Any mixed feelings — not about nudism itself — but about being naked with particular people?

I love being nude, and I've really enjoyed being nude during visits to clothes-optional resorts and nude beaches. But I'm thinking here of mixed feelings about being nude with particular people you know. My experience… years ago, one of my yoga teachers quietly approached a few people (including me) after one of her classes, and said that she was thinking of putting together a nude gathering at her home. She mentioned that it wouldn't be a sex party, but just an occasion for good friends to relax together in our natural state.

I thanked her, and asked her to keep me posted… but as I walked to my car, I realized how ambivalent I felt.

I had nothing against being nude with my other friends from the class… It sounded really nice. But what my teacher didn't know then was that I had been in love with her for years. I felt very strongly emotionally and physically drawn to her. (I hadn't told her, in part because she was married to someone else, and so was I.) My guess was that seeing her naked would make it very difficult for me to hide how I felt… I'd be trying so hard not to stare at her beauty revealed entirely, that I would probably telegraph to everyone there that I was in love with her.

And more than that… I was thinking about one of the best explanations I ever read, about what clothes are for in the first place, and of course, it isn't because anyone's in doubt about the general appearance of what's underneath them. Aside from protection from the elements, and consensually nude settings aside, clothes have historically established a boundary between what one is invited to share in, and what one is not. As the sociologist put it, “You don't normally carry a hot seven-course meal past starving people.” At that point, my wife and I hadn't had sex in over a year… and seeing my otherlove completely nude was probably going to feel like being hit by a freight train.

Under other circumstances, I would have loved to see her nude… but when I couldn't even tell her what I was feeling, I thought I would feel very awkward. I would want to touch her, so much, even just to hug her, but of course, it would be out of the question.

It was taking so much energy already, talking with her before and after classes, not to say, “I love you.”

So I doubted that I would go. And for those of you who might be in the mood to tell me I was making the wrong decision, well, whatever… My interest is in hearing whether anyone who is nudism-friendly has ever had similarly mixed feelings about being naked around someone in particular.

FWIW…

(1) My yoga teacher decided not to have the nude gathering. I don't think her husband was on board with the idea.

And (2) eventually, when she and I were without partners, we did end up in one another's arms. Her telling me she loved me, and my finally being able to tell her… what an amazing time.

And we had a good laugh when I also told her I hadn't been at all sure I would take her up on the nude gathering, if it had happened back then. She understood why.

Anyone else ever feel awkward — not about nudism — but about being naked with particular other people? Because of love, or other reasons?

Parker - Now I have a problem….a very short attention span and an equally short memory…!!! Within the past hour or so I have read 2 posts that really struck me…yours and a post from Sailing Master that I can only assume is genuine. In both posts, you/Sailing Master have expressed some very deep emotional (for lack of a better word) feelings regarding loved ones…albeit in a slightly (significantly?) different context. I haven't had the time to track back to the beginning of Sailing Master's “fantasy” and be able to follow the thread thru to current times; nor have I had the time/opportunity to track your earlier postings to get a feeling for where you are coming from. With that in mind, I am feeling emotionally challenged about unloading, here on Zity, my situation/feelings/emotions in either a love or sexual context….but I think I am close to unloading!!! This is significant because to this point Zity has been a place to unleash my sexual curiosity and not a whole lot more (some, but not a whole lot). I think this is by way of thanking you and Sailing Master for your posts and for couching your feelings in such careful/caring terms. The ladies seem, to me, a whole lot more willing/able to expose themselves (emotionally, that is) than us guys…I admire them for that (lots of other reasons, too…but).

Anyhow, I have been getting a bit bored (no disrespect to any with whom this may hit home) with the repetition/rehash of some topics that have been beaten to an extreme. A whole new venue is/may have been opened. Thanks, again!!

duhwizzard

It's weird how much I agree with you, but from the opposite angle. Getting naked with people is a great way to open up, and drop all of those inhibitions that tell you you have to hide your feelings. Plenty of women in committed relationships know I adore them and find them sexually attractive. Because it's not some big deep dark secret, there's nothing awkward about it. I think there used to be a much greater and healthier divide between compulsion and action.

Anyhow, I have been getting a bit bored (no disrespect to any with whom this may hit home) with the repetition/rehash of some topics that have been beaten to an extreme. A whole new venue is/may have been opened. Thanks, again!!

duhwizzard

Zity could use some more original discussions! Go for it!

