Is it cheating to meet someone to spank me?

I'm interested in spanking. In fact, I've always been interested in it. Before I met my fiance I met up with people a few times to receive spankings or give spankings. Now that I have a fiance, I am wondering if meeting others (for spanking purposes only) would be considered cheating? Part of me thinks yes...part of me thinks no. I just don't want to feel guilty, but at the same time I have desires. And even though my fiance and I have engaged in some of these activities, I always wonder if I should just get my needs taken care of elsewhere and focus on other kinks with her.

Thank you to all for your suggestions!

Here are a couple of links to a similar discussion concerning enemas with others.

http://www.zity.biz/index.php?action=forum;topic=30464.0

http://www.zity.biz/index.php?action=forum;topic=1933.0

My opinion is that the decision is yours. You have to be ready to accept the consequences if your significant other finds out.

Does she spank you? Maybe you should try having a discussion with her about what you need. Would be a shame to go elsewhere for something that your fiance could satisfy for you.

I have a serious spanking kink that my girlfriend won't indulge. So we talked about it and she decided it ok for me to be spanked by others as long as no sex is involved. We have developed a very workable system that allows me to satisfy my spanking interests without my lady feeling betrayed.

I would say just talk to your fiance about it and see how she feels, and yall can figure something out that works for both of you.

Never had to deal with that situation, have always been able to work out a compromise with my current S.O., may not be able to indulge myself as often as I want but we have worked out a system that satisfies both of our favorite things. If your girlfriend is OK with your system, then what is the problem?

[quote author=blahdog link=topic=38462.msg327672#msg327672 date=1292544767]

I'm interested in spanking. Now that I have a fiance, I am wondering if meeting others (for spanking purposes only) would be considered cheating? Part of me thinks yes...part of me thinks no. I just don't want to feel guilty, but at the same time I have desires. [/quote]

blahdog,

It's my suggestion that you don't look to us to guide your relationship with your fiance. And, you are 50-50 on the subject, so you are of no help in this matter.

You want to know if it is cheating? Ask your fiance what she thinks? It's my thought that she will bring clarity to the subject for you very quickly...

Now ~ go out and make it a gr8 day!

I have to agree with Hermann on this one...I think the problem is with communication. I spank professionally and I ALWAYS try to encourage clients to be honest with their significant others. Now, I am not silly enough to believe that they take my advice in most cases but I do try to caution them because it is the dishonesty that can erode the relationship...the spanking itself may not be the same as the sex but then if it matters to the other person in the relationship then the person seeking it is putting their relationship in jeapordy. It should not be done lightly by any means. If you wouldn't tell him or her then perhaps it is "cheating" in their book and thus in yours, too. (just my two cents) If you have to hide it then you maybe shouldn't do it.

I think U should ask ur partner how they feel about it and would they like to try it on you first. discuss how and what they will use and what will come their way after the spanking!

It does not matter if you or we think it is cheating to have someone other than your wife spank you.

It only matters if SHE thinks it is cheating.

It is almost always a bad idea to 'GET YOUR NEEDS TAKEN CARE ELSEWHERE' if in fact you intend to marry this girl.

If she really loves and you love her, you'll both find a way to satisfy your mutual sexual needs.

Let me ask you this, if she were seeing someone behind your back for let's say an enema, nothing more, and kept this from you, would you consider that cheating?

You said that you and your fiance engaged in some of these activities, so she might be open to engaging in more. You'll never know until you talk about it. Perhaps she's a bit hesitant because she's never really spanked before, maybe she's afraid of hurting you. Communication is the key. If she a little kinky, chances are she is open to other kinks, but just inexperienced. Maybe after talking to her about this, you can take her along to one of your spanking sessions and show her how you like to be spanked. If she really can't bring herself to spank you, at least she will know what happens in one of your sessions and might be okay with it.

In my book, just keeping it from her is a form of cheating.

I agree with lil -- keeping it from her is cheating. It would be much better if she was part of it. You might be surprised what she is willing to try - maybe she was even thinking of it but didn't have the nerve to bring it up to you!

