How to find someone safe to play with?

I'm very new to BDSM, and I've only played with one person before, my previous partner. However, after exploring this site and doing some research, I now know that things I experienced with her aren't normal.

She did things I had listed as ‘No' on my kink sheet, wouldn't stop when I safe worded, and got pissed off when I started crying because I was so scared. I would have to have a friend come take care of me after she left me badly dropped. Eventually I broke up with her, but it's been 3 years since then, and while I want to find someone to play with, the whole experience left me badly shaken. I'm technically a switch, and I would like to find someone similar to play with, but how do you go about doing that safely? I'm kind of scared to meet a girl only to be terrified and ignored again.

Any suggestions on how to go about this safely would be really, really appreciated. I want to, but I'm really scared.

@Lesswitch - you might find the following discussion useful -

https://en.zity.biz/index.php?mx=forum;ox=display;topic=18120

Thank you very much @DrZ!

My advice to you is join fetlife.com. Create a profile and then search for groups local to your area. Join groups that look interesting to you and attend their public outings (Muches). You will find plenty of resources there on how to negotiate, how to be safe, etc. Best of luck.

OMG. So sorry you experienced this. There are too many bad people that ruin things for the good.

The good news now is, you have had a really bad person and hopefully you can take everything you learned and apply it to your next relationship.

You will never fall for no boundaries.

Join FetLife as someone suggested. Get to know the PEOPLE in your area. Don't put all your information out there. I have the next town listed on my profile. Or you can put Antarctica!

It takes a while to meet “your person” or “your people” but do go to Munches and Meet & Greets.

Get out and meet different people. Hopefully you will find a platonic friend that you can go to events with. Safety in numbers.

If there is a local dungeon, go. See if there is already a community.

Good luck.

Stay safe.

Wow! Sad to say I have heard this type of story many times and kudo's for not giving up as when you do find the right person, it is so much better.

As @Turkey1 as made some good suggestions and would like to add to that. I would be careful of the people on FetLife as many are not as they pretend to be. I usually find myself giving this advice to woman who are dealing with men but I think the following is applicable regardless. Meet the person in a public place for coffee/tea, and talk to them as equals. Observe what they say and how they say it, how do they treat others, like the wait staff, order taker, etc. Do they treat them with courtesy, politeness, good manners or are they demanding, rude, dismissive. Think how this person will treat you if they treat someone else poorly. Over 20 years ago someone in the scene said to me, if someone behaves a bit like an ass in the vanilla world, it is going to be magnified in the BDSM realm. So a little ass is going to be a big ass and that is not going to play well if you become the victim. I have said on this site somewhere, e.g., the good Doms and Masters seem like ordinary people, no air about them, no constantly proving who they are. They are polite, respectful people, easy to get along with, they don't expect to be addressed with a title, or be called sir. If you have good instincts, listen to those instincts as there is something going on despite the fact you can't put your finger on it.

Before I forget my manners, welcome to zity and if you have any questions or concerns, please feel free to contact anyone on the moderation team.

I got Interested in this sort of thing back in the 80s. The question was how to explore safely. I came across an ad in a San Francisco gay newspaper, the Advocate, by someone called Daddy Howard offering introductory sessions to curious men like myself. I decided to take a chance, playing hooky from a business convention to spend 5 or 6 hours with Daddy Howard. He gave me the Grand Tour. I learned what i liked, and what I liked less, and drove the two hours home with my bottom very warm and beet red. Over the years of being on the down low, I’ve trusted my instincts and have never had a bad or scary experience. Since Craigslist stopped running personal service ads I ve relied on chat rooms and forums like Zity to make new acquaintance. I consider it taking a calculated risk.