What do Doms enjoy about BDSM?

I know what I enjoy as a sub, but don't have a clue about what a Dom gets out of it.

I can't imagine being a Dom or enjoying it.

After the anxiety and fear are over, I feel very calm and taken care of. I enjoy the sexual pleasure. The pain is often eventually a pleasure as well.

What do doms get?

We get a sense of power, controlling someone, being entrusted with someone's mind, body and life, developing a relationship based on trust.

I love being dominant. That's how I started out. The only man I ever submitted to is my husband. He started out as my submissive partner, then I taught him how to dominate me. I can also be VERY submissive IF I can trust the dominant partner. For the last several years, I would say my domination and submission to my husband is about 50-50.

more later, I have to run for now...

I enjoy the control yes, but bringing the sub into new experiences as well. Guiding them and pushing them with encouragement. You get to create a sense of wow and surprise that if done right can't be concealed on someones face and body expressions.

I like being in control. I get off by listening to my sub in discomfort. I enjoy giving him the things I know he likes. I enjoy doing things to him he doesn't enjoy as much. It is a fine balancing of being in control, taking care of the sub, and yet finding, that by doing this, I and he can enjoy our sexual experiences and our vanilla time as well(it sometime blends together a wee little bit.)

I love to hear my sub beg for more, to keep from going to far we always have a safety word that is not used in our everyday life. If I'm the sub, I tend to go until I see stars or feel light headed. I know it's not for everyone, but the more I'm the sub it seems I go farther every time. But as the dom, I do hold back. 😎

I would think that what they like is the other side of what the sub likes.

I think it is the trust that is given to me, you could call that control but I´d rather call it responsibility.

Responsibity to push you sub over the edge but not to far... the sub depends on it.

If the dom screws up there is allways the famous "safeword"... but as soon as it is said it is clear that the dom didn´t watch out enough and pushed too much out of its sub. In a Dom/sub relationship youre gonna lose some trust of the sub and so you have to start over...

So being the dom is all about knowing the sub and feeling it(him/her)... its empathic.

peachi said that we would like the other side of what the subs like...

But in my personal opinion, we doms like exactly what the subs like... but not through ourselves but through them...

To be good at being a dom I have to feel exactly what the sub feels in any situation... otherwise I´m gonna push my sub too far and risk the base of trust that I have been working on...

Tell me what you think about it...

PEACE

[color=#000000]It's really quite a simple question. A true Dom or Domme gains their satisfaction in teaching and educating a submissive or slave to become better than they were before. Making the sub/slave want to push their own limits far passed what they ever thought possible. The real reward at least for me as a Dom, is watching a sub/slave which I am training grow not only with in their self on a personal level but also as a sub/slave on a BDSM level. There is a part of me that enjoys watching a sub/slave struggle to accomplish a task given them or a goal that has been set. I have been known to assign a task or set a goal knowing it is impossible simply to see just how far the submissive will push them self to accomplish it in order to see if their heart is truly in it.[/color]

[color=#000000]Trust between the Dominant and the submissive is important, and there is a great deal of gratification that comes from knowing I have earned that trust, yes I said earned. The submissive must be able to know with out any doubt that his/her Dominant has their safety, both mental and physical in mind during their time together, be it a life time or simply for training. Make no mistake we as Doms'/Dommes' are NOT perfect try as we might, and we do make mistakes and miss judge or miss read a situation from time to time and any one who says they don't is a lire and full of shit. The important thing is that when we do make a mistake we is that we admit it and do our best to minimize the damage and move on. I'm not saying that you should or even have to apologize for it but a responsible Dom/Domme has no problem admitting when they make an honest mistake.[/color]

I would love to have just one session as a sub so I could answer this question.... Just one ????

Being in a situation where you're a dom over somebody is just the greatest experience for me. It's a huge rush. I have never done drugs but I have heard that a sexual rush is a lot like the effects of cocaine. If this comparison to a sexual rush and the effects of cocaine are true then I see why so many people get addicted.

It's sometimes called top space (as opposed to sub space). Yes, it's wonderful and addictive.

In a recent poll of mine (now closed) some nurses replied that they enjoyed the feeling of control over patients when giving buttock injections.

I would think that what they like is the other side of what the sub likes.

