How hard is too hard to cane someone?

I have a friend who like me to cane, smack and whip him. I'm not into taking anything but mild pain myself so I find it hard to know how hard to administer his punishments. I've seen video of people really going to town on peoples backsides. He often puts someting into his mouth to bite on. I guess I'm not a natural sadist. What do you guys use as a guideline?

Why not try strokes out on your friend. Start out kind of soft and work up until they tell you that you are in the range they enjoy. You will probably have to do this for each implement so you get a feel for what they are looking for.

Discuss with him what he's used to. Has he been disciplined before? Just take it easy and try and establish his tolerance to pain.

I think he's relatively new to it too and he is quite shy. His arse is always very red when we finish. A few times he has asked me to stop. However, he has never told me it was too hard and always seems keen to try again.

Then take his "stop" to mean it. He will know when he has had enough. Sounds like you are on the right track to making him and yourself "happy" with what you are doing.

If the marks start turning blue, it's time to stop regardless of what the recipient may be saying.

Most of us who enjoy being on the receiving end, live for the endorphin 'rush' that puts us into 'sub space'. Endorphins, while naturally produced by the body under certain stressful situations, have powerful narcotic effects which can make one almost impervious to pain. I once woke up after a self-spanking session with a butt that was almost completely black and I had only stopped because my arm was tired.

It's fun to have 'fun' but it is also very important to play safe. Hope this little bit of information helps.

Yea you want it to be hard but you don't want to cause permanent damage.

I haven't seen this thread before.

I agree 100% with MissStress.

You have to try things out and discuss it.

You should also do this outside of a session, out of role and have a real life discussion. Also, as MissStress said, you will have to try it out for each implement. With a deerskin flogger, you can probably beat the crap out of him with and not cause real pain, but do that with a latigo or rubber flogger or a cane or delrin rod, and he will be crying and/or having blood fly.

I use a key word, but my partner knows my reactions really well so she can pick up on how much is to much but it comes down to trust.

I find when spanking a bottom the key to a woman taking a hard spanking is the build up. Always start with the panties up and progress to panties pulled down to the hollow of her knees.

This allows her bottom to absorb the spanks and deepening heat and then, you can finish with a hard spanking where her endorphins have kicked in leaving her bottom bright red, burning and feeling well punished.

I tend to judge when its enough by the facial reactions and when the bottom starts to really bruise.

The very first time we ever did something like that (both of us being unexperienced, I was the one receiving) I gave him feedback like: this is about a 3, that was about a 5... What I meant was: 1 = "have you started yet?" 10 ="this hurts like hell!". What he thought I meant was: 1 = "have you started yet?" 10 = "This is perfect!"

So if you use this kind of feedback, make sure you set the same parameters! 😃

I judge it on the sounds that she makes while I'm spanking her and the her facial expressions. Usually its becomes pretty obvious when she has taken enough and her butts a nice shade of red.

I always take things in small steps. Even though that can seem tedious, I prefer to avoid going "too far" - ever. The definition of "too far" changes over time for each sub. In one case, after 5+ years, her "more" was too much for me - blood spatters crossed my limit even though she was delighted. We started out modestly, as described, and her needs grew over time. Scrubbin' down the bedroom walls was over my line aesthetically, but inflicting serious injury - even to a willing sub - was "too far" for me.

Even if the incremental steps are maddeningly slow, learning what "works" each step of the way is worth the extra effort. Then you both have a good time.

Caution and small steps are critical. Also, watching the victoms facial expression will tell you a lot. I can usually bring a lady to tears without doing anything beyond my comfort zone. I DO NOT break the skin intentionally. Talk with the other person before you start to play, get and respect their pain scale and safe word and treat them like you would want to be treated. All of you have given great advice to a beginner.

There is good advice above like the 0 - 10 rating from love taps to 10 I would consider the limit and back down. Work your way up with feed back till you find the comfort range. It also depends if it is a caning for real punishment or for fun and pleasure. For practice in swinging a cane and hitting the target precisely, try it out on a bed pillow. You need to develop the precision and one can lay strips right next to one another. Hitting the exact same spot is not a good thing or wrapping or hitting outside the target area.

