesn't want it---TOO BAD--TAKE ONE FOR THE TEAM.

2 -- Her winning the case was a bad precedent to set for sex in marriage, that the wife can refuse to have sex with her husband and if he persists it's rape. RIDICULOUS.

A popular idiom these days is to "man up." Well sometimes you have to "WOMAN UP" too.

Suck it up for five or ten minutes and JUST DO IT!.

@zika said

btw, he was just recently sentenced to 16 years in prison for raping two other women, neither of them his wife.

That isn't relevant to the other case.

@zika said

I'm not sure why you think the first case of a husband being tried for raping his wife might not have been a good case for her to win, but in fact, she didn't win. He was acquited.

@SwitchableSusie said

2 -- Her winning the case was a bad precedent to set for sex in marriage, that the wife can refuse to have sex with her husband and if he persists it's rape. RIDICULOUS.

If there is a background of domestic violence or coercive behaviour then a rape charge might be perfectly valid and appropriate. The problem is that when the partners are well known to each other as in marriage, rape is a very difficult crime to obtain convictions for. In such situations it comes down to one person's word against the word of another, as only the two people present know what really happened. Occasionally, a false complaint will be made by a vindictive partner, which is not only downright evil in my view, but also does a real disservice to those who might be deterred from pursuing a genuine complaint because they don't feel they will be believed.

. . . Occasionally, a false complaint will be made by a vindictive partner, which is not only downright evil in my view, but also does a real disservice to those who might be deterred from pursuing a genuine complaint because they don't feel they will be believed.

OCCASIONALLY???

False rape claims occur all the time because the girl has remorse the next day, changed her mind mid coitus, or just wanted to be a bitch and get a guy in a lot of trouble.

It should be impossible to try someone for rape unless definite signs of a struggle are present when you know the man. I'll grant you, being raped on the street by a stranger is a different situation, but date rape/knowing the rapist (NOT when the girl gets drugged) is a joke and should be dismissed 100% OF THE TIME.

My daughters know they better never come home and say they were date raped. They have been taught how to prevent that by myself and my husband.

OCCASIONALLY???

False rape claims occur all the time because the girl has remorse the next day, changed her mind mid coitus, or just wanted to be a bitch and get a guy in a lot of trouble.

I used the word 'occasionally' because when I wrote that post, I was thinking of very specific circumstances, and perhaps I didn't make that clear. I agree with you in general that false complaints are frequently made by women cheating on their partners and seeking to justify their own poor behaviour by falsely crying rape. I also agree that some of these complaints are made purely out of malice. Unfortunately, these complaints have to be treated as genuine until investigation reveals otherwise.

I used the word 'occasionally' because when I wrote that post, I was thinking of very specific circumstances, and perhaps I didn't make that clear. I agree with you in general that false complaints are frequently made by women cheating on their partners and seeking to justify their own poor behaviour by falsely crying rape. I also agree that some of these complaints are made purely out of malice. Unfortunately, these complaints have to be treated as genuine until investigation reveals otherwise.

That's not exactly fair to the poor guys it happens to.

Except for the rape on the street or dark hallway where the rapist is not known to the victim, the woman DOES bear a lot of responsibility for its prevention.