Getting a top to SLOW DOWN during anal

So I am the first person with whom my husband has ever had anal sex. He's slowly coming over to the kinky side, and realizing that the butt isn't just a consolation prize for when he can't have the vagina.

On more than one occasion, we've had to stop for the night because his monkey brain takes over and he tries to fuck my ass like he would a vagina. We've had numerous conversations about slowing down and taking more time than he would when we normally have sex, but all that seems to fly out the window in the heat of the moment.

How to you get a less experienced top to SLOW DOWN?

I see you're new here. I don't fool around when something needs to be addressed.

You can always pull away, look him in the face and tell him.

Maybe a slap in the face is in order if you felt your anus was hurt after a warning.

You could also jam a dildo up his ass and ask him how he likes it.

After several aborted attempts, he will learn.

Men!

You're absolutely right. Somewhere in my head is that little voice that women are enculturated to have that says, "Don't make waves. Defer to him. Just grin and bear it," which is really dangerous to have in a sexual environment.

It's not just men.

I have on occasion had to tell "special Friend" she is being too rough on my ass. Not so much with the "gal Pal" as she has better control and feelings on each stroke. Of course if, or when, she gets to that almost there for her, seems her clit takes over and she is lost to the outside world. Only the big "O" is on her mind, I am just along for a fantastic ride. Is that a case of all the blood draining from the big head to the little nub?

I will admit to doing the same a few times. WhenI am taking his ass this excites me very much and I a few times had to have him say, "slow down babe" followed by a few grunts and growns from him. I can't help it, pegging my man get ME all excited. SO I guess before you start you might want to remind him that he is going to have to keep it slow until you give him clues otherwise. And I agree iwth the other, mem sometimes can only learn when they have had the same done to them a few times, take his ass al little harder than you need to once or twice, he will get the idea I am guessing pretty quickly.

Mashie

Like Susie said, look him in the eye and tell him SLOW DOWN!

He'll et the message soon enough.

I love my husband's thick cock in my bottom, but its taken training to get him to the point where its mutually enjoyable.

Good luck!

You could also try being on top, that way you could control how fast and deep you are taking his cock.

Doing anal should not hurt the one being penetrated- EVER. Since your husband is obviously going to fast and causing pain, then he has to change what he is doing or he should not be allowed to have your ass. A firm clear message needs to be delivered and if he doesn't comply, the backdoor will be closed for sex until further notice.

I love doing anal and relish the rare occasions I get to do with it my wife. My wife had never done anal before meeting me and really wasn't interested in doing it until she finally decided to give it a try when we were on vacation. I love to go slow and feel all the sensations- the tight grip of her anus and the smooth folds inside her rectum. You really can't feel this if you are pumping fast. I absolutely want this to be pleasurable for my wife so she will do it again and again.

First time anal, always talk about the risk and enjoyment if both understand how to go about it. I introduced my wife to anal by gently rubbing her anus slowly, using lots of lube and slowly inserting my finger tip inwards but very slowly. It's always an uncomfortable feeling having a finger inter you. So I bought an inflatable butt plug. Each day we slowly insert it till she said stop. Most cases the anus is not the same angle of the vagina, it's downwards straight down. After aweek and she was able to now begin enjoying the fullness she began pumping the bulb. She felt so relaxed she said lets do it. Her sphincter muscle was now loose and my member slid in smoothly, no pain or discomfort. I began slowly pumping down, her buttocks upwards. After the second month we were having anal sex 3 nights aweek. She still prefers anal over vaginal sex. This worked for us. Fast isn't the answer. Go slow and both will enjoy it.

Eye on eye. Warn gently, try to be on top to take control. If both doesnt succeed fuck him hard in the ass to understand what you feel but first tie him up not to escape while being fucked... this sensation teachs him who is the boss. I guess so.

I'm not going to even go there. If someone doesn't appreciate how painful this can be they need some remedial education by having an analogous experience administered by yourself. What's sauce for the goose is well you know.

I reiterate what I posted here two and a half years ago. ^^^^^

This isn't funny, The top needs to show respect for the submissive/bottom.

