Prostate Exam proposition

Looking back I honestly think you are right @Clarissa_UK and it was almost certainly all pretty much pre orchestrated right from the start as you’ve suggested, and that they deliberately kept me enough in the dark to keep me calm and make me think that the whole thing would be a lot quicker, easier and less uncomfortable for me than it actually ended up being, as I expect that's exactly what they wanted me to think, probably both with good motives, in order to get me to sign up and stop me from backing out before the exam as you’ve said.

I do also however, also take your point as to their reasons for doing it that way as I have to admit that in truth if I had known everything about exactly what and how everything would happen on the day I’d probably have stressed myself silly, panicked, backed out and probably wouldn’t have gone through with the exam.

I definitely do see your reasoning and what you are driving at though, It’s really hard, even now with hindsight, to know whether having any more information would have actually made it any better or any worse as for me it was probably a case of fear of the unknown during the exam versus fear of the known ( by knowing exactly what was coming) during it if that makes sense.

I’m also pretty sure there were quite a few subsequent discussions between them after they had got me to sign up as I definitely noticed Jane’s responses to my questions started to change a bit, and she also started slipping things in about the “optional” parts that I might be asked if I would let them do. As the exam date got closer her answers to my questions began to change to her giving answers which sounded more and more to me like they were pre arranged phrases they had agreed they would tell me and also some of it was like “advice” which they had probably also arranged together, but still without that “advice” actually giving me any more details than I already had.

Jane's answers definitely seemed to “evolve” as it got closer to exam day.

So, yeah I can maybe reluctantly forgive all Jane and Claire’s sneakyness behind my back as you have said, they probably were right that it would have stressed me out if I’d known everything that would be coming during the exam in advance, and so I suppose they did have a valid reason for doing it the way they did.

I do also believe, as you say, that they, especially Jane, did it with the best intentions and my best interests at heart, but them doing it that way certainly did result in there being a few unexpected and uncomfortable surprises on the day of the actual exam, but yeah, I don't think knowing about any of those “unpleasant surprises”, in advance would have made them any less unpleasant and might in truth have made them even worse me due to being anxious about having to have them done, knowing they were coming or possibly scared me off altogether .

Yeah @Clarissa_UK , that makes sense as with the unexpected thorough clean out right at the start that they insisted I HAD to have done before the exam even got started despite me being really reluctant to have that done as I’d never had anything like that done to me before and also which I had absolutely no idea was coming, so was not prepared for and, to be honest, if I had known about before the exam it would probably have been enough to make me chicken out on its own as I’d definately say that the whole “compulsary” clean out procedure they did on me before the exam was probably really unpleasant and embarassing especially when it's just sprung on you there and then with no warning.

That was defifinately the first of many unpleasant and uncomfortable surprise I got on the day of the exam, except of course, the initial shock of being told to strip completely naked and only put that cold nylon gown on which was also totally unexpected.

On the subject of that cold itchy nylon gown I was told to put on. Yeah, looking back a nylon water resistant medical gown was probably the best thing to wear for an exam like that due to the clean out before the exam, which was the first “procedure” that happened hadn’t been mentioned by Jane or Claire and seemed very messy to me. I’m not sure if that was because I was nervous or what but I seemed to be “leaking” a lot while they were doing that clean out. I also had what felt like a LOT of lubricant applied to my anus during the prep and the course of the exam and a lot of conductive gel as well, so yeah, it probably was ideal for what I ended up having done as a paper or cloth one would probably have ended up pretty messy and very soggy pretty much right from the start as the clean out ended up being pretty messy as I say.

Yeah, I was definitely as you say left feeling very uncomfortable and embarrassed after the exam was finished, feeling like I’d been thoroughly probed and scanned as Claire definitely got Jane’s deals worth out of me with everything I ended up getting done.

I did however, as you suggested, thoroughly enjoy the rewards of the deal and the extra treats promised by Jane after the examination was over.

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Yes, definitely do it and enjoy your prostate exam and her cervical exam.

The prostate exam is awesome if you like anal play and if you don't or have never had a prostate exam, it's not a big deal. Maybe it will feel a little uncomfortable, but it is certainly not painful. With the right attitude--a lady is going to put her finger in my bottom and my wife is gonna be watching--you should be able to really enjoy it and have a little fun.

Since it is a friend, you could lighten things up and maybe joke around and have a little extra fun. Ask her to be very thorough and check and double check and triple check all the way around the prostate, up and down, left and right, and see if she will do a prostate massage while your significant other plays with your winky on the front side--or not, if she wants to keep it purely professional--kill joy. If she wants to keep it truly professional to make it as real as possible, then abide by her wishes.

I would not joke around during your wife's exam, unless she starts it. Just observe and learn. Ask if it's okay to ask questions or if she would please explain everything she is doing or does she want you to be a silent observer. As a student explaining/teaching is great for her learning process. Do NOT ask if you can help. You would lose big points for that, maybe even be expelled.

What a great invitation and opportunity. Make the best of it. Enjoy it. Learn from it. Offer to be a test subject again for any other procedure.

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I have already been and done it @Vasbyt. Thats what is being discussed in the preceeding posts.

Hi @JamesUK. I found your posts very interesting especially about the "clean out" and the nylon gown they gave you.

You said that you were given an " unexpected thorough clean out right at the start that they insisted I HAD to have done before the exam even got started despite me being really reluctant to have that done as I’d never had anything like that done to me before and also which I had absolutely no idea was coming, so was not prepared for and, to be honest, if I had known about before the exam it would probably have been enough to make me chicken out on its own as I’d definitely say that the whole “compulsory” clean out procedure they did on me before the exam was probably really unpleasant and embarrassing especially when it's just sprung on you there and then with no warning"

I'm guessing neither your wife or her friend doing the exams mentioned to you that you would need to be properly prepared and cleaned out for that sort of examination which surprises me. Of course they possibly assumed you'd already have known that would be required before the exam as it's pretty much always done before any sort of rectal scan or procedure.