I have had the pleasure of caning an experienced sub as well as a newbie. The experienced sub enjoyed caning as long as I started light then slowly increased the force of the cane stroke as her body adjusted to the caning. I would give a nice red glow to her butt, often bringing blisters, rarely bringing blood.

I hand spanked the newbie for her birthday. She said that she enjoyed it so I asked her if she was ready for the next step. I explained about caning and what i planned to do. She said she was curious when I mentioned trying the cane. I caned her lightly and slowly. I told her I would stop when she said stop. Her butt was a light pink when she asked me to stop. I stopped.

The experienced sub was conditioned to spanking and the cane. She had a MUCH higher pain tolerance than the newbie so I caned her with much more intensity than the newbie. Heeding both verbal and non verbal signals from the sub is critical. Letting the sub talk about her experience and insights after the caning is important.

Hi its very much how the the sub reacts is one answer. But as a sub it depends on the top . I have had some amazing sessions will a guy who is obsessed by tawses and I think they are the best I can have a nice long session, and can feel very nice brused bum for several days afterwards but with nothing to show unless you look carefully. However in the past I have been in very excting sessions and she caned me very hard enough to cut me because I was so turned on and I was very proud of the marks that took 10 to complete disappear.

So the answer is not simple, and as a sub if It'snot hard enough it is no fun you have to be pushed .

I like for my limit to be stretched, for the strokes to continue after I think I want them stopped. There must be marks, ones that last for days.

I once read a novel about a young woman who was caned by a headmaster or someone who had authority over her. He would only officially begin the caning when she would count the stroke and ask for the next. She would not do this until she could not stand another stroke so her caning would only begin when she could bear no more pain. of course she was restrained and had no say in the matter.

What I am saying, is when one can bear no more pain is a good starting point. I am a sub and that is my definition of the start of a good hiding.

Some very good, sensible ideas here. The fact is people's responses can be so variable that any comprehensive set of prescriptive rules is not going to be terribly useful. As both disciplinarian and recipient I have one absolute limit: the skin should not be broken. Aside from that, when I cane someone I concentrate on reading their body language (and trust that they really will use their safe word in extremis). Dealing with a totally inexperienced recipient, I always use a fairly stiff, dense cane because that is perfectly controllable, and can deliver the lightest of strokes very accurately-- light flexible canes must be used with a certain minimum force if they are not to flop around uselessly and hit the wrong spot. Also the condition of the cane is important-- smooth and free from any surface imperfections-- smoothness to minimise friction between skin and cane (thus maximising smooth, progressive energy transfer). An even very small surface imperfections can scratch/break the skin. ALWAYS start very lightly ( I can always hit someone a second time if the first time wasn't hard enough but I can't un-hit them) and let the intensity build slowly (I'm assuming here that we are not in a formal situation when a given number of strokes are to be delivered). Once the strokes start getting more definite, I pause every two or three strokes and use the cane to caress or tease a little, or else I caress with my hand-- I need the recipient to feel that I care about him/her-- I need a very strong sense of connection. At an intermediate stage, when I start administering a predetermined number of strokes, I usually ask the recipient to request each stroke. This means the recipient controls the delivery, and helps me to assess how things are going by the stress in his/her voice. In the end it comes down to common sense, to knowing, trusting and caring for your play partner, and to never stop concentrating on what you are doing.

When the sub jumps up, cusses at you, grabs the cane and smacks you upside the head with it, that was too hard. 🙄

(Sir and I will probably have a conversation about this.)

Another thing to consider when doing any type of play is the possibility that the sub will go in subspace, in which case the Dominant needs to be aware of it and stop the play when they do since the sub could be totally unable to use the safe word or safe sign!

Another thing to consider when doing any type of play is the possibility that the sub will go in subspace

Or the Top in Topspace..

But is a safeword that safe? It could be not said or heard for so many reasons