Safety... Real time meet ups

Id like to know how people handle the security of meeting up in real time?

To anal_submission. Quote (Sorry, 'Insert quote) isn't working at present) "I'd like to know how people handle the security of meeting up in real time?"

I posted in part of my blog on this question. The relevant part is-- "When a meeting is agreed I will supply my full correct name and my passport number as well as details of my car. I expect a patient to pass this information to a trusted friend, in confidence, together with details of the proposed venue. A patient need not tell the friend of the reasons for the meeting, unless they wish to. On arrival the patient should check my passport etc and if satisfied telephone or text the friend to say all is in order. This should be done whilst at the public location. They should then telephone or text the friend at agreed intervals and again on leaving. I cannot conceive of any other procedure which will not only ensure safety and a feeling of confidence but will likewise maintain my reasonable privacy too. I also commend these measures to people who do not intend to meet with me but see someone else instead. A playdoc who does not want to co-operate with these simple measures may not be reliable. Patients must take great care."

Feel free please to talk further to me on this subject at (YIM) - BigK148@yahoo.co.uk

All of the things said previously by Big K are all present and correct, I've met with him and I checked all the mentioned things. As a guideline I would stick to that.

Have fun!!

All you really need is a reference/recommendation like loobyloo just gave Bigk...I know loobyloo and I know BigK ,I've met them both in person so I know they are genuine and they know I'm genuine. Job done!

If you can't get a genuine reference then don't whatever you do meet a guy at his 'surgery' or 'private clinic' for your first appointment with him. Make sure it's done at a reputable motel such as Travelodge and make sure he books the room.

Avoid 'lurkers' / semi-lurkers.

Above all use your feminine intuition and please see my 'sticky' on this subject in the 'Meeting other people' section of this very fine site...

Dr Philip - The UK Play Doctor.

Agree with dr philip, always get a reference and never a surgery or clinic.

Personally, whilst echoing all of the above, I think that there is a lot to be said for meeting in public first. This works both ways - before I engage in play with anyone, I want to know they are what they say they are and that they are "normal". I also want to know that they are someone who I would enjoy playing with. I think that I would always be inclined to meet for coffee and a chat before deciding whether to meet again for play.

In most cases, I think that the loons can be spotted and any decent person will be willing (and indeed eager - for their own benefit) to engage with common sense precautions.

Something else I am interested in people's views on:

Many of us here have professional type jobs and whilst not necessarily "sensitive" professions or massively high ranking within their field (though there may be exceptions), people are concerned about their reputation and not being "outed" (except to other (genuine) medfet types). Obviously, most people here do not post under their real name or an identifiable photo. How do you ensure safety (your own and your patient/doctor's) without inadverently giving personal details that identify you out to someone who could not be genuine/could use them for spurious purposes?

I would say become actual friends first : )

Don't do any carnal activities 😎 😎 on your first meeting. On your first fetish/sexual experience DO NOT get restrained, especially your arms/hands.

Let a trusted friend know what you are doing and where you are. Then use a couple of safe calls.

Along with what Susi said,have a coffee or a meal first as well as a good talk.Take the thoughts home with you and decide later if you "clicked together" or not....Same as I do with other TG girls..

I would like to thank everyone for the wonderful words of advice. I am new to the world of medplay and really had never thought of the issue of safety until I was called on it by a gentleman I was talking to. He is on yahoo with me and started giving me all this information about me that I had not told him (full name, city I was from, age, ect). I was a little surprised and maybe for just a moment scared. He quickly told me that if I didn't want people to know that information that I should be more careful and I needed to change my profile info so that noone could find me without my knowledge. While we were talking I quickly took care of that problem. I was glad for the wake-up call. We all need to be more careful, you never know who you are talking to and what kind of person they really are. So again thank you all for the advice and thanks to the wonderful man who helped me to make sure I was being safe in my quest to fulfill my medfet dreams.

I prefer to chat several times prior to the actual meeting setting boundries etc. then meet in a public place for coffee to chat and make sure we are both comfortable.

The one time I did this, my friend and I had been talking via e-mail (chat was way too cumbersome to us in those days) for so long that we felt we knew each other very well. And, I think, that is the key. We knew each other and our kinks pretty much by the time we met.

It was very exciting to get naked and play with a very attractive young lady within 10 minutes of meeting each other face to face.