I've never encountered a gown like the one you mentioned. I've always been given either cloth or paper ones to wear for exams but again I'm quite surprised that neither your wife or her friend told you that you would be required to strip off and change into a gown for your exam as again it's pretty standard procedure. You said it was, cold, itchy and uncomfortable, can you elaborate on that ?

Hi @Patient_John . Yeah, neither my wife or her friend Claire mentioned anything about a clean out before the actual exam when they were trying to persuade me to sign up to have it done I was basically just told what “core parts” of the exam I’d be required to have done and that anything “extra” would be explained to me on the day, but I’m pretty sure the “extras” were pretty much always on the list of things that the exam would include, and they just decided between them not to “worry me” with too much detail about everything that would be involved during the exam prior to the start of the exam. I suspect that they also decided not to “worry” me about the clean out beforehand either for the same reasons, and to just tell me when the time came to have it done.

I was basically initially told that if I signed up I’d be required to have an external and internal ultrasound scan of my prostate and a manual exam of it during my exam, but if I’m honest, I didn’t really have much idea about exactly what that actually meant or would entail or how those things would actually be done as I’d never had anything remotely similar done before.

I was basically just told all I’d have to do was not to worry about it and just to turn up on the day of the exam with an open mind and to be prepared to endure just a “little mild embarrassment and discomfort” during the exam and that everything else would be explained to me on the day as the exam went along, and all I’d have to do was just to follow the instructions I was given and everything would be fine and they would get everything that was “necessary” done.

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So I’m assuming that they knew very well I wouldn’t know that a preparatory clean out would be required and decided it was probably best that I didn’t know beforehand.

The best way I can describe the gown was that it was like the nylon capes barbers and hairdressers use. It was laid out in the changing room in a sealed plastic bag for me to strip off and change into. When I took it out of the bag and put it on, it felt cold and scratchy and also a bit statically charged. It had a tie at the back of the neck and 2 Velcro closures down the opening down the back.

A question for you @JamesUK . Your description of this incident involves going into an unknown situation with little knowledge of what exactly was going to happen, and being quite nervous about it. There is plenty of information on the www about both Digital Rectal exam and Ultrasound of the Prostate. If you were that nervous, and your wife and her friend seemed to be less than forthcoming, why didn't you educate yourself on what was to happen?

Hi @DocH2O I can assure you did consider googling it and, probably foolishly, mentioned that to the wife that i was going to see if I could get a bit more information online. She immediately said that she didn't think that was a good idea and advised me against it and told me abourt how you are always hearing all these stories of people googling medical stuff and getting wrong or innacurate information. She also said that what google said might be "different" to the way Claire might actually do things on the day anyway as google tends to come up with answers from the US and a lot of stuff is in truth done differently here in the UK and I had encountered this before with googling medical stuff so I just sort of accepted her point and, with hindsight naively agreed with her and didn't bother. She also said, with that in mind that, there was no point in getting myself worked up about something that might not be done the same way as google described on the day anyway as as we were in the UK, which at the time did also seem to make a lot of sense. I just sort of took that as her trying to help me not get stressed with scary and possibly untrue information as I am a quite nervous person, especially about medical stuff, and so I could sort of see where she was coming from about it maybe being better for me if I didn't read any horror stories about exams that might end up being totally different to mine on the internet and terrify myself. She then asked me to "promise not to, for her". So that was that really.

So I just sort of blindly took the "advice" I was given by my wife and her friend that I posted in the post above in that with me being anxious about medical stuff anyway, that the best thing for me to do was just to, "turn up at the clinic in plenty of time on the day of the exam with an open mind and to be prepared to endure a “little bit of mild embarrassment and discomfort during the exam" and that everything else I needed to know would be explained to me on the day as the exam went along, and all I’d have to do was just to follow the instructions I was given and everything would be fine and they would get everything that was “necessary” done and it would all be over and done with "before I knew it". With hindsight yes that was a bit nieve of me, but the description of "mild embarassment and discomfort" didn't really sound all that bad or different from most medical stuff I'd had done before, so I suppose I also just nievely believed at the time that I HAD been told everything that I really "needed" to know, from the what now with hindsight were very vague details of the "core" parts of the exam.

There were also additional tests that were only mentioned during the exam so they would still have been an unknown anyway so I'd still have been in the dark about a lot of stuff anyway as well. I did feel a bit hoodwinked when it all started happening while I was at the clinic for my exam, but as @Clarissa_UK has suggested abobe, there were probably good reasons for them doing it that way not to "spook" me about it in truth.

Also having googled it since my exam for interest value, almost every account of the prostate ultrasound mentions the use of a biopsy needle etc which would have absolutely terrified me and wasn't relevant to my exam as I didn't have any biopsies taken, so my wife Jane was actually kind of right about the fact that my exam might be a "bit different" to what I might read on the internet and that those differences or innacuracies might make me even more anxious as if I'd read about biopsy needles etc, it definately would have !

I hope that sort of answers your question if you are kind of able to put yourself in my position and frame of mind at the time.

@JamesUK. I have read DocH20's comment and your reply and while I can see his point that a lot, of people would google it I can also see your point from a peer pressure from your wife point of view, as you obviously discuss most things with your wife and so I can totally understand that with your wife's advice being not to google it and her asking you to promise her that you wouldn't google it "for her" so as not to panic yourself with inaccurate information that you took her advice on board and did exactly as she asked you. I've certainly been there ! lol

I also take the example that you gave about googling about the ultrasound and that if you had googled it and seen all the information about prostate biopsies normally being taken during rectal ultrasounds of the prostate then that would have totally freaked you out, as it turned out totally unnecessarily, so maybe your wife's strategy was actually the best one for you and she possibly was very aware of that. So her and her and her friend's, Less is more, before the exam approach was also maybe actually the best one for you. I have read quite a few accounts of prostate ultrasounds with biopsies being taken with a needle biopsy and the majority of them are pretty grim. Anything from it being described as being like a really sharp sting to an agonizing red hot poker going in up there. So I'm guessing if you had read that sort of account before your exam and wrongly assumed that you would be having that done during your exam as well then that would have made you extremely anxious and possibly terrified for absolutely no reason as you've said you didn't in fact end up having that done during your exam.

