Here’s a Poor Man’s Fucking Machine for you anal-erotic guys and gals. It lets me fuck myself in the ass hands free with a long, fat dildo as it gives me a sure fire hands free orgasm with simultaneous anal and genital stimulation. I do have to use my legs a little to make myself cum, but it's great fun and good exercise. This machine should be in everyone's Sex Gym.
Materials:
A padded, vinyl covered board at least four feet long, preferably as long as your height. Home exercise equipment like sit up boards and bench press benches might work. (Garage sales are good places to find these for cheap, or you can make your own with plywood, foam exercise mats, glue, vinyl from a fabric store, and upholstery nails.)
A 6-inch long piece of 4x4 pine.
A 8-inch long piece of 1x2 pine
Three nails or screws
A long dildo, preferably at least 18 inches long, such as an 18” double dong (I like my 2.5" x 28" Python double dong, but double dongs come in many lengths and diameters.)
A roll of duct tape
A few feet of heavy cord or a ratcheted tie-down strap
A bottle of oil based lube
Assembly:
[1] Securely screw or nail the 8-inch 1x2 along the middle of the length of one side of the 6-inch 4x4 so that an inch of it extends beyond the 4x4 on both sides.
[2] Place the lower 8-inches of the dildo over the 8-inch 1x2 and lash it to the 1x2 with several wraps of 1-inch strips of duct tape on either side of the 4x4. Use a lot of wraps slightly past the end of the 1x2 on the side next to the penetrating end of the dildo. If you are penetrated by the maximum 10 inches of an 18-inch dildo, you’ll be grateful for the nice, soft landing provided by the thick wrapping of duct tape, (instead of the end of the 1x2). Also do a few tight wraps with a full width of duct tape around the dildo, 4x4, and 1x2 at the middle of the 4x4. This increases dildo stability.
[3] Use rope or the ratchet tie down strap to securely mount the dildo assembly to the padded, vinyl covered board. (I just use a triple wrap of heavy cord and a trucker’s hitch to cinch it all down tightly.) The dildo should be held 4 inches off the board at the lower end of its penetrating section, and it should point up to the top end of the inclined board. The bottom of the penetrating part of the dildo should be about 20 inches from bottom of the padded board. To estimate this distance better, stand up, bend your knees about 60 degrees, and measure the distance from your anus to the floor. You'll probably still need to adjust this distance slightly after you first try your new machine.
Operating Instructions:
[1] Adjust the incline of the board to between 30 and 45 degrees. You can use the board itself, if it has an adjustable incline, or use furniture, books, concrete blocks, or a step ladder to prop up the high end of the board.
[2] Remove your clothes and lube your entire front side generously from ankles to chest. Lube your crotch more generously. Optionally, consider first removing all your body hair, especially your pubic hair. Hairless skin slides better along slick surfaces, and that enhances sexual pleasure, especially in the anal and genital areas. At least in my own experience, less hair is more slippery fun.
[3] Lube the whole length of the board.
[4] Lube the insertable length of the dildo.
[5] Lube your anus inside and out, and lube all around your anus.
[6] Position your body face down on the padded, vinyl covered board so that your head is on the high end and your legs straddle the dildo. You feet should be touching the floor, and your anus should initially be a few inches away from the dildo's tip.
[7] Repeatedly (a) push off the floor with your feet to push your body upward, and (b) relax your legs to let gravity ease your body back down the board. You might at first need to grab the top of the board and push with your arms to help you slide down, or you might need to increase the board's incline. Slide yourself up and down the board until the lube is well distributed and evenly coats your body and the board so that your body glides up and down the board almost effortlessly from just pushing and relaxing your legs. However, don't do this too much or your genital contact with the board alone might make you cum before your anal fun begins!
[8] Reach behind you to feel for the tip of the dildo. As you allow your body to slowly slide down the board toward the dildo tip, guide it with your hand toward your anus. When your anus touches the dildo tip, allow your body to continue to slowly glide downward until your anus opens up and your rectum swallows up the dildo, or as much off it as you want to take. (I love penetration of 10 to 15 inches by my 2.5" x 28" Python double dong, which goes beyond my rectum.)
NOTE: You may need to adjust the incline of the board and the position of the 4x4-1x2-dildo assembly up and down the board to make things work just right for your leg length, dildo diameter, desired range of anal penetration, and personal taste.. You’ll know what to do and when you have it right.
[9] Once everything is adjusted, you should start feeling some very nice sensations as you push off with your legs to pull the dildo partially out of you and then you relax your legs to let gravity pull your body back down the board to re-impale you on the dildo. You might want to speed things up by pushing with your arms to help out gravity, but you don’t have to. If you are a normal anal-erotic human, either male or female, then it won’t take very long for the simultaneous, almost effortless anal and genital stimulation to really start your juices flowing. After only a minute or two, I expect many men will be struggling to hold off their orgasm to prolong their pleasure. For genital stimulation, men have two options: penis pointing up, or penis pointing down. I prefer up, but I’ve had great orgasms both ways. ENJOY!
[10] For women only, if I was one of you, (which I wish was at times), I would want to see how well this machine works vaginally as well as anally. I'd also like to see how it works for both at once. I'd want to adapt the machine for use with one of those two-pronged, (anal + vaginal) dildos. What do you think, girls? With you clit pressing hard into the board and as it slides up and down, could getting fucked no hands with two dildos at once possibly send you into orbit? If any of you gals builds one of these machines, please let me know with a PM how you used it and how well it worked for you.