Speed

I think that building a relationship prior to actually meeting is very important, at least it is for me. If someone is not willing to have some pretty extensive conversations with me then they most likely aren't the type of playdoctor I'm looking for anway. I think you can generally tell quite a bit about a prospective playdoctor from your very first chat. I've had a number of so-called playdoctors want to see my genitals immediately without hardly the pretext of an exam. Spin makes an interesting point comparing a play session to a date. Any precautions you can take will help you to be safe. If a playdoctor says that they are experienced then they should be able to put you in touch with one of their patients. Having some sort of safe call worked out is a great idea that i've heard before as well. I don't have a problem with being examined on a first meeting but that of course all depends on comfort level.

Whenever it comes to safety, there always seems to be a bias against the doctor and towards the patient. One of the questions that's been lingering in the back of my mind was... what if the patient set the doctor up? The potential legal issues that can crop up are nearly endless...

I think that the bias results from the fact that generally the patient is submitting to to doctor. The patient is trusting the doctor to be professional and not do anything to hurt them. For the most part, the patient is in a more vulnerable position (which many of us enjoy!). Now, there is no reason that a patient couldn't be setting up their doctor as I don't think one role lends itself more to deception than the other. I would be interested to hear other people's perspectives (both doctor and patient) on this.

I'm probably the odd duck on this...but in reality getting together for medical play is no different than meeting in a bar or wherever and jumping in the sack later that night. A psycho playdoc is a psycho regardless of the setting. If extra strength security measures are needed you probably should not be meeting up with your potential doctor or patient

I always follow a common sense rule ... it's kinda like the online dating routine...don't join up...then chat up a storm with someone...if you don't plan to go out on a date. And if you go on that date armed with a security camera...ask for 3 forms of ID...carry a bottle of pepper spray...and maintain 2 friends at your side....it's gonna be a very miserable date

Being straightforward usually works out quite well at least for me...with new patients I usually chat a few times...trade a photo...make sure we agree on what the play scene involves...and maybe meet for coffee or whatever prior to the appointment. I've honestly never had a problem.

I share my basic info with a new patient...expect the same. If I sense way too much anxiety I simply don't go any further..which may be why I don't have problems

It doesn't need to be that complicated. Get your partners name, address, and phone number ahead of time. Call a friend when you get there, saying "I'm here" when you're done you call your friend saying "I'm done.". This is standard procedure. Make sure your cell is charged or you have access to a landline.

If something happens to you and you don't call in on time, that's your friends cue to send help.

This isn't a kink thing. It's an I-have-a-date-and-I'm-being-safe thing.

Don't rush a meeting. My enemate and I talked for nine months before deciding the time was right. Okay, we may have met earlier had he been in the same city instead of two hours away but since I had a boyfriend who came over every evening and stayed until late night, it was also difficult to find a good meet up time.

That said, get to know your potential partners before you plan a date. Connect through IMs, e-mail, private message, texts, etc., and talk about everyday things not just what kinks you share. After all, you want to find a person you can talk to before and after play, right? So take the time to get to know as many aspects of them as you can. I know some people will argue that people can pretend to be something they're not and that's a valid point but if you talk with them frequently, you can see behavioral patterns and determine how much of their life matches with their online persona. You can also decide if they appear to be hiding things from you, what they're hiding and why they may be hiding it. If they say they're single, yet they frequently have to drop the call or chat immediately, it might be that they are in a relationship. If their communication is sporadic and nonsensical, it can mean that they have a drug or alcohol problem or a mental illness that they're not treating properly. Just talking about them in an everyday setting can tell you how they spend their time and how they react to situations in their life and whether they are a negative or positive person and whether they are patient or impatient, jealous, obsessive or easygoing.

Communication is everything. I choose to take the time to get to know someone slowly and prefer quality over quantity and I am rarely disappointed for waiting until I feel safe and comfortable with someone.

If the other person is pushing for a meeting, don't give in. They're testing you. Don't give in to it. It's kind of like car salesmen pressuring you to buy a new car by saying the price is one day only. If they drop you for not wanting to meet until you feel safe and comfortable, they probably wouldn't care about your safety and comfort during play either.

Play it smart. Play it safe.

~ Dianne

Karma to you egirlky! I couldn't agree more honestly. I like to take a lot of time to chat and build a relationship before I meet anyone as well. I've found that most of the unsavory characters out there will bail pretty quick if they don't think you're just going to "hook up" with them right away.

Patchcast, I find it's worth the wait to find a good partner rather than a collection of so-so partners. I've been with my enemate for four years and he's a friend for life, as is my old-fashioned partner, who I've been with for ten years and my vanilla partner, who I've been with for 22 years. I don't see the point in having dozens of lovers over the years when a few will suffice to meet my physical, emotional and spiritual needs. Now all I need is a Daddy figure and I'd have all I need in life.

