Embarrasment and shame

Yes embarassed and humilated was how I felt at my first exam. A friend talked me into getting on the pill when I was 17 and had no idea I would have to get a full exam by an old male doctor.He kept yelling and getting upset because I wouldn't open my legs wide enough.I could feel him spreading me open to look at me where no guy had ever seen up close. Him sticking his fingers in to feel around was awful.

I guess if I had some idea what to expect it would have better. But I was totally unprepared for what went on.And him telling me over and over to spread my legs apart made it worse. Of course now I know I must of really gave him a hard time and he was probaly glad when I was gone.

There are so many different words used in this thread .. humiliation, embarrassment, shame, exposure, exploitation. Soon we'll need a linked-to dictionary.

I guess my question, mainly to the ladies regarding gyn visits, ... is what is the emotional difference between embarrassment and humiliation.. or is there any. Do you simply use the words interchangeably?

In another thread I read that Embarrassment is the distress that a person feels from an act or action - whereas Humiliation is intentionally putting a person in an lesser position than another. Given that, I would assume that a woman is NOT humiliated in the stirrups, but rather embarrassed. No doctor, I hope, would intentionally humiliate a patient.

Holland, how long ago was that first exam... and what emotions do you feel now, when you go for your annual, presumably many years after that first one?

I don't believe any REAL doctor would put a woman in that position (humiliation) Now, I can see where humiliation plays a big role in a play exam. A lot of women - including myself- would love to suffer some humiliation during a play exam, never a real exam though.

I have to admit. I still get a little embarrassed in the stirrups during my gyno exams. But my doctor always makes me feel comfortable and would never intentionally humiliate me in any way! So glad for that too! Now if we were talking play exam....that would be different 😃

Various situations in life involve nudity. What is special about medical exams is that the doctor doesn't just incidentally see the patient's most private parts, but intentionally and methodically examines them ("judging" them almost) getting a more detailed picture of the patient's body than she herself has. For example, who has had a chance to see her own cervix?

I can see why this whole process is embarrassing. Humiliation I think is too strong a word, because it involves intentionality. As SusieXX says, what makes the embarrassment of exams burn under the skin is that the patient knows that she is not supposed to feel tense and embarrassed but she can't help it.

Moreover, the whole exam is entirely voluntary. The patient doesn't just suffer through it passively, but has to intentionally offer up her body for the exam as if she was asking "please can you feel inside my vagina for me?". That is a very unusual type of relationship.

We should never feel shame as part of our sexual interests. Adults doing what adults do naturally.

Embarrassment is a huge part of my fetish and it is where a lot of excitement stems from when playing. When having a real exam I feel shame and embarrassment because I cannot help but become aroused and I am sure the Dr or NP will notice and although they don't comment its my fear of what they are thinking, and even then I think the fear etc serves to excite me even more! I think be it for real or playing, my shame is not a negative thing it is just part of my personal fetish!

My girlfriend is Catholic and has a hard time being naked in front of me for sex...she hasn't started going for regular gyno exams yet but she's slightly dreading the prospect of it...(but she says in some way the thought is really turning her on too)

^^^^ All she needs is some submissiveness training!

Embarrassment is a huge part of medical play for me. The nice thing is after playing for over a decade plus i still blush 😃

Angie

Plus karma for still blushing!!

The "oh, he can see all of me, can't believe I actually like this. ."

part of your embarassment is so exciting to your play Doc, too.

Would be for me, anyway, in my play Doc Dom mode I'm sure

Greg

I have a shame / humiliation fantasy that I would love to play out. It has nothing to do with being examined though. It's more of a psychological dressing down that I crave for certain parts of my sexuality. I don't think I'll ever get it though.

Its the 'distance' between the doctor and patient that creates the humiliation..the patient knows they must endure the treatments/exam. The poking, proding and spreading all paired with the correct tone will simply blow a patient away. The doctor MUST stay on task and keep it medical the entire exam, never using slang or acting 'unprofessional'.

I agree with the previous response. The embarrassment of a medical examination is special because it is completely one-sided. The patient feels all the embarrassment, while the doctor must give the impression of feeling nothing at all. It puts the patient in a very vulnerable position, not just physically exposed but emotionally exposed as well.

I also think some of the embarrassment comes from the feeling that others in the waiting room or around the office are hearing or seeing bits and pieces of the exam. Does anyone know how to create that sense of a little outside exposure during a play exam?

