How hard is spanking too hard?

Is there a too hard for spanking?

You will know. I spank hard enough to get the butt red after a few swats. Too hard leaves bruises in my opinion. A nice pink-red fanny on my wife does the trick. Also, look for real tears versus fighting, screaming, and plain defiance. Once the real tears start, you've done your job.

I have had disciplinary spankings and there have always been hard, very hard. I was red and sore for 2-3 days sometimes more. A light paddle and then the belt or strap

Depending on what you want, more moderate swats given for a longer period of time will leave you red for a while, but without broken blood vessels and black and blue marks that fewer very hard hits will produce.

My man is doing a lot better in the spanking department. He still hasn't made me cry yet, but I don't think it has anything to do with how hard he is spanking me, but more about the love he puts into the spanking in the first place.

I want him to be mentally strong enough to make me his total submissive, and I think I am actually ready for that. I want him to have me stand in front of him, preferable with me standing only in my panties, nothing else. I love it when he tells me first why I am going to be getting punished, but love it even more when he tells me things like "you knew my rules and what I expected from you."

One day I am going to actually convince him to "man up" a little bit, and while I am being made to stand there facing him in nothing but my panties, nervous about what he is going to do to me next.

So next I watch him un-zip a little bit so he can pull his belt off. Not sure what position he would want me in for that spanking, and I can't say that I really have a preference in this case either. But long story short. I want to be spanked at his hand, with his belt. He's always been sort of afraid to hit women, and it's taken him 4 years to be able to even slightly spank me. I am very proud of him for that.

However Doc, it you are out there listening someplace, read my next few words. I want you to take your belt off and use it on me, and not the love taps either. I want to be totally your sub and have no question in my mind that I am not in control, you are. And then when you have gone over my infractions, I want you to take your belt completely off and spank me with that same belt. And make it like you mean it too. That's what I want my love. And by all means, bruising and other such various marks are highly a sought after thing for me these days. So, let 'er rip

Love Mashie

Damn, Girl. You are brave. Bravo! I enjoy being spanked, too, but don't get it often enough or as hard as I'd like. But I haven't really found the one I can trust to do it who is also into it. My boyfriend enjoys spanking or being spanked but in the vanilla kind of way. He's not very aggressive so I always have to encourage him to do it harder and even then, it wouldn't hurt a hummingbird. I'd like to find that lover who could take me over the edge and spank me to tears. There's a whole lotta stuff in my past that I need to get out but I've gotten pretty good at keeping it inside and seeming unaffected by it. Crying would be tremendously cathartic for me.Being with a trusted lover who cares for me but who also knows to push me beyond my comfort zone and be there to catch me on the other side would be heaven.

It sounds like you've found the right partner with Doc. I hope you're able to get everything you've ever dreamed of with him and through spanking. It sounds like you're on your way to that. * hugs *

Dianne

Not all girls will allow themselves to cry.

Hello egirlky, I really think that the front of a stiff hair brush will produce enough discomfort to produce tears without doing any serious damage. I do not believe in straps, whips, canes or paddles which cause blistering or break the skin. The bristles of a hairbrush, applied firmly and repeatedly will bring on great discomfort without doing any permanent damage to the skin. Also, after a spanking session it is proper to apply a soothing cream or lotion to the affected area. The recipient of the spanking will remember the stinging and humiliation and may not sit very casually for a few days but will have no real harm.

If the recipient needs further punishment, administer a nice warm enema while the bottom is still stinging. She will have to sit on the toilet to expel the enema and that should be enough punishment for most naughty people.

StevenS, I think you're the first person I've encountered suggesting the bristle-side of the hairbrush be used. I agree with you.

When I was a kid and a buddy told me that his mom had used a hairbrush on him. I assumed it was the bristle-side (otherwise, why not just use a paddle?)

I was very curious what that might be like. When I next had the house to myself, I went into my parents bedroom, dropped my pants and gave the bristle-side of moms hairbrush a try. Wow, a very potent tool I discovered. I particularly liked that it made very little noise and therefore I could spank myself with it and not attract attention.

When my boyfriend spanked me, it was always too light. It was his idea so after having reluctantly agreed to try it, I never had the courage to tell him that I liked it and that I would have preferred it harder. I was very red after but it never actually hurt at all, it was more like a nice, arousing massage. He only used a belt once, otherwise it was always hes hands. I think I preferred the belt.

So how hard is too hard? I guess when it stops being enjoyable and becomes torture.

Spanking resulting in bleeding, blisters or black and blue marks usually means it is too hard for most people, but sometimes that's what you're looking for. 😁

Breaking skin would always be too hard for me. Marking is fine, and even desirable, but for me not a goal in and of itself. Marks are a great reminder the next day (or so).

Too much one day may not be enough another day. I'm spoiled to be able to play with one person who has come to know me fairly well. He watches and 'reads' where I am, often riding me just below my safeword. Somehow he knows when I thinking, "Can I take more? Yes, no, yes...no!"

