Chaperones

Yes! I told him I didn't feel comfortable with the other person in the room .

i think that's cool that you'd rather be alone with him than have a chaperone, given he's opposite gender. i may be wrong, but I think most women would tend to prefer a woman chaperone present when the doc is male. Now the medfet women on this site may disagree, but I think about all the non medfet women. And how many women can be some combo of shy, uptight, paranoid, self conscious, or whatever.

The doc typing your decline in the system is like a disclaimer in case something occurs later that may spark a controversy or issue. That he did his job by offering or providing, but that you declined at your own prerogative.

In a way, i would think it has to be somewhat awkward for all 3 parties involved:

Consider the doc. Someone has to watch or witness him doing his job, as if he can't be trusted on merit. As if he can't trust the patient, that the patient might misconstrue something or become offended in some way by a touch or a comment.

Consider the patient: Not used to being exposed and touched in front of strangers, unfamiliar people, normal everyday life, Now there are multiple sets of eyes on him/her. The patient may feel awkward enough having a doc performing an examination. And then to have someone watching on top of it.

Consider the chaperone. There to watch. There to witness. Among a doctor &/or patient already awkward by the situation of having to have that chaperone present. A potential for all 3 parties to feel awkward at once.

Then consider myself as a patient. Say with a female doc and a female chaperone. (Similar to my derm doc and any of her various assistants.) Now let's "suspend some disbelief". Consider that they might get the feeling I dig a CFNM scenario and how it turns me on. And perhaps I bring a warmness to the situation. And all 3 of us become very comfortable in it with each other, and become more accustomed to it with each successive appointment.

Lots of avenues for thoughts......

If anyone was uncomfortable with the doctor, I don;t think a stranger chaperone would help any.

If anyone was uncomfortable with the doctor, I don;t think a stranger chaperone would help any.

I don't know about you, but I'm uncomfortable with ALL my doctors - at least for a while.

I don't blame any physicians for having a chaperone. Today's society is law suit crazy. Some people look at doctors as rich people who can afford to pay for bogus law suits. A friend of mine who was an OB-Gyn for years just gave it up, because of the outrageous malpractice insurance premiums. He now works in a drug rehab center and has low malpractice insurance rates.

I don't blame any physicians for having a chaperone. Today's society is law suit crazy. Some people look at doctors as rich people who can afford to pay for bogus law suits. A friend of mine who was an OB-Gyn for years just gave it up, because of the outrageous malpractice insurance premiums. He now works in a drug rehab center and has low malpractice insurance rates.

The problem with OB/GYN is that their liability doesn't end until the statute of limitations runs out - it begins when the baby reaches the age of majority. A 21 year old can claim that their headaches are a result of the delivery and sue the now retired doctor.

If anyone was uncomfortable with the doctor, I don't think a stranger chaperone would help any.

A chaperone would help in cases where a patient was worried or concerned that a doctor might take advantage of the patient's vulnerability, or in cases where the patient would be generally uncomfortable left alone with someone of the opposite gender, say. it would be mostly cases where there is a lack of trust, that the patient believes with a chaperone present, the doctor won;t be able to get away with anything that would be deemed inappropriate.

I don't know about you, but I'm uncomfortable with ALL my doctors - at least for a while.

I wouldn't see a doctor with whom I felt uncomfortable. I left a primary care doc and traveled an extra 15 miles for that very reason.

The problem with OB/GYN is that their liability doesn't end until the statute of limitations runs out - it begins when the baby reaches the age of majority. A 21 year old can claim that their headaches are a result of the delivery and sue the now retired doctor.

I do believe that in most states, 18 is the age of majority, although the limitations period would begin to run at that time. At least n the state with which I am familiar, the longest limitations period was 2 years.

I don't blame any physicians for having a chaperone. Today's society is law suit crazy. Some people look at doctors as rich people who can afford to pay for bogus law suits.

You of course mean that American society is law suit crazy. Things don't work in the same way here in the EU countries.

You of course mean that American society is law suit crazy. Things don't work in the same way here in the EU countries.

Which explains why many states in America have seatbelt laws, which are non existent in many other countries that have significant amounts of traffic in places. The primary concern is a potential lawsuit and who would be at fault. America is concerned about lawsuits first, safety second.

There are people who tell you that the world is run by lawyers. Companies, corporations, etc, ultimately run by lawyers. The outcome of cases, issues, etc, again, in the hands of lawyers.

