Is it cheating to meet someone to spank me?

Deceiving ones partner and hiding things is almost always a way to damage a relationship...

@Canuck_Brat Very true, but I think you can remove the word "ALMOST" from your statement!

It was broad phrasing of mine... If you are married to a very straight laced woman for example and you have always wanted to suck a cock but have no intentions to ever do so I maintain in examples like that hiding your desires is likely the kindest thing a man could do for his wife. Indeed I have heard of men who were divorced simply for admitting that even though they said they would never dream of acting on it. I live in a marriage where I keep no secrets and try to tell my husband everything... This is ideal to me but some relationships cannot stand complete truth, I don't think they need be destroyed by desire alone.

I live in a marriage where I keep no secrets and try to tell my husband everything... This is ideal to me but some relationships cannot stand complete truth, I don't think they need be destroyed by desire alone.

If we lived in a political or theocratic regime that demanded purity of thought from all individuals, then that would rightly be called a tyranny. If one cannot be free in the privacy of one's own imagination and mind, then there is no place left at all to be free.

So, to transpose this to a marriage would - in my eyes - lay the blame of oppression on the person demanding to police/control/allow the other partner's private thoughts. How presumptuous to think you are allowed to police/allow another person's desires to be thought or not. Seriously, that sounds very selfish and toxic. Anyone demanding that I purge myself of thoughts they did not like, does not sound like a very good person to keep as partner.

I agree agracier hence why I said not everything need to be told. When I say I tell my husband everything I was basically telling the truth but if I thought what I had in my mind would hurt him, he would not know. I tend to like to be a fairly open book...

If one cannot be free in the privacy of one's own imagination and mind, then there is no place left at all to be free.

@agracier Agreed and that's why all of my examples involved some action (getting a phone number, meeting for coffee), doing something to undermine the trust your partner had in you. Thoughts you own completely. You can think someone is other than your SO is attractive, you can fantasize about being with them, you can imagine any number of scenarios... but as soon as you take that first little step towards acting on those thoughts, or pursuing those fantasies - you've cheated.

Now to me, thoughts get a little 'messy' for instance when you are doing something like having sex with your wife. Are you allowed to be thinking you are having sex with some made up fantasy girl, or some movie star, or an Ex, or the hot neighbor next door? Of course you are, but you also know those thoughts would (most likely) be hurtful to your wife. I certainly don't want to think that my partner is fantasizing about 'Hugo the pool boy' when we're having sex. In these cases I think it's better not to think about what they're thinking! LOL

Sorry to say it, but yes it is. That is unless you have a predefined open and honest relationship. I would suggest to be open and honest and discuss your desires with your significant other before you act. Of course you can do things without telling, but that may come back to haunt you. Once you start that hidden lifestyle, it’s hard to stop, especially if it’s for personal pleasure.

While this is years too late for the OP, it's still an interesting question in my opinion. I agree with those who have said that whether it's cheating depends on the relationship and the expectations of both partners.

I know the OP won't see this, but I'm writing only to add that before you get engaged, you should think about what's important to you and what you can and cannot live without. If your partner isn't into spanking, but you know you can't live without it, that's something you should talk with your partner about before marriage. Or, if it's important to you to be able to find play partners / spanking partners outside of the marriage, that's also something you should discuss. If you understand each other and know what you each want and need, it makes the relationship a lot easier.

Of course, everyone here will probably agree that letting a partner know your kink is almost always easier said than done! 😃 Western culture is not particularly kink-friendly, though I think we're leaps and bounds above where we used to be. Still, in an ideal world, if both partners know and respect each other's wants and needs, there's a whole lot less conflict.

@agracier I agree 100% , you have the right to feel , love , desire and have fantasies even if you have to keep it private only to yourself .