I suppose although an unfortunate side effect of your wife's strategy was that you did get a few unpleasant surprises on the day both before and during your exam but I am still inclined to agree with your wife's approach despite those unpleasant surprises as I really doubt that you knowing a lot more details about it all in advance would have actually made a lot of difference or improved your experience or in fact actually made it any less unpleasant for you than it had to be or was always unfortunately going to be. In truth I'd say that it would almost certainly have made it a much worse experience for you as you would still have found it just as unpleasant either way but you'd also have had all the built up stress and anxiety and tension about it to deal with as well which would be bound to have made you a lot more tense on exam day. So I am definitely inclined to believe both that your Wife actually gave you precisely the right advice in this instance to not google it and just make things potentially worse. and you did precisely the right thing in following that advice although I'm pretty sure some others on here will disagree with me on that ! lol

@Patient_John. Yeah with hindsigt I do have to admit, if perhaps a little grudgingly, that my wife and her friend were right in not giving me too much information before the exam as it would have totally put me off volunteering to have the exam done at all. My wife was also probably doing the right thing by making me promise her not to google stuff and potentially panic myself with possibly innacurate information.

I suppose I have to admit she was almost certainly right with that strategy, as if I had googled about the Rectal ultasound prior to my exam appointment and read about the needle biopsy part that is included in most of the online accounts of rectal ultrasounds then I have to admit that even with just the thought of having to have had that part alone done during my exam then there would have been absolutely no way they would have been able to have convinced me to get sat up in that exam chair on the day of my exam fearing that was coming. If I'd googled it and I even suspected that I was going to be having that done as part of my exam that would have been a deal breaker straight away and I would have backed out of having the exam at all. So yeah, not knowing did definatly lead to some very unpleasant surprises for me on the day of my exam pretty much right from the start. ,but those unpleasant parts of the prep and exam were always going to be coming, regardless of whether I had known about them in advance or not and certainly wouln't have been any less unpleasant if I had known they were coming.

Yeah, even though it was cold, itchy and seemed to attract static I can definately see the practicality of a water resistant nylon gown for an exam like the one I was given, as by the end of the exam it was very messy , It was getting a bit messy right from the start of the prep with me struggling to hold the clean out solution in during that part of the prep for the exam pretty much right from the beginning, and then it also got covered in shaving gel, the lubricant gel and the ultrasound and conductive gels they used during the exam as all of them got on it during the exam with me struggling to hold still. I'd imagine a paper one would have probably fell to bits and a cloth one would have been totally saturated with the various liquids and gels pretty early on in the exam. I was aked to put it in a bag and leave it in the locker they had given me so I assume it was going to be recycled or laundered and reused in some way or maybe kept for next time. Mind you mine as I say was really pretty messy and stained and sticky by the time my exam was finished.

@JamesUK. It certainly sounds like your wife and her friend made exactly the right call to get you there and prepared for your exam on the day. Especially if reading about things like the needle biopsy would have made you decide you could not go through with the exam, especially when it didn't end up being a part of your exam as you not agreeing to do the exam would have been a really bad out dome for your wife, her friend doing the exam and you yourself ultimately as you wouldn't have kept up your end of your wife's deal. and got what was promised for having the exam done.

As you say, the unpleasant parts of both the prep and the exam were going to be happening either way so you knowing about them wouldn't have helped you avoid having them being done or made them any less unpleasant for you when the time to have them done actually came.

That gown certainly sounds like it was ideal for you to wear for your exam when you mention all the fluids and gels that ended up on it ! I'd imagine all those sticky fluids and gels getting onto it during the exam must have made it even less pleasant or comfortable for you to have to wear during the whole exam. It's a pity they didn't let you keep the gown as a souvenir of your experience and that you managed to get through it despite your fears and the uncomfortable and unpleasant surprises !

I take it from your mention of shaving gel getting onto the gown that you had to agree to them shaving some areas of your body as part of the necessary preparation for your exam or perhaps even that they decided you needed an area shaved during your exam ?

I can also understand the lubricant and ultrasound gels being a bit messy during a thorough exam.

When you say you struggled to hold the clean out solution they used I am assuming what you mean is that they gave you an enema to clean you out before your exam and you had trouble holding that enema in and so some of that leaked out during your enema and onto the gown ? I'm not sure what you mean by conductive gel getting onto the gown though.

Very interesting. Thank you for adding more details about your exam. Looking forward to reading more, especially a more detailed description of the ultrasounds and the electrical stimulation. Really looking forward to reading what the electrical stimulation she gave you felt like. The electrical stimulation: Was it tingly, did it feel good, was it painful, was it uncomfortable? What parts did they attach the electrodes? What type of electrodes did they use? What was the purpose of the electrical stimulation? Was it for testing or to stimulate ejaculation?

@Patient_John Yeah, I suppose they did things the way they did them get them the desired result of me not backing out before or during the exam and them getting me to have everything I suspect they had always planned for me getting done during the exam done . I definately think it was all planned in advance though and they had decided between them very early on to only tell me the absolute minimum so they could ensure tht they would get me in that chair on exam day then they could expand things piece by piece from there one "extra" at a time, as I'd only been told about the core parts of the exam and that there "might" be extras that i might be asked to a allow to be done on the day. I suspect that they were never really "extras" but just additional parts they had always wanted me to have done but didn't want the exam to sound like "too much" for me knowing I'd never had anything remotely like it dome before. Once I was in the exam chair and the core things I had at least been told vague details about were done then the extras were mentioned and again played down as "simple" and "no more uncomfortable or unpleasant than anything I'd already had done and managed to cope with having done" and that they were " absolutely nothing to worrry about". As I say i'm almost certain none of those extra parts were ever really "extra" or just thought would be good for me to have done on the day, but had always been a core part of their plans for the exm once they had crossed the first and second hurdles or getting me up in the chair on the day and then getting the "essentials" of the exam out of the way and finished.