Spicy and Lavender,

Spicy, I don't know where you play, but if you play in a hotel and happen to be on a higher floor, try opening the curtains all the way. No one can really see you, and if they can, they will not be able to see your face to identify you later.

Last time I was with Doc, we were on the 5th floor. I have no idea what made me do it, but I opened the curtains up all the way. It provided great light and also put the thought in our mind that someone could see us, even though I know no one could see us. Still, made it a little more thrilling, which I didn't honestly think our sex life could be any more thrilling, but that's neither here nor there, lol.

Lavender, you are correct when you say that usually the embarrassment is one sided with the patient being the one feeling that way. In my mind, as crazy as this sounds, I do not like to be embarrassed as a general rule because it usually means that someone is in control, or has the upper hand, and it's not me. I have control/OCD issues, what can I say, lol. The only one who can embarrass me and get away with it, because I like when he takes control is Doc.

So, when I am at my other doctors for medical things, like when I went for my physical 4 months ago, I can't help but make sure I have the upper hand right from the start. I tend to be a bit cheeky or a smart ass, or, blunt and crass at times, and sometimes say things "for effect" just to get a reaction. For example, when I went to him at the start of my colon/anal pain I gained the upper hand right from the start because I pretty much told him that I like to have anal sex, I was going to see my boyfriend in a few weeks, so hurry up and fix me. His face turned red, he laughed so much he almost fell off his stool, but he knew at that point I wasn't shy and wasn't going to be the "typical" patient. He's easy going and nice, also understanding, so it's all good, lol.

Anyway, hope this helps.

Mashie

Mashie, you are absolutely right about opening the curtains if one (well actually two) has a hotel room of a high floor.

First wife and I stayed fairly often at the Essex Inn in Chicago. The front rooms overlook Grant Park. We would try to get one of these on the 11th or 12th floor as tall as the building goes. We would open the drapes and the sheers, which allowed the whole room to be visible if there had been anyone who could actually see in. We would both get naked and then have sex on the table right by the window. A wonderful experience.

Our other very interesting experience in Chicago happened in this hotel too. We had spent the night at a BDSM club and were very thoroughly horny. Wife took off her pantyhose and panties in the ladies room off the lobby. We rode the elevator up to our floor and I leaned her against the wall. I opened my fly and pulled up her skirt and we went at it right in the hallway. Marvellous!

Speed

I have to agree with the earlier comment about how everybody in the doctor's office knows you are there for the exam.....and how that alone can be embarassing.

Thinking about it...everybody that sees you knows that in a matter of minutes, you'll be undressing and putting on the gown. That your body will be exposed and the doctor will probe your most private areas. Nobody wants to say it - but everybody is thinking it. Very intense!

Hmm.. Interesting question! For me there has always been link between embarrassment and excitement in medical stuff. As a kid the cause for embarrassment was mainly just the fact that I needed to get naked and that some other person (doctor) took control and I just had to do what was told. Before puberty I wasn't that shy of my body as such and the embarrassment was more just about the fact that I was getting examined, but when I turned 12-13 being shy of my body became part of it as well. I was quite shy about my late development (my puberty started only in my late 12's and I pretty much looked like a kid until 14) and for those years it made me maybe more embarrassed to have the doctor see my funny looking naked body than having to let her examine me.

Also having others see me in waiting room sometime makes me feel a bit embarrassed. I used to have my annual exams at a pediatricial clinic so always some other kids and teens with their moms in the waiting room with me. It was fun watching the other kids thinking what kind of exams they will have - especially exciting to see some cute boys already in their 12's-13's-14's going in with their moms (!!) thinking they will soon be there buck naked 😉 but at the same time it also felt a bit embarrassing to realize that the boys were glancing at me and probably head over heels excited thinking whether I was also going to end up on the exam table..

I always imagine what the women in the waiting room look like undressing and being examined. Once while sitting in the waiting room, a woman in her late thirties entered and walked up to the receptionist. She explained the purpose for her visit and the receptionist told her that she would need to have a physical. The look on her face after hearing this news still excites me to this day. She took a seat and awaited her turn while taking nervous glances at the other people in the room. Though she attempted to remain calm, you could tell that her thoughts were racing. I imagined what must be going through her mind as she sat there waiting. How thorough would this physical be, would she have to undress, what would the doctor examine, just to name a few. When the nurse called her name, she looked like a prisoner being lead to the gallows. Extremely shaken, but seemingly accepting her fate, she walked into the back office. I never saw her exit, but the nervousness she displayed toward her pending embarrassment was one of the most erotic displays I had ever witnessed.