I don't know about you, but I'm uncomfortable with ALL my doctors - at least for a while.

I can certainly understand that. A patient places himself or herself in that vulnerable doctor/patient scenario with a new doctor, not quite exactly sure how that particular doctor may proceed when it comes various aspects of a physical. For the various physicals I've had with various docs, i can say there has been variation from doc to doc, as they seem to each proceed somewhat differently.

I wouldn't see a doctor with whom I felt uncomfortable. I left a primary care doc and traveled an extra 15 miles for that very reason.

When I think of the concept of uncomfortable patients, the tendency for me is to think of women, or very young males who just haven't yet gotten used to typical proceedings. If you were to ask me "What might make a male patient uncomfortable with a doctor?", I would guess things like:

- lack of trust in the doctor's knowledge or ability based on one or more observations, or perhaps a word of mouth account from one or more other patients (e.g. employees sharing experiences with their plant physician)

- a homophobic male not wanting to be touched by another male doc, and even perhaps sensing the male doc might be or is gay

- males from certain countries where their upbringing, culture, etc has them not wanting to be seen nude by the opposite gender (I'm think of accounts I've heard from middle easterners)

- something that's particularly physically uncomfortable, like huge fingers of a doc during a DRE (speaking from experience)

- a doc's attitude, trying to order the patient what to do - which may be condescending or trying to be too forceful in prescribing meds, insisting on exercise programs etc, maybe even to the point of actually going through the motions and making arrangements right there on the spot. (I've heard things)

I can say that there is a possibility I may become uncomfortable with the husband/wife primary care practice where I currently go. Basically last year I chose the woman to be my primary care doc, as I've chosen women for all of my medical needs, ranging from dentistry to dermatology to colonoscopies. But after last year's physical & follow up, all of my visits have been scheduled with her husband. I plan to schedule my next physical online with the wife. If they were to change that on me, and i wind up being examined by the husband, I would suspect either or both of them are uncomfortable with her examining me. That in turn would make me uncomfortable, and i would find another lady doc in my insurance network and move on.

To come back full circle on the subject of chaperones, last year she did not perform a hernia / genital exam at all. Now, as they don't employ nurses in their private practice, would I prefer her husband be present as a chaperone in order for her to conduct a hernia/genital exam if that's what she would insist upon, or would i rather just skip it altogether, assuming those were my only 2 choices ?

I'm enjoying this discussion and all of the thoughtful comments that have been made.

In regards to the question posed above asking "what might make a male patient uncomfortable with a doctor?" I think you can drop the word male and the most common answer from both males and females would be simply that they are not comfortable divulging very personal health and lifestyle information nor are they comfortable with intimate physical contact and nudity around a stranger. And I think for a majority of people where this is a concern, a chaperone would be nothing more than an extra set of eyes and ears who have to see and hear all the uncomfortable parts of an exam.

Actually, for me, it's attitude and an undefinable energy.

A doctor who tries to make me work for them will NEVER get my trust. They need to understand who pays whom. I understand that they have medical standards and ethics but they are my medical consultants. I make the final decisions while I'm able.

Doctors are people. I know you've met people that give you the heebie-geebies before they even speak. I've met doctors just like that.

Actually, for me, it's attitude and an undefinable energy. A doctor who tries to make me work for them will NEVER get my trust. They need to understand who pays whom.

Well said. I feel absolutely the same way.

My female dr has a female nurse present during the entire exam and assists as needed. Yes she sees my completely naked. I dont mind

I have had one experience with a nurse in the room during a dermatology exam and was uncomfortable with it. The doc was male and the nurse was a young female. It was the nurse who had taken me back to the exam room and ask questions about my health and any spots on my skin that I wanted the doctor to know about. One of those spots was on my scrotum so I skipped telling her about that one and figured that I would tell the doctor when he came in. Anyway, she told me to get undressed and put on an exam gown and she left the room. I didn't assume that she would come back in with the doctor but she did and was there for the entire skin exam. So she was going to know that I hadn't mentioned the spot on my scrotum to her and now I was telling the doc about it. She mostly looked away during my exam but the doc asked her to help as he removed the spot on my scrotum. I've had a female physician's assistant do the full skin exam before and wasn't embarrassed but maybe because this nurse looked really young I was self-conscious about her being there. I really didn't understand why a male doctor needed his female assistant present for my exam as that was the only time I had ever had that happen. I agree that my embarrassment wasn't rational but it did make me think twice before seeing that doctor again.