As you said, I agree that knowing any more wouldn't have made any of it any less unpleasant or uncomfortable to have done when the time came as they were as you said going to be happening whether I knew about them or not, and knowing too much detail about them or about the supposed "extras" all at once might very well have scared me off from doing it at all or at the very least made me a lot more anxious about having the exam done at all.

Yeah, I wasn't sad to see the back of that gown to be honest ! Yeah, I had to have some bits shaved during the prep as although my wife Jane had shaved the bits she though her friend Claire needed shaved for the exam prior to the day of it, she had apparently not shaved enough or some of the areas required so they had to shave me again which wasn't a great surprise either !

Yeah, The unexpected "clean out" came as a two stage process. First, during the first part of the prep after my height, weight, blood pressure was taken I was given a suppository, "to get things softened up", first. She must have noticed while she was doing that, that Jane hadn't shaved all the areas they wanted or done it thoroughly enough, and told me that I would need to be "shaved properly" for the exam during the second part of my prep . I was thn sent back through to the waiting area and left there to wait for quite a while before being eventually taken back through to the prep room where they'd done the first set of things for an enema which was pure hell and I seemed to be "leaking" quite a lot during that as I found it really unpleasant and uncomfortable and struggled to lie still while they were doing it. I'd never had a suppository put up there or been given an enema before so it was a pretty unpleasant and uncomfortable shock both times ! After the enema had been expelled and she was happy I was "cleaned out enough" she had me lie up on the bed again while she shaved me and went over the areas Jane had done again as well as the area Jane had apparently missed. Then sent back to the waiting area again after that was all done.

The conductive gel was squirted up there with a syringe thing prior to the electro stimulation part and I think she was perhaps a bit on the generous side with the amount she squirted up there as it felt like a lot came back out while she was doing that part of the exam.

It's apparent in this thread that you are having cognitive dissonance (sometimes called "buyer's remorse) over this. What you got was different than what you were led to expect. So what did your wife get out of this? Getting back at you? Some women I know consider it very unfair that they have to undergo pelvic exams on a regular basis, while men seldom have to endure anything so invasive, more so now that we have PSA tests for screening. Was she concerned that you may have a serious condition, such as cancer, that would not have been known otherwise? The ultrasound is a diagnostic, not a screening, procedure after all. You trusted her to have your best interests at heart; are you doubting that now? And what did her friend get out of your participation? Did she avoid having to pay someone else a lot of money to be a test subject? She and your wife apparently conspired to minimize the information they gave you to prevent your backing out.

It seems to me that your wife isn't giving up too much in this deal; she was going to have a pap smear done anyway so letting you watch is not much of a concession. The nude photo shoot should not be too embarrassing, especially if you are the photographer and assuming she feels she can trust you to keep the images confidential.

The aftermath of this is a trust issue because your wife and her friend knowingly withheld information in order to keep you from backing out. Something you may remember for the future is that you can choose to revoke consent at any point. It doesn't matter what you may have signed going in. If you say stop they must stop. If they don't, it's medical malpractice. They may think they have consent, but it was not INFORMED consent.

I didn't really know what to expect if I'm honest, but it certainly wasn't what happened but I definately don't think my wife did it for any sort of revenge, thats a ridiculous suggestion. There is a history of prostate problems in her family and she had been on at me for a few years to have mine properly checked out along with my general health but I was feeling completely fine and so wasn't keen on having anything I saw as unnecesary, especially anything embarassing or invasive which I couldn't see a need for done. So her motives would be to finally get me very thoroughly checked out and also to help her friend get enough subjects for her study. I am sure she asked her friend to be extremely thorough to put her mind at rest but I can totally understand why. I didn't like the secrecy but with hindsight and knowing how nervous too much information would have mde me I totally understand why she did it like that even if I didn't "like" it when the surprises started coming. So no, there are no trust issues. i know she did it for the best reasons and did it the only way she thought she woud actually get me sat up in that chair for the exam on the day. If she did something similar again then while again I might not "like" it I would again reluctantly accept why she had done that way as it would again be with my best interests at heart. So no, I didn't like it but at the same time I have to grudgingly admit I'm glad she did as we now have piece of mind about my health. It was the sneaky and devious "nudge" I suppose I needed

You may not think the rewards she offered me as her part of the deal are anything special but I'd asked several times if she would consider doing those things and was always told no, so when she said she would agree to do them both if I agreed to do this then I have to say I found that very persuasive.

I am well aware of concent and that I could have stopped it at any point and was informed about each part as it was about to happen, so I could have said NO, but i was already there, and had already endured being stripped, shaved and cleaned out for it and had already started having the tests they had mentioned in the deal done in the form of the manual and ultrasound exams, so it seemed more senible to me to just try and tough it out to the end at that point and get to the end so everything I'd had done so far wasn't for nothing and I would get the rewards for keeping up my end of the deal, as if I had backed out half way through she would have been able to do the same.

Things like this in relationships are sometimes complex, especially emotionally and I think your theory was a bit simplistic. She had several motives and none of them to "punish" me, Just to get me checked out properly when I was more likely to agree and also to help her friend and what I think is valuble reasearch out and she knew I'd be reluctant and so would have to be a little "clever" and maybe even little devious to achieve those things. However, you are of course entitled to your opinion and it is interesting to hear different points of view. Thats why we are on here after all.

Given her family history, your wife wanted you to have your prostate checked thoroughly and found a way to get that done for free. This is pretty important information and takes it out of the "Truth or Dare" category. She had a genuine concern and wasn't just playing around. When you get such a service for free, you pretty much have to accept the provider's terms. For what she agreed to, though, there is nothing to impact her health in your observation of her pap smear or in the nude photo shoot-unless, maybe if it includes an exam by a dermatologist.. So I was just asking about motivations in this deal. Let us know how it goes with her Gyn exam and the photo shoot.