I agree with what everyone said on here. It's important to build trust before hand. Meeting in a public location for a coffee and a chat before anything happens will help you learn about your partner and gain trust. I think when it comes to medfet, both parties are as equally nervous.

Even though most people already know this, I just wanted to mention this safety precaution that applies to anybody you chat with on the internet -whether you plan to meet in person or not.

Don't email someone a picture of yourself that was taken with a smartphone. Almost all smartphone cameras Geotag the photos they take.

You can right click to properties on any photo and it will tell you the date the picture was taken. However, pictures with Geotags will have GPS information about the picture. Which, when opened with an EXIF Metadata Viewing Program (its easier to do than it sounds) it will give the recipient of the picture the latitude and longitude – the exact location -- of where the picture was taken. If that picture was taken at your home, they now have your address.

If that recipient has even minimal internet researching skills, they can find out more than you want them to with that little bit of info about you.

p.s. You can still email pictures you took with your smartphone, but you need to remove the GPS info first. There are a few ways to do this. One easy way is to save the picture to your computer desktop, right click on it, select properties, click on details, then select “remove properties and personal information.” Now you can email the picture with the GPS data removed.

Have fun and be safe!

Good advice, smithwen. Do pics still have geo info if you take them with your GPS disabled? I always keep mine off.

There are also tools you can use to remove the geo information from your photos after they are taken, as well as remove information such as the make/model/settings of your camera. You can also purposely modify the geotag information in a photo to throw somebody off.

Good Tips!

A very wise advise smithwen !a karma for that!

Always leave information with someone you trust, about where you're going, who you are meeting with and if possible...have that person phone you at a certain time (30min or 60min after the start of your play date) to be sure you answer/are able to answer. TELL the person you're meeting that you have set up this safety net! Choose a public (motel) place as opposed to hosting or going to the other person's home! Make sure you are seen, don't just sneak into the room so no one knows you are there! Having said all that, I've never had an issue with anyone. I screen doctors really well! - - -

I don't meet with anyone I haven't had good communication with and actually had a 'coffee date' with. Discuss EVERYTHING that you want and that they want in a scene/exam. Bring your own instruments if you are the patient. Unless the doc has disposable items that are still in the packaging you don't play with anything not provided by you!

I hope I understood your question and that this reply was helpful~

Very well said QueenCharlotte and a karmic bump to you. I quote what I messaged one of the members here regarding a play date in the hotel.

Let your play date know the hotel to arrive at but you let your friend know the room number first BEFORE letting your play date know it. That way, you eliminate the chances that you never intimate her.You should plan to call your friend at times (in minutes) 15, 30, 60, 90, 135 and 180 (this is about 3 hours. If you are not comfortable increasing the time intervals, you can keep it to a 15 minute interval all through) from the time the play date starts. If you miss calling her once, she should call you back and check as soon as possible. If you miss her call, she tries again. If you miss again, she calls the police. She knows the address and the room number and she had your bearings 15 minutes back.

The one thing I differ is where to meet. The best option is if you can host - that way, you are in your own surroundings and most comfortable and minimize the unknowns (basically the play doctor). As a play doctor, I for one, will not mess around with the play patient if they are in their own home - who knows what is kept where 😃 . The next best option is a hotel room, which you book yourself (that way there is traceable evidence) - if the costs are split or even if the play doctor is paying for the hotel costs, have them pay you. As a play patient, you want to leave as many traces as possible (and let the play doctor know about it) so that everyone involved knows that you cannot commit a crime and hope to get away with it. And yes, DO NOT EVER agree to a breath play or being restrained on your first date - those come much much later.

Hope this helps,

PlayMichael

I don't know if anyone else has experienced this, but I'm completely shocked at the amount of people that want to email a meeting place and time and meet up for a play date w/o getting to know me first. I realize that I'm a woman on a seemingly male dominated site, but there is no way I will meet up with anyone after 1 email message. The part that shocks me is that this must work for people. I, personally, like to form some sort of a relationship with someone via email, IM, or Skype, and then when I'm very comfortable I'll set a meeting. Has anyone else experienced this before?

Tkdgurl

You are absolutely correct to be cautious, safety is paramount. There are some who say that too much familiarity ruins the doctor patient dynamic but I think everyones personal safety must come before anything else.

In any event how could you relax and enjoy a meeting if you were worried you might come to some harm. It's worth waiting and being sure you can trust your potential play partner.