Embarrassment leading quickly to shame is a real turn on for me. The feeling of vulnerability physically turns quickly into feeling vulnerable psychologically which is where my shame and humiliation is triggered. Just thinking and writing about it gets me going. I love it when my heart rate increases and my mouth and throat get dry with fear and anticipation.

OMG, the embarrasment and shame I experience during a play exam are the biggest turn-on! Without them what would be the point?

I think the embarrassment of a patient is quite a large factor in the overall psychology of an exam for both parties.

I enjoy being aware that the patient is embarrassed but would never want to make them feel humiliated.

In addition, the control element is important, the patient knowing they have to comply with the doctor's instructions. This dynamic needs to be correct for a successful outcome in my opinion.

I like to think that in play exam or fantasy situations, that indeed the element of embarrassment is very strong and possibly along with sexual arousal one of the prime factors. But I often think that embarrassment in and of itself itself is not enough to describe the feelings.

I often wonder if it is not the embarrassment of having very private desires and longings revealed to others. I would certainly not wish to suffer the embarrassment of committing a social misstep in a group or in a professional or public situation. That is a different kind of embarrassment ... In a medical setting or a medical fantasy setting, the embarrassment referred to in this thread seems more like something you really wish to do or experience, but which you do not ordinarily dare.

I think that a significant raising of the embarrassment factor is brought about by the actual anticipation of what is going to happen during the medical, especially having requested and knowing that it is to be a complete and thorough one. This all started for me when we were handed in class the form to take home for parents to complete and provide their permission for the medical - often two or three weeks before the appointment with the doctor. Every time I thought about the forthcoming medical the 'butterflies in the stomach' feeling started and got steadily more pronounced as the day of my medical approached until I was very nervous indeed when sitting waiting for the doctor to call me in. It's anticipating that you will have to submit yourself to a stranger who is going to ask you to remove (in the case of our medicals) all your clothes and remain naked for up to an hour and the embarrassment that this involved.

This feeling has recurred every time I have had a medical as an adult since and is one which I have tried to engender when doing role-play examinations; it's good to read here that a high embarrassment factor is a widely felt emotion that adds to the enjoyment of medical examinations and similar intimate procedures.

Just as an addition to my previous post, what further added to the embarrassment was being told before I left the house to make sure I had a really good shower and put on clean underpants and vest. Always white briefs and vest (Tshirt) in those days. Thinking about someone else seeing you in your underpants later was both embarrassing and in a sort of way nervously exciting.

I don't think its just beautiful ppl who get embarrassed. its more due to state of mind and personality i guess. some ppl are easily, and others not so much.

but it can be hot! so it is good that it exists.

Once in college my roommate came into the bathroom while I was preparing a soapy large volume enema for myself. On the guise of being constipated I told her I needed them pretty often. This was helpful for future exposures, so to speak and took the stigma off. I never did share how erotic an enema was for me, not to her anyway.

All those adjectives at the top of this tread totally describe how it have felt in the past and now love to see in my patients.

My greatest medical embarrassment has always been buttock injections. In my youth I had to bend over receptionist's for them, which was absolutely humiliating. Even though my childhood fear of them has developed into a fetish, there is still the element of embarrassment about others knowing where I get my shots. Once, for example, the nurse's injection cubicle was merely screened off from the waiting room so everybody heard her tell me to pull down my pants and bend over. If the receptionist knows that I am waiting for injections, I can't help imagining her thinking of where I will get them and when, as usual, I am told to wait with her after getting my shots, it always seems to me that she is paying particular attention to see if I betray discomfort when sitting down. As embarrassment is now part of the thrill for me, I sometimes emphasise the injection site by rubbing my bottom and replying, "I'd rather stand" when she invites me to sit down. Finally, there have been times the receptionist "happened" to walk in just as I was preparing for or actually getting a shot back there. Although that hasn't happened often, the realisation of its possibility is embarrassing enough in itself to enhance my excitement. Unlike my youthful humiliation, therefore, the embarassment now turns me on.

Nick

I've never had the shame from the less than perfect body thing. Most of my shame comes from loss of modesty and that the person examining me is in sense a stranger.