I have to say I totally disagree with the revenge, hatred and trust issues theory suggested by the poster above. Perhaps more likely a bit of self projection on the part of the posters own experiences and trust issues there there. It sounds to me like James had probably repeatedly refused to get a proper thorough check up, especially involving his prostate which was an area she was especially concerned about and then this opportunity just fell into her lap and would kill two birds with one stone. It would get James checked out extremely thoroughly, especially his prostate and would also have the bonus of helping her friend. which must have seemed like an ideal opportunity for her and too good to let slip away. so I assume she decided it was worth giving in to his prior requests in exchange for him agreeing to doing the exam. I'd assume his wife and her friend then discussed how they could best achieve both their objectives and decided on the only the essential information before the exam, and a bit by bit approach to the extra bits during it .

I don't see any hate or revenge in that scenario, just concern and love and an absolutely golden opportunity to get something that sounds like it was long overdue done with out you being able to just dismiss it this time and of course the chance to help her friend out as an added bonus.

Yes, I'm sure James did feel a bit annoyed and totally bested by his wife who had obviously been very clever and devious, and used every trick she knew and all her feminine wiles in getting him into that chair,r by knowing exactly which methods to use, especially to ensure he was likely to still stick it out when things got a bit unpleasant for him on the day. I'd definitely assume he was thinking while laid there that she had definitely played him perfectly this time as he realized what she had obviously done and why, but I'm also sure that he also knew exactly why she had to do things that way, as if she hadn't he wouldn't be sat there in that chair and probably still wouldn't have gotten himself properly checked out.

I suspect she was well aware that if she had told him everything, at the start or even before the exam, that would or might happen on the day that there is no way he would have went for that exam as he wouldn't have believed he could have been brave enough to have all that done in one go, but by keeping the information to a minimum without lying it meant it was introduced to him part by part on the day and that made it easier for him to endure and deal with in small chunks. It certainly seemed to work as from his account, everything got done and he didn't back out and got what he was promised afterwards. She was probably also well aware that once he'd endured the preparation and the initial core parts of the exam that they had mentioned to him that he would be very unlikely to back out after that point and loose the carrot on a stick of the prize at the end, having already came that far. So I think he probably realized that this was done out of love and necessity as well as the bonus of them both having helped her friend out, and that however much he wants to hate how well she played him or the unpleasant surprises it led to, that he also knows, even if he doesn't want to admit it, that the means almost certainly did justify the end in this case as it was probably the only real option that was likely to succeed in getting him into that chair and as thoroughly checked out as it sounds like he ended up being as I'm sure she had probably tried a few other approaches previously if she is anything like my wife ! I think most married men would have to admit to having been manipulated in similar ways by their wives at some point in order for them to get what was necessary done, medical or otherwise as us men tend to be a reluctant bunch, I know I am !

I'd have to agree that I do think their entire strategy and game-plan was almost certainly all planned in advance in intricate detail so that you ended up getting the thorough exam you probably needed without getting freaked out or overwhelmed by the thought of everything they might want or need to do to during the exam to achieve that objective on the day of the exam and so the lack of information would allow them to slowly introduce the additional parts one by one to ensure they were able to keep you as calm as possible while still ensuring that they had the opportunity to check everything out as thoroughly as possible when they finally had the opportunity with you already stuck there in the chair and unlikely to back out and loose the rewards from your wife at the end.

So your wife had given you a shave but it wasn't enough or in the right areas ? So where all did you end up having to be shaved before the exam ?

That certainly does sound like you were given quite a thorough clean out before your exam. I have heard of a lot of people struggling to hold enemas in, especially the first time you get one, so that probably wasn't that unusual for them to see. you mention the exam being carried out in an exam chair, was the enema also done with you in that chair or somewhere else ?

You also said in an earlier post about the gown maybe being recycled or, kept for next time ?

The electro stimulation part sounds very interesting. I like the other poster that mentioned it would be very interested to hear some more about that.

Hi @Patient_John . Yeah I definately think the whole thing was planned in a lot of detail right from the start and very little if anything was left to chance about what I'd ge getting done on the day or as to what and when I was told things. I was totally led up the garden path and I'm certain there was always going to be a stop on that path for a thorough flush out before that path finally led me to the exam chair ! I think maybe the shave was probably just a misunderstanding between what Claire actually said to Jane that she needed her to shave and what Jane assumed she meant.

I'm also pretty certain that "garden path" also included all the other "stops" that were never mentioned before the actual exam that were the supposedly "extra" things that supposedly were only suggested on the day during the exam that I was asked to have done between them getting me into the chair and back out again. They seemed pretty well planned out as well ,as all the equipment needed for all of them was already there at hand ready. There was also a sort of "you managed deal fine with having that thing done so you can definately deal with having this thing this done" sort of mantra which seemed less than spontanious..

So yeah I'd say definately planned to the the smallest detail to achieve both their goals on the day.

I totally undertand Jane, and her friends in truth, motives. Jane has been at me to get evertyhing "down there" checked out for a few years so when this was mentioned she woud definately see it as a golden opportunity to make sure I ended up getting checked even more thoroughly that if I had just gone to a doctor. So there was no way she was going to let that opportunity pass her by or not make sure I had everything possible done while I was there. I'm pretty sure I got a more thorough exam than what was probably stricktly required for the study, and probably because Jane specifically asked Claire to do that if she "talked me into doing it" and to be fair having bits of it all done separately would have been far worse than all at once while I was there ansd repared anyway, and to be honest I probably wouldn't have actually gone and had half of it done anyway. So as I say it would not surprise me one bit if Jane maybe even specifically asked Claire to do some of the "extras" while she already had me there in the chair, she may even have made it a condition of her talking me into doing it and making the deal so I would do it. So I suspect I got a lot more checked out than was "needed" for the study while they had the chance again for reasons I can totally understand.