I can tell you that it is great sharing those special desires!

I love to be spanked had a big time fetish. I went online and found a spanker. I finally fessed up to hubby that I wanted to be spanked not just during sex but really spanked and he got into it. So the moral of the story sometimes our partners have hidden kinks and you just gotta let them know what turns you on rather then deny yourself or feel guilty getting it else where

I think the question is would SHE consider it cheating

Wow, this is an old one! The OP is gone and probably has been married and divorced already!

IMO - of course it's cheating! Even if no intercourse is involved, you are getting sexual pleasure from a sexual act with someone who is not your fiance! Heck, just grabbing a coffee or texting someone is cheating if there's a sexual/emotional interest in the other person. Cheating is deceiving the trust you've made with someone... if you hide it from your partner, then it's cheating.

For me it's like getting a massage, if there is no sex, it's not cheating!

I would consider to be cheating on my husband due to high standards I try and maintain. My husband knows I go into Zity but so far as "doing" anything while chatting would not be all right in my book. To bare yourself to another person (male or female) for a spanking is not going to happen with me. I hope the same standard would be maintained by my husband and I have no reason to believe he does not hold that. That being said, I love a good ole fashion spanking and the other varieties of spanking too!! Denise

As said before all depends on your partner. If you don't ask you won;t know and they may be very happy to see you get this need fulfilled elsewhere as long as there is no genital contact. It is highly sexual to me but as pointed out many see it no more so than a massage.

Heck, just grabbing a coffee or texting someone is cheating if there's a sexual/emotional interest in the other person.

Wow, Puritanism 2.0 is up and running. I hope this is just the beta testing version because it seems there are a lot of bugs in the concept.

Don't you understand the ramifications of ideas like this? The next step is having people chaperoned by members of their immediate family to keep them all under tabs all the time.

You know, when cultures come into conflict with each other, especially military and ideological conflict, it is said that elements from an 'enemy' culture are often unwittingly absorbed by the opponent. A sort of cultural symbiotic osmosis takes place in various unpredictable situations.

This sounds ominously very much like distrust being institutionalized as a matter of course. Suddenly, just meeting people becomes a minefield with all kinds of unexpected pitfalls and traps and a default distrust setting.

"Heck, just grabbing a coffee or texting someone is cheating if there's a sexual/emotional interest in the other person."

Suddenly, just meeting people becomes a minefield with all kinds of unexpected pitfalls and traps and a default distrust setting.

OK I could have been a little more descriptive, but I tend to ramble a lot of long answers so I tried to keep it short. I didn't mean grabbing coffee with a co-worker or a friend of the opposite sex or an innocent text to one of those people. I meant a coffee with someone you are interested in, someone you are sexually attracted to... as in something like a date. Even if its only coffee, if a wife or husband goes on a date with someone else - its cheating! Same goes for flirty text msgs or cyber-sexing. As someone pointed out, if you are lying to your spouse, or lying by omission there's a reason why you are lying. Because you know its wrong, because you know it's cheating!

Although as @Canuck_Brat points out, everyone feels different about what things go too far. Some spouses might be OK with cyber sex or whatever as long as it doesn't go beyond that. Some are OK with having outside sexual relationships. If you can go to your wife and say 'OK I'm going to get a massage from that place that gives happy endings' and she says 'OK, have fun!' then have at it and enjoy! But the rule above still applies... if you are hiding it/lying, then you must know it's wrong.

I, personally, would be uncomfortable with engaging in any type of adult entertainment or play without my partners' knowledge and blessing.

I think it depends upon the couple. In my relationship sex is cheating; enemas and spankings are enemas and spankings. But different couples are entitled to feel differently.

I meant a coffee with someone you are interested in, someone you are sexually attracted to... as in something like a date. Even if its only coffee, if a wife or husband goes on a date with someone else - its cheating! Same goes for flirty text msgs or cyber-sexing. As someone pointed out, if you are lying to your spouse, or lying by omission there's a reason why you are lying. Because you know its wrong, because you know it's cheating!

