I just have to add: "If you don't look, you won't find." I realize that many of us have searched for people "like us" our whole lives, but here is what I did.
I actually started posting for medfet partners on Craigslist. I designed the posts to be detailed, but not so much that I would get flagged. I got lots of false positives (guys, women wanting to sell me their photos, etc.), but I soon learned to weed those out. I kept a running post on CL for 2+ years, not always the same subject, but similar enough so I would get responses. I played a fair amount during those years, but avoided intercourse (STD's). My current wife answered my ad, and that, as they say, was THAT. We played together regularly, and then decided it would be better if we lived together...
I say this to tell everyone: LOOK! Even if you're a sub girl. If you're a girl, you'll get dick pics, stalkers, one night stands, people who really don't understand your kinks, women (I'm straight, so always looked for the opposite sex), people with whom you're just not compatible, etc., but advertising WORKS.
Bits of advice (I'm sure you know this, but...) use a different account than your home account. sign up on CL with that different account. NEVER use your phone # to verify that account. ALWAYS look online to see if the person who's contacted you is a criminal. Most people who answer CL ads for kinks are not, especially women. However...
Say WHAT you want. If you're a sub, don't post the plaintive, "I'm a sub" ad. Post specifics. DO NOT suggest you like such things as "EDGE PLAY." Many of us men who give enemas to women have a bit of a cruel streak--that's not necessarily bad, it's just that you need to know if this person desires to harm you, or give a bit of pain (if you like it)--these are two totally different things. My wife is not a painslut. If she was, I'd be sure to meet her needs. As it is, I resist the impulse.
There are LOTS of quality people with kinks like yours and mine, in every walk of life. It's just about finding the right person. I looked a long time, and fell in love with this ONE person, out of the play partners I had (and there were quite a few). She is my partner, my love, my heart and soul. Sometimes I'm not dominant enough in the bedroom just because of that (she wants to be used--hard, and sometimes I worry that I'll damage her). What I'm saying here is that every person is different, with different kinks. She was looking for me when she found me by answering my ad. I was looking for her when I posted.
If you want a particular type of person, ASK.
A very wise person once said that the person who asks receives, the person who seeks finds, and the person who knocks on a door will see it open. This is both the best advice for anyone in business and the best advice for you and me, looking for love in strange places & strange ways.
Good Luck!