So yeah, my wife had already shaved the area above my scrotum pretty much up to my waist but they also apparently also needed me to have the area between my scrotum and down to and around my anus shaved, so I had to have that done on the day.

I've never had anything like that sort of clean out done before so have nothing to compare it to but it seemed incredibly thorough to me. No the enema was done with me lying on my side on a bed thing but might actually have been easier if they had just done that in the chair as well.

Yeah, the wife has basically been trying to get me to agree to sign up for the whole duration of the study with annual exams and an annual MRI as well. So that would be the "next time" I was meaning.

I'll maybe devote a separate post, or even a separate thread if folks are especially interested, to the electro bit when I get time as it was definately the weirdest part of the exam and not the worst part either and it has also seemed to peak quite a lot of interest from folks messaging me. It was one of the supposed "extras" though Jane did slip up and mention about a "sample" at one point and then backtrack so she certainly knew something about that part way before the exam so I'm pretty sure that part for example was never "extra" or really "optional" or was only it only decided it might be a good idea for me to have done on the day while I was in the chair.

Hi,

JamesUK

I would like to read a detailed description of this exam and procedures that you were subjected to.

Thanks in advance

Super Intrested 👀 i can understand that for you this experience was very different from anything you expected. But you honestly are living a straight up fantasy for most of us. Love the thread hope you keep going !

Like many im very Intrested in how the sample portion of the exam went for you. Did it hurt? Was the sample small or would you say its about the same as a normal ? Did you experience the typical feelings you would have or was it more like just flicking a on/off switch and fluid started coming out ? - sorry if thats not clear enough just very intrested in what you felt during that part of the exam because its actually the first time iv ever heard of a sample being extracted in such a way.

@SelfExploration It was more of a waking nightmare than a dream come true for me, I had little idea what was coming but when the unplesant surprises started happening pretty much right from the start when I discovered I needed to be prepped before the exam even started. It was far from a fantasy fo me, just unexpected, uncomfortable and embarassing really. I can't actually describe properly how it actually felt as I found out the things they wanted to do with me especially when they got more and more embarassing, uncomfortable and invasive as the exam progressed. The other thing that occured to me while laid there was that everything that they did also felt to me like they were taking a lot of time over each part and being extremely thorough with them and it definately felt to me as if time had slowed down while I was laid there as the exam felt like it had taken much longer than the clock said it had at the end, so that was probably just my "perception" of it.

There were definately a few times I felt like I wanted to stop and get out of the chair, but at the same time I also didnt want to let my wife Jane down or embarass her with her friend, or for that matter loose out on the rewards she had promised me for having the exam done So I did feel sort of "stuck" and if I'm honest very passive and submissive when I was laid there in that chair as the procedures were being carried out and my only real choices that I could see were either to stop it and dissapoint everyone or just lie there and put up with the embarassment ans discomfort of letting it all happen and letting them get on with it. As it had already been pretty embarassing and uncomfortable pretty much from the start, by that point I sort of decided it probably couldn't get much worse now anyway and that I might as well see it through now as by that point I figured I must already be beyond half way through it all anyway by that point.

I did find the way some people on here reacted to me mentioning how I felt about it all a bit strange and as if I was "missing something"

@Jamesuk I think it's very probable that your wife had asked her friend while they were planning everything, to ensure that while you were already in the exam chair and they had the perfect chance, while you were already in the chair for an examination, that you got an extremely thorough examination with as many tests as possible while you were in that chair and , at their mercy, so to speak. I suspect that is why you thought your exam was especially thorough as if your wife had asked her friend to "give you the works" and catch up on all the test she thought you should already have had done. That would certainly explain all the "extras" as you called them during your examination. I suspect your previous reluctance to have the test your wife tried previously to convince you to have done may have caught up on you during that exam.

So as you suggested, they probably were never extras for you but were extra to what the other guys would maybe be getting done. So you probably got the most thorough examination of any of the guys on that study at your wife's request. That way she could ensure you had everything you had neglected to have checked out previously,done while you were already there and in much less of a position to refuse this time. I expect your wife would be well aware that once her and her friends plan had gotten you past the perceived finish line of getting you sat up in the exam chair for your exam that day that it was extremely unlikely that you would back out after that point regardless of what you were subsequently told you needed to have done as part of your exam that day. So as you say I expect everything was perhaps done a little more thoroughly than it might have otherwise have been pretty much at your wife's request.

You mentioned feeling very passive and submissive while you were lying in the chair having all the procedures and tests carried out on you. I think that is pretty common in situations such as yours, as once you have given your consent for them to "do what they need to" then they have the power and they make the decisions as to what you need to have done and how thorough that will actually be. They would also be the ones deciding when you have had everything necessary done and when the exam was finished as well.

I suspect especially during the more invasive and uncomfortable parts of your exam like the manual exam and the rectal ultrasound that you were praying those parts would end a lot quicker than they did as with your wife almost certainly asking her friend to make sure she was especially thorough when checking out your prostate resulted in those exams being extra thorough and taking a fair bit longer than thy might have otherwise. So i can totally understand that feeling of helplessness and having little or no real control while those parts were being carried out. I can imagine that feeling was especially noticeable while you were having your prostate scanned with the rectal probe as having that inserted up there and moved around repeatedly to get a thorough scan from all angles must have been pretty uncomfortable and felt like it was going on forever.

I have had a rectal ultrasound myself and it being inserted and being moved around up there were pretty uncomfortable, but mine was over pretty quickly. I suspect yours was maybe a lot more thorough and lasted considerably longer as a result of your wife's concerns and requests for you to be thoroughly checked out in that area specifically and also as a result of her general request for her friend to check everything she could as thoroughly as possible while they finally had you there and had the opportunity to do everything your wife and her friend had agreed they thought would be a good idea before your exam as well as anything that they thought was necessary or beneficial on the day.