It's weird how much I agree with you, but from the opposite angle. Getting naked with people is a great way to open up, and drop all of those inhibitions that tell you you have to hide your feelings. Plenty of women in committed relationships know I adore them and find them sexually attractive. Because it's not some big deep dark secret, there's nothing awkward about it. I think there used to be a much greater and healthier divide between compulsion and action.

I also agree that it’s (more often than not) a good thing to let those you love know that you love them.

The time then was not right. My marriage was in trouble for other reasons (though I loved my wife very much), and telling someone else how much I loved her did not seem like a marriage-affirming choice, at that point.

I did ultimately tell her (when my situation had changed), and to this day (though we're (re-)married to different people), she and I are in touch and both grateful for the love we share.

I've also become much more comfortable with being polyamorous: loving more than one person at the same time, without lies and while keeping commitments. I've been fortunate enough to meet others whom I love and I've told them, and who love me… which aligns with my agreement with my (current, second) wife, who's also agreed that sex with others is OK.

All things in their own time.

I'm glad you also have an approach that has worked well for you.

I have always advocated the joy of being naked in front of others.

Not just for sex, but being around naked people that are totally confident about their bodies. I have been to enough nudist beaches and saunas and seen so many people that society deemed not to be "body beautiful's (I am totally against that label as I feel we are all beautiful) but who are at ease with their bodies.

But the following story sadly illustrates the problems that can arise.

I used to work in a care home and one of the residents called Lynn (she passed away a week ago, hence I can use her name) told me that she had been a young teen in the Philippines during WWII. As you know it was over run and she along with the other females in the local area were taken to a prisoner of war camp. On the first day they were marched to the outdoor showers by the male guards. They started to undress but noticed that the men were watching. This was pre bikini and mini skirt days where your husband would see you topless/naked for the first time on your wedding night. The women complained, but a rifle butt can be a very persuasive thing and eventually they all showered in front of the guards. In time, Lynn got so used to the nudity and never gave it a second thought. At the end of the war she was liberated and returned to the UK when the troubles started.

She was 18 and boys were on top of her agenda. She started dating, and would often strip off in front of them. This was rare and in the end she got a reputation of being “loose”. She started going out with the wrong men and got herself “knocked up”. When she started to show, she was shipped off to an hostel where eventually she had the child which was immediately taken into care. After a few years she did marry, but her memories always haunted her, and she would realise them onto me.

Growing up I was pretty constipated but was athletic and in sports/group showers. But, it wasn’t until recently I’ve savored being nude, frequent visits to a nude beach and loving it all!

I used to work in a care home and one of the residents called Lynn (she passed away a week ago, hence I can use her name) told me that she had been a young teen in the Philippines during WWII. As you know it was over run and she along with the other females in the local area were taken to a prisoner of war camp. On the first day they were marched to the outdoor showers by the male guards. They started to undress but noticed that the men were watching. This was pre bikini and mini skirt days where your husband would see you topless/naked for the first time on your wedding night. The women complained, but a rifle butt can be a very persuasive thing and eventually they all showered in front of the guards. In time, Lynn got so used to the nudity and never gave it a second thought. At the end of the war she was liberated and returned to the UK when the troubles started.

This is an intense account… Even though Lynn eventually got used to being watched by the guards, I feel sorry for all she went through, especially in the beginning. Forced nudity is such a different thing from consensual nudity in a group of people who enjoy being naked around others and feel empowered (as you say)… But in Lynn's case, being forced to shower in front of male guards was an expression of their undeserved power and her powerlessness.

The way she relived the experience later, in the UK, reminded me of some other posts on Zity… I'm thinking, for example, of a post from a member who as a teen, had been forcibly stripped naked by bullies, while her male classmates watched.

The fact that Lynn still talked about her experiences in her old age suggests that they were still emotionally very affecting for her.

I became sort of a nudist about seven years ago after my marriage ended. Visited a couple of clothing optional beaches – Gunnison in New Jersey and Haulover in Miami Beach. Loved it. Not just the view, which of course was nice, but more just the feeling of being naked and uninhibited (legally) outdoors and around like-minded people. I went solo, however. I would not want to be naked around anyone I know unless it was a lady with whom I had a current intimate relationship.