Afraid to ask husband to play doctor

Get him a lab coat and a speculum and tell him how hot you get. he will love it.

Obviously he loves you, he is your husband. He will not think you are a freak, the worst is that he could think that you have a strange fantasy, but who know, maybe he has a medfet too and is also afraid to tell you....

Amanda

😢 I feel the pain of people whos significant others dont share in or dont understand their medfet. My hubby wont play w me either. Ive told him about it and he wont even discuss it w me anymore. Ah well it may come down to decision time soon.

I would also start out gently. Just talk about how fun it would be to have him "play doctor". Buy a couple of toys at an adult store and take it from there.

What a waste! so many women wishing to play with their men and they don't react

I have a couple suggestions that have worked for me in the past. Not specifically for med-play but the root problem is the same. Even (or especially) with someone you are very close to, it can be awkward and uncomfortable to discuss some very intimate subjects. It's often less so if you're discussing via email. Drop a few subtle and not-so-subtle hints. Or for something more direct, just find a gyno related story online and send him (or her) the link with some comment about how you think it's hot in a kinky sort of way. All you really need to do is break the ice and then let things take their course...

Start small, and suggestive... one thing you could do is watch a show with doctors/nurses... see how he reacts when you say that he should get some scrubs because there's something sexy about it.

I've been going about this rather systematically, with my husband. He's quite open-minded, but has expressed that the idea of dressing up like a doctor and learning to use unfamiliar equipment doesn't much appeal to him. I accept that, but have pointed out a few things to him: one, my medical fetish isn't going anywhere; two: I can only conceive of playing this intimately (physically and emotionally) with him, and I'd really love for him to be the one to turn me on like crazy; and three: I do a number of things to accommodate his kinks that aren't necessarily my cup of tea - simply because they turn him on like crazy. Quid pro quo, buster. 😉

I think persistence is important, unless you know you've absolutely exhausted the subject. I want him to realize that this is something that means a lot to me, and isn't just a passing whim.

So - and we don't talk about it every night, but I do bring it up often - I've started talking to him about what exactly gets me off, for instance. I try to think of a guy I know who has a shoe/foot fetish, and how strange it seems to people who just aren't into it. I've focused on the feelings of vulnerability and embarrassment and the invasive nature of it all. Luckily, everyone goes to the doctor, so he can relate on some levels. I've stressed that I'm interested in feeling those things, and that it's not completely dependent on certain instruments or "doc-speak" or a white lab coat...though God, I would probably hyperventilate if he came in wearing a lab coat...and hey, I've told him that, too. But I've emphasized that I want him to be comfortable, and to have the choice in how far he wants to participate.

He's confessed that he's not up for full out role-play, and frankly, neither am I. This is the man I spend at least 50% of my waking hours with, and I don't think we could suspend belief enough to feel anything but silly, if I had to call him "Doctor". If he's able to get really into it, this might change, but for now, I can't see us playing that way.

I would be interested in exploring certain instruments and learning together how to use them properly and safely - but this, too, isn't mandatory, right away. My first objective is to get him on board. Baby steps. I've told him that if he would just wear a pair of latex gloves to lube up my anus for anal sex, that would actually do LOTS, for me. Plus - anal sex! What's not to love?

That's the other thing - I am quick to mention the benefits, for him, of exploring this with me. First of all, I'm going to be climbing the walls with arousal, just knowing he's trying. He really doesn't have to say or do very much - I've been going on imagination alone for years. Also, and I believe I put it this way (rather crass, but straight to the point): "There isn't anything you couldn't do to my butt, if you'd put a pair of rubber gloves on." He's been wanting to explore anal play, and I've been reluctant - but with just the suggestion of my fetish involved, seriously - everyone's happy.

I know, it's a far cry from the couples who have the whole authentic exam set-up in their homes, but - that's not for everyone, and we don't all marry fellow med-fetters. This is the man I love, and I want to experience this with him. In order to attempt that, I've had to do a lot of thinking about what I really want, what I would be satisfied with, what I don't want, and how it could be sexy for him. Then comes the scary part, and it's scary every time: talking about it. But it's worth it, to me, to be a little uncomfortable now - and to make him a little uncomfortable, too - if I can help him understand.

I really think it's the fear and the pressure of the unknown, that's the biggest "turn off" for our partners. We have to spell it out for them, and then let them decide.

And I know I'm lucky to have a partner who's willing to listen, who encourages me to talk to him about it, even though I'm always embarrassed and blushing, and who is willing to try.

Good luck and big hugs to everyone going through this. 🌹

Wow, that was a ramble and three-quarters.. ???

Sorry 'bout that.

