I saw this when my sister-in-law took her little boy Jacob's rectal temperature one evening when I visited my brother. Jacob was coughing up a storm . My sister-in-law Lisa picked him up and said he felt hot. She carried him to the bathroom, then came back through the living room where my brother and I were talking. I got a brief glimpse of her carrying a narrow red case and a small container of Vaseline. I'm thinking oh damn, this is going to get interesting. Lisa went into her bedroom with Jacob and closed the door partially behind her. My brother and I continued talking, but I had my ear zeroed in to the bedroom. Sure enough, a minute later I heard Jacob bawling his little eyes out. He was already miserable and sick, now an uncomfortable thermometer just got stuck up his butt. He was one unhappy little boy. A few minutes passed as we watched TV. Lisa came out of the bedroom holding up the stubby tipped thermometer, now smeared half way down its 4 inch length with a glistening light yellow coat of petroleum goo. She told my brother “he's burning up, 102.4.” My mind wondered to fantasize about what it would be like to have my very pretty sister-in-law take my rectal temperature like she did little Jacob's….diaper position no doubt. Her short, raven black hair and brown eyes. Gorgeous. Amazing thought, but I'll keep it to myself where she's concerned. Lisa said she and her mom were going to take Jacob to the children's clinic just down the street. While she waited for her mom, she returned the thermometer and Vaseline to the bathroom.
Lisa and her mom had left with Jacob. I had to piss a few minutes later, so I slipped off to the bathroom by the den. After zipping up, I looked on the counter to see the rectal thermometer and Vaseline still out. I took it out of it's case. It was now squeaky clean, but still read 102.4 like Lisa said. The Vaseline jar was half empty, with narrow sinkholes all in the remaining jelly. My God, Lisa must've been sticking thermometers up buttholes on a weekly basis. Further investigation revealed why. I opened the medicine cabinet and there it was….a nice vintage Atlas rectal thermometer in a red Bakelite case with my brother Carl's name on it. It was the old 60s era Atlas, thicker than average thermometers with a fat tear drop bulb. My heart pounded, thinking what it must be like to have Lisa routinely stick a thermometer up my ass like she was doing to my brother.
Another hour passed and Lisa and her mom returned from the clinic with Jacob. He was half asleep because the nurse had given him some medicine to ease the coughing. Lisa mentioned she was so glad Jacob was resting. She also mentioned Jacob pitched a fit when the nurse in triage took his rectal temperature again. At first I thought poor little guy, then I wondered to myself if that triage nurse was a pretty thing or an old battleaxe?
Two days passed and I was in my home shop. Suddenly I felt bad. I got a headache and started coughing like Jacob. Oh hell I thought, here we go. I went in the house and plopped in the recliner. The longer I sat there the worse I felt. My wife is a nurse and picks up on my health woes quite quickly. She felt of my forehead and said “you're burning up baby”. She went in the bathroom and returned to the living room with a rectal thermometer and a packet of surgilube. I'm like dear God Amy, I don't want this. She said “it only takes a few minutes honey”. She flattened out the recliner, then pulled my pants and underwear off in a cinch. She made me raise my knees. I watched nervously as she lubed the stubby tip of the thermometer. Reaching under my legs holding the thermometer with her left hand, and raising my junk out the way with her right…..I felt the familiar tingly, cold intrusion as she stuck it half way in. Part of me was wanting her to take it out ASAP. The other part of me realizing I now had a growing erection that I was trying desperately to conceal between my raised legs. It's not as if Amy hasn't seen my erection a thousand times….only not sick with a thermometer up my butt. I knew she would see it when she took the thermometer out. She took it out….reading 101.8. After wiping lube out of my butt crack, she got the throw on the back of the couch to cover me up, now shivering naked with a fever. Standing directly in front of me, she saw my erection and showed a cute smirk on her face. Nurses have seen it all, but she had to know what she did to me would have that effect. I didn't care anymore. I learned a valuable lesson. Getting your temperature taken rectally when sick is nowhere near as pleasant as when you're well and fantasizing about it.