@Kit: Thanks very much for being so honest and straightforward in your thoughtful post. It is daunting yet illuminating. Please allow me to ask you something. Sorry for the long post that follows. (I do try to be succinct.) Please note I'm not posting a personal-ad here, but rather am asking about the wisdom and propriety of private messaging, and about what women do and don't want, generally speaking.
I am a single, straight man (and an adult-toddler diaperboy/diaper-lover/Daddy switch) in his mid-'40's seeking a happy, healthy, monogamous, committed relationship with a single adult woman. (As I mention below, I gather you are married with children, so please don't misunderstand why I mention the foregoing.) I don't sleep around. It has been nearly a decade since my last full-fledged romantic relationship, and I've only had a few false-starts since then. Though I would not rule out a single female play-partner, I really am looking for a relationship with ab/dl roleplay and ageplay as a part of the sexual component. I do love traditional interaction between a man and a woman, and so I seek to augment, not to displace, that interaction with kink or fetish-play.
I do agree that the so-called "vanilla conversion" is a valid approach. Until very recently, that was my only approach. It has worked with varying degrees of success, but I have never had an in-person relationship with a Mommy or an ab/dl woman, including an adult-baby, adult-toddler, or adult-little girl. (Obviously, my diaper-fetish has nothing to do with minors. Safe, sane, consensual adult roleplay and ageplay only.)
Sometimes, here and on other sites on which female ab/dl's and Mommies are members, I do sent polite, friendly unsolicited messages of introduction to women whose profiles and stated interests jibe with mine. I don't ever "hit on" women or importune them. I do address the commonalities in our erotic interests in a candid, grown-up way, but I always make sure to mention that I'm looking to become acquainted and then to become friends before I'm looking for anything more involved. Mutual trust, respect, and caring are the bedrock of any relationship. I do also mention my non-erotic interests and provide some general background information, so a woman will get a preliminary sense of who I am.
My question is this: is the mere fact of an unsolicited message what you're referring to when you mention "creeps" (not I) who scare women away (which I've inadvertently done)? Or are you speaking to unwanted, superficial, sexually explicit messages from men merely wanting a "hook-up"? (I never send those.) Or are you addressing some middle-ground of communication from men? I'm just wondering.
I am a Christian gentleman who is extremely intelligent, well-educated, articulate, polite, and respectful. I am honest and forthright, true, and I am sometimes voluble in my prose, but I am never coarse or vulgar or crass or demanding or inappropriate. So I'm trying to learn more about how to approach women online (this being fairly new to me -- I just started four months ago) in a way that is, generally speaking, welcome and likely to prompt a positive response. I wish never to offend anyone, or to behave inappropriately. Any feedback you wished to provide would be much appreciated.
By the way, I do post on the fora here and know that is a great way to get acquainted. I am patient and am looking for something worthwhile.
Allow me to close by stating that I really enjoy your posts. I do gather that you are married with children, so certainly I'm not writing to seek more than friendship with you. Thanks, and best wishes to you and to all. Happy nappies!