From a very young age, I have always been charmed by our ability as humans to fart, and expressed great joy in my ability to make music with my behind. Iâve learned that farts have many uses and are used for many situations. For instance, if I meet someone I donât like, I can use my farting as a weapon and they will usually back off. I love fart humor and there is certainly a humor factor. I remember cutting an SBD or two in gym class, then running across to the other side of the gym while unbeknownst to him, the would be victim was left in a cloud of gas not knowing where it had come from, and I was on the other side secretly laughing. On vacation trips, I always sat in the backseat directly behind my dad where he would blow out enough gas that was the equivalent of an H-bomb. In this position, I was always down-wind of this. My mother joked and told him if they could bottle up his farts and send it abroad, the government could use it strategically for chemical warfare against the enemy. But there is a double standard with regard to farting. One day I remember my dad caught me âbreaking windâ as we had called it back then. He scrunched up his face and looked at me in disdain saying that it was not ladylike to do so. I told him that I believed in F.R. (farterâs rights) and that if he could go around the house annihilating everything in sight, so could I. I am fully aware of fart etiquette and that it is definitely frowned upon in formal public settings such as a dinner party, weddings, and family gatherings, business meetings, etc. But when I am at home with my immediately family, all bets are off.
My husband used to work next to a man who also enjoyed fart humor. He always cut SBDâs and to warn others not to come near, he would silently and slowly hold up a sign saying, âIt was me.â I thought this was extremely funny and told my husband if I had worked next to him and he had done that, I would probably laugh, run over and grab the sign and ram it where the sun don't shine.
Farts are useful in that they can also act as a barometer as to whether or not you need a good enema and could indicate that you have not been eating healthy. If it smells very rancid, sour and flagrant, thereâs a good chance you do need a good cleaning out. Stay tuned. I will be writing a piece about how farting can lead to an enema.