What’s your safe word?

When you play, what’s your safe word?

Mine is “llama”— it’s something completely removed from the situation so there’s absolutely no confusion.

Plus, it’s funny.

Your turn. What’s yours?

Really boring I know, I love that some people have really quirky ones like Llama 🦙 🦙 but red and amber work well for us. I have been married for very nearly 18 years, only play with my husband and he knows my limits inside out and backwards and doesn't try to push past them.

I also use the traffic light system. It’s simple and easy to remember. If I’m trying something new with my partner that I’m nervous about, we also use a number scale (1-10) for more specificity, usually trying not to go above a 7 in intensity to ensure a good first experience. I haven’t used it before, in part because it’s ridiculous, but my partner suggested we also use the safeword “rubber chicken” the first time we played. (We weren’t partnered at the time.) He actually brought with him a “real” rubber chicken squeaky toy for me to squeak to get his attention during scene if I wanted! He’s such a goofball, which is part of why I love him. 🙄😂

Stop. Always works for me.

Red / amber

Traffic light system has always worked for me. No confusion.

If I’m trying something new with my partner that I’m nervous about, we also use a number scale (1-10) for more specificity, usually trying not to go above a 7 in intensity to ensure a good first experience.

This is *such* a good idea. Great boundary-work.

He actually brought with him a “real” rubber chicken squeaky toy for me to squeak to get his attention during scene if I wanted!

🤣 Makes it official— he’s a keeper.

I love when couples approach play with an actual sense of playfulness. Good on you two for building that type of relationship.

@Patientlywaiting The type of rapport that can only develop over time with true care and respect. Good on you two. 18 years together is amazing. Happy Anniversary!

"Smittyvandenvergendenjenssen"

"Smittyvandenvergendenjenssen"

@Temptaker4u 😆 What I love about this choice is how easily it rolls off the tongue.

Exactly!! 😃😉

"Smittyvandenvergendenjenssen"

For sure, a very special " safeword " !! - but are you able, to translate it to " normal people " ??

Stop. Always works for me.

That is what works for us as well.

@Elizabeth2010 When you’re having straight-up vanilla sex, “stop” should always bring things to a halt and lead to questions.

When you’re role-playing, “stop” is a word that may be said by a character. That’s why it’s important that a safe word be something that you wouldn’t normally hear in that context.

A few of the other posters here use a light system— a very good, dependable stand-by in play situations. The colors make it unusual in the context and they’re also intuitive for people.

That is what works for us as well.

Yes, surely true !! - and not miss understandable !! - " STOP " means stop, as in the traffic business !!

@Elizabeth2010 When you’re having straight-up vanilla sex, “stop” should always bring things to a halt and lead to questions.

When you’re role-playing, “stop” is a word that may be said by a character. That’s why it’s important that a safe word be something that you wouldn’t normally hear in that context.

A few of the other posters here use a light system— a very good, dependable stand-by in play situations. The colors make it unusual in the context and they’re also intuitive for people.

Stop means stop in every kind of the actual action !! - so, in " vanilla ", and also in special actions !!

Yes, surely true !! - and not missunderstandable !! - " STOP " means stop, as in the traffic business !!

Then again, there are those who ignore traffic signs and run red lights. Know your partner and develop trust before you play hard. Don’t be a victim!

Amber - this mean lighter, slower or whatever applies but do not stop play

Red - stop whatever is happening straight away and speak to the submissive

Red, now, red - stop the scene completely right away

For those thinking about some unusual safe words - this is not a good idea. Safe words have to be easy to remember, easy to say and not confusing.

People, especially less experienced, can forget even simple safe words. Both dominant and submissive should verify the words and their meanings before they play. And the dominant should always observe submissive's reactions and act accordingly, whether safe word is used or not.

@guagin

Amber - this mean lighter, slower or whatever applies but do not stop play.

Red - stop whatever is happening straight away and speak to the submissive

Red, now, red - stop the scene completely right away

I like this suggestion. Thank you for sharing it!

For those thinking about some unusual safe words - this is not a good idea. Safe words have to be easy to remember, easy to say and not confusing.

This is actually a very important point so I appreciate you bringing it up. I personally have different safe words for different situations.

For me: Something that’s light, playful, just fooling around with a partner who I’ve been with for 15 years— “llama”. For that specific partner, it was well-established and understood. For that partner, in that situation, under those circumstances, that’s what worked for us.

But if I were playing a new scenario that’s pushing limits, even with the same partner? Traffic light colors.

I appreciate you emphasizing the importance of communication in your response. Remaining tuned in to your partner is absolutely paramount.

I like to assign the safe word of "more"!

Meatloaf

Because I would do anything for love...but I won't do that...

Well played, Good Sir. Well played..

Thanks, @thewaitingroom ! 😊 He’s definitely is a keeper. Very lucky to have @joseph98144 in my life. 🌹

When we started, I was a beginner to actively practicing kink, so it was even more important to set limits and establish a solid foundation for communication. The numbers in addition to the colors help provide nuance.