@davidwest, I think it's natural to be embarrassed from time to time when it comes to this stuff, for whatever reason. The basis for it likely has a lot to do with the fact that we're just not used to discussing sensitive places with people. So it does make things awkward, and our instinct is to try to find the most comfortable way to deal with it. in your case, it was to wait until you were with a male doctor who could check it out and treat you.

I think what you could do if ever you wanted to withhold information from someone, only to have to disclose it later in front of them, is do the "Oh yeah, I just remembered..." line, or "Oh, wow, I almost forgot..." as if you didn't remember your issue at the time the nurse was dealing with you, and then as time went on and you started to delve into the reason for the visit.

My dermatologist's assistants usually ask me ahead of time if there's anything I want to discuss with the doc, & usually i don't have any specific concerns. But then as the exam goes on or we discuss certain things, maybe something does come up. So it's always okay to refrain from divulging anything to the nurse that you don;t want to, and then to bring it up later

You make a good point. A lot of patients don't want share the embarrassing reason that they are seeing the doctor with the nurse before an exam. I haven't usually had that problem but I left out that piece of info when she asked about any particular spots that I wanted the doctor to look at. My regular doctor at this dermatology office had left the practice and I didn't know that when I made my appointment so I ended up with a new young doctor and his young nurse. That was alright except I didn't think she would be in the room during my exam. It wasn't that she was female but it was her age that I think made it embarrassing for me. My prior doctor who had left this office was female and I had no problem getting a full skin exam from her. This are thorough skin checks where I have been told to take everything including underwear off and put on a cloth exam gown. Part of my embarrassment was that she was standing behind me while the doctor was in front of me and those are always bare butt situations. Plus once I told the doctor about the spot on my scrotum then of course I'm asked to lie back on the exam table and my gown is now up to my waist so everyone can take a look. Since it was something to remove, I got a shot in my scrotum and then the spot gets sliced off. A shot in the scrotum stings but the slicing off part was nothing.

Interesting enough at my wife's last gyn appt, the male dr did not have a chaperone. I was curious if it was because I was there. This was her first exam at this practice.

The last few dermatologists I've gone to had an assistant in the room with an ipad to document and photograph the proceedings.

I have my next exam with the dermatologist upcoming (I posted about last year's exam previously) and when thinking about it I think even though they are both female I would feel more comfortable with only the doctor in the room but I understand it's for her convenience and perhaps protection.

It is true that there is more embarrassment with both women present but there's something more comfortable about being exposed or asking intimate questions when it's only the doctor in the room.

When I had dermatologist exams, it was usually that a nurse was inside the room most of the time. The photographical documentation did two nurses in a seperate room after the doctor instructed them.

Only ever once been offered a Chaperone when being examined intimately by a Female Doctor, she did however say that its bad enough being examined by one person, yet alone another watching. Didn't worry me anyway, liked the experience.

Understand the reason behind having a chaperone.

I personally prefer the no chaperone in the exam room, but I also understand the need. So if the doctor has one, I just go with it.

At an exam I had last year, the nurse came in with the doctor and she stood near the counter, I assume taking notes. She then opens the door and walks out. The doctor was moving around the exam table and at some point the draped sheet falls to the ground. She either didn't see it fall or didn't care. Neither did I care. So when the door opens again, I was surprised to see the nurse coming back into the room. Why? I thought she might have not been needed and left to ready the next patient, or something.

When the door opens, ALL THE WAY, she stops dead in her tracks and did that lurch backwards with the OMG expression on her face! She sees me sitting there naked. She reaches over to the counter and deposits some paperwork, the door still wide open, turns back around and closes the door. She then half looks up at me too check that she saw correctly, yes I'm naked on the exam table. She simply shrugs her shoulders and attends to her paperwork.

I was confused about her awkward body language, as I was there for a skin exam. She must see nude patients in her daily work routine. Why would I be any different from any other patient undergoing the same full body skin exam? Plus, she is acting as a chaperone and should expect to see, or hear, something. No?

As a man, I don't feel it applies to me. But, I think it is a good idea for a doctor to have someone with him. This day and age, you can't be too safe. "Me too" can strike anyone!

1) I will agree in some cases "Me too" has maybe gone too far, however I do think it has helped to shed light on some that have gotten away with heinous crimes.