So in effect you were being submissive in a way and "submitting" to your wife's wishes and instructions to her friend while you were being examined. As you had little choice but to just to reluctantly lie there and submit to having everything they wanted to do to you done to their satisfaction if you wanted to get your reward for keeping your end of the deal afterwards.

You also mentioned that you thought the prep you were given before your exam was also extremely thorough and drawn out as well. I cant help but wonder, and maybe also have the sneaking suspicion that your wife's friend maybe just, perhaps mistakenly, perhaps not, assumed that when your wife had asked her to be as thorough as possible and give you "the full works" on the day of your exam, that she though that your wife had also wanted her to ensure that your prep was very thorough as well and wanted them to shave you as thoroughly as possible and for them to make sure you were cleaned out as thoroughly as possible as well for the best results during your exam. So you quite possibly also got a much more thorough prep than the others too as a result of your wife's requests to her friend and how she worded the, either intentionally or as the result of a misunderstanding on her friend doing the exams part.

That feeling of submissiveness and helplessness that you experienced is a big part of what excites a lot of the people on her about exams and medical stuff, the fact that you are to a degree helpless and under their control. For some that loss of control and being subjected to uncomfortable things during exams really turns them on and quite a few would have loved being given an enema before their exam and then an extremely thorough rectal exam followed by a prolonged and equally thorough and probing of their prostates with the the rectal ultrasound probe. I suspect however from your tone that you found it far from arousing and extremely unpleasant.

@Patient_John . Yeah I definitely think the whole thing was planned in a lot of detail right from the start so they could get me into that exam chair and likely to stay there with as little info beforehand about anything that might “spook” me and scare me off as possible. I’malso pretty certain there is no way that everything “just happened” to go that way it did on the day with all the prep and extras etc and also them “just happening” to have all the necessary equipment already there ready on the trolley to do them. I’m pretty certain all the tests they actually did on the day were planned right from the start and just revealed to me one by one as “extras” to keep me calm and probably also so I had no idea how many “extras” there were actually going to be.

I was almost certainly totally led up the garden path by my wife and her friend with what I was told and when, and I'm also pretty certain there was always going to be a stop on that path for a thorough flush out before it led me to the exam chair ! I’m certain their plan was designed to get me into the chair and then to keep me there or at the very least give them the very best chances of that happening.

I do think however that the additional shaving they did on the day was quite possibly just a misunderstanding between what Claire actually said to Jane she needed shaved and what Jane assumed she meant. I'm also pretty certain that "garden path" also included all the other "stops" that were never mentioned before the actual exam that were the supposedly "extra" things I was asked to have done between them getting me into the chair and back out again. They seemed pretty well planned out as well in a sort of "you managed to deal fine with having that thing done so you can definitely deal with having this thing done" sort of way. So yeah I'd say definitely planned to the smallest detail to achieve both their goals on the day.

I suppose I do totally understand Jane, and her friends motives in truth as Jane had been on at me to get everything "down there" checked out for a few years so when this was mentioned she would definitely see it as a golden opportunity to make sure I ended up getting checked even more thoroughly than if I had just gone to a doctor. So there was no way she was going to let that opportunity pass her by or not make sure I had everything possible done while I was there. I'm pretty sure I got a more thorough exam than what was probably strictly required for the study, and probably because Jane specifically asked Claire to do that if she "talked me into doing it" and to be fair having bits of it all done separately would have been far worse than all at once while I was there and prepared anyway, and to be honest I probably wouldn't have actually gone and had half of it done anyway. So as I say it would not surprise me one bit if Jane maybe even specifically asked Claire to do some of the "extras" while she already had me there in the chair, she may even have made it a condition of her talking me into doing it and making the deal so I would do it. So I suspect I got a lot more checked out than was "needed" for the study while they had the chance again for reasons I can totally understand.

You asked about the additional shaving and prep etc @patient_john.

So yeah, my wife had shaved the area above my scrotum pretty much up to my waist but they also apparently needed me to have the area between my scrotum and down to and around my anus shaved, so I had to have that done on the day.

I've never had anything like that sort of clean out done before so have nothing to compare it to but it seemed incredibly thorough to me. No the enema was done with me lying on my side on a bed thing but might actually have been easier if they had just done that in the chair as well.

Yeah, the wife has basically been trying to get me to agree to sign up for the whole duration of the study with annual exams and an annual MRI as well. So that would be the "next time" I was meaning.

I'll maybe devote a separate post to the electro bit when I get time if folks want as it was definitely the weirdest part of the exam and not the worst part either, if possibly the most embarassing, and it has also seemed to peak quite a lot of interest from folks messaging me. It was one of the many supposed "extras" though Jane did slip up and mention about a "sample" at one point and then backtracked when I asked about that, so she certainly knew something about that part way before the exam but decided it was best not to elaborate about it, so I'm pretty sure that part for example was never "extra" or really "optional" or was only decided during the exam that it might be a good idea for me to have on the day while I was in the chair. I suspect it was definately something they had agreed between them well in advance that I'd be having done on the day.

@JamesUK I really don't see any answer for this but YES. Two women playing with you for their education and entertainment......and yours too!

James, what you got-to some on here-would have been a dream come true but to you it was a nightmare. Your wife and her friend committed lies of omission to entice you to go along. You can sugar coat it but these are facts. Now you are dealing with how you feel about that, and how far you can trust your wife now. That is no small thing, as trust is at the fundamental core of a marriage. Regardless of the motivation, she has torn a hole in the fabric of that trust. Now you have to decide how you want to deal with that. If your marriage is otherwise good, chances are you can mend that tear and go on from here. Her honoring her part of the deal can go a long way toward restoring that trust; conversely, if she backs out of the gyn visit or the photo shoot she will leave you wondering more. Either way, it will likely take some time and experience of promises kept to restore that trust. You cannot just turn it on and off with a switch. Trust takes a long time to be earned but can be destroyed in an instant. I don't know any way to expedite this process, but you may talk with her and let her know how you felt misled. Put the cards on the table and ask her how you two can rebuild that trust. Her reaction may give you some valuable cluse to which way this is likely to go.