Steffy-

I loved your ramble, Karma to you! And your hubby too. I think you have a recipe for success there. Please keep us updated as you feel comfortable.

Play On!

LadyDoc

Steffy, I have to say that your comments are the most refreshing post that I've read hear in quite some time. It sounds like you're going about this the right way with your husband. If I were you husband, I think I would have taken you up on your suggestions.

Thanks to both of you. 😃 I have been taking a very direct approach with my husband, and I realize that's not everyone's style. But we're very honest with each other, and he's never had any qualms about telling me what turns him on. He's also not big on the idea of me exploring this fetish with anyone else, so I knew I had to bite the bullet and start talking to him about what I want.

As for developments...he hasn't worked up to putting on those rubber gloves, yet - BUT: he has a pair of scrubs he likes to wear as 'jammies or for lounging around home. Since we've been talking more openly about my fetish, he has started looking to me for a reaction, every time he puts them on.

And of course I react with wolf whistles and affectionate gropings! Positive reinforcement, baby.. 😉

Steffy -

What a GREAT post. I posted # 15 here, and I bring it up for one reason: I think the best thing about sex is when my wife has a mind-blowing orgasm. Period, end of story, do not pass go, do not collect $200...

I believe most guys really like the idea that they are the reason their woman is hyperventilating uncontrollably, and want to know anything they can do to facilitate that.

The step from knowing and doing can be a longer one, but as you say, persistence is a good thing.

Keep at it...I have finally told my wife that I want to be more "adventurous" and she is very happy with the idea...she is also very clear what she will and won't do immediately. What the future holds is something else again...the future is the future.

Do your best in the present, and things will continue to improve.

All the best,

Sam

Wait, we’ve been married for several years, and you’re just telling me this NOW?

If I married a woman and she finally got up the courage to tell me that she had a fetish for balloons and clowns, I would be very upset that she waited all this time to mention it. What other secrets are you keeping, I would wonder? Do I really know this woman at all? I would feel betrayed, that you weren’t honest with me, right from the start. Relationships should be built on a foundation of trust, and acceptance, and wanting to do things for one another. Not on secrets, and unspoken desires, and fears that your partner won’t accept you. All of this time, I was sure that I was satisfying all of your needs. Now, you tell me that you were secretly fantasizing about balloons, while we were having sex. Huge disappointment! Game over! I’m leaving. I can do better than this, for sure. It’s certainly not the balloons, or the clowns, that bother me. It’s the lack of honesty, and the lack of trust. I simply do not want to continue a relationship where there is no honesty or trust. I deserve better than that.

Steffy tells her man “There isn't anything you couldn't do to my butt, if you'd put a pair of rubber gloves on.” Are you kidding me? You would be getting black rubber gloves, in all lengths, up to my elbows, if you like. Collins speculums. Colonoscopes to the appendix. Intestinal vibrators. Every anal toy and stimulating device known to exist, plus all the special ones, that I created myself. All manner of enemas and irrigations. She would get so many enemas that the whole house would just reek of that Bonner’s peppermint soap! And, that would be just the first week. Wait until the special-order proctoscopic table finally arrived, along with the barium enema supplies, and then you'd see some real medical-sex adventures!

All this time? I've been married less than a year, and I brought my medical fetish to my now-husband's attention in the first year we were dating, because he was the first person I ever felt comfortable enough with, to talk about it. Largely because of our honesty with each other in the years we were dating, we don't have trust issues - but thank you for playing!

I'll reiterate my point, for those who didn't get it the first time, which is that I realize that I could be doing more on the med-fet front, if I compromised and settled for some stranger on the internet - but personally, I would prefer to wait, and experience this with the man I love.

Also, .. as I believe I've mentioned, I'm not so much into the ass play, myself. That's my husband's kink. I could introduce you, if you'd like. 😉

Sounds as if you’re doing as well as can be expected, Steffy. As long as you don’t wait until you are married to tell the person. You didn’t. You told your man while you were dating, as soon as you had some trust built up. That is perfect.

DON’T play with strangers, especially secretly, behind your man’s back. OMG, no! And, don’t threaten him with that either.

As for meeting your man, no thanks. I’m from a generation where men stayed with women exclusively, and didn’t have any “curiosity” about other men.

Whatever your medical interests are, your man needs to meet them. It looks like you are more of a urethral lady. Like vibrating sounds? Saline irrigations? Catheterization. Plus, tons of G-spot play. I just made a new G-spot toy myself. It combines the stretching of being fisted, without putting an actual hand inside. Plus, you get extreme G-spot vibrations.