There are really two sides to this question. The replies so far are from the spankee's perspective, whereas the spanker's perspective is equally important.

Some years ago I played with a female sub who was VERY into spanking. Over several years I progressed in intensity and the severity of the implements employed. No matter how harsh the spanking, she always wanted more. Eventually I ended the relationship, as "blood on the walls" (literally) and marks that resembled a crime scene were too much for ME. I was not interested in serving a pain slut and took no pride or pleasure in what she sought past a certain point. While I respect anyone who pursues what they want, I was not willing to serve her desires. I hope she found someone who would - safely.

Finding the edge of pleasure and pain is what this is (mostly) about. Both ends of the paddle (sic) must be synchronized.

Breaking my skin or causing heavy bruising is over the top. Mild bruising that lasts a day or two serves as a reminder who is in charge. My first wife always would change (after what she deemed to be sufficient deep reddening) from a paddle type instrument to more of a switch such as a split tail tawse or Cat-of-nine-tails type flogger to raise a few welts to remind me that She was in charge.

When my wife paddles my naked butt i got it coming in spades---and my bare butt hurts and is red after--but no abrasions or welts just a red damn sore bare butt

"Marking" is 'The Red Badge of Courage'.

I would say long as it doesn't break skin it's not too hard

What the purpose and the goal of the spanking will need to be agreed upon. Is the spanking a punishment for something specific? Are tears a goal? Or is it a prelude or preparation for other treatments like enemas. One person's "hard" may be "light" to another and vice versa, the same with "long" or "short". This is a matter to be worked out and understood by the one to be spanked and the spanker before spankings should be commenced. Once the "safety zone" is understood the spanking can be applied within a healthy boundary.

I always felt that a spanking that leaves the bottom red and sore for about a day was the right degree of harshness. I visit a dominatrix twice a year (with my wife's blessing) and one time she overdid it, leaving a welt on one buttock and my bottom was sore for 5 days - definitely excessive.

I watch my subgirl....a good dom knows when she 's had enough....welts...? broken skin...? it all depends on how she's taking them and what the goal is between the two of you for that session....punishment...? or foreplay..?

When the cops come and arrest you for assault, then it was too hard.

Ask yourself the question, if the recipient changes his/her mind, could I be charged with assault?

I completely understand that this is between consenting adults, but shooting someone with a stun gun or pellet gun would be assault even if the person asked for it for whatever reason. Aldo, make harn certain the person being spanked is of adult age.

When you break skin and draw blood, that's too hard.

I use my hand or a small, soft leather paddle with feathered edges and never cause a welt or break the skin but I can cause as much discomfort as anyone wants.

I agree, if you draw blood it is definitely too hard..

Lillygirl I find that my small paddle, used repeatedly until the girls bottom is bright red, produces a lasting effect without causing any welts or permanent harm, (except to her dignity when she goes to sit down forgetting the condition of her bottom.)

I really have trouble controlling laughter when a subject of mine does forget the condition of her bottom in public and "bounces" a few times trying to sit without pain. Laughing always upsets them and I hear about it later. If I have teased by asking, "Is something wrong?" I can expect to sleep on the sofa for a day or two.

It depends on what the spanned is looking for but would think breaking skin, bleeding and large welts is probably a good indication of too hard. I don't mind some bruising or stripes and redness that lasts for several days.

My wife would worry about hitting me too hard. I tell her as long as the belt is landing on the butt or upper thigh it can't really do any damage.

My wife spanks me with a bath brush, she does not warm me up first. Too hard is when i can not stay in place for my spanking, I wish she would start mildly hard but only 4 swats then a pause, then 6 with a pause, then 8 with a pause, before finishing with a long & harder spanking. I also wish that she would have me in a position that I could not move away from my spanking or have me restrained to keep me in place for a proper spanking.

Depends on the receiver and what they want. Have a safe word!

I have a selection of leather paddles in varying sizes that I love to use. They save my hands. Never have I ever broken skin or left blisters with the paddles, but done slowly, over time, they can leave a lovely red moon glow on the buttocks. Prior to a spanking, I run a horse grooming brush over the buttocks for 2-3 minutes to raise the blood to the surface. When they pinken up from the brush, I then start the paddling at a mild level, working up in intensity. This has never caused any damage or caused the skin to break. When the spanking is over, I rub the reddened bottom with a sheepskin mitt to soothe it prior to applying arnica cream or aloe gel to the skin. Never had any complaints. Open lesions after a paddling or spanking is unsafe and means it had been done too hard. Whether paddling or flogging, the warm-up is the important factor to prevent damage. I believe in making this activity enjoyable, not miserable.

While it seems to almost always involve alcohol, a heavy frat paddle, and drunken frat boys, people have actually gotten seriously injured, so there is such a thing as excessively hard. And, some folks have conditions which make spanking a bad idea. But, I've never heard of an injury with healthy people, over the knee, and a paddle, hairbrush, or bathbrush. A good hard spanking is going to be, well, hard, and it's going to hurt!