Men posing as women on zity

Food for thought. Have a verification system where you have to show your face and hold up a sign. It would only be for the verification process. None of the members would see anyone's face. I can appreciate what the moderators do. Been here 16 years. I know it is not easy.

@AnthonyRT Good idea, but difficult to effectively implement. It would be easy to substitute someone else’s pic. Or if via a live video phone call, which would be time consuming and hard (impossible?) to coordinate with someone to verify. Even then a guy could have a female accomplice to stand in. Might be a hassle that would dissuade many legitimate men and women from joining and still would be hard to keep nefarious players out.

Firstly, I don't agree that fetishism is higher among men...maybe, maybe not. I do think more women are apt to err on the side of caution so as not to seem too 'sexual' or whatever term would seem fitting and so they keep their fetish hidden from others but women have every right to indulge and acknowledge their fetish tendencies as men. I'm not a feminist but I am acknowledging that one mold isn't just for one category.

i appreciated your whole response, but this part especially because i think, in part, it speaks to cultural conditioning vs a natural gender attribute? As a gay guy who was culturally conditioned against being gay, i'm pretty sensitive to (even triggered by) what may feel like presumptive assertion.

Processing through and out of my own conditioning against being gay also got me exploring other questions like what constitutes feminine or masculine? Your response to the notion that "fetishism is higher among men, maybe, maybe not," strikes me as open, not presumptuous. i too have wondered, not just with fetish, but in general if women are more "apt to err on the side of caution" not just "so not to seem to 'sexual,' but for a larger reason of not wanting the negative (even pejorative) labels that can come from violating the 'norm.' For instance, 'locker room banter' where a guy is bragging about multiple sex partners is often lauded as a "stud," whereas that same group talking about a woman with multiple sex partners as a "slut." That's a fairly well known cultural thing, though it may be less so now than it was a few decades ago?

i wonder about the cultural norms that fly under the radar that influence us unconsciously, but may not fit as universally as we assume, or worse, may create a false or forced reality. I.e., maybe more women would express fetish desire/need if there were not conditioning towards women that makes it more challenging for them to be open in those areas than it is for men?

This never occurred to me. Of course, my sisters and wife always said I was too trusting. Thanks for the heads up!

All the posts insisting that this topic isn’t about trans people are good and important statements. Thanks for clarifying over and over.

Trans people‘s lived experience, though, is that almost all of us have been called fake at some point. Almost all of us had a phase when we were posing as another gender on the internet — yes, common phrasing is that we ARE that other gender, but not every trans person knows this about themselves from childhood on. Many of us had to become 30, 40, 50 years old and older until it finally clicked. And not every trans person can transition. So we live double lives, we call our true selves a fetish, society tells us every day that we’re fake, zity members tell me my gender doesn’t even exist and their posts don’t get moderated — I know I’m not fake and my gender exists, but many trans people are not a fortunate as me and it’s hard to live with that constant onslaught and not cave.

So yes, this topic was not intended to be about us. But everything said in it is also said about us, and many of us are actually „faking“ because even we ourselves don’t know our true selves yet. Please bear this in mind when talking about fakes and their differences to trans people.

No doubt some men pose as women on Zity for nefarious reasons to take advantage of or exploit both men and women members. Women members get more attention here - responses to their posts, likes etc. - I suspect some men posing as women do it for the attention and to boost their numbers. Either way, I would not want to interact with or trust someone if I suspected they were lying about their sex.

Food for thought. Have a verification system...

No need, fakers soon give themselves away. Though they can be a waste when searching for a mate.

I think a lot of fetish sites in general have at least a few people that pose as the opposite sex. I've encountered it on various places and, while it generally is men pretending to be women, I have encountered the opposite scenario where women pose as men. I believe it all boils down to the freedom that comes with pseudo anonymity. Life becomes mundane at the best of times and maybe people just want to experience the thrill of being someone they aren't, or perhaps some do have more nefarious reasoning, but when I've encountered it it's mostly people that are simply bored and truly mean no harm. I'm a bit of a nerd so I've encountered women posing as men, but they do so more or less to provide a sort of barrier of protection from harassment. Women get more attention and if you just want to go about your business, pretending to be a guy shakes off a lot of unwanted interactions.