You should be able to have it all. Clinical realism, if that is important. I would buy lots of equipment for you. The only limit would be refinancing the house, to afford one of those new power medical exam tables. But, used, from ebay, would be fine. Whatever you wanted, you would get, times 100. Plus, I would set up gyno-exam cameras, and a big-screen above you, as you lie there. You would be draped, in green surgical drapes, but you could still watch the sounds sliding into your urethra, on a huge monitor. I would buy urethral endoscopes, so you could see yourself, being penetrated. The inside of your bladder. Plus, we could have a nurse assist. Each week would be something new and extreme, for you.

I'd like to publicly revoke my interest in creepy-looking.

.. I'm sure there are a dozen ladies on this site who would happily explore the things you're describing, with you. Your hard sell is wasted on a self-professed monogamist who sincerely believes she already has it all.

Thanks anyway, and good luck to you, too.

Oh, I’m not offering.

That is what your man needs to be doing. Show him the post, if you like.

I wouldn’t get in the middle of a new marriage, no matter how attractive that you are. Stay with your man, and get him to please you. He should already want to. You shouldn’t have to beg, or ask strangers here for suggestions. Give him a list, of what you’d like.

Simple urethral play? Hell, he should JUMP at the chance to do that for you, just for the pleasure that it would bring you, and the closeness and compassion that it would add to the relationship, knowing that he did this for you.

It takes $25 to buy a vibrating sound, and an hour to learn how to insert it. I don’t see you asking for much there, Steffy! Shame on him, for making you go without this long!

Hat's off to you for having the courage and trust to tell him your desires. Wish more women were like you!

This tread has been very clarifying and encouraging. Thank you!

The past few months my bf (for 9 years) went from: I don't want to know, hear, see anything about BDSM (we can have separate interests, it keeps our relationship fresh uhuh) to actually tying me up and teasing me with ice, hot wax as well as a little pinching and rough handling. When he noticed how much it turned me on it worked for him as well. The hardest part for him to deal with were my feelings of shame about wanting it in the first place!

However I very much doubt he will ever try any medical play because he really isn't into role play.

I haven't told him yet I really like medical stuff. I think he suspects it and I try at least not to hide it any more so e.g.I leave about my 'funny' syringe shaped pen. We'll just see what happens

I don't think he will ever meet all of my fantasies, but I really don't care. I feel much more loved and respected already. Hiding it out of shame was only driving us apart. If bondage is his limit I will probably try medical and percussion play with another woman at some point -if he doesn't object, but I can't hide such a large part of who I am from him or from myself any more. Still I feel sometimes guilty for being on this forum, but he told me he doesn't want to know. It's confusing.

[quote author=mazzelpig link=topic=23094.msg305745#msg305745 date=1280345893]

I have feelings of shame about wanting medical play in the first place!

But I can't hide such a large part of who I am from myself any more.

Still I feel sometimes guilty for being on this forum.

It's confusing.

[/quote]

Some event in your life created these needs. You are not that unusual. Most women that spend time with me will come to beg for injections, because they are so erotic, when I combine them with sex and arousal.

Why burden yourself with guilt and shame? Stand up proudly, and be who are! Don’t hint, with a syringe-shaped pen. Tell your man directly. Explain that you love injections, and tell him exactly how to make them the most erotic for you. You ask for so little! It wouldn’t take much at all, to make you the happiest girl in the whole wide world. A little acceptance, and encouragement, and a willingness to allow you to be the person that you truly long to be. You ask for so little, and yet the people in your life continue to deny you, and instead, force you to feel shame and guilt. I feel so sorry for you!

I would be so happy to indulge each and every one of your fantasies! I had a huge glass syringe, it held 50 cubic centimeters. Combine that with a long spinal needle, or a long, thick amniocentesis needle. Your pantyhose are slowly lowered, while you stand there, shivering in your obscenely high heels, as you imagine what awaits you.

Relationships are about love, and acceptance, for the person that you are with. You need someone who shares your life, and your needs, not someone who forces you to go without, and who leaves you feeling ashamed and alone, embarrassed by what you feel inside.

Not only would I indulge each and every one of your fantasies, but I would make you feel valued, and accepted, and help you to finally vanquish all of the guilt and shame in your life, and allow you to become the woman that you are destined to be. You would be happy, and carefree, and for once in your life, completely at ease with who you are, and what you love most. That is the essence of a relationship! It is so emotionally rewarding to help someone achieve their ultimate goals, and their needs, and to make them feel cherished and valued and, most of all, accepted.

I can only hope that you find that, someday.

[quote author=.. link=topic=23094.msg305940#msg305940 date=1280425374]

yet the people in your life continue to deny you, and instead, force you to feel shame and guilt.

