I have never recounted this experience to anyone before. And this experience is the truth, as I saw it through my adolescent eyes.
I was 13 the year my father took me for a physical at a federal employee health care facility. I guess it was about time I stepped up from pediatrician to family doctor. Now it seems like a rite of passage. I don’t recall ever seeing another.patient/client in this facility, as if it were the weekend. I recall my father, the doctor, and me as the only occupants of that facility and soon enough it was just the doctor and me. Most of my memory occurs in a single large clinic room with lots of fluorescent ceiling fixtures that filled that space with a harsh, sickly light. And it was in that room that my father left me in the care of a thin Asian man in white smock, that I assumed to be “the doctor,” for a thorough physical. Again, no one else seems to have been present during my ordeal. [Now that I am formally recounting this moment in my life, it becomes clearer to me that my experience may have involved a criminal act.]
With the initial steps of the examination over, it wasn’t long before this medical authoritarian had me standing before him while he perched on a rolling stool. With fingers surreptitiously sliding under my briefs, he had me do the “cough test.” And when the coughing was done, this man moved swiftly to execute his final and most memorable act upon my (relatively) innocent young person. His curt commands are forever part of my memory:
- Drop your underwear (to my ankles)
- Step out of your underwear (and about this point I noticed he had a light on his forehead, latex gloves on his hands and a tube of lubricant)
- Turn around (to present my back to him)
- Place your feet on the two pieces of tape (spaced about three feet apart on the cold linoleum)
- Bend over
- Reach back and spread your buttocks (which I might have complied with a little to readily)
It all happened so quickly that I didn’t have a chance to discuss it with myself, determine my feelings. When this fellow barked, I jumped. But now it was much too late to reconsider, too late to “back out.” To this day, I believe he used index and middle fingers together to spear into my rectum, withdraw and repeat, each new entry resulting in his fingers taking me full depth with the knuckles of his fist crashing into my speared anal ring. And each time he “bottomed out” in my bottom, each time his fist was stopped hard by my anal sphincter, my penis jerked to attention angling toward the floor beneath my widely-spaced ankles. I’m sure this guy got a damn good look at what he was doing to me, knowing that he took me farther than even he might have hoped. After only a few strokes of his gloved fingers, I was truly on the verge of spattering the floor beneath me when the doctor very suddenly (and with some disappointment on my part) withdrew his fingers from my rump, throwing down the soiled glove and instructing me to get dressed and come to his office.
I think this facility doctor enjoyed the humiliation that surely filled my being by the time I meekly knocked on the door to his office. He was a bit of a sadist, I think.
After leaving the clinic, my father and I stopped by a local Hechinger’s hardware store (way back in the 60s, when that chain still existed in the Washington DC area). I remember very well the swollen, throbbing of my recently disturbed rectum and overstretched anus. I constantly felt the urge to defecate, but with no actual defecation. [It is this fact that has me convinced that the doctor used more than a single digit to rape my rear.] So my asshole and that doctor were very much on my mind as we browsed the outdoor garden center on a lovely, sunny day. As stated, I felt like defecation was imminent, so while my father waited nearby, I took a seat in the porta-potty situated right in the midst of many shoppers milling about. I couldn’t stop visualizing, reliving what that guy made me do: spread myself for his violent assault. I was confused and desperate to do something about my current predicament, so I tried to push out back there while seated on the potty and all the while furiously fisting my rigid penis to squirt all about the door of that public, outdoor potty.
I will always consider this experience to be a revelation of sorts. Thank you for bearing witness.