That's exactly how my exGFs and ex-wife #2 and I (all switches) liked it, as we both knew what would turn us on sexually/submissively and what particular areas or kinks we wanted to push or be pushed on to expand our respective limits. She would know to dress me in rubber and sneakers, gag me, tie me in some position, play with my ass and give me enemas, all the time narrating what she was doing and what I'd be made to do shortly. The order, exact kink clothes, tightness, amount, induced sweating, enema content and volume and duration and so on were all up to her. As well as anything new she felt like trying, like spanking me with a full belly. Threatening me with additional heavier rubber, bigger sneakers, more chores to make me sweat, more enema or longer holding, and what I'd have to do to her sexually to earn release from my servitude and humiliation were all up to her creative little kinky mind, and adding more of any of it would nicely push my limits of whatever kink she was manipulating.

She especially liked giving me "choices" of what to endure next, invariably two different stimulating but challenging tasks both of which would push buttons and intensify my submissiveness. She could then remind me I had "asked" or begged her to do it to me. One time she had me restrained in complete rubber and sneakers, sweating under a down comforter while holding a 1-2 q enema with the inflated DBC still stuffed up my butt. My "choice" was to a) take another bag of water right now while covered or b) delay the second enema until later after she'd uncovered me and I'd given her orgasms. The hook was that if I took it right now still sweating under the comforter, it would be 2 more quarts but I could expel right after I gave her orgasms, but if I delayed till I was uncovered and gave her orgasms, it would only be 1 q but then she wouldn't tell me how long I had to retain it - maybe even watching her sleep until tomorrow. Nice choice!

Eric

Molly,

I would love to have just one session as a sub so I could answer this question.... Just one ????

Your post was ~5 years ago now, but you were logged on a week ago - I just discovered it today. Did you ever get your wish of trying out being a sub so you knew what it is like? I'm currently solo after a divorce, but my ex and I loved switching Domme and sub, so we both got to enjoy both. Being sub can be intensely erotic and satisfying.

Eric

Susie, you once wrote on this thread, 9/7/10,

"................The only man I ever submitted to is my husband. He started out as my submissive partner, then I taught him how to dominate me. I can also be VERY submissive IF I can trust the dominant partner."

I'm a switch and did a lot of both with my recent exes, enjoying both sides. Depending on the Domme, I usually tend to be a very compliant but very vocal sub, frequently complaining or pleading but always complying with my treatment. My very few Dommes enjoyed or approved of that behavior. Among other things, my treatments often include sweating in rubber clothing, anal plugging, enemas/retentions, orgasm denial and some modest spanking. I'm curious about what you're like as a sub, as you can be "VERY submissive." Thanks,

Eric

P.S. As you only submit to your husband, you reminded me of a fascinating experience I had once with a pro Domme I visited for enemas. She advertised as HydroMadam many years ago and after a few IM chats we trusted each other enough for a visit. I drove ~3 hours to see her in her apartment, and the first time was dressed in heavy rubber and given a deep rectal exam and an enema. She was completely Domme and good at it. The second time she dressed me in somewhat less rubber and sneakers and blindfold and gave me 3 enemas in different positions, 2 with bags and the last sitting on a very full JBL on the commode seat. She masturbated me on the JBL and I eventually orgasmed after evacuation. I had been my usual very vocal complaining sub pleading for leniency during all 3 enemas.

Then it got even more unusual and interesting. While laying together after orgasm, she said I was a really wonderful sub in her view (don't know why) and told me she wanted me to do our next session dominating her. After that we did a few more sessions at her place or mine, switching at different times, centering on rubber, bondage and enemas, with me cathing her once at her request. In addition to enjoying our mutual times together, I was just really surprised the first time she said to please dominate her. I never really understood how that came about to her, but I'm glad it did. Obviously she was a switch, at least with me, but I didn't know that to begin with.

When playing doctor with my girlfriend in adolescence our favourite part was play buttock injections realistically simulated with sterile pins and we made them hurt as much as possible. I remember not only the apprehensive thrill of bending over awaiting and getting them in my vulnerable bare bottom; I also recall my excitement at her nervousness when it was my turn to give those shots because I knew how she felt.

When playing doctor with my girlfriend in adolescence,...........injections..........I remember not only the apprehensive thrill of bending over awaiting and getting them in my vulnerable bare bottom; I also recall my excitement at her nervousness when it was my turn to give those shots because I knew how she felt.