[/quote]

.. Thank you for your kind words. However the one who forces me to feel shame is me. My boyfriend actually told me not to make such a big deal of my kinky desires! Although he isn't interested himself, he told me this shouldn't stop me from finding out what I really want. If that isn't true love I don't know! I mean you can't expect everyone to just change their personality, because you're coming to terms with your own. e.g. he really likes poker and we do play together sometimes (we make it strip poker so it's interesting for me as well 😉 )but he doesn't expect me to learn all the in's and out's! I can't force myself to be as enthusiastic as he is. Nor will I ever to ever learn to love his freejazz records. Not because I don't want to, but because I simply can't. I know maybe it's a bit far fetched to compare medical play with poker, but I really think it's not the same as making love. I have no desire to have any kind of 'normal' sex with anyone but him. The confusing thing is I don't know if I ever will be comfortable enough with anyone else to do the 'medical stuff', but time will tell. I'm already so grateful to be on this forum!

I've had fantasies about giving and receiving enemas for as long as i can remember, and i FINALLY got up the courage to talk about this with my husband. he loves anal sex, so i told him i would feel more comfortable having him take me there if i knew i was clean and ready for him. also, then he wouldn't have to wear a condom! first time we had anal after an enema, he came high and deep in my ass, and it felt great!!!!!

There are some pretty good ideas here, but what they refer to overall is dropping subtle hints. as opposed to just bringing it up in conversation. which ever you will think works, do it

I feel that medical fetish is something you are born with..I know I was. It has intrigued me since I was a boy. While you may get a partner to participate in play but does it come from the heart? Do they just do it because you request it?..THATS the difference! I want my patient to yearn for the inspection..lay in anguish waitimg for the Dr. to open her privates for a long look...not just ''let'' me check her.

The best idea is to talk about fantasies. I will try it and look what happens.

Dr Brian's suggestion is still the best, but it all comes down to communication. Ease into communication about your sex life with your partner and what you like should naturally come up. Ease into the fetish talk and be patient!

Hi, I'm new here, and not to beat a dead horse, but I'm in a relatively new relationship with a new boyfriend with whom I am extremely comfortable. We have had sex, nothing kinky, but still good. I have told him I like anal stimulation. He didn't seem to be turned off, but didn't exactly know how to respond, just said, "oh", and dropped the subject. I'm afraid to bring up any ideas of just what he can do to me that would really turn me on (even just a rectal thermometer would be a great start!) for fear of scaring him. Also hesitant about offering him a prostate massage, which I'm pretty sure he'd love. He is the man I see myself spending the rest of my life with, and I want him to know about my medical play desires. I'm just afraid of his thinking this too weird. With this being a new-ish relationship, how should I proceed? I really want to share this with him, but it isn't like we've been together a long time. How long should I wait? Won't that just make it harder to talk about?

Sorry to ramble on. Any advice would be most appreciated!

Lisa I think you might be surprised at the number of men that have a medical fetish.

Rtme-

Since you asked for opinions and approaches, I'll toss in my two cents' worth.

First and foremost, I think you need to have an honest but gentle talk with the man in your life, sooner rather than later. The last thing you want is for a few years to roll by (and they do), and then you bring up the subject of your medfet. If I were in his shoes I'd say "You're just bringing this up? NOW?" He'd be entitled to be a little upset.

Keep this discussion out of the bedroom, keep it on "neutral ground". A few glasses of wine (or whatever), and then bring it up. I prefer the direct but kind approach. "Honey, I'm really intrigued by the idea of playing doctor with you. I think that would be so hot..." or "Have you ever done any fantasy role-play? I'd really like it if we could..." You get the idea. Most men are thrilled to know what makes the woman in their life go a little crazy. And I think most men are more than willing to try anything once, maybe even two or three times. When he sees your reaction, that should do the trick.

Don't be afraid to tell him what feels good, and what doesn't feel so great. I assume from your post that you would prefer to be in the patient role, but if he's shy, you may need to take the lead and show him what you want, or offer a trade, "I'll examine you if you'll examine me."

I would also have a frank discussion with him about your anal desires and that you would like to offer him a prostate massage. Perhaps he's one of those guys that thinks there are certain connotations associated with anal play. You may have to gently reeducate him.

Above all, you must be honest with him. The best relationship I've ever had is the one I'm in right now. The reason it's so good is that we agreed on intimacy and frankness from the outset. It took me a long time to get to the point where I can share so much of myself with another, but it is soooo worth it!

Okay, I'll put the soapbox back in the corner now. But not before wishing you the very best of luck, and much happiness with this man!

Play On!

LadyDoc