I did encounter a man pretending to be a woman on another BDSM site not long ago and it honestly hurt quite a bit because I had exchanged with them several times and started to feel something. I suppose guilt got to them and they revealed that they were a middle aged, married man and posed as a lesbian in order to "not cheat". They explained that they felt if they weren't being them then it was just all pretend and didn't count. It wasn't the first time I've come across that reasoning. I ended the conversations and they didn't understand that I wasn't ending it because they were male (I'm more or less pansexual, but I do lean towards being more attracted to men), but because I don't condone cheating and no amount of wordplay would excuse that they were indeed cheating in my opinion. I've also had "lesbians" confess that they were really just bored guys that were embarrassed that they didn't have a lot to offer and wanted to get some sort of online interaction and, as has been noted, women get more attention. Some of these guys would tell me that they're straight, but would message male accounts as women to get anything in response.

I haven't been dealing with online sites like this for very long but I have picked up on ways to tell for the most part if someone is masquerading. Then again, it doesn't bother me. I like being able to share interests with people and I could honestly care less about someone's sex or gender. (I apologize if my terminology is wrong. I really don't mean to offend anyone. I have the social skills of a drunken squirrel with rabies.) I do hope that people will be honest with me eventually and, again, I don't care. But that is because my philosophy on dating is simply, if the feelings are there, I don't care. I understand some people don't share that line of thinking and it is upsetting. I can relate to that as well because, again, I've fallen for women that didn't exist, men that didn't exist, and everything in between. It sucks because I just really want to find someone that doesn't think I'm too terribly weird (I have no social skills and I'm a biological female over 6ft tall so the deck is already stacked hard against me but I keep trying.) It does make me a bit discouraged when the rug is pulled out from under me, but that's life. Disappointment is just part of existence so I just try not to let it dissuade me.

I just feel like people should enjoy their interactions with people and, if things start to move to real life or feelings start to develop, ask for the cards to be on the table. Most people who are pretending move on after getting a fix and that's that. If you don't like the way the cards fall, just consider it a learning experience, or just an experience, and find someone else. Don't let it sour you on things. It seems there are a fair number of men and women into kink of all flavors so someone has to match eventually.

Given the number of men who pose as women in the real world, probably a lot.

I honestly couldn’t care less about it.

What I don’t understand is the fact that all effort is put in to find such persons, reprt them and than take action upon it. All that while we are all trying to advocate the fact that we should accept all people being themselves, accept that men (or women for that matter) see and feel themselves to be respectively rather female and male instead of their physical gender.

Such actions are so typical for a society saying things and be ‘open’ towards almost everything and at the same time be really closed and conservative in the toughts on certain aspects of that being ‘very open and acceptable’ …

So, again, what do I care about the fact that there are men acting as being a woman and vice versa … it might, for that matter, even be a stage in accepting to themselves that they are rather feeling to be the opposite gender then anything else … they might know it deep down already but accepting that is something else, I would think …

This thread isn’t about men who identify their gender as women,there’s a category for them on Zity - M2F. It was about men who deceptively disguise their profile as a female to interact with real women for nefarious reasons

@Rigel

To be clear, I do know there is a category on Zity for men who identify their gender as woman ...

But again, who am I to decide whether or not someone who is socalled pretending to be a woman and interact with real women is really deceiving everyone? Especially based upon a feeling, that people who are talking to them, get.

In that case, I think it would be better not to trust anyone on Zity anymore ... That means that, the basics of this site are not followed. The basics being, we are open to every thought as long as not illegal and, up until now, I don't think acting as a woman while being a man (or vice versa) is illegal...

Anyway, I'm just throwing a cat among the pigeons for the simple reason I don't agree with the tendency of the tread. The fact that anyone is telling a lie, there mostly is a reason behind it and one of those reasons might be the fact that he/she is struggling with what he/she is lying about ... such as 'gender'.

It is important we get rid of the fakers @FDNM-patient because some times it is dangerous. A faker was caught a couple of weeks ago when he had a personal ad. He had created 2 female accounts and he was asking to meet lady members. That could be DANGEROUS so we have got to stop that sort of thing. It is NOT usually somebody who is undecided about which sex they think they are ok?

It is important we get rid of the fakers @FDNM-patient because some times it is dangerous. A faker was caught a couple of weeks ago when he had a personal ad. He had created 2 female accounts and he was asking to meet lady members. That could be DANGEROUS so we have got to stop that sort of thing. It is NOT usually somebody who is undecided about which sex they think they are ok?

