I love being nude, and I've really enjoyed being nude during visits to clothes-optional resorts and nude beaches. But I'm thinking here of mixed feelings about being nude with particular people you know. My experience… years ago, one of my yoga teachers quietly approached a few people (including me) after one of her classes, and said that she was thinking of putting together a nude gathering at her home. She mentioned that it wouldn't be a sex party, but just an occasion for good friends to relax together in our natural state.
I thanked her, and asked her to keep me posted… but as I walked to my car, I realized how ambivalent I felt.
I had nothing against being nude with my other friends from the class… It sounded really nice. But what my teacher didn't know then was that I had been in love with her for years. I felt very strongly emotionally and physically drawn to her. (I hadn't told her, in part because she was married to someone else, and so was I.) My guess was that seeing her naked would make it very difficult for me to hide how I felt… I'd be trying so hard not to stare at her beauty revealed entirely, that I would probably telegraph to everyone there that I was in love with her.
And more than that… I was thinking about one of the best explanations I ever read, about what clothes are for in the first place, and of course, it isn't because anyone's in doubt about the general appearance of what's underneath them. Aside from protection from the elements, and consensually nude settings aside, clothes have historically established a boundary between what one is invited to share in, and what one is not. As the sociologist put it, “You don't normally carry a hot seven-course meal past starving people.” At that point, my wife and I hadn't had sex in over a year… and seeing my otherlove completely nude was probably going to feel like being hit by a freight train.
Under other circumstances, I would have loved to see her nude… but when I couldn't even tell her what I was feeling, I thought I would feel very awkward. I would want to touch her, so much, even just to hug her, but of course, it would be out of the question.
It was taking so much energy already, talking with her before and after classes, not to say, “I love you.”
So I doubted that I would go. And for those of you who might be in the mood to tell me I was making the wrong decision, well, whatever… My interest is in hearing whether anyone who is nudism-friendly has ever had similarly mixed feelings about being naked around someone in particular.
(1) My yoga teacher decided not to have the nude gathering. I don't think her husband was on board with the idea.
And (2) eventually, when she and I were without partners, we did end up in one another's arms. Her telling me she loved me, and my finally being able to tell her… what an amazing time.
And we had a good laugh when I also told her I hadn't been at all sure I would take her up on the nude gathering, if it had happened back then. She understood why.
Anyone else ever feel awkward — not about nudism — but about being naked with particular other people? Because of love, or other reasons?