If he is your husband and he loves you, then his job is to try his best to please you, not himself.

If he won't slow down, then your ass is just a convenient hole for him to masturbate in.

If he values his pleasure over your pleasure and enjoyment, then the two of you have a bigget problem as a couple. It starts with RESPECT, respect for partner and respect for self.

It starts with RESPECT, respect for partner and respect for self.

Well said. And isn't that really the answer to most partner-related questions on this site?

My dear one enjoys my finger's clever understanding of what really, really feels gooood. My dick ain't that smart, most of the time.

Although I have always been anally erotic, it took me well over 10 yrs into marriage to finally try anal sex and because he was usually way too over eager it took several more yrs of trying and putting on the brakes to finally succeeding.

I have only had anal with one other man and It takes some slow prep and patience on his part, but it is soooo worth it for both of us. I love feeling him inside of me, its different sensations and such an intense orgasm. Feeling him spasm and cum in my ass is simply delicious. Knowing how much he is enjoying it and that I am giving him such pleasure makes it even more worth the extra effort .

If your partner is not completely patient with you and its causing more discomfort than pleasure let them know and if they still don't listen its time to tell them , no more .

I like long, slow strokes, that start with just the tip in, and all the way to the balls. When I'm ready to come, I will control the tempo, and it's more to do with pushing him in further than speed. When he's ready to come, I don't mind if he speeds up a bit, as long as he knows that jack-rabbiting is never acceptable.

My husband's and my likes for anal are all over the field.

Sometimes we like it shallow and slow, shallow and fast, other times deep and slow and others deep and fast, but there are criteria for the deep and fast insertions.

You can go deep and fast once the probe is all the way in, but NOT when initially passing through a curve. You can go hard and fast while IN the sigmoid, while IN the descending, but NOT when going from the sigmoid INTO the descending because you have to pass through a curve which can be painful if it hasn't been "straightened out" first. Likewise you can go hard and fast once IN the descending, but NOT passing through the curve from the sigmoid INTO the descending. Once the tip is IN the descending, you can go hard and fast in the descending.

The initial passage through the curves should be slow.

@Buttwoman , once things are going I do like a little light version of " jack rabbiting " perhaps we can call it jack bunnying ? ? Lol

SS- Going repeatedly thru the bend is the best. The first couple times have to be very slow, and easy.

bridgette- There's a time and a place for everything. Sometimes fast slamming is fun. As long as the guy realizes ALL sex is not super fast paced.

Absolutely, Buttwoman ! There is an entire menu that should be enjoyed !

I had a sorority sister, who liked anal intercourse, tell me that in the beginning she always got on top so she could control the penetration as well as the speed.

I have been a top for introducing quite a few women to anal sex and while I won't claim being an 'expert', I do think I have some skill in that area.

With a new partner my first and ONLY priority is to have them enjoy it so that I can do it again! It's very simple, if they are in pain or discomfort or hate it the first time, then why would they ever let me try again?!?! So I am always prepared to pause or completely stop if it gets to be too much. Doing this also lets the woman know that I care about how she is feeling, and that I can put my pleasure BEHIND her 'pain'... and thus she can trust me to care about her feelings for this and any other kinky things I may propose.

While subs can completely lose control in pleasure or give up total responsibility for their actions, the tops JOB is to maintain their control and never get carried away in such a way that could cause pain to the sub/bottom. It's a responsibility that we (gladly) take on in return for their submission. Any Dom/top that can't do that has no business being a Dom/top. If you 'lose control' even once during a scene, why would a sub ever believe you will adhere to the safe words that they may use, which could put them in real danger.

As for the OQ, warn him once that if he doesn't slow down he will NEVER get to fuck your ass ever again!

The lady definitely should be in control if there is any level of discomfort. I agree, with the woman being on top, she can control the speed and depth of the penetration in her backside. She can also hold it in deep to maximize the sensation as she orgasms. Then train him to maintain the same speed and depth in other positions as well. That way you can be more submissive but in comfort.

Bend the top over and demonstrate how you do it right on them?