Developing as a Dominant

Being a Dominant is about more than merely being on top during a scene. The process of fully emerging as a 24/7 Dominant often takes years. It is about more than just thinking selfishly and acting domineeringly. Such people are driven by weakness rather than strength and lack the emotional self discipline it takes to stay on top. Those who focus on them self are not building a D/s connection.

Public gatherings are a very important part of the learning process. One can learn from public play. And some are really turned on by it. So it can be a very important part of developing as a Dominant.

But D/s is about the polarized connection between two individuals in the process of becoming one in a telepathic way Usually it works best when they are alone together. When you are playing for an audience you are not focusing on your partner.

Besides learning how to do things effectively, most Dominants find certain protocols reinforce and help sustain the D/s connection. They are especially helpful outside of a scene or the bedroom. Most all human interactions follow protocols even if we are unaware of them or do not like the term. While groups usually have protocols they follow when they gather, there is no one set of proper protocols for a Dominant and their partner. While we can get ideas based on what others do, each Dominant chooses their own.

Once one moves beyond being a top in a scene to become a full Dominant, they often find their first D/s relationships are short term learning experiences. Those who try to convert a vanilla relationship into a D/s one often are not very successful. Just as it takes time to emerge as a strong, self disciplined Dominant, it takes time to find the right partner and build a strong relationship. If a realationship does not work out, it does not necessarily mean one partner is flawed. They may just not be the right match or ready to go farther.

LadyRC, well said. A top is not necessarily a Dom. And there is more to being a Dom than being a top.

^^^^ . . . . and much more to D/s than having it as a 24/7 relationship.