While I'm not really a Medfet type, and I really (REALLY) don't enjoy getting injections for any reason, sexual or otherwise**, this comment is exactly why I enjoy being a switch. I actually have some preference for being sub, but I get to enjoy the excitement and arousal during both since I have firsthand knowledge of what my partner is experiencing. Great fun.

Eric

**so maybe substitute "enema" or "anal nozzle" for shots and I'll be happy

I don't really have any business posting here as I'm just beginning to come to grips with the fact I'm a little bit of a Dom, but I concur about the control factor. I was raised believing the man was "the head of household" so to speak.

that doesn't mean I will not love and respect the one I wind up with...not does it mean it's all kinky sex and she never has a voice...but if I tell her what I think is best for us I do expect her to follow my lead and TRUST me to make the right decisions. I know that will take time, and I know I will make mistakes...but that true, honest trust and sincerely wanting to take care of her...coupled with my faith...Will get us through most things.

My apologies if my thoughts on this offends anyone. I hope I've got most of the Dom/Sub concept right as I begin this interesting new journey..please constructively tell me if I'm off base and/or offer any wisdom you have. Still searching for a submissive female so I've got some time to get this all together - I hope!! ☺

I know what I enjoy as a sub, but don't have a clue about what a Dom gets out of it.

I can't imagine being a Dom or enjoying it.

After the anxiety and fear are over, I feel very calm and taken care of. I enjoy the sexual pleasure. The pain is often eventually a pleasure as well.

Try, if you can, to consider the inverse of your statement:

I never have anxiety or fear because I am totally in control of the sub. After a session, during the aftercare part, I feel very calm because I know I have taken good care of my submissive. If pain is involved (sometimes, but not always) I know it was the proper intensity for the sub to find pleasure. In any case, I try to always let the sub know how much I enjoy her submissiveness and that I appreciate her sharing that special part of herself with me and for the trust she shows me.

As a Dom...these are a few of my favorite things. 😄

I know what I enjoy as a sub, but don't have a clue about what a Dom gets out of it.

I can't imagine being a Dom or enjoying it.

After the anxiety and fear are over, I feel very calm and taken care of. I enjoy the sexual pleasure. The pain is often eventually a pleasure as well.

That's why you are a sub.

As a Dom it is about having the control over the Sub. Gaining the trust and exploring the boundaries with respect and agreement.

It is erotic having that power over someone.

Not sure how many times I've discussed this here (Zity) and or other places.

Being in control is a double edged sword. The first and most major fuck up is someone pretending to be a Dom/Domme and not knowing the rules of conduct while being a Dom.

And also major fuck up part 2.0...miss judging your submissive.

This is a trust and give and take proposition.

Did you question the reason for the submissive wishing to be dominated by you. Did you study the responses to your questions about knowing about being submissive and what was required of your submissive. This is a partnership so that you both receive what you desire.

Sure striping a willing females ass, thighs, back, stomach, and breasts are a major fucking rush for me..but what is more important is that the sub receive just the right amount to keep her/him desiring to explore more and more.

For some Dom/Dommes it is more the humiliation and degradation aspect. Making your sub the focus of negative pressure...which some desire more than you know. While others focus on the discipline aspect of Dom/sub relationship.

This is also a critical balance...one desire should not over step the other's desires as well.

Example:

MA ( a former significan other of mine) wanted to be beaten to unconciousness and then used repeatedly. When I met her she was way far gone into only the pain aspect of submission and felt let down if she wasn't taken to unconciousness. It took months of retraining to bring her back to pain and pleasure submission.

As I decreased the desire to be taken to unconciousness I implanted the desire to orgasm while taking her discipline. We were almost to a 50/50 balance between the bruising and the pleasure. But she wandered away and I imagine is back to her old self..Pity..she was a magnificent lover.

For me the joy is bring my submissive to her potential. That pushing just one step above his/her limits to find that she can take it and desires a little bit more.

Also one of my former subs is a person well place within the muckity mucks of the Chicago upper crust. But the demands of her job and company left her to make all the hard calls and directing the firm to gain more profit.

She was brought to me because she simply wished to serve someone. Be told what to do and if not done properly to be punished and or disciplined. We are very close friends to this day and once every month or so she contacts me for a weekend of servitude.

These are good examples.

