Awkward small talk during exam

One of my favorite things in the exam room is recreating the dialogue.

I’m naked. The doctor is clothed. She is feeling my boobs with her hands.

Doctor- “Raise your arm for me. Just going to feel some pressure with my hands. So how’s your family?”

Me- “Oh they are good….”

D -“Just going to feel a squeeze. We got a new puppy and that’s keeping everyone busy. Have you noticed any changes in your breast?”

M - “no. Our dog recently learned to fetch…”

D - “everything looks good. Let’s take a look down stairs…. Lay back”

What’s the most awkward small talk you’ve been a part of in the exam room?

Did you have to talk about the weather while the doctor was knuckle deep in your ass?

Maybe discuss vacation plans while checking your genitals?

Enquiring minds want to know!

@Amanda_O I think that in the novel Les Grandes Familles, by Maurice Druon, a gynecologist examines a woman intimately while making small talk discussing his plans to get elected to the French Academy.

It's an attempt to distract from what's taking place but hard to achieve when you're naked and being examined! Still I prefer the attempt compared to someone who is all business and seemingly aloof to the fact that another human in right there!

With a female practitioner I'd talk about general stuff- movies, restaurants, etc. With male practitioners I usually talked about cars and guns- "manly" stuff like that.

Sure as hell beats awkward silence any day.

‘So what do you do for work?’ as he drew back my foreskin… 😅

I cant imagine comfortable small talk. I have had a gynecologist ask me about my history of sexual trauma while their fingers were inside my pussy. I was so taken aback by the question I couldn't answer. I also awkwardly stare off to the side or my the ceiling I can't look at them or accidentally make eye contact as their several inches inside of me. Does the small talk make people more comfortable?

A little bit of talk before he starts the exam usually right after he comes into the exam room. He will ask about my wife and how things are going maybe talk about the weather, I usually see in February for my annual and it is normally below zero and colder than hell outside so that will get mentioned. Once he starts the actual hands on part of the exam he doesn't really say anything except to give me instructions on what he wants me to do. He might say something once in awhile telling me what he is going to do before he does it. But no small talk or any kind of conversation.

My current primary care provider is pretty short on small talk. During the exam, if she is not giving me instructions on what to do, she is describing what she is doing and why. So, while sometimes awkward, it really isn't a discussion: "feeling your liver" or "roll to your left" or "a little pressure" or "feeling your femoral pulse" and of course "turn your head and cough... again"

My current primary care provider is pretty short on small talk. During the exam, if she is not giving me instructions on what to do, she is describing what she is doing and why. So, while sometimes awkward, it really isn't a discussion: "feeling your liver" or "roll to your left" or "a little pressure" or "feeling your genital pulse" and of course "turn your head and cough... again"

@FredD I have never had a doctor check my genital pulse. Is there a specific reason she checks that?

I don't mind "small talk" with a doctor, but i Hate it with a dentist.

About all I can do is "grunt" an answer.

I'm guessing by genital pulse he means femoral pulse. The major artery carrying blood to each leg and pretty important to palpate. Could that have been it?

I've never had any awkward small talk, just the normal how's work never any awkwardness. My ex gf I know likes to have some talk and joking around with her obgyns to cut the tension and help her relax. I asked about awkward and she told me about her favorite OB who delivered 2 of her kids. She was a baby nurse and she had worked with him years before so they shared a dark humor when it came to exams. She said" He would joke about Drs we used to work with and how they could be "creepy". This would be when he had his hands full of my boobs! Or when he lubed up his fingers and I was spread open in the stirrups waiting for his sausage fingers to be going in me. I'd be like DUDE! Talk about creepy!" Apparently it did help her take her mind off the exam and relax a bit

I'm guessing by genital pulse he means femoral pulse.

@Rigel - either it was auto- mistake kicking in, or a disconnect between my brain & fingers.

Femoral pulse

I remember a doctor asking about what I was working on at work during an up close and personal exam. I didn't feel like answering because I knew she didn't care about that and was just trying to put me at ease.

I understand the annoyance at attempted small talk during exams, especially the especially intimate portions. On the other hand, it's what humans as social animals tend to do isn't it? Ever spent time around someone who's incapable of making small talk? There are such unfortunates and it can add substantially to the awkwardness. We doctors are, in the end, just educated and trained humans looking for ways to reduce awkward moments. And finally, sometimes the clinician can learn useful and interesting pieces of information about a patient. For example (made up), "What are you working on at your job?" Answer: "We just started a new project working with asbestos." "Really??!!"