You are not married to Claire, so her part in this may not matter to you. You may never have to see her again.

You said it was revenge before Barebacker and now you are insisting its a trust thing. I'm definitely thinking this has triggered something with you more than the OP. He has stated, and it has been discussed. that while he didn't like the way he felt a bit manipulated when he finally got to the clinic and started having to have stuff he didn't know about done, but he also clearly stated that he understood and had to reluctantly agree to understanding exactly why they had done things that way. His wife finally saw an opportunity to get him thoroughly checked out and took it. He openly admitted that if they had told him everything that he would have to have done on the day of his exam to achieve that overdue thoroughness then it would have been extremely unlikely that they would have managed to get him into that clinic and exam chair for his exam. So he understands why he was only told the minimum before his exam. There is a difference between liking the way something was done and understanding why it had to be done that way. He has stated that is hasn't led to any trust issues as he does understand and to me seems to have merely been describing how the way they did it affected his experience and made it a lot more intense at the time. You seem to be the only person who is thinking it is related to revenge or trust issues. I suspect you yourself are the one with the revenge and trust issues from previous personal experiences.

Hi James, Sorry for the delay in my reply, I’ve been So busy lately. So some of this may already have been mentioned to some degree. I’m definitely thinking you are almost certainly right that everything about your examination was probably planned in quite a lot of detail between your wife and her medical friend before it was even mentioned or suggested to you for the first time, probably even about all of the extra tests that might be suggested on the day during your examination.

I definitely think they had decided in advance to go down the less is more route with the information you were given about the specifics of the procedures they would be wanting you to have done during your examination on the day and had probably agreed it would be best to focus on the “core parts” of the exam at the start and do whatever it took to just get you there and ready first as their primary goal, and then do everything during your examination on a step by step basis with you finding out exactly what extra things were going to happen during each part as that part was actually being carried out, so yeah, the extra parts probably never were actually extra and were also probably planned right from the outset, so there wouldn’t be any time for you to worry or stress about it, but yes, if you are a nervous and reluctant patient like you come across as, then I have to agree that it was very probably the best, kindest and least stressful way for you, that they could keep you calm before the day of, and on the day of your examination and not have you feel like backing out if you didn’t like the sound of how something during the examination would or might actually be done even if that made you feel they were being a bit devious and arranging everything behind your back. So I also disagree with Barebackers idea that it was some sort of revenge and has caused trust issues. I think you probably see very clearly why it HAD to be done that way in your case.

I’ll give you a couple of examples of what I mean above about not worrying you about what would be coming would be,

Firstly, when you said you were surprised when you were asked to strip completely and just put on the gown they gave you and another would be, again when they were getting you ready and you were told you would need to be cleaned out, which I assume meant you needed to have an enema, which you had no idea was coming as it hadn't been mentioned to you.

So my question would be as others have asked - Do you think if your wife or her medical friend had told you about having to wear the gown or you having to have the enema before your examination, do you think you knowing in advance that you’d have to do those things or have them done would have made either of those things any better or any worse on the day?

I’m guessing that you weren't going to find either of those experiences or some of the others during your examination particularly pleasant either way and your wife and her friend would know that, but by you not knowing they would be happening you only had seconds to worry or panic about having to have them done and that followed by a few moments of discomfort or embarrassment while they were actually happening, then they’d be over, as opposed to days or possibly even weeks of you overthinking or worrying about having to have those things done and despite having worried about having them done and you’d still have to face actually having them done.

So I’d imagine you’d agree James that it was much kinder of them and easier for you in the long run to only have to deal with the apprehension, shock and possible embarrassment or discomfort during you having the actual procedures being carried out as opposed to being anxious and worried before them as well as having to deal with the embarrassment or discomfort during them. So what they did with you was kind of like having you wear blinders so you were only aware of and focussed on getting through what was happening at that moment during your examination and not also getting yourself anxious or worried about anything that might potentially be coming later in the examination as you would be totally unaware of anything else that might be a little unpleasant later on in the examination as you’d have absolutely no idea that it was coming till again you were actually having it done. Just like you were with the enema at the start you knew nothing about till you were actually having it done.

So it may have seemed like they were being cruel or tricking you but I think in truth they were actually doing the kindest thing they could to get you to agree to do it and not to panic yourself about anything you’d need to have done on the day as you knowing about any of the less pleasant parts beforehand and panicking about having to have them done would have made it a lot worse for you and not any better, so knowing less was probably the absolute best thing for you.

I am especially interested in how you “felt” during your examination experience. Especially how you felt when you finally discovered some of the things you were going to have to have done that you weren't expecting before and during your examination and especially how you actually felt as you started , quite reluctantly I assume, actually having them done.

Clarissa xx

@Dicey69 I have had the examination but it didn't feel at all like the way you describe it !

@clarissa_uk

I am especially interested in how you “felt” during your examination experience. Especially how you felt when you finally discovered some of the things you were going to have to have done that you weren't expecting before and during your examination and especially how you actually felt as you started , quite reluctantly I assume, actually having them done.

Me too in truth. I'd imagine it must have got pretty intense pretty much from the start and as soon as @James_uk was told to strip and put only the gown on as he wasn't expecting to have to do that. I'd imagine it must have got steadily more intense as he discovered all the other things he mentioned he was then told he would have to have done. I find in situations like that you go into a sort of haze where things are being explained to you and then done straight after but due to the shock of it being unexpected you are not really taking it in and are really just more aware of the sensations than anything else as they are doing everything around and to you. I suppose that also is another possible reason why he didn't back out as it got more intense as others suggested he could.

I'm guessing it must have been a really intense moment when it dawned on him that what was about to be happening was very different to what he was expecting or had prepared himself for !

I think we are very possibly in the minority on here @patient_john in being interested in how this scenario unfolding made @JamesUK feel more than just the descriptions of the physical procedures and sensations during his examination.