Now bad examples are the 20 somethings that approach me and start telling me how perfect they would be for me. (okay even the 30 somethings as well) But once I question them I know that they wouldn't last a week once training started and I politely tell them that they really don't want or need what I offer.

I don't exchange power and it isn't fun time. My dungeon is not a, okay now my turn, kind of place. There is only one person in charge and that is me.

I've had an idiot or two think they could change the power dynamic in mid stream..it doesn't end well for them...just say the safe word and you are free to leave..threaten and I defend myself and you are in my place and you have signed papers that say you agree to this...so don't try and fuck me over because I will fuck you up and over.

Okay that was heavy handed but if you ever spoke with a former sub of mine you would see that they were always treated and cared for the right way..

My that became involved.

Thanks for the soap box.

Faith

I really enjoyed reading this because it delves into the aspects of the BDSM world. I do have Dominant tendencies and like a red bottom as well as the next guy but don't claim to be a Dom. There are many aspects to being one that I know nothing about and reading about Faith taking her submissives up levels and sometimes down levels is fascinating to me and reveals a whole culture that before I came here I had no idea existed. Faith is without a doubt a premier Dominatrix and has shared many of her insights into that world on the site. I think on the guy side Fencer has also taught me a lot about different levels of pain and punishment. Thanks to both for a job well done.

In this post I made eight years ago #2 in this thread:

https://www.zity.biz/index.php?mx=forum;ox=display;msg=312590

I stated some of the reasons I enjoy being dominant. I would be lying by omission if I didn't say that I genuinely like inflicting pain now and again. I also enjoy restraining people, both men and women, sometimes for VERY extended periods (see Full Metal Jacket), corporally punishing them and teasing them sexually by bringing them to the brink of orgasm and then walking away just before they cum.

I do occasionally sub for women, but never men other than my husband. On RARE occasion, I will sub for a man whose submissive wife wants him to learn domination, but those are "educational" NOT what I would consider real submission on my part. That's really more topping from the bottom.

I truly enjoy testing people's limits and stretching them just a little more than they allow me to do so. Depending on my mood, a safe word call of "red" will sometimes get you just a little more (maybe an added 3-5 seconds) of what you want stopped, especially if you are experienced and I have been with you before. I would stop instantly for a novice.

As I said earlier, as a submissive, if I implicitly trust you, and that means literally with my life, you can do anything you want to me. My husband and I have that type of relationship.

Thankfully my dom wife does not enjoy inflicting pain, but she does like to get her own way, and being a dom, she always does. But being a dom is a huge responsibility. She is in charge and has to make all decisions.

Several things, for me. I love the obedience, and on my side, the control. I love to perform my own fetishes on my sub, while providing for her sexual needs. I love to control her orgasms, and make her cum till she's done--meaning till she asks me to please stop. I love to intensify her experiences to the point where she almost cannot stand the sensations. I love to hold her after, and if I haven't "used her up," to make love to her after. As most of you know, I love enemas, anal play, anal sex, plugs, etc. She enjoys them on occasion, but many times it's about me, not her. I would love to be able to fist her, but my hands are too big and she hasn't had children, and she's too small, so no on that, but she loves to be stretched as much as possible.. She doesn't get anything from stuff like candle wax, and she's not a painslut, so some of the harsher stuff is not part of our repertoire, but if I want to do it, I do. Have to be careful though, because my own emotional nature enters into this and I can get too intense. I don't slap her face, because her mother did that, and it releases a host of upset feelings and sorrow. Besides. I consider the face off limits, anyway.

Some things I won't do because of potential harm, since we both want to have a long & happy D/s relationship. In addition, I find that being in love with one's sub is both liberating & problematic at times...

SwitchableSusie posts are very much what I feel. That said my wife spanks me for punishment and foreplay!She gets wet from spanking me and I get, or used to get hard, now pushing 70 spankings still get me excited. Bath brush on my bare bottom gets my attention FAST. I do LOVE/ hate my severe punishment spankings, when she sits on my back and I can not move out of position, these do not happen as often as I would like only once or twice a year, sometimes less. I do provoke a lot of my spankings with temper tantrums especially when she refuses to let me have her breasts!

L

Oh in addition to my earlier post today, I love when my wife tells me " I need to spank you! When I complain and tell her I don't want to be spanked, I have been good! She usually tells me "Yes you have, but I am still going to spank you because I can and because I want to!" This is when i know that i will obey and accept my spankings with no other choice!