I went for a vasectomy years ago, I lay on the table in a gown when a nurse came in and lifted the gown up to my chest and then decided to talk about holidays whilst she held my flaccid penis up between her thumb and index finger before painting my testicles with iodine, quite surreal .

I was recently having an OMT session with my primary care doctor for some chronic issues with my neck muscles being tight. I was laid out on the table having him manipulate my neck and shoulders while we were making small talk about boy bands from the early 2000’s. 😭😂 Honestly the best doctor I’ve ever had though - I love him!

I was at a female dermatologist about 20 years ago for the first time, and what would turn out to be the only time. She was clearly from the south from her accent, and she was looking at my back and asking about my children and when I mentioned I had one daughter she said ok lay back and she started looking at my thighs and then asked how old she was and I said 14 and she said oh that's a great age can you pull down your underwear please so I did and as she was literally doing the genital exam she stopped and looked at me and asked my if my daughter was wearing "Daisy Dukes" yet since it was summer time? I could feel she had picked up my penis in her hand as she looked down at my face and I felt a wave of awkwardness as I said ahh no. She said oh why? I said well ahh my wife decides what's ok for her to wear. She finished the exam and then said all good I will see you in a year. I remember getting dressed while thinking that was most awkward conversation I had ever had while naked with a doctor and I run it back once in awhile because it still blows my mind, and the following year I changed to someone else.

I had a nurse take my oral temperature and while the thermometer was in my mouth, she decides to start a conversation that included some questions.

It's the doctor's attempt to not make you think about the exam and to put you at ease. it would be worse if the doctor didn't say anything.

My gynecologist asks if I feel pain during sexual intercourse or if it hurts during the exam.

@Badgy1

Why did you change after that?

Sounds pretty amazing to me. I've never had a dermatologist examine my penis. I would definitely be going back to her.

Gf in pre op room doc asks her would she like to know how he would do the operation ? She said sure I have some training in med field? On my back he lifts up gown and starts making pen mark on my stomach where the scope would go in to take out gall bladder. We had both seen up close naked body parts of each other. I look down and my thigh had lipstick remnants from night before. My penis was pointing right at it!!! She busted my balls for using regular soap not the one they give you to use before prep shower before surgery. We were in a rush to get to hospital on time she had slept in too late. Needless to say I was mortified but had to laugh.

@KC_Patient It just felt weird to me that a doctor was asking about whether my 14 year old daughter was wearing daisy dukes and if not why not? It just felt kind of inappropriate I guess. In hindsight it was probably harmless conversation from someone that probably wore them herself.

I was asked to come back in and see a specialist, first ever visit with her. She walks in and checks why I'm there, goes over what she is going to perform (skin biopsy) and gets to work fairly quickly. As she begins, I think she wants to make small talk to distract me, and asks "any plans this weekend?"

I tell her our plans for the weekend, being my birthday and all. She listens and as soon as I stop she asks the nurse if they had any special plans that weekend. That conversation went on between the two of them the rest of the time I was in the exam room.

Awkward!

My doctors were all actually pretty quiet during their exam processes. I think part of the turn on was actually the awkward silence being broken every once and a while for when they explained what they were doing in the exam at that point haha

Over the course of the past five or so years, my primary care physician has started to discuss politics for some reason. I guess it is because we are the same age and I have been seeing him for a long time so he feels comfortable on that subject with me? Doesn’t bother me a bit since we share political ideologies.

Some of the most interesting, yet awkward, small talk comes from the nurses or medical assistants during invasive procedures.

Nothing quite like the medical assistant chatting you up about the work commute and the rising costs of living in California while handling your penis, swabbing clean, taking the moment to remind you deep breaths while she injects the lidocaine jelly into the penis as it may be uncomfortable.

Or two nurses helping you change in the ER and doing a quick skin assessment while you are naked because you injured a hand talking about the Raiders leaving Oakland again.

No small talk at any exam or procedure that I can remember.

My last dermatologist always did my full body exams while I was lying on my back in just my boxer shorts. Just before he got down to my genital area and lifted the waistband to inspect underneath, he'd start some small talk like "any vacation plans?" or "how's the family?" I would answer, but my responses always contained long pauses as I was really focused on him looking through my pubic hair and at my penis. My current dermatologist is silent thru the whole inspection process, just providing direction on how I should position myself, which I prefer.