I can easily see this kind of thinking sliding into Mid Eastern cultural patterns. By which I mean that virtually all interactions between people of the opposite sex, come to be seen as inherently suspicious and a possible form of cheating. How can people really determine the state of another person's emotions and desires? The answer is that in most cases it is impossible to do so. And that results in all kinds of innocuous interactions coming to be seen as worthy of suspicion.

I suppose you could call it an inherently Puritan mindset - people must be seen to be acting above reproach at all times, hence the usefulness of like-gendered companions or chaperones. I also often wonder if Western engagement in the Middle East hasn't resulted in importing too many cultural axioms - by which I mean how female partners are treated almost by default with suspicion and distrust.

And even if you don't accept the above, equating having a coffee with someone you like or have feelings for, as cheating is really going to extremes. Cheating is far far too strong a concept for that kind of activity.

If you want to know whether or not it's "cheating," just ask your wife.

And if you don't want to ask her, then you have your answer.....

As KC Patient put it... it is what a couple says it is (not dissimilar, in my opinion, to massage which is also a naked and potentially erotic activity).

And even if you don't accept the above, equating having a coffee with someone you like or have feelings for, as cheating is really going to extremes. Cheating is far far too strong a concept for that kind of activity.

@KC_Patient exactly right! @Pmoi Yes, I agree. Cheating is in the eye of the beholder's SO!

@agracier While your theory on melding cultural norms is interesting, I don't see any relation to what I'm saying. Every interaction with the opposite sex is not suspect, but as the person in an exclusive relationship, you KNOW when you cross the line.

Say I go to a party, with or without my SO. I could meet a woman, we could click, we could have a great conversation and realize that there is a mutual attraction there. Is that cheating or a problem? No, that can/does happen all the time. (well, not to me, but others... 😃

But if I PURSUE this new woman, get her phone number, stop by her work because I just 'happen' to be in the neighborhood - THAT's cheating. To what end am I furthering this new 'friendship'? We may not have gotten physical yet, but what is the intent?

There was a sitcom on TV in the US, King of Queens, where the main characters best friend had lunch with another woman, hiding it from his wife. She found out and was devastated. He kept saying that it was only lunch. And she said something like "You were making an emotional (in a romantic sense) connection with someone else. How is that not cheating on our relationship?"

And I believe some people would actually rather their partner had meaningless sex with someone else, than create an emotional bond with them. If your partner is making an emotional attachment to another person, possibly falling in love with them, how is that NOT cheating, even if they haven't physically touched?

I guess I just have a broader definition of the term 'cheating.' If I'm in an exclusive relationship with someone, I trust them to NOT have sex with anyone else, to NOT fall in love with anyone else and to NOT date anyone else. I don't think that's Puritanical, I think that's part of the definition of monogamy.

If you have to ask that question then yes it is.

With all due respect Nurse Phillips, you do have to ask because you don't know. I know of one couple who considers her husbands pick up football a way for her husband to get on a guy. She is sure he is getting sexual satisfaction from it but she is happy to have him do that. A spanking is generally more sexual but there are all sorts of spankings what if this is a straight couple and he says can I get a fully clothed spanking from a guy, is that cheating. I do not think he should do anything without consulting his partner but it is not a certain thing that it is cheating.

If you can keep a bare bottomed spanking, "Platonic", good luck!

And with all due respect to you Canuck brat my answer wasn't about open and honest communication between partners - which is key in ALL a relationships but especially open ones , it was in response to the OP's post. The OP was being anything BUT open and honest with their partner, the OP was on here looking for 'permission'. If the OP felt the need to get our validation that strongly suggests that some part of theOP's concience was troubling them - which suggests he or she had already DECIDED it was cheating and was looking for support in doing something they at least suspected was wrong.

Fair enough and my apologies for giving your answer less consideration that it deserved. Deceiving ones partner and hiding things is almost always a way to damage a relationship...