What @Amethyst said and the Zity.biz rules clearly state -

Do Not -

• Do not pretend to be of the opposite sex.

It is not difficult to be who you are, but pretending or lying to meet members in a different situation than they are expecting (think a face to face meet up). The person you meet is not at all who they "presented" themselves to be. A male instead of a female or visa versa. It is not an allowed way for a member to pretend they are anything but what they are.

I don't know how you prove that some men pose as women, but sure there are things posted on this site that are highly sus

It's a shame and sad that some hide behind a different gender. Why?

I don't allow myself to judge people who feel like they're in the wrong body and are going through mental torment because of it.

The options “M2F”, “F2M” or “unsure” are available to choose from. That's legitimate.

In my opinion, hiding behind a feminine wall in order to perhaps gain some advantage or whatever is a sign of low character traits.

As some previous speakers have pointed out, these people eventually betray themselves; A male brain works differently, a woman notices this very fast, I think.

Of course, such behavior also carries a danger that cannot be ignored. Who can look into a sick brain? Caution is always a good advice.

It's a shame and sad that some hide behind a different gender.

They aren't hiding...they are behind deceitful. For whatever reason they feel okay with.

@MissStress

..they are behind deceitful.

Yes, that's closer to the point...

I think if a man is posing as a woman AND their profile indicates Cross-Dressing & Transvestism = partaking, then that is OK. I f there is no indication in their profile then they should be banned. This kind of behavior is destructible, similar to people who purposely spin their tires on dirt roads just to make the the next driver miserable.

There is one member in particular I have been watching for a while who will soon be receiving a DM from me due to him being male but also having a female account. The message will instruct him to delete the female account and return to using his original male account or face further action.

If he is reading this, I'm giving him the opportunity to correct the problem now before I have to contact him. It will go better for him if I don't have to do so.

I think if a man is posing as a woman AND their profile indicates Cross-Dressing & Transvestism = partaking, then that is OK.

@DanMichMan those are not the members that moderation are concerned with.

...him being male but also having a female account.

This is the accounts moderation are watching and trying to eliminate. Members faking the actual sex they are on the forum.

Maybe I'm naive but isn't it only a problem if you plan to meet up in person? The dangers are fairly obvious of meeting someone you only 'know' online but out of all the dangers, thinking you're meeting Jane but it's actually a hairy bloke called Clive is not at the top of my list.

Maybe I'm naive but isn't it only a problem if you plan to meet up in person?

Well @Patientlywaiting some times they try to trick men into things like romance fraud online and some of them have been a bit dangerous too. It is not just things like personal meetings that are bad.

I guess we'll never know but it's annoyed me since the dawn of the internet that people I'm chatting with are skeptic of my gender and want me to "prove" it somehow, usually through graphic photos.

Believe me or don't. I don't care.

Behind a keyboard, anyone can create an image, which may be entirely different than their actual character. I don’t know how to determine whether someone is a man or woman, just by reading a post. Even if they describe their private parts, that still doesn’t provide definitive proof.

This might be a matter of self respect. I believe that once an individual learns to respect themselves then they will be able to respect others.

@CajunOkie - I don't think they really doubt your gender; they're just trying to shame you into sending nakedphotos. I've never seen anything you've said or done that makes me doubt that you are a woman. (That said, if you want to send me a few naked pics, I'll take a look! ROFLMAO!)

Maybe I'm naive but isn't it only a problem if you plan to meet up in person? The dangers are fairly obvious of meeting someone you only 'know' online but out of all the dangers, thinking you're meeting Jane but it's actually a hairy bloke called Clive is not at the top of my list.

Sometimes you can have a man posing as a woman to get another woman to share confidences she may not with a man or can use it to disarm someone who might be more reserved if she knew she were talking to a man.

@Patientlywaiting A is a man and poses as two people B (man) and C (woman). D is a woman. D talks to both B and C. C tells her B is a real gentleman. C goes to meet B..

(Slightly adapted from a sad news story that happened in the real world.)

Sometimes you can have a man posing as a woman to get another woman to share confidences she may not with a man or can use it to disarm someone who might be more reserved if she knew she were talking to a man.

Yes @Nurse_Phillips that is another thing some of them do as well, it is NOT ok.

@Amethyst NOT OK for sure!!!