Last thorough hands-on physical

I realized recently that it's been 11 years since my last thorough hands-on physical.

My doctor had recently moved into a concierge practice, and I spent a few months looking for a new doctor and getting an appointment scheduled for an annual physical. The nurse brought be back to the exam room, measured height, weight, and blood pressure, and then asked a lot of medical history questions that she typed into my record. When she was done, she left, telling me the doctor would be in shortly.

I was surprised that she didn't ask me to undress. My previous doctor had me in underwear with a paper gown. When the new doctor came in, she greeted me and sat down at the computer to review my records. She was older, early 60's, I would say. She was kind but also firm. She wasn't happy about my weight, or my blood pressure, or my cholesterol. She outlined a plan to address all three, and made it clear that she wanted to see me in three months to follow up.

Then she went to the cabinet and pulled out a cloth gown and drape. "I'll step out while you get undressed," she said. "The gown opens in the front. Sit on the exam table with the drape over your lap. I'll be back shortly."

She returned and did the standard head-to-toe exam. She checked my eyes and ears. She looked in my throat. She felt my lymph nodes. Then she had me lower the gown to my waist, and listened to my heart and lungs. She was friendly, but business-like. She pulled out the table extension and had me lie down. She palpitated my abdomen and listened to bowel sounds.

Then, she had me put my arms back in the gown and turn on my left side. I still had the drape covering my lower body, but it had moved around a lot and wasn't covering much. "Let's adjust your fig leaf," she said with a smirk. She folded the drape over to expose my butt and had me pull my top leg up for the rectal exam. I had never had a rectal exam in that position before, so she had to do a lot of coaching to get me in the right position. This was the first time a woman had ever had her finger in my ass, but it wasn't nearly as erotic in reality as the fantasy was.

Declaring everything normal, she had me stand up for the hernia exam. She stood behind me and reached around for the exam, which was another position I had never encountered before. I still had the gown on, but since it was open in the front, it didn't really hide anything at that point.

Finally, she told me I could get dressed, finished writing her notes, and told me to follow up with her in three months.

The second appointment wasn't nearly as exciting as the first. We reviewed the weight, blood pressure, and cholesterol numbers, and she praised me for making good progress. A couple months later, she retired, and I was handed off to another doctor. The new doctor, also female, is closer to my age. But with her, I've never even taken off my shirt. All the auscultation and palpation is done through my clothes, and she mostly concentrates on what the blood tests tell her. Overall, I think the care is actually better. The science tells them what to test for and how to respond when the numbers are out of whack. And unless I have symptoms to check out, the need for the hands-on exam is greatly diminished. But the medfet in me misses the old days.

When was your last thorough, hands-on physical? How did it go?