2) As for a doctor needing to have a chaperon with male patients you might want to google a couple of names.

First, Dr Richard Strauss. He was the athletic physician at Ohio State from 1979 to 1997 and has been accused of molesting an estimated 1,500 to 2,500 male athletes durning mandatory physical exams. A lot of interesting information on him.. I would encourage you to check it out.

Second, Dr. Homer L. Kirkpatrick of Miami Florida. He is accused of sexually molesting HIV patients at his clinic. Another interesting read.

That's just 2 I can think of off the top of my head but I'm sure if I did some research I could find a lot more. Just because you're male don't think it couldn't happen. There are a lot of messed up people out there.

I have only had the experience of a chaperone being present in the exam room once during an examination. This was a number of years ago in an office I was sent to for a preemployment exam. The doctor was a middle aged Caucasian male who kept his female nurse in the room throughout the exam. It really added a lot to the anxiety and embarrassment I felt during the exam and was terrible to go through but has given me tremendous pleasure thinking back about it over the years since it occurred. I do not know how others feel about it, but I find it embarrassing for staff members in the doctor's office to know what I have been through just because they know why I am there and what the doctor's routine is, but to have someone present to witness the proceedings and actually hear the doctor instruct me and see me submit is incredibly humiliating. Not to mention the fact that this particular female nurse actually watched the examination and got an unobstructed view of my genitalia and my anus since she positioned herself to have a full view of my body.

I have not had the opportunity to have a witness for a play exam but this is definitely on my wish list. For it to be the most satisfying experience, it would need to be a stranger rather than someone known to me. Part of the thrill for me would be having a stranger see my genitalia for the first time.

I never had a chaperone specifically but did have a dr in training once. He just stood by a watched with unobstructed view of everything. I had a wart on my penis shaft removed by freezing as well as the physical that time and he did participate in that with my dr's instruction.

I have had a physician assistant in the room during a physical. I thought it was a bit over the top during the prostate exam. He asked if it would be ok,I said yes. I probably won't next time.

I’ve been to some male and female doctors but can’t say I’ve ever had a chaperone. I think I would honestly feel more comfortable being alone with the doctor vs another person seeing me naked.

Over the years I've had dozens and dozens of doctor visits for a variety of reasons. I prefer having female doctors as I feel like, in general, they care more and they don't rush my visit. Until recently I have never had a chaperone present.

I've had several skin exams by my dermatologists. Over the years I've had on male and several female dermatologist. Recently I moved from the big city to a more remote area. I have a new female dermatologist whom I had 2 vists with. The first was for my six month skin exam and the second was for a follow up for a rash. Nudity in the doctor's office doesn't bother me so routinely I am completely naked once the med tech takes my vitals and leaves the room, saying the doctor will be in shortly. Minutes later the doctor knocks and enters. I stand and introduce myself and shake her hand. She greets me, smiles and is not phased in the least with my nudity. Right behind her enters the med tech. She's about twenty. Her eyes visibily got bigger. Not sure how many naked men she's seen before. After a brief pause the doctor pulled out a rather small flimsy paper towel and asked me if I'd cover my gemitals for the benefit of the med tech. I did but was a bit mystified. Since there was a fair amount of movement during the exam, the towel really didn't cover much most of the time. I had a rash in the genital area that need a more thorough than usual inspection. I was fine, the doctor was fine, but the med tech seems a bit uncomfortable. The med tech did nothing but be present in the room for the exam, so I guess she was acting as a chaperone.

On my second visit about two weeks later, I was still pretty much the same routine. This time however there was a different med tech. It was a female maybe in her mid twenties. Med tech and me first. Then the med tech leaves and tells me to strip and the doctor will be in shortly. Knock on the door and doctor enters followed by the med tech. I'm naked, stand and greet the doctor. I have a quick exam and doctor says the rash is getting better but she wants me to use a different medication, smiles and leaves. The med tech is still in the room and tells me about the new medication. I'm still naked and walk over to her to get the new medication and she tells me how and when to use it. She was very comfortable with my nakedness, as I was. I guess she was acting as a med tech and a chaperone.

Those are the only two times I've had someone else present for a doctor's visit. I guess I really don't have a problem with a chaperone being present.

I really don't see the need for a pure chaperone doing nothing bar observing, but a second person if a nurse I like the idea of, for me ideally, it would be a young male nurse, or med student, assisting a male doctor.